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I miss you… Even in this short moment, I miss you so much.
I love you.
For a businessman, the old saying `time is money` had more complicated meaning beneath its simplicity. There were formulas and scientific calculations to determine the real value of money – was it worth the time consumed, the resources needed, the profit they would gain in the future. Being one since he was born, Jumin Han was getting used to estimate; was his business plan feasible, would his decisions bring a good impact for the company? Even though he didn’t seem to love his job and looked like a workaholic machine, he actually quite enjoyed his busy days, for those hectic, rapid schedules helped him to forget.
About his womanizer father, about his beloved friends he couldn’t see anymore,
And – about her.
When he used his brain for something good, something complicated, he could temporarily ignore the urge to call her or to simply remind her to have her meal. Jumin thought, having her as his fiancé could at least ease the gaping hole inside his heart. Turned out he missed her even more, so much it was hard to breathe.
At noon, Jumin could escape this suffocating loneliness by reviewing legal contracts or signing a fine pile of classified documents, but at night. At night. He fidgeted the platinum band encircling his left ring finger. Wordlessly played with them while whispering her name, almost as solemnly as chanting a prayer, as if he were spelling a magic charm. His dark grey eyes stared went beyond his backyard, surpassing the trees and flowerbeds – and when he closed his eyes, he would find her in his memory; slim fingers deftly typing to reply their guests’ e-mail, strands of brown hair framed her small face, eyes twinkling in excitement—
She brought out not only the best in him but also the beast in him, which quietly lingered on the corner of his mind. She awakened the desire and selfishness he never experienced for he always believed that he had everything, for his circumstances allowed him to possess without even lifting a finger. She taught him to fight, to struggle, to overcome his anxiety, to untangle the knotted threads which haunted him for the past decades. In her arms, Jumin was reborn, and soon he realized that life would be colorless without her around. Thus, he didn’t waste the time – he gave her the proper recognition she deserved, proposing her right away in front of the whole audience.
In her, he didn’t want to speculate, he didn’t want to take a risk.
He wanted her entirely; forever.
Funny how a rational industrialist – if not capitalist – like him, obligated himself in a lump-sum contract without any legitimate time period called marriage. To someone, he’d been knowing for less than a month. Jumin didn’t hesitate any second when he decided to invest his whole life and future and dream in her.
She was her sanctuary.
She opened his eyes that a house was only a house without her presence. His sophisticated penthouse was nothing more than mere bricks and stones, soulless building with cold walls and roof. The bed wasn’t as warm and appealing that Jumin didn’t feel sleepy at all when he looked at it – but he imagined how her lying there, recalling the soft rises and falls of her chest. If only his wealth and money could buy the time, he would, he wanted her to be here as fast as possible, as his eternal life companion. As his wife. But he knew it was preposterous; he wouldn’t taint her purity by touching her without the church’s blessing.
Perhaps it was him being overdramatic, couldn’t process how a normal relationship should be. He walked on his own pace, dragging her to match his speed; he wanted to go far but also fast, was it too much?
Jumin was fighting his anxiety when the phone on the glass table vibrated,
It was her.
He picked up the call faster than anything, his usual cold tone melted like spring river, his lips curved to form a subtle smile as he spoke, “I was about to call you, but I afraid I’ll be interrupting your sleep,” Jumin gently chuckled while listening to her mezzo, blanketed in energetic spirit, “You’re still checking on the guest list? Old habits die hard, I see. This is not an RFA party, you can leave it to the wedding organizer and have some sleep,” he let out a crispy laugh, head shaking – sometimes, she could be this stubborn and perfectionist, just like him, as she said something like, ‘That should be my line, Mr. Sleepless Director’.
To have her voice so close relaxed his tensed muscles. Jumin squeezed his temples, felt a bit ridiculous for worrying too much, before pouring himself a glass of red wine. He stood up by the window and cheered a salute, as if she were in front of her, wishing his forthcoming days would be as joyful as he’d visualized.
You could take me as much as you want and I won’t ask for any return,
My time, my body, my soul.
Jumin showered her with words and whispers, and time was irrelevant compared to her breathing. When he glanced at the digital clock on the bed shelves, he finally came back to his senses and told her to hang up.
“I’ll see you on our wedding day,” Jumin tenderly vowed, “Jal-ja-yo, nae sarang.”