Work Text:
They were twelve years old the first time Kisumi made Asahi blush, and from that moment on he was hooked. Asahi was emotional and reactive, and too tempting for Kisumi to resist.
It was easy to make him blush. Kisumi just had to get him worked up about swimming, or tell him when a girl thought he was cute, or offer his lap when Asahi had nowhere to sit during lunch. Asahi’s cheeks would turn as scarlet as his hair, and Kisumi’s chest would ignite.
He didn’t know what it meant. He just knew he wanted to be around Asahi, wanted to see his face turn fiery red, wanted to be the reason for it. He took to following him around school, and Asahi acted annoyed at first, but when Kisumi sat with someone else during lunch or walked with someone else to class, Asahi always looked around for him, sulking. That made Kisumi’s chest burn too.
“I don’t get why you can’t leave him alone,” Haru grumbled one day as they sat down with their lunches.
“He’s cute,” Kisumi said simply.
Haru looked at him like he’d grown a second head.
“What? You don’t think Asahi is cute?”
“Um? No?”
“Watch,” Kisumi said, spotting Asahi walking into the classroom. “Hey!” he called, giving him a wink. “We were just talking about you!”
“Why?” Asahi asked, his cheeks burning.
Kisumi grinned and turned back to Haru. “See?”
Haru rolled his eyes.
Asahi shot Kisumi a dirty look, but still sat closer than him than was really necessary.
~
Sometimes Kisumi felt left out. Asahi was in the swim club with Haru, Makoto and Ikuya. The four of them usually walked home together after practice. Sometimes they had sleepovers and would talk about them the next day.
Kisumi would eat lunch with them and hang out with them after school sometimes, but he wasn’t really part of the group.
Sometimes Kisumi would sit apart from them at lunch, and Asahi would look from his swim club friends to Kisumi, and he’d pull up a seat next to Kisumi.
Kisumi liked those days best.
~
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“I can tell it’s something.”
Asahi was pale and sullen and shit at masking his emotions.
He kicked at the dirt as he walked, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“My dad’s job is relocating him. I’m starting at a new school next term.”
Kisumi’s heart lurched. He’d thought maybe Asahi was bummed about a lousy swim time or a bad test score. Not that he was leaving him. He couldn’t imagine finishing middle school without Asahi.
“Well don’t look so sad,” Asahi said with a scowl. “It’s not like we’re best friends or anything.”
Kisumi stopped walking. Tears were forming in his eyes before he realized what was happening.
Asahi took a few more steps before pausing. “Are you coming?” he asked, turning around.
Their eyes met briefly before Kisumi put his head down, trying to hide behind his hair a moment too late.
“Crap,” Asahi said, rushing towards him. “I’m sorry,” he said, wrapping his arms around Kisumi. “I’m sorry I said that. I was just mad, but not at you.”
Kisumi buried his face in Asahi’s shoulder and began to shake with sobs.
“I’m sorry,” Asahi said again. “We can still talk on the phone. And I’ll visit. And you can come visit me too if you want.”
Kisumi nodded against his shoulder.
They stood there like that until Kisumi’s sobs turned to slow, trembling breaths. Asahi pulled away uncertainly, thumbs pressed to Kisumi’s temples, checking his face for signs of distress.
Kisumi smiled half-heartedly, knowing his face was probably blotchy and stained with tears. “You’re cute when you get all concerned about me.”
Asahi blushed.
“Shut up,” he said, shoving him lightly. “You’re not supposed to call your best friend cute.”
Kisumi sniffed. “Best friends?”
Asahi nodded, holding up his pinky. “Forever.”
~
Asahi was cute, and Kisumi told him all the time. Even in letters or over the phone, when he wasn’t there to see him blush.
~
His first year of high school he got his first boyfriend. His name was Hiro and Kisumi thought he was the most beautiful boy in their class. He was tall, with black hair and black eyes, and he had a deep voice, deeper than most boys their age. It made him seem older. Kisumi felt more grown up being with him. He couldn’t wait to tell Asahi all about him.
“You would like Hiro,” he said. “He’s really smart. But not, like, uptight. He’s witty, you know?”
Asahi hummed softly in response, clutching the rusty chains of the swing.
In the same way Hiro made Kisumi feel more grown up, Asahi made him feel more like a kid. Whenever he visited, they always ended up at this playground, usually because they fled Asahi’s house to escape his older sister, Akane. She liked to tell Kisumi embarrassing stories about Asahi, and as much as he enjoyed them, he knew Asahi hated it, so they would go to the park and sit on the swings and talk about all the things they were missing out on in each other’s lives. “Iwatobi is bleak and joyless without you,” Kisumi would usually tell him, and Asahi would respond with some jab about how lost he is at his school without an annoying shadow following him around all day and smile brightly to let Kisumi know he was teasing. In a way, it was better now than before the move, because now whenever he saw Asahi, Kisumi got him all to himself. It was less often than he would have liked, but when they were together it was like they’d lost no time at all.
“And he’s so tall,” Kisumi went on, gazing up at the sky dreamily. “He’s really good at basketball. He always beats me in one-on-one. He, like, makes me want to be a better player.”
Asahi kicked off the ground, the swing set creaking as he swung back. He pumped his legs, letting the swing lift him higher and higher.
Kisumi frowned. It wasn’t like Asahi to have nothing to say. Maybe he was boring him.
“I’m sorry,” he said, raising his voice so he could be heard over the squeaking of the old swing set. “I didn’t mean to just talk about myself.”
“You usually talk about yourself,” Asahi replied. “It’s fine. I like talking about you.”
Kisumi dug his shoe into the dirt below him. Clearly he’d been talking about his boyfriend too much. Usually Asahi would just tell him if he was being annoying.
“What about you?” he asked, deciding it was probably best to change the subject. “Do you have a girlfriend yet?”
Asahi was high above him, but Kisumi could see the red tingeing the backs of his ears.
“No,” Asahi said on his downswing.
Kisumi figured as much. He couldn’t picture Asahi with a girlfriend. He never talked about girls the way other boys their age did, or about boys, the way Kisumi did.
Kisumi watched him as he flew, his fiery red hair whipping around his head in a way that reminded Kisumi of actual flames, beautiful and wild.
“I do like someone though,” Asahi said after a while, and something unpleasant twisted in Kisumi’s stomach.
“What? Who?”
But Asahi was already launching himself off the swing, landing with a thud on the dirt several meters in front of the swing set.
The fire in Kisumi’s chest burned hotter than ever, wicked and treacherous.
~
When Kisumi got back home, he broke up with Hiro.
“Did I do something wrong?” Hiro asked, and Kisumi felt like the world’s biggest asshole.
“No, it’s not you.”
He knew it was a cliché.
“Is it Asahi?” Hiro asked. “The way you’re always talking about him, I’ve always wondered…”
“It’s not like that!” Kisumi cut him off.
It was like that, but it would just be rubbing salt in the wound if he told Hiro as much. If he told him about that fire in his chest that only Asahi made him feel.
For Kisumi, it was very much like that.
~
At some point over the years Asahi had started to look less like a boy and more like a man, and Kisumi didn’t know how to handle it. When they were together his heart would race and his hands would get fidgety, and Kisumi couldn’t wait to get home and scream into his pillow.
~
Being in love with his best friend was strange territory that Kisumi didn’t know how to navigate. They still talked on the phone every day. They still teased each other, still made each other laugh.
Asahi’s smile was still the brightest Kisumi had ever seen, his laugh still the most genuine.
Asahi was the best thing in his life, and somehow it wasn’t enough.
“Is it selfish to want more from him when he already makes me so happy?” he asked Makoto one day.
They were third years now, at different high schools. They’d recently reconnected, and it was nice to finally have a friend he could talk to who knew Asahi as a person and not a concept. His friends at school probably thought Asahi was God, the way Kisumi talked about him.
Makoto had had a major growth spurt after middle school, but he hadn’t changed much beyond that. He was still the same kindhearted guy Kisumi remembered. A gentle giant.
“I don’t think it’s selfish,” Makoto replied. “I think it’s human.”
Kisumi groaned. It sounded like something his mom would say.
“Oh, come on. What did you want me to say? That it is selfish?”
Kisumi shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Fine then. It’s selfish,” Makoto said bluntly. “You should make up your mind about what you want.”
“God, now you sound like Haru.”
“Well, what would Asahi say?”
“Probably something that makes no sense and perfect sense at the same time.”
Makoto chuckled. “I don’t know how to give that kind of advice.”
“No one does,” Kisumi said regretfully.
“Well,” Makoto replied. “I guess the question is, are you ready for your friendship to change?”
~
He wasn’t ready for their friendship to change, he was comfortable with the dynamic they had, but starting college meant it would change on its own.
Kisumi applied at Hidaka University because he knew Asahi had. It made sense for Asahi, because Akane lived in Tokyo and he would have a place to stay rent-free. Kisumi made an excuse about working for his uncle, as if Asahi hadn’t been the sole reason he chose Hidaka. The majority of their friendship had been long distance. Kisumi didn’t see any reason to keep it that way now that they were both adults and got a say in where they lived.
Asahi was thrilled when he told him. He babbled incessantly for hours over the phone about all the things they had to do together.
Kisumi loved how expressive Asahi was. He didn’t know anyone as earnest and passionate. Even when he tried to hold back, his face betrayed every emotion. And he was optimistic in a way that was contagious. It was why everyone was a friend to him. Even the ones who tried to resist were eventually won over in the end. It was impossible not to love Asahi.
Kisumi walked into Akane’s diner and spotted Asahi and Makoto seated across from each other at their usual table. Haru must have been late. Kisumi sauntered over and took Haru’s usual seat next to Makoto. Asahi sat up straighter.
“Hey!” he protested, his tone high-pitched and offended. “You’re not gonna sit by me?”
“What, I can’t switch it up once in a while?” Kisumi asked, snaking an arm around Makoto’s waist.
Asahi narrowed his eyes. “No.”
Kisumi laughed and Makoto rolled his eyes, shaking Kisumi off of him.
“Why do you always bait him like that?”
Kisumi leaned forward, gazing sweetly at Asahi, his elbows on the table, chin propped across his folded hands. “Because he gets the cutest little wrinkle on his forehead when he frowns.”
Asahi’s jaw dropped and his face turned crimson. Kisumi grinned.
Even when he tried to hold back, Asahi’s face betrayed every emotion. Kisumi was pretty sure Asahi loved him back.
~
Kisumi hadn’t told Asahi he had a game, which was why he was surprised to see a familiar head of red hair in the stands as the team ran onto the court for warm-ups. He stopped for a moment, stunned, as Asahi waved wildly at him. Makoto was with him, looking supportive, but nowhere near as excited as Asahi. No one ever looked as excited as Asahi.
“Go Kisumi!” he shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth.
Kisumi’s heart gave a little flutter.
He sat on the bench for the entire game. The starting lineup was mostly upperclassmen. College basketball wasn’t like high school basketball. Everyone here was serious about the sport. He probably wouldn’t see any real action for a couple years. Asahi had never been able to make it to any of his high school games. Kisumi felt bad that the first one he came to was this one, where he wouldn’t even be able to see him play.
After the game was over and the coach had given them their post-game speech in the locker room, Kisumi returned to the court and scanned the crowd for Asahi. The stands had mostly cleared out, and the area where his friends had been sitting was empty.
“Kisumi!”
An exuberant red bundle of energy pushed through the crowd and stumbled over to him.
“Hey,” Kisumi greeted, wrapping him up in a hug. “Where’s Makoto?”
“Oh, he went home after the game,” Asahi said, pulling back. “I stayed behind.”
“Thanks for waiting.”
“Psh!” Asahi said, giving him a playful shove. “Like I could leave. You would have stayed here looking for me until the place was empty.”
Kisumi laughed, because he probably would have done that.
“I didn’t tell you I had a game today.”
“Are you kidding? I bookmarked the season schedule as soon as you made the team.”
Kisumi beamed. “But I didn’t even play.”
Asahi shrugged. “You will someday. And I’ll be there to see it.”
Kisumi stared at him fondly. His heart felt full.
“You’re my best friend, you know that?”
“Yeah, duh.”
Kisumi leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
Asahi blushed. “ Kisumi .”
“If you insist,” Kisumi said, and he did it again.
~
“I’m gonna marry him,” Kisumi sighed one day, his face buried in his arms on the table.
“Your friendship will definitely change if you marry him,” Makoto said.
~
Asahi had a book open in front of him, but he hadn’t turned a page since Kisumi sat down across the table. Akane had brought him a cup of tea, but Kisumi ignored it in favor of watching Asahi pretend to read. He was probably reading the same sentence over and over, Kisumi thought, not processing the words. He did that when he was distracted.
“Is something bothering you?”
“Yes. You. You’re staring,” Asahi said, not looking up from his book.
Kisumi stirred his tea. “You’re cute,” he replied.
Asahi held his book higher to hide his face.
“Hey!” Kisumi said, kicking him lightly under the table. “No fair!”
“No!” Asahi replied stubbornly. “You’re not allowed to look at me.”
Kisumi gaped. “What? Why?”
“Because you’ll make fun of me.”
“I will not!”
“Yes you will. You always do.”
“When do I make fun of you?”
“You’re always trying to embarrass me. You just want to make me blush.”
Kisumi looked down at his tea. He had been trying to make Asahi blush. He’d been doing it since the day they met. He thought it was just their dynamic. “I didn’t know it bothered you.”
“Well it does.”
He couldn’t see his face, but Asahi’s voice almost sounded hurt, and Kisumi’s stomach twisted with guilt.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Asahi kept his face hidden.
“I wasn’t trying to make fun of you,” Kisumi told him honestly. “I mean it when I say you’re cute.”
“Shut up, no I’m not.”
“You are,” Kisumi insisted.
Asahi huffed, but didn’t respond.
“I do like to make you blush,” Kisumi admitted. “But mostly… Mostly I just like you.”
Asahi lowered the book slowly, revealing only his eyes. “Like how?”
“Like…”
Kisumi shifted uncomfortably. He could feel his face heating up. It was a new feeling. Kisumi was usually cool and confident, rolling with the punches. He was used to Asahi being the flustered one.
“You really don’t know?”
Asahi set his book down on the table. “How could I know if you never told me?”
“Well you never told me either and I knew how you felt about me.”
Asahi’s blush deepened. “You know ?”
“Of course I know.”
“You didn’t say…” Asahi stammered. “We could’ve been…”
“It’s complicated,” Kisumi cut him off.
“What’s complicated about it?”
Kisumi shrugged. “You’re my best friend. I didn’t want it to change.”
“Idiot!” Asahi yelled, standing up so fast that his chair tipped over, clattering to the floor behind him.
Kisumi flinched.
He’d never seen Asahi mad before, not at him. Kisumi thought he was going to storm out of the diner. Instead, he rounded the table and grabbed both of Kisumi’s hands, pulling him to his feet. His face didn’t look angry, he realized, but determined.
“We’ll still be best friends, moron,” he said, and pulled Kisumi into a searing kiss.
It felt like fire.
~
Twenty minutes into the movie and Asahi was already starting to squirm, jostling Kisumi’s head, which had been resting comfortably in his lap. Asahi could never sit through an entire movie. He was too impatient.
“Asahi,” Kisumi said, rolling onto his back so he was looking up at his boyfriend. They might as well talk, since Asahi wasn’t going to pay attention to the movie anyway.
“What’s up?” Asahi asked, carding a hand through Kisumi’s hair.
“How long have you loved me?”
Asahi’s cheeks turned pink. It was faint, but Kisumi could still see it. Two months together and he could still make Asahi blush. He knew Asahi didn’t mind anymore, now that he knew Kisumi loved him in earnest.
“How long have you loved me?” Asahi countered.
“Longer,” Kisumi said simply.
Asahi sputtered. “How could you possibly know that?”
It was a fair point, but Kisumi thought it had to be true. He couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t love Asahi.
He pulled himself up, climbing into Asahi’s lap. “Asahi.”
Asahi bumped his nose against Kisumi’s chin. “Hm?”
“Should we consummate our love?”
This time, the blush was dark red and spread across Asahi’s entire face, all the way to his ears.
“ Why would you say it like that? ”
Kisumi grinned. “You know why.
~
Asahi’s face hovered over his, red and damp and debauched, hair matted to his forehead with sweat. This. This was the face Kisumi was going to see from now on every time Asahi blushed.
It was probably karma.
~
“Are you gonna stop loving me?” Asahi asked afterwards. “When you can’t make me blush anymore?”
“Shut up, of course I won’t.”
Asahi smiled and dipped down for a kiss.
“Besides,” Kisumi said. “I’ve managed to make you blush for this long. I could probably keep it up for the rest of our lives.”
“The rest of our lives, huh?” Asahi repeated, brushing a lock of hair out of Kisumi’s eyes. “You think we’ll be together that long?”
“You promised, remember? Best friends forever.”
“I did say that,” Asahi conceded.
“And it won’t matter if I can’t make you blush anymore,” Kisumi said, stretching contentedly. “You should see how red you get during sex. That will tide me over for days.”
Asahi groaned and buried his face in Kisumi’s neck. His skin burned where Asahi’s touched him and the fire roared in his chest, wild and incandescent.