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During the time Light is handcuffed to ‘Ryuzaki’, he finds out many surprising things about the detective. The most incongruous and irritating by far is that L is, of all things, a fan of My Chemical Romance, which Light finds out the very first night when the man puts their entire discography on repeat. For the entire night. At first, it drives Light absolutely up the wall. Having to share his space with another person in general is a huge change for him, but he has always needed relative peace and quiet to sleep, and this? This is unacceptable. Once he reaches his limit, he finds himself yelling at the detective to ‘turn that crap OFF!’ Unfortunately, this tactic only results in a blank stare, or worse, a smug smirk and the volume spiking. As a result, Light finds himself constantly exhausted in those early days of cohabitation.
Eventually, Light grows used to sleeping with the music on. He stops complaining about it, merely rolling his eyes the few times L asks his opinion on the songs, or asking dryly if they don’t have better things to be doing with their time; he has no intention of telling L that he actually doesn’t mind the music as much as he pretends, and even likes the more mellow songs. He is even less inclined to admit that part of the reason is because those are the only times he gets to hear L singing along beside him. (It startles his eyes open the first time it happens, but it becomes immediately apparent that L doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. And despite how irritating L is on a regular basis, the man has a surprisingly lovely voice.)
After their more companionable days, Light finds himself listening to the music with a wistful melancholy. He harbors no illusions that L might be genuinely trying to befriend him. The constant snarky comments on his ‘Kira percentage’ get under his skin and immediately expose the lie, for one. For another, L has never once apologized for, or even acknowledged, that nasty trick he pulled with the fake execution, and Light has never been fully comfortable around the man because of it. So he keeps the detective at arm’s length, and their occasional fights, and squabbles over the music, continue right through until the night Higuchi is apprehended... and Light’s memories finally return.
That first night, Light is almost amused when L decides to bring the Death Note back to their suite, poring over it with an intensity that Light hasn’t seen in the man since before his confinement began, while the song ‘Sleep’ plays on repeat in the background. It seems almost an ironic choice to Light, given the man hardly ever sleeps (not that he has seen, at least). But three months of listening to the same songs over and over have given him time to notice the multiple layers and lyrical themes, and he isn’t entirely sure what L’s angle is here. Is this L’s subtle way of saying he knows Light has ‘woken up’ to the truth that he is Kira? Is L admitting his own culpability and acknowledging the horrible things he’s done in pursuit of Kira? Or is it neither, and L just really enjoys that particular song? (Light immediately dismisses this option, because it’s always been apparent that L has a number of sly jokes with himself and hidden reasons for some of the more... irritating things he does.)
As Light lays in bed staring at the ceiling and acutely aware of L’s tense figure perched beside him, the slight rustle of the pages turning seeming overly loud despite the music, he muses to himself that perhaps L’s reasoning is a combination of all of the above. Regardless of the actual answer, Light has no intention of remaining idle. Misa will receive her instructions in the morning. He rolls over onto his side to hide his satisfied smile from L as he closes his eyes.
As the week progresses, L adds ‘The Ghost of You’ and ‘The Light Behind Your Eyes’ to his nightly rotation, and though the melodramatic songs make him roll his eyes, Light couldn’t be more pleased by L’s dilemma. The man always did have a fixation on him, and of course he’s right, but coming up with irrefutable evidence when the task force is now even more resistant to his conclusions? Light has to fight hard not to laugh out loud every time he catches a glimpse of L staring down at the Death Note, thumb pressed to his mouth and saying barely a word as the new deaths start rolling in. He can taste his victory in the air with each passing day, wondering when L will finally take the bait. The anticipation itself is nearly as sweet as the cold tea sitting neglected at L’s right hand every day, and Light falls asleep each night to that maudlin playlist, waking in the mornings still satisfied from… decidedly pleasant dreams of how he might celebrate besting the world’s greatest detective at his own game. At the very least, he’ll have peace and quiet again.
Except.
Except when it comes, it is nothing like Light expected. Seeing everything play out just as he had planned it all those months ago should have made him ecstatic. And a part of him is, his mouth twisting into a triumphant smirk as he stares down at L, waiting for horror to cross the man’s face. But all he sees in L’s eyes is a horrible knowing resignation, and something like regret, and that… That is something Light had not expected. It throws him for a loop, twists something sharply inside of him, but he knows that the next moments are crucial for him, and he forces himself to push that painful feeling away. To do what he needs to do.
The silence of the room that night is deafening, and Light once again lays in bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying to ignore how wrong everything feels. Without L, the room feels too big, too hollow. Too quiet. Lifeless. Even disregarding the music, he had gotten used to all the myriad little sounds L always made as he moved around-- the shifting and rustling, the munching, his soft breathing, idle musings or teasing questions, that lovely voice softly lulling him to sleep-- but now there is nothing. He is far too aware of L’s absence, and he can’t stand it. There is nothing but the ticking of the clock, the rapid thumping of his heart, and the too-harsh sounds of his own breathing pressing in on him, and he tries not to think about it, but his skin feels too small for him and he just-
He can’t breathe. He can’t sleep. He. Can’t. Stand this.
Light is out of bed before he knows it, walking over to set L’s phone in the speaker dock, queuing up that same maudlin playlist he had been so amused by, and as the music starts to play, he climbs back under the covers and closes his eyes. If he keeps them shut, he can almost imagine that L is there beside him; a grumpy, solid presence that never ceased to annoy him, perhaps, but a comforting presence nonetheless. Light’s chest tightens when he realizes this, and he wonders how it happened, thinks desperately, this wasn’t SUPPOSED to happen. I wasn’t supposed to MISS him. He remembers moments of silent camaraderie between them, almost affectionate little gestures he never let himself dwell on, the sly playfully competitive nature of their game… the half remembered gentle press of lips to his cheek last night and an unintelligible murmur as he drifted off to sleep.
Light slowly becomes aware of the music again, trying to blink back tears at that memory fragment. He had thought it was a dream, but maybe not. As the lyrics pierce his thoughts, Light lets out a soft sound and pulls the blankets closer around him in a ball, his misery overwhelming him. He wishes that he’d had more time with L. That he could have convinced the detective to see things his way. Why didn’t I try?
For the first time, Light wishes that he didn’t have to say goodbye to L to have his new world. He doesn’t sleep at all that night.