Chapter Text
It was an average day at the Morrow-Zoldyck farm. Hisoka woke up early, as he always did, to take care of the animals, and Illumi, as he always did, stayed asleep during his husband’s morning routine. He did not even stir as Hisoka kissed him lightly on the tip of his nose before he left the bedroom, an act that Illumi would surely disapprove of if he were awake.Hisoka chuckled as he made his way to the kitchen.
It was going to be a good day.
As it was a good day, Hisoka decided, instead of having his usual jam and toast, to make muffins. Unfortunately for him, he was not a very good baker.He was the kind of chef that just put things in a pan until they tasted good, but this form of cooking did not really transfer over to baked goods, with the very specific ratios of ingredients needed for the pastry to taste properly.
As such, Hisoka looked up a muffin recipe and then promptly ignored it.
The resulting muffins, surprisingly, looked very appealing after they came out of the oven. But, looked is the key word here, seeing as the moment that Hisoka took a bite of the muffin, he spit it back out.
He grinned.
Having vaguely suspected that with his baking skills the muffins would be horrifically bad, he was right. They were dense, grainy, and saccharinely sweet. This, however, did not bother him in the slightest as he had made a plan for this very scenario.
He retrieved the picnic basket that they had received from their neighbor, Grandma Amy, a few months ago as a housewarming gift. He then filled the basket with the remaining deceptively good-looking muffins and left a note for Illumi to take the muffins with him to his embroidery cession with said neighbor that afternoon.
His husband would surely be appalled when he and Grandma Amy tried the terrible muffins, especially with how fond of sweets Illumi was.
This thought had Hisoka smiling as he left the house and made his way to the barn. He stopped at the mailbox first and inspected its contents. As expected, there was another letter from the Zoldyck manor, and Hisoka cackled as he tore it up.
Cornetto, the goat, who had been patiently waiting by the mailbox to eat the discarded paper, was pleasantly surprised to find the rest of Hisoka’s muffin along with his daily treat.
It had been a month now since Illumi rejected his position as the Zoldyck heir, and ever since then the manor had been fruitlessly attempting to approach him. he had destroyed all his electronics, but this did not stop them from sending their butlers to their farm to try and speak with him. Illumi had made it very clear that he did not want any contact with the manor, and as such, Hisoka killed any butler that entered the property.
He sighed as he eyed the goat happily munching on the remnants of the letter and his muffin. He had really enjoyed killing the daily butler the first two weeks after the event, but Cornetto REALLY enjoyed eating the daily letter.
Hisoka shook his head and walked to the barn. Cornetto, who had finished his snack, followed along, his bell jingling all the way. He usually delighted in taking care of the animals, but today there was an urgency in the air as he milked the cows and fed the rest. You see, today was a special day. It was now officially 7 months since the orange trees had flowered.
The oranges were almost ripe.
When Hisoka first moved to the farm, he had not really been very knowledgeable in farm affairs. He had planted orange trees because he enjoyed oranges, but he did not really know how the growing process worked. Thankfully he had always been very social and regularly talked to some of the other farmers in the area at his weekly excursions to the market. They had assured him that the soil was great for oranges and that the oranges would ripen between 7 and 12 months from flowering.
And it was now 7 months since the first flowers had appeared. The trees were covered in small oranges, most of them still primarily green, but there were a few that had that alluring shade of orange that Hisoka so immensely craved.
It was one of these oranges that Hisoka stared at hungrily. There was still a little bit of green at the top and bottom, but Hisoka didn't care as he grabbed the orange and tugged it gently.
It did not come off.
“Well, this is not a good sign,” Hisoka thought.
He had read somewhere that when oranges reached the proper ripeness, they were supposed to pop off the tree rather easily. But he decided to ignore this, forcefully ripping the fruit from its place, and attempted to peel it.
To his dismay, what should have been a very easy task turned out to be quite the ordeal. The peel was sticking and did not separate from its flesh like an orange peel ought to. It also let out a pungently bitter aroma.Not giving up, Hisoka, continued to wrestle with the unruly orange and managed to get (most of) the peel off. The naked orange was pale and not very orange looking at all. Hisoka was pretty sure at this point that the fruit was nowhere near ripe, but he still wanted to give his orange a try.
He regretted it…
It was not good.
“Oh well,” he thought, tossing the fruit behind his back , “I guess it was not to be, today.” Hisoka smirked. “I will just have to find something to keep me entertained while I wait for the fruit to ripen.”
With this in mind, Hisoka bounded back to the house, excited to go bother his husband some more. Sadly, upon arrival, he noticed that said husband was not there.He twirled throughout the house looking for Illumi before groaning dramatically and throwing himself onto the couch, an arm covering his eyes. It was when he removed said arm that he realized that on the coffee table next to him there was a note and a plate with a sandwich and an apple.
This perked him up significantly and he reached out to read the note. It was from Illumi.
Hisoka,
I am going to lunch with Madam Amy. I told you yesterday, but I assume that you have forgotten. I do not want you barging into her home uninvited like you did the last time.
Thank you for the muffins. I am sure Madam Amy and I will enjoy them.
I made you a sandwich. It is not poisoned.
Illumi
Hisoka grinned. He loved his husband’s curt manner of speaking. It made it that much more entertaining when he could provoke him into long rants, or, better yet, when he made his husband scream his name.
Chowing down on his sandwich and looking very pleased with himself, Hisoka made plans for his “daily shenanigans.” It shouldn’t be anything too bad since, Illumi would surely be mad at him for the muffin incident, and his favorite punishment for his unruly husband was to hide his heels.
Hisoka was very proud of the two centimeters of height that he had on his “diminutive,” his favorite tease for his actually 6’1, husband. And because of this, Hisoka tried to exaggerate this height difference as much as possible by wearing 2 to 4 inch heels at all times, including while doing farm work. The only time he took them off was to sleep and during their daily spar. Daily spars where they had quickly determined that if they both wanted to come out relatively unharmed, they would have to restrict their use of weapons. And after a few bouts, it was clear that Hisoka’s heels constituted a weapon.
Illumi now required Hisoka to change into his one pair of flats during their sparring, and it was at this point that, if applicable, he would enforce his punishment. He would immobilize Hisoka with a well-placed nen-needle and then take all of Hisoka’s heels from his closet and hide them. He would then remove the needle and continue as if nothing had happened.
Hisoka could, of course, avoid this nen-needle attack without too much difficulty. But he honestly did not try very hard, as it was always a delightful challenge to figure out where his husband had hidden the shoes. He got quite imaginative with the hiding places, the latest one being taped to the top of the water tower just outside of the small town. It was obvious to Hisoka that his “punishment” scavenger hunt also doubled as a ploy to keep him out of trouble for however long it took him to locate his shoes, but as it was an amusing one, he did not care.
The only part of the whole situation that really grated on his nerves was the fact that during this time, Illumi would use his nen-ability to make himself a whole inch taller than Hisoka. This way, anyone who saw the couple together would think that Illumi was actually the taller one, when in fact it was Hisoka, by a whole 2cm.
After much deliberation, Hisoka determined that for his daily no-goodery he would switch out the labels on all of the jars of jam in the pantry. He and Illumi had found a stall at the market that made exquisite jellies and jams. They had as such made a point to buy a different flavor every couple of weeks, and they had accumulated quite the supply.
“Ah, what a cruel and perfect trick,” Hisoka doubled over in laughter. Illumi would wake up ready for some delicious toast and jam. He would put the bread in the toaster, go to the pantry, and grab what he thought was delicious peach jam. He would spread it lovingly onto his toast, anticipating the delectable taste of peach, but instead it would be…. APRICOT.
Hisoka completed his trick and was feeling greatly confident and satisfied in his work as he meandered back to the barn. He wasted a few hours “watching a movie” with the cows and antagonizing Cornetto by stealing his favorite tin can.
Having successfully tired himself out, Hisoka returned to the house and fell into his bed for his afternoon nap. Lou, the cat, who had followed him from the barn, also jumped onto the bed and curled up beside him. He anticipated that, when he woke, his husband would be back from visiting Grandma Amy, and he would be able to bug him until, they sparred, Illumi stole his shoes, and he had to go find them.
“Ah, what wonderful evening plans,” Hisoka thought to himself, as he petted the cat and drifted off to sleep.
Hisoka woke with a start at the loud crowing noise from outside his bedroom window.
“Mikki-chan.” Hisoka said darkly. It was their unruly rooster that had woken him from his nap. Mikki had a very wonky sense of time and usually only crowed twice a day, at about 3 hours after sunrise and right before the sun started to set.
It was Illumi who always woke Hisoka up from his nap, so he was quite put out to be roused early by a rooster. He got up and was ready to murder the bothersome bird, when he glanced at the clock on the bedside table and realized that it was much later than he had thought; around 5 o’clock. Illumi always woke him at 4pm, saying if he slept any later, he would not be able to sleep at night, an act that Hisoka teased him endlessly for. However, it was now well past then, and Illumi had not woken him up?
Hisoka was not too concerned, as Illumi would sometimes stay late at Grandma Amy’s, but he usually texted him letting him know. He thought back and remembered Illumi telling him the other day that he and Grandma Amy were watching some sort of “drama” and they were almost finished with it. He supposed that maybe he had stayed to finish it and didn’t contact him because of his current lack of cellphone. Still it was rather rude of him not to tell, as he knew Grandma Amy and her granddaughter had his number.
Deciding he did not care, Hisoka meandered into the kitchen to make dinner. Illumi would probably be hungry when he came back from the neighbors and he himself could also go for a bite. He amused himself as he cooked, throwing the ingredients into the air, and slicing them with his razor-sharp cards before depositing them in a pan. Seasoning was also an adventure, as, like how he had just done with the jams, he had replaced all the labels ages ago.
Illumi had made a separate spice cabinet for himself that Hisoka was forbidden from touching. Unluckily for him, he had not thought of the pantry and it was free real estate that Hisoka was free to vandalize as he wished.
The meal ended up being a version of stir-fry with rice, and Hisoka was quite pleased with it. What he wasn’t pleased with was the lack of husband there to eat it. It was nearing 6 and he was getting impatient. He stomped over to Grandma Amy’s, but knocked politely- it was not her he had his quarrel with. He greeted her.
“Good evening Grandma Amy. Do you perchance know where my husband is?”
“Oooh Hisoka,” The old lady was as energetic as always, “It’s so nice to see you! You don’t come over often enough. And is Illumi feeding you enough?” she gestured at his tiny waist. “You look skinny.”
Usually Hisoka was happy to entertain the old woman who had almost as much energy as he did, but he just wanted to see if Illumi was home and squinted with disdain at the prolonged conversation.
“I am fed plenty,” he said through a grimace. “I just wanted to know if Illumi is here.”
“Oh, he left hours ago,” she stopped to think, “Around 4 o. clock. I think.”
She continued to chatter on, something about the drama she had been watching with Illumi, but Hisoka had stopped paying attention. Interrupting the woman, he said his farewell, quickly turned, and left.
He still was not worried at his husband’s apparent disappearance. It was not like he couldn’t take care of himself, one of the few people that Hisoka considered almost his equal in skill, and it wasn’t like he had any obligation to tell him where he was going. He just thought it was a little out of character for his husband to leave without letting him know.
He thought about going back home and waiting for Illumi there, but since it was a nice evening, he instead headed into town. It was not very large and there were only a few stores that his husband frequented, so he assumed that he would run into him at some point along the way.
The sun was setting on the sleepy town as Hisoka walked in. The shops were getting ready to close and only a few people were out on the streets. Hisoka waved at them as he passed and greeted the few that he recognized. He asked them if they had seen his husband, but none had.
He checked at all of Illumi’s preferred stores, but the employees there had not seen him either. He even popped into the sheriff’s office, a place he was well acquainted with due to his “shenanigans,” and asked if they had seen his husband. But, no luck.
At this point, Hisoka was feeling a little more concerned at his husband’s absence. There was always the chance that he had gone into town and just not been spotted, he was a master assassin of course, but he had no real reason to conceal himself from the townspeople. He certainly could have gone over to the next town, but on the few times he had done so, Hisoka had always gone along.
He was still pondering the cause of Illumi’s disappearance as he walked down the road that led to their farm. But as he spotted his mailbox, the little flag up waiting for him to check it, he froze.
“How could I have been so stupid,” Hisoka berated himself as he hurried into the house. He had forgotten the event that had taken place just last month. He had forgotten about the butlers that plagued their house for 2 weeks. He had forgotten why Illumi had gotten rid of his cellphone in the first place.
The Zoldyck family was still after their lost heir.
There were no signs of his husband, as Hisoka tore through the house, Illumi’s dinner now cold on the stove. But he was comforted by the fact that there were no signs that a fight had taken place. That did not mean that Illumi was not ambushed elsewhere. Hisoka ran to Grandma Amy’s and began scouring the area around their 2 farms, searching for evidence of combat.
He didn’t see anything. Everything seemed as it should be. It was just another sleepy night in their sleepy town, but Hisoka was getting more and more anxious. He had almost finished searching the farms, only the orchard behind his barn left to go, when he was hit with a thought.
What if Illumi wanted to go back to the Zoldycks…
What if that is why there are no signs of a struggle. What if that is why he did not try to contact him. Try to tell him where he was going.
What if he had not given Illumi the family that he had wanted. That he had needed. That he had given up everything for.
That he had changed his mind.
And left Hisoka.
Alone.
Hisoka’s frantic pace slowed, as his spirit wavered.
He had finally found happiness. After years of living only to find the next strongest opponent, he had found something, someplace… someone, who filled him with a bliss that he never thought was possible for a person like him. An orphan. A murderer. A freak.
He had never been wanted, was always forgotten, so he made it so that people would not be able to forget him. He talked and dressed loudly so people would have to look at him. He made himself powerful so they would not look away. He killed them before they could forget what they’d seen. But Hisoka had thought that he did not have to do this anymore. He had a home and a husband. And he felt seen without having to try. He felt loved.
It seemed that Illumi had not felt the same way.
Hisoka sank to his knees behind the barn, gazing out upon his orange orchard. This was the last place he could think to check and there had not been a trace of Illumi anywhere. No trace, except…Was that pile of soil near the base of the farthest tree there yesterday?
He brightened with the hope that he had found his beloved, but that hope was replaced with despair as he realized what he was looking at. A pile of soil over a hole large enough to fit a person.
A grave.
None of the Zoldyck butlers would have been strong enough to kill Illumi, but if Silva had come himself…
Hisoka’s eyes welled with tears and his arms moved on their own as he desperately tried to remove the soil from the hole. He dug with all his strength only to find, instead of his husband’s lifeless corpse waiting for him, it was a very much alive Illumi Zoldyck, chomping on the sacchariferous muffins that Hisoka made earlier. His eyes were red as if he had been crying and there were significantly less muffins in the basket he had with him, then there had been that morning, but other than that, he seemed completely unharmed.
The tears that had been threatening to spill in Hisoka’s eyes, when he thought of Illumi’s cruel fate, began their descent, but out of a relief that he had scarcely thought possible.
“Illumi,” Hisoka crooned, as he pulled his husband out of the hole and into his arms, “You’re ok.”
Used to his husband’s dramatic outbursts, but rightfully sensing that this was something different, Illumi comfortingly patted him on the back and spoke to him soothing words.
They had stayed like this for a few moments, when Hisoka grabbed Illumi’s shoulder and pulled him out as if to look him in the eye. Illumi met his gaze.
“What happened? Where have you been?” he half yelled into his husband's face.
“Nothing. I went over to Grandma Amy’s and I have been here since then.” Illumi gazed into the sky, where it was now fully dark, “I guess I was in there a little longer than I thought.”
Oh yeah. Hisoka had forgotten the time during the Hunter Exam when Illumi had basically hibernated in a hole for the 3 days of competition.
Illumi’s face turned back to his husband. “I am sorry that I was gone for so long,” he looked down at the hands gripped tightly on his arms, “but I do not know why you were so worried?”
Noticing his husband's look, Hisoka finally relaxed and pulled him in for a gentle hug. His eyes were not quite dry as he responded. “I thought… I thought that they had come and taken you away from me. I don’t know if you knew, but after they stopped sending butlers, they started sending letters. I thought, maybe, Silva had come and forced you to go back or worse that you w-wanted to go back.”
The last part was said in a whisper, and it was Illumi’s turn to hug his husband tightly as he finally understood why he was so upset. He did not know how to put it into words, but he tried to convey all that he was feeling into his touch.
I would never leave you. I would never let anyone hurt you. I need you here with me. I’m sorry.
He opened his mouth, and forced out the unfamiliar words, the words that did not say enough but that his husband so desperately needed to hear.
“I love you.”
They clung to each other as they returned to their farmhouse. Hisoka was strangely quiet as they reheated and ate their dinner. It wasn’t until they were snuggled on the couch in the living room, Illumi working on his embroidery and Hisoka making a card tower on the living room table, the tv playing mindlessly in the background, that he seemed to return to his usual carefree self. And it was then that Hisoka asked Illumi the question he had been dreading.
“So why were you in that hole anyway.”
Illumi looked up from his needlepoint, but pointedly away from his husband.
“You know that I have been watching a k-drama with Madam Amy, right?”
“Uh huh.” Hisoka prompted.
“Well we finished the season finale, and,” Illumi’s stony face looked almost sheepish, “they killed my favorite character.”
Hisoka’s head whipped around to face him. “That’s it?” He asked incredulously. “No kidnapping or maiming or at least some of the infamous Zoldyck family angst.”
Illumi looked back down at his embroidery, still refusing to look his husband in the eye.
There was a pause and then Hisoka burst out laughing. His eyes watered for the second time that night, and he choked out his words.
“And the muffins?”
“You know that I am prone to,” Illumi shifted, ashamed of his own weakness and embarrassed by Hisoka’s teasing, “stress eating.”
It was true. Illumi had always had a sweet tooth and it was doubly true when he was stressed. Apparently, he was even willing to eat Hisoka’s god awful muffins, as long as they were sweet.
Illumi’s declaration caused Hisoka to laugh even harder, and even Illumi cracked a smile at his husband’s antics. He had been planning on using his customary punishment for Hisoka tricking him with those terrible muffins. But as he watched his husband laughing merrily next to him, he supposed he could let him off this time. After all, he had probably had enough of hide and seek for one day.