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It's dusk over the city of Tokyo. The weather is clear and the sky is fading fast to a painter's palette of warms. The city's bustling, but up here where Namjoon stands it's quiet and surreal.
He's leaning on the railing of the hotel balcony, arms braced. It's been a long day and he's frustrated, though looking out across the edge of the city calms him.
They've just finished another rehearsal but every possible thing that could go wrong did, and he’s upset. In his stupor, he’s started to become too introspective, wondering if his music is even good anymore. Does it mean anything and will it last? Or is he just doing it to appease the public and company? He's not exactly having regrets after all it took him to get here, but he’s just wondering what his life would be like if he wasn't the leader of one of the world's most popular boy groups.
Where would he be? Still an underground musician trying to make it big? Or would he have given up on his dream by now? Namjoon does something he rarely does and pulls out a cigarette. He likes the way it catches in his throat and burns away slowly, the red bits of ash falling away as he flicks it. He’s been brooding out here on the balcony for an hour when he hears the solid hotel door open and someone shuffle inside.
Oh, he forgot he was sharing a room with Yoongi tonight. Yoongi puts down the plastic bags he was carrying and comes out to join him on the balcony.
“You’re smoking?” he asks, wrinkling his nose.
Namjoon shrugs at the look and offers him the cigarette. He doesn't expect Yoongi to take it through, and says, “Hey!”
Yoongi takes a lengthy draw and puffs out a grey plume. “Ah it's been a while," he says, looking up at the evening sky.
“Yeah, yeah. Get your own.”
So Yoongi does. He grabs the box off the table and lights one up. They stand in silence, watching the sky darken, letting the ashes fall to the ground far below. Yoongi looks at Namjoon who’s intent on his cigarette, turning it around and around with his fingers. For some reason he looks like he belongs here like this. Though it does seem sort of cliché while as he plays the role of the “troubled artist" with his bare feet and messy hair, blowing out smoke, expression serious as he gazes out at the city.
Yoongi gets an idea. Probably a bad one but an idea nonetheless. “Alcohol?” he asks.
Namjoon looks over at him, his face tinted orange from the light. They shouldn't.
“Yes." he states firmly.
There’s a bar downstairs but neither want to leave the room so they call it up. Technically they're not supposed to be drinking heavily while on tour but Yoongi just slips the hotel staff an extra ten and takes the bottle inside.
They end up with a large bottle of whiskey and go back to sit out on the terrace to drink. Once they get started, they don’t stop and soon enough, Namjoon’s heart begins to feel a lot lighter.
They haven't gotten to spend time drinking together in months. Namjoon thinks about how they used to drink and talk sometimes when they were trainees. Things were hard then, as they drank while the night stretched on without them realizing. But tonight they are quiet. It's comfortable for a while, just to sit and breathe the night air and to feel the burn of the whisky. But finally, Namjoon breaks the silence after suddenly remembering a good story- a past recollection of drinking.
“Hey, you remember that one time a few years back after some awards show when we got Jungkook really drunk?”
Yoongi smiles remembering. “Yeah, he would have been fine except Tae and Jin kept encouraging him.”
Namjoon laughs thinking about it. “Ah gosh, he was really gone.... Did you know he told me he was a better rapper than me?”
“I'm pretty sure he still thinks that," Yoongi says.
“Hey!" Namjoon protests, but suddenly he turns more serious and hesitates.
“Yoongi? I’m... I am good right?”
Yoongi blinks at him. Namjoon looks uncertain.
“Of course you’re good."
Namjoon looks out across the sky.
Yoongi’s not used to seeing his friend look so insecure. He's great at what he does, they all are. Though still, Yoongi can understand how he feels. The uncertainty and feeling of never being good enough.
It's fully dark now and they hear only muffled city noises. It's strange and unfamiliar and it makes Yoongi miss home. Both his real home in Daegu and his life in Seoul. At least being with Namjoon makes it a little better, since for the past few years Namjoon and the other boys have been home.
Yoong is getting drowsy from the long day and the whisky and decides to turn on for the night. He suggests the idea to Namjoon and he follows, both getting up from their plastic chairs. Namjoon's head feels clouded. The thing about getting drunk is that sometimes you can't really tell how drunk you are until you stand up.
He sways a little, trying to find his balance. It's really funny for some reason and he laughs at himself. Yoongi’s not doing much better. They stumble their way into the room, and start to get ready for bed which takes about twice as long as it should because Namjoon is looking in the mirror of the bathroom, squinting and still laughing at himself.
After Namjoon’s done in the bathroom, he makes his way over to Yoongi who is wrapped up in the white hotel comforter and flops down beside him.
“What're you doing?" Yoongi asks without looking at him.
“I'm sleeping," Namjoon slurs.
“No you're not, c’mon get in your own bed.”
“Ahhh, it's too far away, and I’m sooo tired.”
Yoongi grumbles, but mutters a “fine.” and turns out the light. Namjoon struggles to get under the covers. Then he tosses and turns and annoys Yoongi until the older boy turns around to glare at him.
Namjoon likes that expression and cracks a smile. Yoongi just frowns more when sees how close Joon is.
Wonderful. He's a cuddly drunk.
Yoongi sighs.
Namjoon starts to chuckle.“You look so funny like that in these fluffy blankets- you look like a big dessert. like one of those Italian things- a canoli? Its made with some type of cheese I think.”
Yoongi just tries to ignore him and closes his eyes. It's silent for another moment before he hears, “This was a good idea. I loovvve alcohol.” Namjoon flings his arm across Yoongi.
Yoongi opens his eyes. “Kim Namjoon I swear-” Namjoon’s gotten even closer, and it's suddenly too hot under the blankets. They lock eyes and Namjoon isn't laughing anymore.
“Is it, is it okay if I...?” Namjoon speaks softly and minty breath is sweet.
Yoongi’s an idiot. He should push him away, tell him he’s drunk and to go to sleep. But he doesn't. He lets Namjoon kiss him. He tastes a little like alcohol and toothpaste but it’s warm and soft. Namjoon’s moving his lips slowly against his and he quickly breaks the kiss, because he's pretty sure Namjoon would just keep going if he didn't and he doesn't know what to think about that.
This is crazy. He knows Namjoon doesn't have feelings for him, and he certainly only sees Namjoon as a friend. But maybe sometimes it's fun to take a risk and try something, even if you're drunk. Okay, especially if you're drunk.
Namjoon smiles at him. He wont push, he's drunk, not completely idiotic.
“I just wanted to see what it would feel like," he says.
Yoongi nods.
“You're good at it.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes but his face feels hot. Though now that he thinks about it, he has no idea how much experience Namjoon has had. Probably more than him. He tries to clear his mind of the thoughts.
“Goodnight Joon," he says.
“Night.”
They are close together as they fall asleep, and they sleep peacefully because sometimes it's just good to feel something.
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