Chapter Text
Steven unlocked his phone and stared at the screen for a few seconds before resting it on his chest. He looked up at the worn fabric on the roof of his car, the same sight he had woken up to every morning the past few years. He had never truly gotten used to it.
6:25 am.
Five more minutes and Connie would be walking from her dorm room to the library to get some morning studies in before class. Steven would always call at this time and Connie regularly took the scenic route to the library so their conversations could be slightly longer. It was the routine that they had set in place and one that they strictly kept to.
There wasn’t much inside the car, but Steven had made it his home. He had grown up inside of a van for the vast majority of his life so downgrading to the back of his car wasn’t too much hassle. He did, however, wish he had somewhere to stay with a little more legroom. The self-inflating mattress he bought was nowhere near as comfortable as his bed at home - but everything was considered an adventure.
6:26 am.
Steven glanced at his phone once more, time seemed to pass so slowly on his travels and yet every day seemed to merge into the last. Steven had not returned to Beach City in over six months and yet it felt like an eternity - especially when Pearl sent him a selection of both happy and sad emojis at least twice a day.
He had been on the road for over two years and the sights he had seen were fantastic. Nothing could compare to everything that he had experienced over his time travelling. Not even space.
When he had first started travelling he visited the Gems on a somewhat regular basis. He had even occasionally bumped into Sadie and the Suspects on his drive and stayed for some shows, along with spending time with his father who was touring with them. However, as time passed the gaps between going to visit his family grew longer and longer.
6:27 am.
Steven sat up and stretched out the best he could inside the small car. He clambered across to the back door, making sure to hold tightly onto his phone. The door opened as Steven narrowly avoided bumping his head - something that he had not always been successful with.
6:28 am.
It was around this time that Connie would also be checking her phone, eagerly awaiting to call Steven. Connie was always excited to hear what Steven was doing on his adventures across the country, but it always seemed as if Steven was more interested in the mundane everyday tasks that Connie was completing.
Steven reached into the front of the car to grab his flip flops that were sat upside down next to his newly purchased hiking boots. After careful consideration and Connie’s input on the conversation, he had decided to cave and get some more ‘practical’ footwear. In Steven’s defence, all of his adventures had been completed in flip flops and he didn’t see an issue in continuing that trend. However, after Connie had carefully outlined the dangers of driving in unsuitable footwear after reading a strongly worded article on the matter he had taken the dive.
6:29 am.
Steven threw his flip flops on the floor before stepping into them carefully. He held his phone to his chest and stood up straight, taking a deep breath in and appreciating the peace surrounding him.
His therapist had taught him a lot whilst on the road and getting away from everyday gem life had been a pleasure. Sure, he missed it deeply - but when the only threat was spiders and running out of gas, Steven was doing a lot better...for the most part. He liked to think that he was in a better place than he was a few years ago just before he left, but that would have been a lie.
That didn’t mean that being on the road didn’t come with its very own anxieties. Anxieties that he had never experienced before and ones that even his therapist’s advice couldn’t control. The type of anxieties that he desperately wanted to rid himself of, but couldn't seem to shake. Sure, the first year or so on the road had been incredibly useful, but as the days went by Steven's mental health began a slow decline into a wallowing pit of self-deprivation.
Steven’s therapist had taught him a lot surrounding his breathing to help stabilise himself during a panic attack which he believed he had been experiencing in the past - at least the gem equivalent.
Meditation and breathing exercises had become an everyday part of life for Steven and he thoroughly enjoyed it. He frequently used these techniques to prevent himself from glowing pink, but it didn't stop the awful thoughts from rushing through his mind.
There was a slight breeze, Steven had parked in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere. He was certain that he was in Texas somewhere but other than briefly looking at a map every couple of days, he didn’t exactly pay much attention to any of the road signs. He was finally living the childhood dream of becoming a ‘No Home Boy’ but in search of a home that he could call his own.
6:30 am.
Steven took another deep breath of fresh air, the landscape around him was beautiful. Everything was beautiful. Everything was calm. Everything was...
RING
Steven nearly threw his phone on the floor from shock, violently fumbling out of the peaceful space to answer the phone call. He grasped onto the phone as tightly as possible before sliding the green button across the screen filled by a picture of both Connie and Steven the last time they were together.
“Connie!” Steven coughed as he bought the phone to his ear.
“Steven? Are you okay?” Connie gasped with concern.
“Y-yeah, I just nearly dropped my phone. I haven’t been up long, still a little spacey.” Steven chuckled as he began to pace the length of the car.
“I wish I could say the same! I woke up at 4 am this morning, I need to make sure that I get ahead as much as possible if I’m going to be missing this weekend.”
Despite it being the summer, Connie had spent most of her summer still on campus. She was beyond dedicated to her studies. There was a point in which Steven did attempt to convince her to come on the road with him for a while, although despite Connie wanting to go, her dedication to her education, unfortunately, overruled the opportunity for a road trip of her lifetime. Connie had promised that once she had graduated she would be more than happy to take a gap year to travel the world with Steven before starting a prestigious career.
Steven no longer argued against his biggest downfall - studying. He would never win and understood how important it was to Connie, despite not quite understanding what it was that Connie was studying.
“If you’re too busy, it’s okay - y’know I don’t mind. I understand if you’ve got too much work.”
“Steven! I’m not going to miss your 21st birthday. We’ve been planning this since last year and well...I haven’t seen you in months.” Connie sighed sadly, reminding Steven of the regret he felt so deeply buried inside.
“I can’t wait to see you.” Steven smiled, knowing for well that the reason they hadn’t seen each other was entirely his fault. He hadn’t been in the mental headspace to consider going back to see everyone, let alone continue his travels to the same extent as he previously been.
He had spent the past two months in the same state, hiding from himself and everyone else in his life. He had hit the road to find something in himself and although it had started out well, he had done a full circle mentally. Now, he was too afraid to go home.
“Are you still picking me up on Friday? 10 am?”
“Of course! I bet you can’t wait to see my devilishly handsome road trip stubble.” Steven scratched the short stubble on the side of his face, smiling at his comments. He was pretty impressed with the unimpressive ‘beard’ he had managed to grow.
“You’re right - I can’t wait.” Connie chuckled. “Oh, I nearly forgot to ask - how did the volunteering go yesterday?” She questioned, the sound of wind could be heard through the microphone as she picked up her pace to the library.
“Volunteering? Yeah! Yesterday evening I was helping out at the soup kitchen in a nearby town. I met some really great characters there and nobody went hungry. It felt good to be involved in something helpful.” Steven sighed heavily, running his fingers through his thick curly hair.
Steven had been told by his therapist to somewhat selfishly make his trip about himself. He needed some time to focus on himself rather than someone else, but with Steven being Steven it meant that in nearly every town that he stopped in he found some sort of volunteer work to do. He felt as if he still had somewhat of a duty to do some good in the world, unfortunately, no matter how much he tried he couldn’t be selfish with his time.
“That’s amazing, I’m sure they all really appreciated your help. I’m so proud of you, Steven. Everything you’ve done and everything you’ve seen over the past couple of years has been amazing! You should be proud of yourself too.” Connie spoke with confidence in her words. Steven could practically hear her smiling.
Steven half-smiled at the floor. He had heard similar words from Connie countless times in the past and every time they ignited something within him. Despite being on the road for such a long period of time, he still felt as if a huge part of himself was missing. That part was all of the people that he had left behind.
It had been six months since he had returned to Beach City and things were bound to be different. The longer he left it the more afraid he was to return. In the beginning, he was going back to visit every couple of weeks and then it became months - gradually time grew further and further apart between visits. The Gems missed him and he missed them, but Steven was afraid.
What was Steven afraid of? A question that even Steven himself struggled to answer. A question that only his anxiety knew the answer to, refusing to tell Steven the reasons behind the panic. A part of him knew that he was afraid to go home, afraid to tell the Gems that he didn’t have the answers that he had set out to find. He didn’t understand himself. He didn’t feel...good. Returning home would just prove that he didn’t find the answers he sought - a failed mission. He was a failure.
The last six months had been particularly hard on Steven. No matter what he did, it didn’t feel right. He hadn’t been doing much other than driving, eating, helping out with whatever community project he could find in the area and sleeping poorly. He had to do something to help fill the void.
The truth is...he was beyond sick of being on the road. Sick of always moving. Sick of being alone. Sick of sleeping in a car. Sick of eating sandwiches from gas stations. Sick of driving. Sick of not knowing where he would end up. Sick of himself.
The Gems had a perfect image in their mind of how happy Steven was on the road. Finally letting him leave the nest was the best thing they could have allowed him to do...truly. Steven didn’t want to go back home and disappoint them with the reality that he did in fact want nothing more than to come home and be close to his family. He had somehow convinced himself that returning home was the worst option, but everyone had been planning for him to return for his 21st birthday for months. Steven had been thinking about the upcoming weekend for months.
“Yeah...I guess so. I’d better let you study if you’re still up for the crazy weekend we have planned!” Steven smiled, he was both incredibly excited and nervous for the days ahead.
Despite all of his anxieties - he wanted to see everyone. He wanted to beat the cloud of anxiety that had been teasing him for months. He missed Connie and the Gems dearly.
“I can’t wait! I’ll text you later. Let me know when you’re on your way, I’ve already started packing. My parents did question how much they would see me over this weekend and I have pre-warned them that I might just poke my head in before we head back. My parents came and visited me last weekend, so it’s not as if I haven’t already seen them, besides - this is your weekend!” Connie explained, she was incredibly excited about being able to spend the weekend with Steven considering how long it had been since they had last been together.
“I don’t mind going to see your parents with you!”
“Oh Steven, you haven’t been around my dad since he got that new car. It’s all he ever speaks about. Even my Mom has gotten fed up with it.” Connie laughed.
“It can’t be that bad, surely?”
“Oh, it can be! Anyway, I’ll have to catch you later. I've just gotten to the library.”
“Okay, I’ll let you know when I’ve set off. Got a long drive ahead of me. I’ll see you soon!” Steven placed his hand inside of his pocket and stared out at the lonely road ahead of him.
“Speak to you soon!”
“Connie!” Steven was quick to react, worried that Connie would hang up before he could speak.
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
There was a short silence.
“I love you too, Steven. See you on Friday.”
Steven smiled contently as he waited for the phone to hum, indicating that Connie had hung up the phone. He held the phone to his chest as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.
Even with Steven’s issues, Connie kept him sane. The calls they shared were enough to stabilise Steven’s mental health enough for him to make it through the day.
Steven reached into his pocket, pulling out a small golden ring that he carried around with him every single day without fail. A ring that he would one day give to Connie. He had a plan, but he wanted to make sure it wasn’t as disastrous as last time. Steven internally promised himself he would never propose again, especially not in the sense of two people getting married.
He had read a lot about promise rings and the meanings behind them, so that was what he wanted this ring to be. A promise that he would always love her, no matter what. A promise that they would have a future together that they were both looking forward to. Although he knew that material items weren’t everything, there was no harm in a bit of romance. At least that’s what the countless schmaltz filled films he had been watching over the past couple of years had taught him.
One day would be the right day and until then he would carry the ring as a reminder of what he was aiming towards. A sense check of reality. A goal to aim towards, something that he knew they both wanted together.
The next couple of days would entail Steven travelling across several states in order to make it to Connie’s college on Friday. It would have been a long drive, but certainly, one that would be worth it in the end.
There was no time to spare, Steven leant into the car to grab his bag of clean laundry - finding something to wear for the day ahead. He wanted to hit the road as soon as possible, admittedly being incredibly excited about seeing Connie again. He found his toothbrush in the side of the bag along with some toothpaste and a hairbrush that he briefly used to somewhat tame the beast that was atop his head.
Before Steven could leave his current location he had received a video from Amethyst - something that he got near enough every single day. This time the video showed Amethyst eating ten pancakes in a matter of seconds with Pearl in the background with a face of sheer disgust. These videos were near enough always the same, but they never failed to make Steven smile.
Steven began to get ready for the long drive, getting dressed, eating a cereal bar and brushing his teeth at the side of the road was most of what he did on his morning routine. He plugged his phone into the charger and placed it in front of him in the holder. For the first time in a long time, Steven needed to use his satnav. He pressed the ‘start journey’ button and his music began to play.
His wheels spun as he exited the lonely road and began his journey.