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Leslie had already been a little cranky today, but this had really set her over the edge.
‘This is my friend, Leslie Knope.’
His friend, he said, as he introduced her. Ben’s friend. Just Ben’s friend.
And worse, being introduced as his friend to a million and one really hot, tall, and brunette women that were far more successful than her, that probably got to see Ben far more often than she did, well… Leslie had never before been insecure in her standing in their relationship, but maybe that hurt a little. And maybe, just maybe, after such a long and hot day, she was starting to panic. Maybe spiral. Whatever.
She thought about that stupid word for a really long time in that coat closet in Washington DC. Hardly anyone bothered her, and that was fine. Not even Ben had come back again, so busy talking to the amalgam of Hot Rebeccas to check up on his “friend.” Stupid, it was so stupid, it was just a word, so why did she care so much?
“Hey, you ready to go back to my place?” Ben asked her, fiddling with his keys. He reached out for her to pull her out of the closet, and she stiffened a little.
“Yeah,” she said, standing up, not really looking in his eyes. “Yeah, I'm exhausted.”
It was a quiet car ride, not exactly the most peaceful one. Leslie stared ahead of her with her hands clasped in her lap trying not to be upset, but failing miserably. At the very least, she tried not to show it, but the way Ben kept looking over at her as he drove proved she wasn't doing such a good job of that, either. Then again, Ben always saw right through her. He always knew.
They walked into Ben’s tiny apartment and he threw his keys to his couch, just to grab her arms and spin her around to face him. He just raised his brow at her, and she shrugged. “I had fun today,” she lied, and he narrowed his eyes further. “I'm just… so tired. I think I'm gonna head to bed early, okay?”
She was very much running away from telling Ben the truth, but that was fine by her. She was usually very open with Ben and was willing to tell him anything, but this was just… so stupid, and she was fully aware of how silly she was being.
Ben tilted his head at her and refused to let go of her arms. “Um, since when do you, Queen of no sleep Leslie Knope, want to go to bed early?”
“I do sometimes! Rarely, but… sometimes!”
“Leslie…” his expression looked a little more serious, rubbing up and down her arms. The way he looked at her made her melt, his eyes warm and wide, his mouth falling into a tiny frown that made her stomach twist. “What's going on? You've been quiet the entire ride back.” He leaned in closer, and she couldn't help it, she met his eyes. “Talk to me, honey.”
Her heart fluttered a little at being called honey— so sweet, so domestic, much better than being called his friend. She hesitated slightly. “I… I promise, it's stupid. I'll get over it.”
She moved to go to the bedroom, but Ben just kept his hold of her. “Nothing that makes you upset is stupid, I promise. Tell me what it is.”
Leslie swallowed hard, shifting her eyes. “I'm a little upset with you,” she admitted, but regretted starting this way. The way Ben's face fell at her words couldn't be concealed.
“You are?” he asked, a slight shake to his hands. “I'm really sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry, I would never mean to hurt you.”
“Oh god, I know. I know, it's…” she found herself searching for the words, trying to find a way to express her feelings without sounding silly. “It's my fault. Really. There was just something you said, and I was the one that took it out of proportion and… I guess I couldn't stop thinking about it and I got a tiny bit insecure and now here we are. It's nothing.”
Ben wouldn't stop frowning, wouldn't stop holding her, and she felt bad for even bringing it up at all. “It's not nothing,” he told her, sounding so very sincere. “And it's not your fault. What was it that I said?”
She bit her lip, shifting back and forth on her feet, and she thought about it again. That stupid word, friend. His friend. Ben’s friend, Leslie. Just a friend, totally nothing more than that, why would she be more than that? They were only totally in love and slept in the same bed together, totally friend behavior.
Not that they really could sleep in the same bed together, not anymore. They hardly ever got the chance. God, long distance was killing her. It was bad enough her bed was empty every night and she had a harder time sleeping without him near, but now she was sitting here wondering about the word ‘friend’ like it was poison.
Leslie took a deep breath. “You called me your friend. When you introduced me. You said your friend, Leslie Knope.”
Ben tilted his head, clearly not understanding the problem quite yet. “Yeah?”
“And that kind of hurt, just being introduced as your friend, instead of your girlfriend, Ben.”
His mouth popped open, finally getting the point. “Oh! Oh, Les… I’m so sorry, I just didn't think it would be a problem, I mean, for professionalism…”
“You couldn't call me your girlfriend because you were trying to be professional?” she arched a brow, not really buying that excuse. “I mean, you said I was your friend as you introduced me to a ton of tall and successful brunettes and I couldn't stop thinking about it and it just kind of felt like… you were ashamed of me, or something.”
The words came out softly, her voice lowering the longer she spoke, eyes squeezing shut. She felt embarrassed even saying it, because it was all just so ridiculous, but it was the way she felt. And honestly, no matter how small it was, she probably should share these things with Ben. It's what a long term relationship was all about, and this kind of communication would be good for them, in the long run.
Ben looked ashamed, and so upset, and his hands slid from her arms to cup her face, brushing his thumb along her cheeks. “Oh my god, Leslie, I am… so, so sorry. I never thought about it like that. But that's not an excuse. I never, ever want you to feel like I'm ashamed of you.”
Her lower lip trembled softly, opening her eyes to meet his. Just his touch made her feel a little better, soothe her slightly. He always was magical like that. “It's okay,” she whispered.
“No, it's not okay.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, long and hard, his fingers brushing the hair off her neck. “You're more than just my friend.” He kissed between her eyes next. “You're my beautiful, amazing, super smart and super awesome girlfriend.” He kissed her cheek. “You're my girlfriend and I want everyone to know that, every person in that room.” He kissed her other cheek, and Leslie started to smile. “Hell, I want everyone in the world to know that, because I had to keep you secret for way too long, and someone as bright as you doesn't deserve to be kept in the dark.” Now Ben was kissing down her chin to her neck, and she couldn't help the giggles that came from her lips at the touch.
“Ben,” she breathed. “It's okay, really. I had a moment, but I'm okay. I know where I stand, I know how you feel.” She did. She really, really did. In fact, she had never been so sure about anything in her entire life. Ben was hers, now and for forever, no matter how many times the word “friend” was used or how many tall brunettes smiled at him.
“Good,” he said, tilting her head so he could kiss right underneath her ear. “Because you and I, we’re in this for the long haul.”
Leslie really smiled now, that weight in her chest that had been present earlier now completely gone. They were in this for the long haul. Just Leslie and Ben against the world. Boyfriend and girlfriend but also best friends. I love you AND I like you.
Ben tugged her onto his couch and she collapsed on top of him, laughing loudly now. “God, I love you,” she told him.
Ben laughed into her hair, holding her tight against his body as if he would never let go, not for a million years. “I love you, too.”