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Wayne Rigsby was nervous. He knew realistically that this should not be should a daunting task, but it was. He had already worked up the courage to tell Cho, which went smoothly. He hadn’t been so nervous to tell his best friend; he had been pretty sure that even if Cho didn’t approve, he wouldn’t respond harshly to the news. Next was Vanpelt, which was just a whole can of worms and unresolved tensions, but she had stumbled upon the news accidently when he was deeply engrossed in a baby book. Who knew that there was so much involved in looking after a newborn? Certainly not Rigsby who had never held a baby or spent very much time around them at all. She had taken the news well enough, he thought, Grace was far too kind-hearted to speak harshly about the wonders of new life.
No, telling Grace and Kimball had not been as nerve-wracking as this. Rigsby was preparing to tell Patrick Jane the news. Wayne wanted to say that Jane was not cruel, or at least, had never been deliberately cruel to him, but he had seen Jane throw some pretty devastating barbs at those who caused him emotional pain.
Rigsby did not need the psychological warfare that upsetting Patrick Jane might bring.
He tried to tell himself that it shouldn’t matter to Jane, if his ex-girlfriend/unresolved love could take the news in stride than Jane definitely should. However, part of him knew that it was not that simple. Though Jane almost never spoke of his family, anyone who knew him would be crazy or completely oblivious if they didn’t realize how deeply he still cared for them. Rigsby knew that Jane still considered himself to be married. He found the thought that jane still remained faithful to a woman who had been dead for almost a decade to be both very romantic and devastatingly sad. Seeing Jane around children left Rigsby in little doubt that Jane must have been a loving and attentive father. The thought filtered into his mind as he considered this that maybe Jane didn’t speak on his family because the team had never expressed any desire to hear about them. He was suddenly overcome with regret that he had never asked Jane anything about his family. He wondered whether he should have, or whether Jane preferred things the way they were. Rigsby had never stopped to consider that maybe Jane never spoke of his family because he thought they might not want to hear it.
Rigsby wasn’t sure what Jane’s reaction to the news would be. Would he be jealous that Rigsby was going to be a father when Jane had lost that chance? Would he be angry that this child was an accident? Would he have a lot of opinions about Rigsby fathering a child with a woman he was not deeply committed to? Or perhaps worse than anger and judgement, would Jane be upset? Would this bring up more grief over his lost family? There were very few moments in Wayne’s life when he had witnessed a grown man cry, and he really wasn’t sure he could handle someone like Jane, who kept his emotions locked down tight most of the time, crying. Especially if Rigsby had caused it.
Rigsby was drawn from his thoughts by the arrival of the team. Cho and Grace had been grabbing cold case pizza, and they now walked into the bullpen with Cho carrying the pizza boxes and Grace carrying plates and napkins. Lisbon exited her office and came into the bullpen to join them. Lastly, Jane sauntered in behind carrying a freshly brewed cup of tea. Rigsby moved to join them at the table where they usually sat together to eat their case closed pizza. He decided he would say it now, so he could tell Jane and Lisbon at once and he would have some buffer if it did not go well. He also didn’t want Cho or Grace to mention it before he had told Jane and Lisbon.
As everyone loaded their plates with pizza and chatted about the case they had just closed, Rigsby steeled himself.
“Uh, there’s uh, something I want to say” he said nervously.
The others looked at him expectantly.
“I’ve already told Cho and Grace about this.” Their expressions shifted knowingly as they realized what he was going to talk about. “I just wanted to tell you that um, that Sarah’s pregnant” he said. “I’m going to be a dad” he added, still a little incredulous at the fact that those words were true. Him, a father.
Lisbon’s eyebrows shot up at the news, but she smiled. “Congratulations, Wayne, that’s great news!” she told him.
An unreadable expression passed across Jane’s face for a moment before he recovered, and to Rigsby’s surprise, gave what seemed to be a genuine smile. “Wow! Congratulations!” Jane told him warmly. Rigsby grinned. He hadn’t considered that Jane would be happy for him.
There was a beat of silence, and then Jane added, “There’s no decision more profound and of lasting consequence than the one to have a child”
The team looked at each other. Rigsby squirmed. Did Jane not know that he and Sarah were not particularly committed, and that this baby was not planned for? “This was a bit of a surprise to us both, actually” he admitted, not meeting Jane’s eye. Surely Jane could read all this information from him.
“that’s funny, that’s almost exactly what I said to the old man who first gave me that bit of sage wisdom.” Jane said with surprising candor. “It was ten pm in a Walgreens pharmacy and I was trying to figure out which pregnancy test I should buy – there are so many, and they all say the same thing, so how are you supposed to know? And this old man just gave me that bit of wisdom.”
"Your daughter was an accident?" Rigsby blurted out, immediately regretting it.
Jane paused a moment before answering. "It doesn't sound right to say it like that. She was unexpected. But, Wayne, that surprise baby was the very, very best thing I ever did."
It was the most personal information that Rigsby had ever heard from Jane, but he recognized what Jane was trying to do. He was trying to make him feel better about the circumstances of this baby. “Thanks, man.”
"Any time" Jane responded. Though he was still smiling, Rigsby noticed the haunted look that was creeping onto Jane's face, and decided that he had pressed the other man for enough personal information tonight. His mind was whirling with other questions he wished to ask. Was Jane scared that he wouldn't be a good father? How did he know what to do? Rigsby wondered if he'd ever be able to ask Jane these things. Rigsby had no other friends who had children, and he certainly wasn't going to his own father for advice. Even with his admittedly, sometimes poor judgement of timing, Rigsby recognized that now was not the moment to press Jane for parenting advice.
There were a few moments of companionable silence before Grace broke the silence with a story of an incident that she and Cho had witnessed at the pizza parlour when they went to grab their dinner. Rigsby felt relieved that he had gotten that over with. Jane had taken the news well. Rigsby was not dumb, he knew that this did not mean that he had not upset Jane, or that there would not be other uncomfortable moments as this baby became more present in his life and more milestones occurred, but for now everything was alright.