Chapter Text
10 miles Northwest Side of the Grayskull County
Spend a whole academic career being known as a smart girl. A sports girl. A girl anyone would want to be friends with or become a girlfriend too.
Spend entire said academic career, clinging to your older sister’s side with her friends, not even considering the fact she’s a year older and in a higher grade. Meaning she will leave you one-year before your high school life is over.
Enjoy what little time you have left with your sister and all her friends before they go to college and don’t tell your parents about the wild house party she is throwing.
Get stuck playing spin the bottle with boys from the senior class, half these people you will never see again in your life so it’s no big deal. Watch a bunch of friends and acquaintances make-out and feel funny about it. Yep, that happened.
They have the bottle land on you when and have it be your secret long-time girl crush be the person who spun it. Yep, that happened, and now I’m walking over to my mom’s coat closet in the living room getting cheered on by guys I barely talked to for seven minutes in heaven with my crush.
Her laughter echoing the small space her, and I shared as she told me “We don’t have to kiss, don’t worry” she laughed. Pulling out her phone like this was no big deal.
No! I want to kiss! Is what I want to say. I don’t want to hide for seven minutes; I want my seven minutes in Heaven!
“We can kiss, it’s cool,” I say.
I barely see her face when she laughs again and asks “I don’t want to steal your first kiss from you, you should let that be for a future boyfriend”
I don’t want a boyfriend. I want you!
I shake my head “No trust me, it’s cool” I lie and also stutter a little.
She puts her phone away and smiles. She puts her hands on my waist and leans in “Okay” she says softly. I smell my dad’s beer on her breath as she places her lips on mine. Confused and nervous I just wince a little and squeak. She pulls away “You good?” She asked.
“Do-over” I blurt out. Not realizing how stupid that sounded “I wasn’t ready”
She snorts a little bit and kisses me again. This time. No screw-ups. Now lips puckered properly against her own. No tongue. Just lips touching. Then it was over.
One week later
After a severe grounding and being relegated to dad’s pack mule during the fourth of July prep, The thoughts keep flooding to me. I’m not just crushing on her, I love her!
I see her with my sister and beg to come along to the mall, the movies, or wherever! Even to get pedicures, which I hate, but I just want an excuse to be around her.
It’s now almost August and I need to tell her.
I do.
I dress up cutely, offer her to go to Dunkin Donuts, listen to her about how her dorm life is going to be awesome, and then I blurt out.
“I love you Mermista!”
She chuckles and replies “I love you too, you’re like my little white sister I never knew I wanted”
I shake my head. “No, I like you, like you. I want to date you. I know after this summer you’ll be in college, but maybe this summer—for the rest of this summer, we could date?”
Panic washes over as I see the look of disapproval take over her. My crush frowns and me and says “Adora…… I-m” she stops looking at me as she says “I’m like….. Super flattered, I mean, I guess I always sorta knew you were gay,” she lets out a light chuckle “I mean Glimmer and I always assumed you’d come out in college or something, but….. I guess I should have figured you liked me……” she looked up to see my face. She looked shocked when she realized I had tears run down my face and my face was bright red. She darted her eyes around the Dunkin Donuts to make sure no one was watching as she waved her hands around. Attempting to keep me calm.
“Adora, Adora! hey, it’s cool, it’s fine! I’m flattered! You are real sweet! Totally sweet! Anyone would be happy to date you but—”
I had to run! I couldn’t allow myself to cry in a public place like this. I don’t want to hear what she had to say. All I know is I needed to leave. Rushing out of Dunkin Donuts I cried to myself to my car.
I thought it was over.
I thought wrong.
Because, apparently in Mermista’s attempt to be a good friend she text Glimmer, who text mom, who text Mermista, who texted her mom, who texted my mom, and now everyone in our inner circle of family and friends knows I asked out Mermista—got friend-zoned—ran off crying—and—I’m gay.
Nothing was the same after that.
I loved my family so much. I thought they saw me for all my hard work, my soccer trophies, softball awards, my Honors Society Badges, the fact that I’m a nice person! —No! instead, my mom doubled down on her real thoughts of me.
Bringing up a special word that starts with an “A” and that word and what it relates to my sexuality. September was here and all the sports teams I want to be involved in are canceled! Not enough sign-ups. I just got the news I can play lacrosse at a different school 10 miles away in Horde Grove. All the good news. My mom was trying to be supportive, dad was keeping out of it, and Glimmer and Mermista gave me some stupid It’s okay that your gay intervention.
The dinner table was set. We were eating bland shepherd’s pie and Glimmer was home from college. Gracing us with her presence so she could fill up a water bottle of vodka and hide it in her purse. She deflected on her true intentions as she tells us about school.
Mom decided to tell Glimmer for me that I’m going to do sports on another school's team and Glimmer decides to ask “Are you going to come out as gay to them? Since you decided to stay in the closet for senior year?”
Everyone stopped. Dad, mom, Glimmer, just stared at me for an answer. I just had to sit their embarrassed. Humiliated. Mortified on how to answer that.
How can I answer that! out me for not coming out! Why does it matter to anyone if I come out gay!? Who has the right to judge!?
“I don’t even tell people I’m autistic! Why would I tell people I’m gay” I snapped? Coldly. Giving Glimmer an angry look before trying to eat the rest of my dinner.
Dad always just sat there like a deer in headlights.
Mom tried to run damage control in her most mom-ish/unhelpful way possible with “Glimma, It’s Adora’s choice to tell who she wants to, we should not pressure her”
Wow, that was helpful. Almost sincere. She ruined it by telling me.
“Adora, honey you don’t have to tell anyone anything you don’t want to. We love and accept you no matter what”
I quietly thanked her.
The awkwardness didn’t have time to set as she stated “This is all normal and natural. Autism has been proven to have links to the LGBT community. Many autistics are identifying as either gay or lesbian. Studies show—”
I snapped “I don’t like identifying as either! I don’t want to talk about this anymore”
I said moving my plate away from me. Sitting up she stopped me to comment in a stern “Adora we are only trying to help you”
I replied with “How is telling me that my being gay is linked to me being autistic! You know I hate having that brought up and you always manage to bring it up!” I said walking out of the kitchen.
Glimmer then shouted back “You know you really should get over that” implying I was overreacting.
I hate this! I hate them sometimes! I wasn’t going to take it anymore.
I spun right back and let them have it. Starting with Glimmer “Glimmer you ant tell me what I need to get over! You wouldn’t have even come down this weekend if your vodka wasn’t running out!” I pointed to the liquor cabinet and informed mom and dad “She emptied the Smirnoff bottle of vodka from you guys and you didn’t even know!”
Mom and dad looked at her in shock as she looked at me in betrayal.
I then looked at mom “Why do you bring up my autism even though you know I hate it! It’s not fair! I don’t bring up your business to anyone, why is that okay!?”
Mom just watched me speechless as she tried to stammer out a retort at my anger.
I then looked at dad and asked “Why don’t you ever say anything!? They only act this way because they think they're unopposed to everything! You ever stood up to them they wouldn’t be such—such—jerks!”
And stormed off. Leaving them speechless. Probably hurt. But at this rate. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be near them.
The school was just as miserable. I hate sitting with the girls in my grade. The Senior Lounge was filled with jerks and some jerks wanted to date me. Worst of it was one girl used me as a wingman to get a boy to date her. I hate this.
I left to go sit and eat somewhere else. Another perk to being a senior was no one questioned me as I roamed the halls endlessly. I sat in my car to eat. The only kids who went to their car during this time where the potheads and thankfully they left me alone.
After lunch, I was pulled in by the gym teacher to tell me that I can join the lacrosse team at Horde Grove if I meet with their coach and other teammates.
Finally! Some good news.
I can go today after school. I text mom to let her know what I was doing.
Today. I get to see Horde Grove.
Before I got adopted this would of most likely been the school district, I would have been apart of. A thirty-minute drive away and I was outside in the parking lot of the high school track field. Now, one thing I must have forgotten of Horde County, was that it was, as my mother would so eloquently put it “A shit hole”
Between the graffiti on the corner store walls and the fact that the high school was smaller with three boarded-up windows by the main entrance and a graffitied dick on the sidewalk next to the fenced-off track. I counted myself lucky. Mom did save me from one heck of a life.
Making my way to the main office I saw someone. A ghost from my past. Walking out as I was walking in a girl, with beautiful dark brown curly hair and two different coloreds eyed walked past me.
There she was.
My real first friend.
I suppose my real first Love.
Carlotta Weaver.