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"Ow..."
The Team Skull Boss leaned with his forehead against the shower wall.
Sleeping on the hard ground really messed up his neck and the grunts tackling him to the ground didn't help any.
At least the hot water felt nice on it... until it ran out five minutes into the shower.
Despite it all, Guzma stayed in a pretty good mood.
He turned off the water and grabbed a towel. He wrapped it around his waist after drying himself off a bit.
The boss hummed to himself as he walked back to his room.
"Alola, Goli. You sleep well?" he announced to his room, tossing his jacket off to the side.
"Krrrr!"
The giant isopod scurried up to Guzma and nuzzled his face.
"Well, aren't we in a good mood, eh?"
"Krra ka ka!"
The pokémon is always so elated when his trainer is not in a state of gloom and doom.
It handed him a mago berry with one of its smaller claws.
"Aw, thanks Brother," the man said with a smile. He peeled the fruit and devoured it in almost one bite.
The pokémon chirped and clicked cheerfully, nuzzling at his trainer's chest.
"Alright, alright. Get off and let me get dressed, ya silly bug."
Guzma continued humming as he went to the closet and pulled out some clothes. He pulled on a pair of boxers and sweats. Then, he pulled a white tank over his head and threw his towel over his shoulder. Finally, he picked up his jacket from where he tossed it and dusted it off a bit.
Suddenly, something felt... amiss. Like the air in the room wasn't right. It was too still... too warm. Then he realized...
"Goli... where's Malihini?"
The Bug type scratched at the ground nervously, not making eye contact.
"Goli?" he asked again much more sternly, crossing his arms.
The pokémon turned away and pretended to be very interested in a lamp shade that was sticking out of the makeshift tower.
"Golisopod!"
As Guzma took a step forward, the isopod vanished into a flash of light as it retreated into the ball in one of its trainer's pockets.
Guzma pulled the ball out of his jacket and spoke directly at it,
"Hey! You can't go and Emergency Exit whenever you feel like it, you little shit!"
After getting no response, he tossed the net ball up onto his chair.
"Whatever, ya weirdo."
Now where could have little Snom ran off too? And why wouldn't Golisopod just tell him?
He rubbed his eyes and sighed.
"Ok... let me guess..."
He left the room and made a bee line for the admin's door. He swung it open without knocking.
"Plumeria!"
The woman was sitting at her desk, clutching the little Ice type to her chest with a huge grin on her face.
She had also tied a purple ribbon around the pokémon's neck.
"OH MY TAPU, GUZMA! I LOVE HER SO MUCH! LOOK AT HER LITTLE ROUND FACE AND HER LITTLE SQUISHY FEETS AND HER SWEET LITTLE EYES, ALSO SHE'S LIKE A LITTLE WALKING AIR CONDITIONER, YES YOU ARE LITTLE SISTER I COULD JUST SNUGGLE YOU AND CUDDLE YOU ALL DAY LONG!"
The snom purred happily at all the attention.
Guzma dropped his head into his hand and chuckled, "Oh, for Arc-sakes..."
"Where the hell did you manage to find a snom anyways?"
"Well," Guzma started absentmindedly rubbing his hair with his towel as he answers, "yesterday, Moon came by and-"
"Oh, would you stop that!" she interjected. "How many times do I have to tell you not to dry your hair like that?"
Guzma rolled his eyes.
"Come here and sit down" -she got up and placed Snom on her chair. Then she sat on the edge of her bed and motioned to the floor below her- "Let me help you and I'll put some stuff in your hair."
He groaned.
"Oh quit whining! I'll even rub ya neck and shoulders! How about it?"
The boss put his hand on his sore shoulder and rolled the joint around.
"Ok, fine..."
"Good! Hand me that bottle," she said, pointing to a shelf nearby that was filled with all kinds of makeup along with hair and skin products.
He tossed her the small pump bottle and then threw his jacket on the foot of her bed.
He walked over and squatted down with his back to her.
"All the way down you tall bastard," she demanded.
He dropped to the floor and sat with one knee up and his elbow on it.
Plumeria grabbed the towel off his shoulder and opened it up. She began to gently grab and squeeze fistfuls of his hair through the towel, working her way around his head in sections.
"You can't just go rubbin' it like some sloppy punani. You break up the curl that way."1
"Whatever."
Finishing, she set the towel on her lap and picked up the bottle she had Guzma hand her earlier.
She put a couple pumps in her hands and rubbed them together. Then she started to massage it throughout his hair and scalp. It actually did feel pretty nice, especially since she had manicured her nails.
"The salt from the ocean is good for your skin to an extent, but you don't want it to dry you out too much."
"Whatever."
Suddenly, she stopped and tilted his head back slightly so she could look him in the eye.
"Really?" she asked in an annoyed tone. "Half hour ago you were hitting on me, now I got my hands all over you and you got nothing more to say than 'whatever?' "
Guzma smirked and waved his hand dismissively.
"Nah! No more of that today. I took care of that problem while I was in the shower."
She thumped him in the back with her foot.
"You're disgusting! Too much fucking info!"
"Hey, you brought it up. Also: ow. Be nice to me, I'm an achey old man."
"You ain't an old man, ya only twenty-eight."
"Tell that to this crick in my neck."
"Ya neck wouldn't hurt if you'd sleep in an actual bed at night."
"Nah."
She rubbed a couple more pumps of oil between her hands and started to press her thumbs into his sore trapezius.
"Fuck..." he gasped as she massaged the tension out of his muscles.
She's way too good at this.
The Team Skull Admin has always been super into this beauty stuff and she's incredibly knowledgeable, too. Guzma doesn't quite get the point of doing anything more than some eyeliner and eyeshadow, but he knows how much it makes her happy so he obliges her every so often to mess with his hair or face.
This though... he could definitely understand the appeal of this. Feels fucking fantastic.
"So..." she begins, breaking the silence, "you uh... wanna maybe dye your hair yet?"
"No, Plums."
"Oh come on! Your hair is white! It's perfect! You could dye it literally any color you want and it'll look fantastic!"
"I like my hair the way it is. Oh-" He stopped as he let out a satisfied moan while she pressed just above his scapulae.
"Would ya keep ya voice down? The grunts are going to think we're doing some explicit shit in here again."
"Who cares? Plus, it's funny! We could use a lil bit of drama in this house."
She thumped him in the back again.
He chuckled.
"Ok, ok. Fine."
Guzma did his best to keep his mouth shut the rest of the time, but every so often a small 'oh fuck yeah' managed to slip out.
Plumeria eventually finished, leaving her boss in a relaxed slump.
She wiped her hands off on the towel while he vegged out.
She went to hand him his jacket but something dropped out of the pocket and onto her bed spread.
"What do we have here?" she inquired turning the object over. "Well, A-LO-LA! Who is this sweet piece of real estate?"
"Huh?" he said, turning around and seeing the league card in her hand. "Oh, that? That's the haole Moon brought over yesterday."
"What the hell?! How come no one told me Jail Bait was bringing hot guys around? I wouldn't of gone to the store yesterday!"
"Don't worry, you didn't miss much. Besides," he drones as he stood up and stretched his lower back, "he's not that hot."
"You serious..." she says very deadpan, pointing at the picture, "you honestly don't think this guy's attractive?"
"I'm not saying he's unattractive, I'm just saying... he's not de kine... de kine..." -he made circular motions with his hands as he tried to think of the right words- "he's just not my type."
Plumeria threw her head back and laughed.
"What's so funny?"
She looked at him with her brow raised.
"Not your type? He's exactly your type."
She looked back down at the card.
"Muscular, dark hair, dark skin, piercing eyes... is a grown-ass man who wears a baseball cap."
"I don't like what you're implying."
She shrugged innocently.
"So what'd this guy want anyways?"
"I told you 'bout Moon tryin' to get some fakas she met over in Galar to give us money or some shit?"
"Oh yeah! Wait... this is the guy?"
"That's the guy.
Plumeria leaned over and grabbed her phone off her desk. She unlocked it and scrolled for a bit.
"I thought that fuck looked familiar, check this out." She turned her screen towards him and scrolled. There had to be about a dozen articles about this guy in her news feed.
"He's fucking famous. Like actually for real, famous. It says that 'Leon won the Galar Championship when he was twelve and held the title for ten years, losing only a handful of times to foreigners who were champions of their leagues in other regions'."
"That don't make no sense. How does that make him a champion for ten years if he's lost?"
Um..."
Plumeria scanned the article.
"Oh, so apparently 'individuals who defeat the champion but are unable to remain in Galar forfeit the title.' "
"Seems awfully convenient..."
"The point is... this guy said he would give us money, right?!" She grabbed Guzma's shoulders and spoke with an intimidating amount of determination, "What did you say to him, Guzma? Don't tell me you blew it!"
"Easy there ya sassy salazzle," he said, removing her claws from his flesh. "I didn't say nothin' yet. That's why he gave me his business card."
"Business card? Looks more like fan merch to me... wait a minute..." She paused shortly before erupting, "Why didn't you just take the deal ya stupid lolo!"
"It's a big financial decision! I wasn't gonna just say 'yes' on the spot!"
"Then call him right now!"
"I ain't doin' that! I still gotta think about it!"
"What's there to think about?"
"We don't know nothing 'bout te faka! How do we know we can trust him!"
"Not everyone in the world is out to get you, Guzma! Why are you so stubborn!?"
"I ain't having this argument with you right now!" -he took a step toward her, towering over the small woman- "I'M THE BOSS! What I say goes!"
Plumeria stood her ground and glared back at him.
He knows she hates it when he pulls that card.
"Fine," she spat, sitting back down on the bed. "But that little display was uncalled for, you better apologize."
"I ain't apologizing to you for nothing!"
"Not me!"
She nodded her head to the side.
Guzma looked over and his heart dropped like a Hard Stone into the pit of his stomach.
Snom was hiding under the far corner of Plumeria's desk, cowering.
This was the first time she's seen her new trainer like that.
He dropped to his knees.
"Malihini" -he reaches out his hand and spoke softly like when he first met her- "I didn't mean to... I was just... I... I'm sorry."
"Ma... ma..."
The little creature moved further away from Guzma's reach.
Guzma's hand dropped out of the air and he shamefully withdrew his arm.
Tapu Bulu, he's such an idiot!
He pushed himself up against the bed and tucked his legs up, hanging his head down, making himself as small and low as he feels.
"I'm such an Arc-damn fuck up," he murmured.
"Guzma," Plumeria says gently while sliding off of the bed to sit next to him on the floor, "you're not a fuck up. You just got her yesterday. And she's a baby. You can't expect her to understand all ya quirks just yet."
" 'Quirks?' That's a nice way to put it," he scoffed.
The woman laid her head on Guzma's shoulder.
"Give her some time, Brother. She'll learn that you're a good person at heart."
Guzma didn't say anything.
"Hey, remember back when we first met, over in Haina Desert?"
He still didn't look up.
"I must of been... thirteen at the time" -she skillfully flipped the card between her knuckles- "and there was these older boys following me around, shouting... lots of dumbass, teenage boy shit..."
Guzma didn't move but she could see his eye look over at her.
"And one of them went up to me and grabbed my arm and tried to put his hand up my shirt," she continued. "I yelled and started crying but... nobody came to help. Until... a tall boy their age, one with white hair... swaggered on up... didn't say a single word... and clocked the guy! Right in the jaw! That faka hit the pavement like a ton of bricks and spat out a tooth!
Then... do you know what he said to that bastard?"
Guzma lifted his head up and turned to her, a faint smile on his face.
"Well," he recalls, straightening his legs out onto the floor, "I believe he said... 'You lay a finger on her ever again, I will shove a diglett so far up your tight, haole ass, you'll be vomiting Tangling Hair for the next six months!' "
They both started snickering and giggling like a couple of kids.
Meanwhile, Snom peeked at them from behind the leg of the table.
"And do you remember what he said to me after those fuckers went runnin'?"
"I think," he continues as he put his arm around Plumeria's shoulders, "he leaned down and put his forehead against the girl's and said, 'Anyone put they hands on ya again, you come to me, little Sister. I won't let nuh-tin' bad happen te ya.' "
Guzma glanced down after feeling a cool breeze on his hand.
Snom was nosing her way under his arm.
"Would you look at that"- Plumeria smiled gently- "I told you, Guzma."
He scratched the little bug's chin and rested his face on the side of Plumeria's head.
"You know I was bluffing, right?" he commented after a moment.
"Oh, of course," she replies, "you would never do that to a diglett!"
They both laughed again and Snom cheerfully nuzzled her trainer's stomach.
After a couple minutes of comfortable silence, they got up and Guzma lifted the Ice/Bug type up onto the bed.
"Do you wanna stay with Sistah until dinner?" he asked her.
"Sno!" she chirped affirmingly.
Guzma let out a sigh and then turned back to the woman.
"A'ight, I'll get out of your hair for a while. Gimme the card."
"What card?" she replied mischievously, holding both empty hands out in a shrug.
"Plums. Don't start..."
"Is it... here?" she asked while appearing to pull it from the side of Snom's head.
The pokémon clicked excitedly.
"Plumeria..."
She clapped her hands together and opened them again. The card seemed to have vanished. She then reached down and appeared to have pulled it out from under the bed.
Guzma squeezed the bridge of his nose and sighed.
Plumeria's other special talent is sleight of hand. She tried to teach him how to do it when they were younger, but he never had the patience for it.
"Knock it off Plums, I need that," he said reaching for it, but she leans away.
"No way! You can have it back," she simpers, raising her brows, "when you admit you think this Leon guy is hot."
"Are you still on about that? Just give it!"
Before he could snatch it, she jumped up onto her bed.
"C'mon Boss, just admit you'd fuck this guy forwards, backwards, and sideways if given the chance, and this can all be over."
"I ain't sayin' shit!"
"Then I guess you'll have to take it from me."
The challenge has been initiated.
Guzma smirked.
They both stood eerily still, waiting for the other to make a move.
It. Was. On.
Guzma charged the bed and Plumeria jumped up and over him, doing a shoulder roll onto the ground. He chased her around the room, up and down off the bed, bumping into furniture and walls and things; all the while the duo was laughing and taunting each other. Eventually, he got ahold of both her wrists and pinned her against the wall.
Unfortunately, she had once again hidden the card and her hands were empty.
"Where's the card?" he interrogated, leaning in close to her face for dramatic effect.
"Card? There's never been any card! The card is just a myth!"
Suddenly the door opened and Pink popped in.
"Hey Plumeria can I get some help with... uhh" -he fumbled his words, not sure what he just walked into- "is this a bad time?"
"OUT!" bellowed Guzma.
The grunt swiftly obeyed, slamming the door behind him.
While he was distracted, Plumeria kneed him in the groin and he fell to the floor.
"Cheap shot," he managed to choke out, doubled over on the ground.
"Should've been paying attention. You taught me after all!"
She started to walk away.
Guzma was not going to give up that easily.
Still on the ground, he reached out and grabbed her ankle. She fell forward, accidently flinging the card out further in front of her.
She looked behind her and saw her boss grinning at her like a hungry gengar.
She tried reaching for the card but it was just out of reach and she couldn't close the gap with him holding her back.
Next thing she knew, Guzma crawled over top of her, pinning her to the ground with his weight and immobilizing her right arm with his own. He stretched his other arm, trying to reach the card. It was still just barely out of reach for him as well.
Then the door opened.
"Hey Sis, Pink said you wanted to see m- OH COME ON!"
Blue quickly shut the door upon seeing the two of them.
They just so happened to be positioned so that their lower halves were obstructed by the bed.
They could hear muffled yelling on the other side of the wall, "PINK! WHAT THE FUCK BRO!? YOU'RE AN ASS!" followed by muffled maniacal laughter.
Plumeria dropped her forehead into the carpet.
Guzma howled and rolled off of her, clutching his stomach as he laughed.
"If they didn't think we were screwing before, they sure as hell do now!" he cackled.
They both laid there: Plumeria face down in defeat and Guzma snickering on his back, both having completely forgot about the card.
After a bit, Guzma got up, casually dusted himself off, and finally went and picked it up.
Plumeria continued to lay like she was dead.
He collected his jacket and slipped the card into one of the inner pockets. As he grabbed the door knob, he turned back to her.
"I'll talk to ya later lover. I had a great time tonight!"
"I fucking hate you."
And so, Guzma exited the room, humming to himself as he went back to his own quarters.