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Overcome, Shuichi lay on the hotel room floor, his legs lying straight up against the wall. Stupid Hiyoko… you ruined everything.

The three first-year classes at Hope’s Peak were on their annual school fieldtrip, this time in Kyoto. Students had all day to roam the city in groups of four. And, despite being out of uniform, a tourist recognized Hiyoko. The dancer caused a huge stint, tarnishing her innocent public reputation by cussing and calling him pig barf. Now all ultimates were confined to a traditional Japanese hotel as Hope’s Peak PR worked overtime.

Shuichi pouted. I was gonna meet up with Kaede’s group and go to all the temples and tourist attractions. I’d give Kaede a charm but secretly buy me a matching one and take a picture of us smiling and frame it and put that and my charm to sit on my desk forever. Biting his lip, Shuichi turned his head away. It doesn’t matter. Kokichi would have photobombed it anyway.  

Shuichi gazed out upon the hotel room. At the sea of tan tatami mats. The sliding door entrance. Beside the door a calligraphy wall scroll hung on the otherwise bare cream walls. It read “patience”. Sitting across the room, Kokichi lazily flung darts at it. Half of them had missed the scroll, making holes in the wall.

Kaito sat near the door, a notebook on his knees. He had started doing homework but quickly delved into doodling stick figures fighting each other.

Keebo was dragging eight futons around the room, muttering to himself. “This looks right – no, it’s crooked. Equal, K1-B0. You must be equal…”

Distant chatter and laughter drifted through the door. People returning to their rooms after the open-air hot springs bath. The rest of the boys in their class were currently bathing. Shuichi already had and was dressed in navy blue silk pj’s.

Groaning, Shuichi let his arms drop on the floor beside him like a starfish.

Eyes wide and unseeing, Kaito held his pencil in one grip. He forcefully dragged it across the page, ripping it repeatedly.

Kokichi threw a few more darts, revealing a pattern.

An angry frowny face.

Straightening, Keebo brushed off his hands. “There! All the futons are now equidistant from each other. Oh wait, Gonta and Rantaro need more room. Hmm–”

Shaking, Kaito crumbled up his notebook. “SHUT UP, KEEBO!” He hurled the notebook at him. “THAT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER!”

Keebo flinched. “M-my apologies…”

“Mmnph…” Kokichi fell down onto his side. He looked up at the detective’s form. “Is Shuichi alive?”

A long pause. A mighty sigh. Kokichi rolled onto all fours. Leaned back, put his hands on his knees. Rose with a groan. He plodded over, footsteps heavy. Poked Shuichi’s cheek with a sock. “Hey. You alive?”

Shuichi continued staring straight ahead.

Suddenly a giant foot appeared in his vision. “I’mma gonna get your nosey–Aah!”

Shuichi seized Kokichi’s ankle and yanked. The leader fell flat on his butt. “Nee-heeheehee!”

Huffing, Shuichi turned his torso to the side, his legs still resting on the wall. “I’m not depressed or dead. Just bored.”

Keebo sat down at the low table in the room’s center. Huffing, he smoothed out his white yukata. “We require entertainment.”

Scowling, Kaito approached Kokichi and Shuichi. “Yeah, like what?” He lifted up the hem of his rocket ship PJ top to scratch his stomach. “Come on, get up, Kokichi. I don’t know why you and my sidekick are on the floor when we just got back from the baths.” Grumbling, Kokichi stood.

Keebo held up a finger. “I propose this: a game of Go Fish! Ryoma taught me the other day.”

“Go Fish? Nee-hee…” Bending over and shoulders shaking, Kokichi hugged himself. “Ahahaha! Aha… haha… Waaaaahhhh!” Kokichi burst into sobs. Hiccupping, he rubbed his eyes. “I’m so bored I seriously considered playing Go Fish for, like, half a millisecond.” Wailing, Kokichi latched himself onto Kaito’s arm. “I hate myself so much! Waaaaaah!”

Kaito tried to shake Kokichi off his arm. “Yeah, I think we’re all getting cabin fever. Dude. Dude! Get the hell off!” The astronaut shoved Kokichi to the ground. Sniffing, Kokichi curled up into a ball, forehead to the ground. Kaito rubbed the back of his neck. “Geez. Well, we could go to the girls’ room. Play somethin’ with them.”

Groaning, Shuichi shifted into sitting Indian style. Keebo rested his cheek on the palm of his hand. “Such as? What is better than Go Fish?”

Kokichi giggled. “All of the girls are sleeping together in the same room, Kaito. You can’t jump into Maki’s futon and play whatever games ‘tween the sheets–”

“You little–!”

Kaito kicked Kokichi’s side. He was sent rolling. “Wee!”

Shuichi counted off on his fingers. “Let’s see, there’s pillow fighting, telling ghost stories, and Truth or Dare.”

Kokichi shot up into a sitting position. “Oh! The Shogun Game!”

“The what?”

“The Shogun Game!” Kokichi said, standing up. “I wanna play! See, it’s only fitting that I play since I am the king.” He gestured to his crown-patterned jammies. “It’s traditionally a drinking game you play with friends so I’m not surprised emo Shuichi here doesn’t know it. But it goes by a buncha different names. The Shogun. King’s Game, King’s Pin, etc.”

“And it’s like Truth or Dare?” asked Keebo, walking over. Intrigued, Shuichi stood as well.

“Yuppers! It goes like this.” Kokichi gestured to his three roommates. “Let’s say all four of us are playing a game right now. Four players, four chopsticks. One chopstick is labeled with a crown and the other three are numbered ‘One, Two, and Three’. Every player randomly picks a stick. If I get the chopstick with the crown, that means I’m the Shogun. As Shogun, I get to order someone to do something. I say, ‘Number Two, pick your nose!’ Then whoever of you selected the stick marked two will have to do it.”

Kaito crossed his arms. “So you don’t know who has the number two stick.”

“Nope. It’s a shot in the dark. I could be ordering anyone – you, Shuichi, or Keebo to pick your nose. After the order is done, we gather up the chopsticks and choose from the sticks again. Then another Shogun is selected and they say, I dunno, ‘Tell us your most embarrassing secret’. So like a Truth. It’s like blind Truth or Dare.”

Shuichi held his chin. “So if you’re the Shogun, you can’t say ‘Kokichi, pick your nose’.”

“No. Gotta say a number. But I will pick my nose now if you want me to–”

“Then what’s the point of this exercise?” Keebo inquired.

Kaito scratched his head. “Yeah, I’m with Shuichi and Keebo here. If you can’t say ‘Maki, go out with me!’ then there’s not much p–Wait! I just had an idea!”

Kokichi’s eyes widened. “Whoa, that’s rare.”

“Shut it! People are going to be ordering us around and making us do dares, right? We’re not always going to be the King and ordering everyone around, yeah?” The others nodded. “So what if we had a second set of chopsticks labeled with all the numbers? So when, say, Kaede orders number 8 to sit in her lap, and Shuichi got 7, the wrong number, Shuichi pulls out our extra chopstick marked as 8 and sits in her lap!”

Shuichi blushed. “K-K-Kaito!”

“Oooh, I like your style, space idiot! But that’s a lie. I already thought of that sneaky li’l trick. It’s not gonna work.”

Keebo frowned. “As much as I loathe to agree with Kokichi, he is correct. There would still be the person with the number 8 from the original set of chopsticks. Won’t they object? Expose that you’re cheating?”

Kaito slung an arm over Keebo’s shoulders. “Hey now, hey now. If you were number 8, would you really get in the way of Shuichi’s and Kaede’s happiness?”

“Uh, um, I suppose not…”

“And we can trust everyone in our class to do the same! Plus it’s not like we would do that every turn! Just to take up the good dares that the girls wanna do.” Kaito winked. “Riiight, bro?”

Shuichi stood frozen. I can… I can make Kaede sit in my…

Grinning, Kaito continued, “And no one better get in the way of me giving Maki a piggyback ride!”

“Why would you want that?” asked Keebo.

“So I can feel her chest against my back, duh!”

“Are you kidding me?” objected Kokichi. “For a woman, she’s a muscular freak. She’s got no curves.”

“Whaaat? Are you blind?! Come on, bro, back me up here – Huh? Where’d you go?”

Shuichi ran towards the door. Slid it open.

“Where are you going?” asked Kokichi.

“To get some chopsticks!” shouted Shuichi, already running down the hall.

Kokichi, Kaito, and Keebo glanced at each other. Grinned. Cheering, they raced after Shuichi.

Kaede opened the door to see four grinning and flushed boys huffing and puffing outside the girls’ room. Kokichi smiled. Waggled his eyebrows. “Hey, Kayayday. Wanna play Shogun? It’ll be fun, that’s a promise–”

“No.” Kaede slammed the door in their faces.

The pianist turned around. Every room in the hotel was identical, save the words on the calligraphy wall scroll. Here it read “Endurance”. Tsumugi was sitting on her futon, reading manga while Maki and Himiko sat at the table playing cards.

“Guys!” exclaimed Kaede. “That was the boys. Said they want to play something called Shogun? What is that?”

Maki picked off lint from her black silk pajamas. “A drinking game. It’s essentially Truth or Dare. They’re up to no good.”

“Nyeeeh? A game?” Himiko pulled down the hood of her red onesie. “Sounds like a pain. I was gonna go sleep soon…”

“Wait! Did you say Shogun? The Shogun?” Tsumugi crawled over the floors like a radioactive spider looking for Peter Parker. “The game they played in Gintama episode 83? And in Persona 4?” Tsumugi patted down her knee-length blue gown, searching. She pulled out her phone from her pocket. Drooling, she gushed, “Aaah…! I must simply take pictures of everyone playing for reference for my projects. F-for memories, I mean! Like a yearbook. Ahaha…”

Blushing, Kaede fiddled with the collar of her pink button-up sleepwear. “Truth or Dare, huh? With Shuichi… Oh, this is embarrassing.”

“I wanna play.” The girls turned to Himiko. “I wanna embarrass the boys. Especially Kokichi. During my last show, he replaced my magic smoke spell with a stink bomb. I’ll humiliate him.” Grinning, Himiko set her hands on her hips. “Then he’ll leave me alone and respect my magic. Nii hee hee!”

Kaede bit her lip. “I don’t know. This could be a bad idea. We don’t know how playing it will turn out…”

Himiko snorted. “Weren’t you just talking about wanting to get close to Shuichi? Something about giving him a charm and buying a matching one–”

“Q-quiet!”

Tsumugi pumped her fist. “It’s decided!”

Maki scoffed. “This is ridiculous–”

“What are you degenerates doing sneaking around outside the girls’ room?!”

“Hoping to peek at the girls changing? What, spying on us during our bath wasn’t enough? Hah-hahaha!”

Kaede opened the door. Maki and the others crowded behind the pianist at the doorway. The other half of the girls in the class were walking down the hallway, approaching Shuichi, Kaito, Kokichi, and Keebo.

Kirumi folded her hands over her middle. She wore a lace trimmed Victorian gown. “I certainly hope you are only visiting. No one is allowed to stay after lights out.”

Shuichi held up his hands. “We just were asking if we could all play a game called Shogun.”

Tenko raised her fists, crouching in a defensive position. She could easily move in her green pj’s and shorts. “Visits will not be allowed either!”

“Wait, Shogun, you said?” asked Miu. “I know that game!” The inventor was dressed in a light blue yukata with the neck open, giving a generous view of her chest. Only God knew if she was wearing anything underneath. “Duh-doy, that’s actually not a half-cocked idea! All right, fess up. Which one of you horny virgins thought of it?” 

Angie clapped her hands overhead. Like her artist smock, she wore a long yellow robe with oversized sleeves. “A game? Atua says this will be very fun indeed. Nyahaha!”

“Fuck yeah, I’m all in too! A-actually, I wouldn’t mind if one of the dares was someone being all in, in me–”

Kirumi cut in like a kitchen knife. “And that is why we will be refraining from such activities.”

“That’s right! The degenerate males will try to do something perverted and endanger the girls!”

Himiko yawned. “I wanna do it.”

“H-Himiko?! Why?”

Himiko picked an ear. “To humiliate them. And, uh, they might try to do something sneaky to me in return so I’ll need you to protect me or whatever.”

“Okay! You can count on me!”

Kirumi briefly closed her eyes, exhaling. “Is such an action wise?”

Kokichi pouted. “Don’t you trust us, Mommy?”

“To be frank, no–”

“There you are! We’ve been looking for you.” Smiling, Rantaro waved at the group. He walked towards them, his plaid flannel shirt billowing out behind him. Gonta, Ryoma, and Kiyo followed. Rantaro chuckled. “We were wondering why the boys’ room was empty. Then we heard you guys. Mind explaining what’s going on?”

Face red, Kaede glanced at Shuichi. “T-they were suggesting we play a game called the Shogun, which is like Truth or Dare…”

Smiling, Gonta gripped the shoulder strap of his bug cage. He had forgotten to pack plainclothes for the fieldtrip and was still wearing his uniform. “Gonta love to play game with friends!”

“Huh.” Rantaro scratched his head. “Sounds interesting. I’m intrigued. At the very least, it’ll be much better than sitting around bored in our dorms, yeah?”

Exhaling, Kiyo turned away. The anthropologist folded his arms inside the sleeves of his monogrammed brown robe. “I was going to sip tea on the deck and read a book quietly. Then again, I suppose you wouldn’t cease pestering me until I join, correct?”

Ryoma pulled down his long, pointed nightcap. “Hard pass.”

“Awww, don’t be like that!” Kokichi cooed. “This will be a happy memory for you to reflect back upon once you’re back in prison! You don’t want to be a friendless loser, now do you?”

Ryoma scoffed. “You’re a friendless loser but that doesn’t bother you.”

“HAHAHAHA! Get reckted, Kokichi.” Kaito forcefully shoved Kokichi into the wall.

Scowling, Kokichi rubbed his shoulder. Then, smiling sweetly, the leader batted his lashes at Kirumi. “With this many people on board, there’s no way we’re not gonna play. And we need someone there to ensure we don’t go too far!”

“Sometimes children need to experience the consequences of their actions.”

“Aw, you say that now, but after the game when everyone is upset and someone has a black eye, you’ll feel sooo guilty that you didn’t help out!”

Kirumi narrowed her eyes. Her gaze pinned Kokichi like a dead insect to a corkboard. Kokichi gulped. After a long moment, Kirumi exhaled. “I will kick out any troublesome individuals before that occurs.”

“Yaaaay!”

“But you all better behave. Or else I’ll hang you as easily as I hang laundry.”

Eyes wide, Kokichi clutched Kaito’s arm.

Ryoma shook his head. Brushed off his blue and white pinstripe pajamas. “I suppose she’s right. Better to keep an eye on you than don’t.”

Maki rolled her eyes. “I guess. Let’s just get this over with.”

Kaede glanced around at her classmates. “W-well that settles it.” She slid open the door all the way. “Come on in, guys!”

Angie reached for a bag of barbeque chips off the table. Between chews, she asked, “Will someone enlighten the ignorant gentiles of the game’s rules?”

Ryoma raised a brow. “You don’t know the rules either, do you?”

The ultimates had gathered in the girls’ room in a large circle. The boys sat on the left, girls to the right. They lounged on the futons in their sleepwear, eating snacks from the pile in the center.

Nervous, Shuichi drummed his fingers on a knee. I can’t believe we’re actually doing this… Shuichi and his three dormmates sat at the bottom left of the circle while the rest of the boys took up the upper left. Across from them sat Kaede and Maki in the middle. Miu and Kirumi comprised the upper right. The bottom right included Himiko, then Angie, Tenko, and Tsumugi who sat beside Keebo, completing the circle.

Shuichi gazed at Kaede, who sat across from him. The pianist was whispering to Maki. “Do you have it?” Maki nodded. She handed over a tan bundle of sticks. Kaede stuffed them in a back pocket.

Shuichi frowned. Is that…?

Tsumugi hugged a pillow to her smocked top. “Oh, oh! Allow me to explain! Everyone blindly picks from numbered chopsticks. Whoever is lucky enough to have picked the crown chopstick is the Shogun. They get to order a random number to do something they can’t refuse! The king can’t name a specific person, so they should carefully choose a dare that would be good if anyone did it.”

Miu slammed down a soda can onto the ground. “Get an eyeful of this! Anyone who wusses out of doing a dare will have to chug down this bad boy! Get ready, because this warm, clear liquid is–”

Kirumi reclaimed the soda can from Miu. The maid had insisted that Miu sit next to her. “Kaito, please explain.”

“Sure thing! Me and Kokichi emptied a regular can of soda and filled it with a little bit of all the drinks in the vending machines downstairs. It’s got Coke, Pepsi, several different teas, and…” Rantaro reached across the table to pour his cup into Kirumi’s soda. “…and now coffee. Henceforth it shall be known as the Coke of Doom! It’s nice and warm; definitely vomit material. So no wimping out now!”

Shuichi swallowed. He fingered the extra chopsticks in his pajamas back pocket. With this we can avoid the worst of it. Kaito could take a bad dare meant for me and vice versa. Shuichi flashed a smile at Kaede. She waved. And I’ll get Kaede’s dare!

Kokichi, who sat on Shuichi’s left, nodded. Being the facilitator of cheating chopsticks, Kokichi sat between Kaito and Shuichi. The detective had the beginning sticks of 1-5, Kokichi 6-10, and Kaito 11-15. A sixteenth, extra Shogun chopstick would be pushing their luck; someone would be bound to notice two Shoguns. Keebo refused to partake in cheating, but agreed to not tell anyone.

Kaede held out a bunch of chopsticks. “All right. Let’s begin!” The room abuzz with chatter, the classmates selected one each.

Kirumi cautioned, “Don’t forget. If I so much as see anyone causing needless havoc or strife, I will kick out them out, no exceptions.”

Maki held up the crown stick. “I’m the Shogun. Number 5. You’re blindfolded for the rest of the game.”

“Who’s number 5?” asked Keebo.

Sighing, Kirumi held her head. “Me.”

“Nee-heehee! Yay, no more babysitter! We can do whatever we want!” Everyone cheered.

Gonta apologized as he helped Kirumi put on an eye mask. “No matter,” the maid assured. “Miu, stop trying to snort the Punishment Soda. I told you no pictures, Tsumugi. And, Kokichi, if I see you hiding another bag of Doritos beneath your shirt, you will be banned from snacks altogether.”

Miu flinched. “W-whoa. You mean all you gotta do to see in the dark is to be a mom?! Okay, hands up. Who wants to get me pregnant?”

Kaito sighed, scratching his head. “Aw, come on, Maki Roll… why would she want to blindfold me? I’m not into bondage stuff like Miu.”

Shuichi pulled on the pj’s collar. “I don’t think she was thinking about you…”

The sticks were doled out. Gasping, Kaede waved the King stick. “Oh, wow, it’s my turn! Okay, um, I… I…” Face red as a cherry, Kaede flung down her fists. “I want number 7 to spend five minutes in the closet with me!”

Shuichi dove for Kokichi’s back pocket for his extra chopsticks. “Gimme your stick! Now!”

Flushing, Kokichi swatted Shuichi’s hands away. “C-can you stop groping my ass, please? Thanks.”

Shuichi hissed, “You have number 7, don’t you? Hurry up!”

“Hold your horses–”

“Here, Shuichi!” Kaito passed Shuichi a chopstick behind Kokichi’s back. “This is 11, take it.”

“11? I thought it was 7?”

“Oh, was it?”

Kokichi glanced at the others. “Shut up, guys! You’re attracting too much atten–”

A laugh. “Guess 7 really is my lucky number.”

Rantaro waved his chopstick. Eyes downcast, Kaede hung her head. “O-oh…”

Shuichi’s mouth hung open. Wh… what?

Kaito whistled. “Wow. What a complete and utter betrayal. And I believed in every single one of our classmates.”

Shuichi buried his face in his hands. Why? Why would I ever think it would work out between Kaede and me? No one would want to stay in a closet with a loser like me anyway…

Tenko grumbled at the dare, but Angie countered with, “Kaede asked for this divine experience. Do not interfere with their playtime.” Angie waved. “Have fun, you twooo! Make enough noise for all of us to hear and enjoy, okay?”

Shuichi stifled a sob.

Biting her lip, Kaede tried to lean back to give Rantaro more room. The hotel closet was roughly only four feet wide by two feet deep. Extra futons and hanging spare yukatas took up most of the space. With the hanging gowns crowding in on Kaede from behind, she stood only an inch or two away from Rantaro. She sniffed. Smelled a whiff of cologne. Is that Rantaro’s? Kaede’s face burned. Oh, what have I gotten myself into?

 “It’s a little dark in here, yeah? Let’s brighten things up.” Rantaro pulled his phone out from his plaid bottoms. Turned on the phone’s flashlight and directed it upwards. Kaede jumped.

Rantaro smiled, the light casting strange shadows on his face. “Oh, whoa, that’s neat.” Laughing, Rantaro tried to place a hand behind his head. His elbow banged against the wall. Their classmates whooped at the noise. Rantaro flashed a sheepish smile. “Sorry. It’s just that I never noticed that your eyes were purple. No, lavender, right? How pretty.”

“Ah… haha.” Okaaaaay…

Outside, Tsumugi gushed, “The heroine is locked up in a closet with the hottest, most popular guy in the class while her boyfriend watches on. It’s a harem anime trope come to life!”

Biting her lip, Kaede eyed Rantaro. His lithe form. Easy-going smile. Soft, green-grass eyes… He is quite the eye candy. Wait, what am I thinking?!

“You really shouldn’t invite a guy into the closet with you and then stare so hard at them. A little tempting, you know?”

Kaede jumped. “Huh? Oh uh…” Kaede’s heart pounded. Heat bloomed across her face. “I was just…”

Rantaro shook his head. “Sorry, that was an awkward thing to say, huh? I was just trying to give you some advice. I’m not a suspicious guy. I promise.”

Kaede bit her lip. Shifted back onto the balls of her feet. “Yeah, okay…”

“No really. I mean it.” Rantaro touched Kaede’s upper arm. “Honestly? You remind me of my younger sister. You’re just like her. Same pretty eyes.”

Sweating, Kaede stepped back. “Wh…” What the hell is going on here?!

“I can’t wait any longer! Get your filthy degenerate hands off of her!” cried Tenko, sliding open the doors. The light blinded Kaede. For a moment she saw nothing but white.

Shuichi was biting all his nails to the quick. Ripping free from Angie’s hold, Tenko marched up to the closet doors and flung them open. Kaede and Rantaro stumbled out. Miu bemoaned their fully clothed state, earning a karate chop to the head from Kirumi.

Shuichi held his breath. Is Kaede okay?! His eyes darted over her form. Hair tousled, clothes a bit ruffled. So is she…?

Kokichi leaned over. “I don’t see any hickeys; you’re good.”

Shuichi stabbed Kokichi’s side with a chopstick. Kokichi gasped.

Rantaro leaned down to whisper in Kaede’s ear. She blushed. Glancing up, Rantaro noticed Shuichi’s gaze. Rantaro winked.

Shuichi thought, What does that mean?! What happened in there?! AAAAAHHHH!

Kiyo raised his voice over the clamor. “To your places, people.” Shaking his head, the anthropologist scoffed. “Let us continue and be done with this farce.” The chopsticks were passed around again. “Oh joy. I am the shogun. What would be entertaining, but not too objectionable…” Humming, Kiyo scanned his classmates’ faces. His gaze rested on Gonta, who sat beside him. “Number 14. Go outside and tell anyone you see you have lice in your hair.”

Gonta smiled. “Okay!” He ran outside.

Wide-eyed, everyone shared a glance.

Wait, what?

“Ahhh…” Sighing, Hana tousled her wet hair with a towel. She and her two friends walked through the hotel’s hallways. “That bath was so nice!”

Yuna wrapped her yukata tighter around herself. Her long brown bangs hid her face. “Yeah, but let’s hurry back to the room. We’re not exactly dressed and there could be boy–”

Laughing, Rin grabbed Yuna’s shoulders, making the girl jump. “Ahaha! Aw, come on, Yuna. It’s not like some monster is gonna jump out and–”

A door slid open. In the doorway stood a long haired, giant mass of a man cast all in shadow. Smiling, he waved to them. “Hi! I have lice!”

Wide-eyed, the girls clung to each other. He barreled towards them, heavy footsteps shaking the ground. “Everyone scared of lice, but lice are important for people health and–!”

Screaming, the girls bolted.

Ryoma pulled on Gonta’s sleeve, bringing him back into the girls’ room. “But Gonta not scary! Neither are lice!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But I don’t think those girls are going to listen, Gonta.”

Pounding the floor, Kokichi nearly fell over laughing. Tenko and Kaede worriedly asked about what made the girls scream. Frowning, Himiko plugged her ears. “So noisy… Be quiet and let’s start the next round.”

Laughing and chatting, the ultimates passed around the chopsticks. Kaito pumped his fist. “All right! I got Shogun! And I know just the thing. Honestly, I’m surprised it wasn’t the first one done.” He thrust his finger like Phoenix Wright. “Whoever is 9, tell us your most embarrassing secret!” Kaito winked at Shuichi.

Oh, I see! The detective realized. If he gets Maki, she’ll confess about liking Kaito. If someone else is 9, we’ll still have fun and no one will suspect Kaito’s true intentions. Shuichi nodded back. Smart.

“Oh… I knew you were all going to find out someday.” Exhaling, Tsumugi pressed a hand to her cheek. Her face flushed like she was drunk. “I just didn’t think it would be like this.”

Shuichi and Kaito exchanged a glance. Uh…

“I buy and sleep with body pillows of characters I’m trying to get into, you see. For cosplay, I mean.” Drooling, Tsumugi cupped her flushed face. “Anyway, when I’m trying to get into multiple characters, I sleep with a lot of pillows!”

Kaito held up a hand. “All right, that’s enough.”

“But most of them aren’t wearing any clothes so that’s counterproductive to cospla–”

“Stooooop!”

Miu spat on the ground. “Spoken like a true virgin. Fucking with pillows.”

Grimacing, the ultimates quickly handed out the sticks. Rantaro smiled. “Oh, look. It’s my turn. Now what kind of fun dare should I order…” He glanced around the room, at everyone lounging on the futons, clutching pillows. “Aha! Here’s something we haven’t done.” Rantaro held his pillow upright. “Number 13. Talk to this pillow like it’s your crush.”

Kiyo tsked. “How unfortunate it is not my turn. I desired to speak with my sisterly lover.”

Tsumugi covered her mouth with a hand. “Thank goodness it isn’t me. I wouldn’t know which husbando body pillow to choose from.”

“Your crush, huh?” Ryoma turned to Rantaro, who placed the pillow between them. Crossing his arms, Ryoma considered the cushion. “I’m… I’m sorry I haven’t visited you.” His quiet, but deep voice filled the room. Shuichi leaned in, listening. “I got kinda caught up. But when I do come by next, I promise to bring some flowers.”

Shuichi smiled. How sweet.

“I’ll dust you off, clean you up. Do the ritual prayers.”

Huh?

Gazing fondly at the pillow, Ryoma chuckled. “And don’t worry. I gave up smoking long ago. Chew candy cigs instead. You used to hate the smell of tobacco on me. And now…” Ryoma balled his fists. “Now you can’t smell anything at all. You used to… used to hate all the cat hair on me and brush it off.” Head bowed, Ryoma sucked in a sharp breath. “Now I’ll be the one brushing dirt off your grave.”

Wait, the pillow is his girlfriend’s grave? Wide-eyed, Shuichi looked to his classmates. Lips parted, Kaede covered her mouth with a hand. Tears filled her eyes. Himiko sniffed.

Leaning over to Kirumi, Miu whispered loudly, “Anyone got Prozac?”

Ryoma clutched the pillow. Smiling sadly, he rubbed it. “Yes, don’t you worry… I couldn’t while I was alive, but I’ll take care of you now…”

“Aaall right then!” Rantaro lifted the pillow out of Ryoma’s grasp. “I, uh. Let’s do another round, yeah? And make it quick. Give me your sticks now.” Rantaro grabbed Ryoma’s hand and made him select a chopstick. “Well, would you look at that. You’re the shogun! What would you like, Ryoma?”

Ryoma lifted an arm, noting the crown chopstick. Hanging his head, Ryoma let his arm drop. “Number 1. Give me a reason to live.”

Maki shrugged. “I can give you a painless death.”

“Maki!” shouted Kaede.

“What, I don’t know.”

Scowling, Kaede doled the chopsticks out, ignoring Ryoma’s quiet sniffling. Keebo set his hands on his hips. “How fortunate! I selected the king’s stick. Number 10, execute my command code. For the rest of the game, everything you say must rhyme!”

Kaito laughed. “This should be fun. Who’s got it?” Gonta held up Kiyo’s number 10 stick.

Kiyo spat. “I will tear out your nerves.” Everyone stared at him, waiting. “…You despicable worms.” Everyone cheered.

Shuichi shifted on his cushion. Laid back, his hands bracing himself against the floor tatami mats. He gazed out at the scene before him. His classmates lounging in pj’s atop futons and floor cushions, laughing and chatting. Beside Shuichi, Kokichi snatched another Doritos bag off the table. The leader opened it and dumped the whole bag in his mouth. Washed it down with some Panta. Belched. Keebo glared at him.

Shuichi wondered, Am I ever going to get the chance to be the Shogun? Kokichi hasn’t gone yet either. And Kaede still has to a dare too…

The entomologist clapped his hands. “Oh Gonta happy it Gonta’s turn! Gonta need help. Gonta lost rare tarantula species in hair yesterday. He’s poisonous but friendly. Won’t bite! Someone search Gonta’s hair please.”

The class shrank back. Himiko hid her stick behind her back. “P-pick a number, Gonta! Anything but 4!”

“Oh okay! Number 3.”

Kaede cringed. Chuckling, Angie clapped her hands. “Whatever is the matter, Kaede? Do as he commands! Or do you wish to intake the Coke of Doom?”

“N-no, I’ll do it…” Kaede walked over to Gonta on her knees. The entomologist sat cross legged, back facing her. His dark green hair, thick like weeds, was so long it brushed the floor. Greasy. Knotted like a rat’s nest. Kaede swallowed. “Um, uh…”

Shuichi fingered the extra chopstick. I could take that dare from her…

Kaede asked, “Um… when was the last time you showered?”

“Hmm, Gonta not sure…”

Shuichi stuffed the chopstick deep in his pocket. Nope, not doing that! Nooo way. ‘Sides, Kaede didn’t object to going in a closet with Rantaro so you know!

Kaede brushed her fingers against Gonta’s hair. Whimpered. Grimacing, she plunged her hands in it. Began searching. Kaede mumbled, “So gross… It smells! Ughhh, first the stupid closet and now this.”

Shaking his head, Kaito handed out the chopsticks. Kaede sniveled in the background.

Crown stick in hand, Tenko launched into standing. “About time! This stupid game has been going on far too long. But I admit this is the perfect setting to expose just how filthy you men are. So degenerate male number 4! Tell us all your fetishes and kinks–”

“Fuck yeah, baby! Woo!” Miu leaned forward, hand raised. “Okay, listen good now!”

Squeals and cries rang out in the room. Shuichi grabbed Kaito’s hand. Kaito squeezed back.

“Okay, so all you shits know I’m into BDSM but what I dying to try but haven’t yet is–”

“Miu please!” Keebo objected.

Ryoma tsked. “Just give her the Coke and start the next round.”

Himiko bent over, arms covering her head. “No, I don’t wanna be a part of an M-rated fic!”

Maki wrenched Miu’s chopstick out of her hand. “It’s number 6. It’s not even your turn!”

“She’s just volunteering the information?!” Rantaro asked, drawing back.

As Kirumi scolded a disappointed Miu, Kokichi asked, “So who’s number 4?” He raised his arms to the side. “Who’s gonna expose aaaall the kinks you’re into for us to hear?” Rantaro held up Kiyo’s stick. Kokichi snickered. “Oh boy, it’s Kiyo. Don’t forget to rhyme!”

The anthropologist rolled his eyes. “Oh, fuck you all with a rope. …Actually that sounds pretty dope.”

Squeals rang out again. The girls shrank back. “For real, man?!” Kaito cried.

Pulling down his nightcap, Ryoma shook his head. “This is why I didn’t want to play.”

“Oh, quit your bitchin’,” griped Miu, snatching the chopsticks from Kirumi and Gonta. “That’s nothing compared to what I was gonna say earlier. Now put out your sticks so I can get a nice handful.” Grimacing, Shuichi passed his chopstick along. After the inventor redistributed them, she jumped right up. “Oh, fuck me! Yes! The universe does love me. Okay, so as I was saying earlier, I bet I’d really feel the buzz if–”

Kirumi hissed, “You must give an order to someone else, not speak yourself.”

“Fine, fine. Who’s got number 2?”

Shuichi glanced down at his chopstick. Oh. Oh dear god no. The detective glanced at Kaito and Kokichi. They looked away, whistling. Shuichi grabbed Kokichi’s shoulder. “Give me your extra sti–”

“And, hey, look it’s Shit-ichi’s turn! Well, that’s good because he’s in a grabbing mood.” Hands on her hips, Miu planted her feet wide apart. “All right, then mega virgin! You ready?” Miu fingered the open collar of her loose yukata gown. “When you look at me what you want to do with me – No wait. What do you want to do to me?”

Shuichi swallowed. Inhaled deeply. Feet tucked beneath him, Shuichi laid his hands on his knees. “You want me to be honest?”

Face flushed, Miu licked her lips. “Show me everything.”

“100%, no holds barred? My deepest, darkest thoughts?”

“Aaah, yes! Give it to me good and hard!”

“I think you’re a whore.”

Miu twitched. “Huh?” The others stirred, whispering and exchanging wide-eyed looks.

Gasping, Kaede covered her mouth with a hand. “Shuichi, that’s a little… Just because it’s true…”

Shuichi barreled on. “I wouldn’t trust you around any kids or anyone in general. You’re a danger to society and should be locked away until all your issues are dealt with by the appropriate psychiatric team. The only reason me or any of the other guys are nice to you is because we pity your friendless, miserable existence.”

Pale, Miu stared, her mouth hanging. She stood frozen like a statue. Drool leaked out of her mouth, but such was normal for her. Everyone glanced at each other. No one said a word.

Rantaro rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry, Miu. But you really have gotten out of hand.”

Himiko brushed off dust from her red onesies. “Nyeh, you literally asked for it. Don’t cry now.”

“Oh me, oh my! Well, let’s continue, yes?” Angie hopped up. She ran around the circle of ultimates like in the game of duck, duck, goose and collected the chopsticks. Humming, she picked out the king stick. “How divine! I am the Seer now.” She plucked out a random number stick and stuck it in Miu’s hanging mouth. “Number 8. I know just what would be fitting for you!” Angie found Miu’s phone in a yukata pocket, dialed a number, and put the phone in Miu’s hand. “Call your mother and tell her you can’t get a boyfriend!”

Miu’s mom picked up. She exhaled. “Whose backyard did you blow up this time?”

Miu mumbled like a vegetative patient. “I-I don’t blow up backyards no m-more… I’m smarter now, I promise–”

“Then what? You drunk? Or no, boy troubles, right?”

“Y-yeah…” Miu hiccupped. Inhaled a shaky breath. “I-I can’t get a d-date, because I’m a…”

Hands cupping his mouth, Kokichi called, “Whore bitchlet pig.”

Mouth hanging open, Keebo turned to him. “Kokichi! That’s her mother!”

“I-I’m a whore b-bitch…waaaaaahahaha!” Wailing, Miu broke into sobs. She collapsed on a heap on the floor.

Over the phone, Miu’s mom repeated, “A whore you said? Well that’s nothing new.”

Everyone gasped, eyes wide. Kaede just about fell over. Kokichi pounded the floor, dying in laughter. Even Maki cracked a smile.

Keebo turned to Angie. “Why?”

Laughing, Angie clapped her hands. “I was getting kinda bored waiting for my turn. And Miu was taking too long. Atua strikes down divine punishment on whoever derails his fun.”

Laughing nervously, Shuichi gathered up the sticks. He drew the king chopstick. Jackpot! Shuichi fought to keep from grinning. I’ve been waiting all game for this…! He glanced at Kaede. Sniveling, she was still digging through Gonta’s hair looking for the poisonous spider. I’ll risk everything… and save you Kaede!

Shuichi rose his stick in the air. “Number 12! Sit in my lap for the rest of the game!”

Everyone blinked. No one stepped forward.

“Nyahahaha… this must be his will.”

Angie plopped herself in Shuichi’s lap, facing outwards. Arms overhead, Angie caressed Shuichi’s face. She slid down his body. “Ahh… Isn’t this simply divine?”

Face burning, Shuichi leaned back. “P-P-Please don’t slide down against me like that.” I can feel – And we’re in pj’s and everything. Oh god, oh no, oh god, oh no.

“This better?” Angie turned to face him. Straddled her legs alongside him.

“Uh…” Shuichi swallowed hard. Glanced up.

Kaede’s glare cut deeper than a scalpel. Shuichi gulped.

With a finger Angie turned Shuichi’s head back to her. Their faces were only millimeters apart. “Hey, look at only me. Don’t be scared.” She hugged him tight. Whispered in his ear. “Atua and I will gently embrace you–”

Shuichi shoved Angie’s shoulders. “Get off!”

Lips parted, Angie stared at him, frozen. Shuichi panted heavily. Everyone watched, silent. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife.

“Ah, um, sorry for yelling…”

Angie jumped into his lap, sitting sideways, and squeezed Shuichi in a hug. “My first! You yelled at me! Now you’ll be my husband and we can engage in sweaty salvation!”

“What?! That’s not how it works! What are you even talking about?!”

Smiling, Angie leaned a head on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay. I’ll show you later when we’re alone. Although Kaede is more than welcome to join in too, if she wants.”

Shuichi looked up at the pianist. Face white with fury, Kaede dove her hands in Gonta’s hair and pulled. Yelping, Gonta waved his arms frantically.

Tears welled in Shuichi’s eyes. What have I done…?

Sighing, Kokichi plucked Shuichi’s stick from his hand and started collecting them all. After the ultimates chose a stick, Kaito pumped his fist. “I got the king again! I skipped it the first time, but now it’s time for that bet.”

Kokichi warned, “Don’t. Seriously, three times in a row you’re going to bet on a 1 in 15 chance–”

“I want to give number 11 a piggyback ride!”

Kokichi facepalmed. “Such a himbo.”

Tenko crushed her energy drink in a fist. “Over my dead body, degenerate!”

Kaito made a face. “Oh, it’s Tenko? Ugh, anyone but her. I don’t want to feel her boobs–”

Tenko dropkicked Kaito in the face. He slammed into the back wall. Slid down. Lay still.

Gonta gasped. “Is he okay?”

An edge crept into Kirumi’s voice. “Tenko, what did I tell everyone about behaving?”

Maki shrugged. “He deserved it.”

Tsumugi cupped her cheek. “Be that as it may, Kaito plainly can’t give Tenko a piggyback ride now. So she has to drink the Coke of Doom!”

Tenko protested, but chants of “Drink it, drink it!” drowned her out.

“Fine!” Scowling, Tenko snatched the soda can from Kirumi. “It’s just a bunch of soda drinks mixed together. This’ll be easy. Tasty even.” Eyes closed, she inhaled deeply. Tilted her head back and swallowed. Gasping, she slammed the can down. “There! Ulp.” Vomit burst from her nostrils.

Everyone cringed away. “Gross,” Himiko grimaced. “What you get for being stupid.”

Tears streaming from red eyes, Tenko pounded the floor repeatedly. “It burns, it burns…!”

“Tenko, hold on!” Kaede jumped up from behind Gonta. She overturned a bowl of potato chips and handed it to Tenko. “Here!” Bowl in hand, the neo-aikido master ran out of the room.

The game paused briefly, allowing Kirumi to revive Kaito and for Tenko to return. With all players present another round began. Himiko cried, “Nyeh, about time! I almost fell asleep waiting.” Humming, she tapped her stick against her chin. “None of the dares so far have really been super entertaining. But what to do… Oh I know. Number 15. Gimme your underwear.”

Tenko’s jaw hit the floor. Gonta reeled back. “Himiko, that not ladylike!”

Ryoma shook his head. “Oh boy. Here we go. Well, who is 15?”

“Not me.” Sighing, Angie settled deeper into Shuichi’s lap. “Aw, and I’m pretty good at taking off clothes, too…”

The ultimates checked their chopsticks. Shook their heads. Kiyo asked, “Who must strip their underwear? Having nothing, must lay it all bare?”

Shuichi felt someone tug his shirt. He turned. Sweating profusely, Kokichi stared at the ground while gripping Shuichi’s shirt. “Switch sticks with me.”

“What? No!”

“I can’t just use our extra sticks and pretend I don’t have it. Someone’s gotta do it. Switch with me. Shuichi, Kaito, please–!”

Kaito snorted. “Tough shit.”

Looking away, Shuichi scoffed. “Why should I? You didn’t help me get in the closet with Kaede.”

Crying, Kokichi grabbed Shuichi’s shoulder and shook him back and forth. “What’s the point of cheating if we never do it?!”

Angie lifted her head off of Shuichi’s other shoulder. “Did I hear something about cheating?” The boys froze.

Rantaro held his forehead. “So it’s Kokichi with the number 15 stick, huh? This should be… interesting.”

Kokichi flinched. “H-huh? I don’t have 15. I don’t even know what the number 15 is! When I count I always skip it. Let’s see, 13, 14, 17, 23–”

Kaito vigorously rubbed Kokichi’s head, cooing, “Aw, is the wittle, flirty Kokichi embarrassed? How cuuute! Oh, look here! Kokichi’s ears are burning. He is embarrassed! Hey, is that why you have long hair? To cover your–”

Kokichi snapped back Kaito’s finger.

“AAAAAAAAAHHHH!” Screaming, Kaito rolled side to side on the floor, cradling his hand. “The little prick just broke my finger! He broke it! Aaaah! It hurts, it huuuurts!”

Maki scoffed, “A broken finger? Please. Such a baby.” She tossed her hair. “And hurry up and give Himiko your boxers, Kokichi. Let’s get this game over with.”

Drooling, Tsumugi clutched her phone to her chest. “Oh this is so great. I’m going to get so many good reference pictures for my manga.”

Miu snorted. “What, something to be ashamed of, Cockitchy?” 

Kokichi swallowed. Face even, he muttered to himself. “Welp, that’s it then. Gotta own it now.”

Kirumi exhaled. “If you insist on this dare, please undress in the closet–”

Kokichi stood up, turned around, and dropped his pants.

Screams and squeals reached a fever pitch. Crying out, Kaede shied away and threw pillows. Kokichi doffed his boxers, tossed them backwards at Himiko, and pulled his pants back up. Face red, the leader plopped down in his seat.

Miu laughed. “Well, fuck me. He actually had the balls to moon us all!”

Eyes wide, Tenko held out a trembling hand. “H-Himiko, you shouldn’t touch his boxers. Master said that’s how girls get pregnant.”

“No, I won them fair and square.”

“But–!”

Angie cheered. “Atua approves of your color choice, Kokichi! Red and yellow stripes. Very sexy.”

“Can we move on already?!” Kokichi cried.

Laughter rippled through the classmates. Kaede and Maki shook their heads at Kokichi. The leader glared at Shuichi. The detective continued passing out the chopsticks.

Squealing, Tsumugi jumped up and down. “Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes! Finally! Whoever has number 9, you’re cosplaying as Cardcaptor Sakura!!”

Grinning, Kokichi raised Kaito’s hand. “That’s Kaito!”

“Oh, nuh uh! No way! First I get kicked in the head and then you break my finger–” Tsumugi pulled out a pink girl dress from her backpack. “And why the hell do you have that on you?!”

A shine flashed across Tsumugi’s glasses. “Gonta. Hold him down.”

“What, no! No! Noooo!!!”

After much struggling, Tsumugi and Gonta had changed Kaito into the magical girl outfit. Huffing, Kaito crossed his arms. He wore a pink dress with white frills and bows at his collar, white gloves and shoes. Tsumugi snapped picture after picture.

Keebo made a noise like snort. “I-is that a baby bonnet?”

Rantaro hid a smile behind a hand. “The wings… Those dinky, little girl wings…!”

“Nee-heehee!” Kokichi slapped Kaito’s thigh. “Shave those legs, boy! Ahaha...” Tears leaking from his eyes, Kokichi doubled over laughing. “Ahahaha!!”

Kirumi shook her head. “I am so happy I’m blindfolded.”

Teeth gritted, Maki turned away. “You sicken me, Kaito.”

Fists trembling, Kaito grit his teeth. “E-even crying kids adore the ult… the ultimate astro…” Sobbing, Kaito buried his head in his hands. “I can’t get married now!”

“All right, all right,” called Shuichi. “Let’s do the next round.” Shuichi glanced at Kaito. At how short the dress was. At the pink fabric clinging to his muscles. Shuichi winced. Sorry, Kaito. But I’d never respect myself again if I wore that.

Keebo pressed a hand to his chest. “Oh, it’s me again! All right. Let’s say… number 3. For the rest of the game hold hands with the person next to you.”

Kaito threw his chopstick on the ground. “For fuck’s sake, this game is rigged!”

Keebo flinched back. “I-I’m so sorry! I tried to come up with a tame dare…”

Exhaling, Kaito ran a hand through his hair, messing up his pink bonnet. He turned to his left. “Well, I guess we gotta hold–”

Ryoma chugged down the Coke of Doom.

“Oh, what the hell!” Kaito turned to the other side. “Guess I’m holding hands with you…”

Kokichi.

Exhaling, Kaito hung his head. “Why does God hate me so much.”

Sucking in deep breaths, the two held hands. They stared at each other.

Kokichi cleared his throat. “Uh, hey there, baby face.”

“I may be in a dress, but you’re the one not wearing anything under your pants.”

Face burning, Kokichi hid his face in the crook of his elbow. Turning away, Kokichi rested his elbow on Shuichi’s shoulder. From her place on Shuichi’s lap, Angie ran her fingers through Kokichi’s hair. She crooned, “There, there. It’ll be okay.”

Kiyo retrieved some rope from a pocket of his brown, monogramed robes. “With my rope here we should tie up those two. Don’t worry, the people who used this rope before were far and few.” Kiyo tied their wrists together.

“Whoo!” Miu called. “Age play, hand holding, AND bondage, huh? How you feeling, boys? Running out of space? Getting wet?”

Without looking up, Kokichi held up a middle finger. Miu brayed like a donkey.

“Ooh, ooh! Kokichi is so soft! Shuichi, you should feel him up!”

“T-that’s okay, Angie. I’ll pass.”

Kirumi clamored for all of them to be quiet and the sticks were passed around again. “YES!” Kokichi jumped to his feet, pulling along Kaito’s arm. Kokichi thrust out his king stick. “Time for some payback, bitches! Okay! Whoever number 6, tell us how far you went with a guy or girl and don’t lie! I’ll know if you are.”

Himiko smirked. She twirled the number 6 chopstick. “Payback huh? Now this dare brings back some memories. Memories of a certain person…”

Kokichi froze. All the blood drained from his face. “You wouldn’t.”

Frowning, the ultimates glanced between the two. Kaito whispered to Shuichi, “Bro, you know anything about this?”

The detective shook his head. Chuckling, Shuichi grinned to himself. But I’m more than a little curious to find out…!

“Nii hee hee!” Crossing her arms, Himiko straightened her back and lifted her chin. “The whole reason I agreed to play this game was so that I can humiliate you. And you just gave me the chance. I’ll make you respect me and my magic.”

“I-I’ll make your life a living night–!”

“There’s nothing worse than deploying a stink bomb during one of my shows. And even if you try anything…” Himiko laid a hand on Tenko’s shoulder. “Tenko will protect me.”

“That’s right! I’ll knock you around with my Neo-Aikido until you’re black and blue! And if you even think about breaking any Hope’s Peak rules to sabotage her, I’ll go straight to Headmaster Kirigiri!”

Sweating, Kokichi grit his teeth. “Frick…”

“Let’s see now…” Getting settled, Himiko flicked out Kokichi’s boxers and laid it on her lap like she was doing laundry. Himiko folded her hands in her lap atop the garment. “Ah! Right. A few weeks ago Kokichi was bugging me while I was practicing in my lab like he sometimes does…”

Himiko was polishing several swords at a table in her research lab. Beside her, Kokichi had lifted up a sword and was examining it. He oohed and aahed. At the noise, the doves fluttered in their cage. The piranhas in the water tanks angrily swirled in circles. Behind them lay a deadly array of magic props: a guillotine, cauldron, and a circular saw for cutting people in half.

“Whoooa, this sword is real! Hey, whaddya use it for?”

Himiko glanced behind her. In the back corner of her room was a tall magic box with a dozen swords sticking out of it. “It’s for the meat spell. A volunteer steps inside a box and–”

Kokichi tugged Himiko’s sleeve. “Hey, hey! Show me a magic trick. Give me a rocket punch fist!”

Himiko jerked her arm free. “No! That’s an impossible feat for any mage–”

“What about making Miu disappear? Can you do that?”

“I can’t–”

“Or what about giving yourself a big chest! Oh, wait. You’d need a miracle for that, not magic. Never miiind! Nee-heeheehee!”

Jaw clenched, Himiko glared at him. Her eyes stung. Why does he always say such mean things to me? Why? He should get a taste of his own medicine.

“Hm? Can’t take your eyes off me, huh?” Grinning, Kokichi turned to the side and placed a hand on a hip, striking a pose. “A picture would last longer, y’know. Just be sure to get my best side, my right. Or is it my left? Which side do you like more?”

“Your backside.”

Kokichi stilled. “Huh? Wait, you mean my ass?!”

Himiko continued polishing the swords. Only doves cooed in the silence.

“Ahaha… Ooh, nice lie there, Himiko. But my uniform extends past my waist. You can’t see my–”

“You can when you bend over.”

Lips parted, Kokichi stared at her. “W-w-what…?”

Himiko shrugged. “Your butt is the only good thing you have. I mean, otherwise you look like a little kid and you act like one too.”

Face red, Kokichi flung down his fists. “That’s not true! I’m manly. I ooze sex appeal.” Kokichi did double arm curls. “I am TesTosTerone with three capital T’s!”

“I know you’re a liar, but I didn’t know you’re completely delusional.”

Kokichi’s jaw dropped. Tears pricking his eyes, Kokichi clutched his scarf. “Y-you…”

Himiko wiped the sword’s blade with a cloth as she spoke. “Rantaro is the best-looking guy in the class. And he probably has a better butt too.” Exhaling, Himiko set the blade down. “Oh well. Not like it really matters. I don’t care.”

Himiko picked her ear. From the corner of her eye, she studied Kokichi. Expression blank, he gazed at her, a lingering redness to his face. Himiko smirked. That’ll teach him. Now he knows how it feels to be insulted about your looks. Hand on the table, Himiko turned away. “Now go, I need to–”

“I care. It matters to me.”

“Nyeh? What did you say–?”

Face flushed crimson, Kokichi shouted, “I-I have the better ass! And I can prove it!”

Mouth open, Himiko turned back to him. “Nyeh?! Wait, what?”

Himiko recounted, “…And then Kokichi turned around and pulled down his–”

Kokichi lunged forward. “That’s a LIE!” Grunting, Kaito and Shuichi held the leader back. Kokichi strained against them. “She’s lying! She made the whole thing up, I tell you! She’s a dirty, rotten, filthy–”

Himiko launched to her feet. “I’m not lying! There’s a mole on his right butt cheek that I poked.”

Shuichi and Kaito stilled. The entire class turned to look at Kokichi. Frowning, the leader glanced between his classmates. “What’s going–?”

Shuichi and Kaito pushed Kokichi down on the central table, breaking it. Snacks flew everywhere. Kaito pinned Kokichi as Shuichi tried pulling down Kokichi’s pants.  

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!”

“Stop struggling!” Kaito tried to hold down Kokichi’s other wrist.

“W-what are you doing?! I don’t have any mole on my butt!”

“How would you know?”

Crying out, Keebo held his face. “Kaito, Shuichi! Have your minds stopped functioning?”

Shuichi kneed Kokichi’s back harder. “I just wanna know if it’s true!”

Kaede held out a hand. “S-stop this right now! Leave him alone.”

Himiko stood up, Kokichi’s boxers in hand. “I already got his boxers so you should just need a peek!”

Tenko gasped. “H-Himiko, no! Master said if you see a boy’s butt, it means you’re married!”

Miu cried, “No, take it all off! When he was mooning earlier I didn’t get to see his size.”

Angie clapped her hands. “I wanna peek too!”

Kokichi shrieked. “Mommy!!”

“That’s enough!” Standing up, Kirumi ripped off her blindfold. “I specifically said I would hang troublemakers like laundry. If you don’t want to be hung–”

“Ooh, ooh! Is this new game? Can Gonta play?”

Rantaro pulled at Kaito’s shoulder. “You’re all going way too far. Let him go–”

Tsumugi tried shoving Shuichi and Angie aside. “Move! I need reference pictures for my yaoi doujin manga I’m making!”

“Knock it off, you idiots!” hissed Maki.

Ryoma pulled down his night cap. “This is why I didn’t want to play the game.”

“Oh?” Kiyo chuckled. “Lying like he had, he deserves abusing. Personally, I find this highly amusing.”

Kokichi bit Kaito’s finger. Yelping, Kaito jerked back his hand which was covering the leader’s mouth. Kokichi sucked in a huge breath. Screamed, “RAAAAAPE!!!”

Everyone stilled. Something thin and small fell to the ground. Gonta glanced down. “Hey, what this? More chopsticks? They from Kokichi’s pocket. Why Kokichi have them?”

Shuichi stiffened. He and Kaito exchanged wide-eyed glances. Oh shit.   

“More chopsticks? You mean like these?” Angie held up a small bundle of numbered chopsticks. “I found these in Shuichi’s back pocket while was I sitting in his lap and hugging him. Atua says finders keepers. Nyahaha!”

Ryoma frowned. “Another set of sticks? But why – Oh!” Ryoma stepped back, rolling his foot on more stray sticks. “Huh. These were under Kaito’s cushion he was sitting on.”

Tenko thrust a finger. “They must have fallen out when I kicked Kaito’s degenerate behind!”

Maki narrowed her eyes. “They’re cheating.”

Shuichi gulped. Kaito screwed his eyes shut. Kokichi gazed up at Kirumi. “…Mommy?”

Kirumi balled her Victorian lace nightgown. She breathed heavily through flared nostrils. “You better run.”

The door burst open. “Police!” a man cried, holding up a badge. Another bearded officer stood beside him, gun raised. Three teenaged girls dressed in robes ran up behind the policemen. The bald police officer with a badge shouted, “We heard someone cry ‘rape’!”

One girl pointed to Gonta. “That’s him! He’s the monster who chased us, yelling about lice!”

Everyone looked up. The ultimates were gathered around Kokichi, who lay face down on a table, pants partly down, and was bound to Kaito, who wore a pink dress. The officer backed up, hand over his mouth. “My god. Is this some sort of gang rape…?”

Wide-eyed, the girls clung to each other. “Then the lice was…!”

Rantaro held up his hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is not what it looks like, I promise you–”

Angie raised a hand overhead. “I’m going to marry my soulmate Shuichi because he yelled at me and we’re gonna engage in sweet, sweaty salvation!”

Kaede flung her fists down. “Back off! Shuichi’s mine!”

“K-Kaede? You… you like me?” Blushing, Shuichi tugged at his bangs. “I didn’t know…”

Angie pouted, “But, but, you and Rantaro had it out in the closet together.”

“Hey, I didn’t lay a hand on her!” cried Rantaro.

Tsumugi shrieked, “Why’d it have to be in the closet?! I wanted pictures!”

Grimacing, the bearded officer gripped his gun tighter. “It’s even worse, Dale. It’s an orgy.”

“That is quite the assumption!” Huffing, Kirumi swiped back a strand of hair. “We are all classmates on a school field trip. The men of our class approached us women with the idea of playing some ridiculous drinking game.”

One of the girls gasped. “Drinking? This is some hazing party, isn’t it? Like that guy in the dress. He’s the playboy stripper!”

“The hell you say?!” snarled Kaito. Standing up, Kaito shook a fist, dragging Kokichi along with him.

Kokichi yelped. “Ah, my pants are falling!”

“I’ll have you know that despite this dress, I am the epitome of masculinity! Just check out these pecs!” Kaito flexed, the pink frilly dress stretching over his Jojo-like bulging muscles.

“Ugh.” Hand over his eyes, Ryoma turned away, his other hand outstretched. “That image is gonna haunt me more than my dead girlfriend.”

Kiyo bowed slightly at the police. “Pay no mind to the ropes binding them, kind sir. They weren’t used for oversexualized bondage this time, I assure.”

Maki threw out a hand to the side. “Keebo! Use your flashlight eyes to flash them! We can use it to retreat–”

Himiko snorted. “Keebo doesn’t have a ding dong, so how is he gonna flash them?”

Sobbing, Tenko wiped her eyes. “Himiko, my pure innocent Himiko… You’ve lost your innocence and I just stood by and watched. I’m a failure.”

Sweating, the bald officer kept an eye on them as he reached for his comms. “HQ, this is Dale. We found a room full of teenagers in the hotel. They’ve been drinking and possibly doing drugs.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Growling, Miu took a large step towards the officers, her chest bouncing beneath her yukata. “See here! I may have been snorting some Coke of Doom this whole time, but this is nothing. I’ve been to druggie frat parties way more fucked up than this. You do not want to know what korking is.”

The policeman continued reporting. “…There’s 15 of them or so and they’re really agitated and aggressive. We’re going to need back–”

“Look, just get lost! You’re ruining this gorgeous girl’s fun by interrupting our game. If you don’t beat it, I’ll fuckin’ flash you.”

Kirumi seized Miu’s upper arm. “Don’t you dare–!”

“Gonta!” Kokichi shouted over the clamor. He pointed at the girls. “Those girls hate bugs so much they want to arrest you because you love them!”

Ripping his uniform, Gonta roared like Godzilla. “WHY YOU DO THAT? WHY YOU HATE BUGS SO MUCH?!?!”

The girls screamed.

Wide-eyed, the policemen backed up. The bald man shouted into his coms. “We’re outnumbered! Mayday, Mayday!”

Miu fully opened her yukata. “Here ya go, you bad boys! Get an eyeful of this!”

“We need backup sta–AAAAH!”

Kokichi bolted towards the back door. Stumbling, Kaito was dragged along after.

Shuichi held out a hand. “Wait, we can’t run! We haven’t done anything wrong. We just need to explain…” Shuichi glanced behind him. Kaede and Angie were grappling each other, Rantaro trying to break them up. Sobbing, Tenko hugged a wriggling Himiko. Kirumi struggled to hold back Miu while yelling at Gonta to stop. The entomologist barreled into the policemen and girls, knocking them down like bowling pins.

Shuichi gazed at the sight. He threw himself out the back door. “Wait for me!!”

Kaede sat on a couch, holding her head in her hands. Where did all this go wrong? Himiko and Maki sat on the love seat across from the pianist. The hotel lobby was crawling with police officers. Each of the ultimates were being questioned by the police one by one. Kaede had overheard an officer report two male teenagers handcuffed to each other and one in a dress were running away in the surrounding woods. Not long until they were captured.

“Well that’s… distasteful,” Maki noted.

Exhaling, Kaede lifted her head. Her bleary eyes hurt. Head pounded. Blond hair stuck up unnaturally. “What is it now?”

Maki was scrolling on her phone. “Tsumugi uploaded all her pictures on the Hope’s Peak website. She has a photo of Kokichi and Kaito in that dress with a poll. ‘Who do you think is the top and who’s the bottom? Vote now!’”

Kaede groaned. Yawning, Himiko looked away. “Our professors aren’t going to be happy to see that. After making us stay in a hotel room while PR fixed Hiyoko’s reputation for swearing? They’re going to be cursing at us now.”

Kaede plopped her head back in her hands. “Well, this is what we get for cheating.”

Maki threaded her fingers through her hair. “Told you it was a stupid idea.”

Shrugging, Himiko picked an ear. “I kept forgetting we had an extra set of chopsticks. It’s not like I wanted any of the dares anyway.”

“My chance to get in a closet with Shuichi totally backfired.” Kaede shook her head. “Even if I was quicker to claim Shuichi’s dare of sitting in his lap, Angie would have exposed our cheating.”

Scowling, Maki crossed her arms. “And Kaito wanted to reveal my embarrassing secret? Feel my chest by giving me a piggyback ride? Does he want to die?”

“Nii hee hee! Well my attempts to humiliate Kokichi were a resounding success! All because I’m the Amazing Himiko.”

Exhaling, Kaede held her forehead. “Guess if we want to get closer to whoever we like, we shouldn’t do it through stupid stunts like this. It just gets you nearly arrested.”

“That’s right.” Maki shook her head. “It’s all fun and games until someone screams rape.”