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Tony came to consciousness slowly and painfully. He was aware, as anyone in a hospital was, that drugs were being pushed into his body, but it didn’t really remove the pain, just numbed the sensations, made him feel floaty and indistinct. It was hateful, there was a reason why he tried to avoid actual hospitalization so much.
Other than that unpleasant sensation, Tony could hear beeping. The annoying, constant, high pitched sound of a machine following the beat of his heart as though trying to punish him for still being alive. Honestly, Tony needed to invent something less god damn noisy and incessant, this whole thing was absolutely ridiculous.
Next came the memories. Which no amount of pain medicine could help with. His heart ached in a way he never knew was possible, believing it to be the flowery writings of supposed poets and not an actual, physical agonizing description of emotional trauma. His parents. His dad. His mom. Bile filled his mouth as he remembered that stretch of road, saw with startling clarity and heard in the haunted imaginings of his mind, the snap of his mother’s throat, the crack of his father’s head and answering echo of metal against the side of the car.
Then the hot burn of betrayal. Steve’s expression, barely apologetic about the fact that he had known, that he knew and protected the man who murdered his parents all those years ago. In some ways, that had hurt worse than finally looking into the eyes of the thing that had stolen his family from him. Had nearly stolen his own life in the end because Steve had chosen to attack him instead of turning in the man who had hurt so many, destroyed so many lives.
The memory, the duel sensations of loss and pain were enough to make Tony want to stay asleep forever, to hide from the reality of a world in which he no longer knew how to live in. It felt like everything had changed, a piece he’d been missing without knowing about his childhood had been handed to him steeped in blood and misery and he had no clue what to do with it, what was left to be done.
He would have stayed there, would have quietly drifted off again in hopes for a better waking if it weren’t for one more memory, blazing across his mind like the final descent of an asteroid, determined to ruin every last good thing he might have left.
Rhodey.
He recalled the hard feeling of metal on metal, the blood trickling from his best friend’s nose, the sound of Friday’s voice and the shame and anger of what had happened to him and the very real possibility that Rhodey…might not ever walk again and it would be all his fault, completely and entirely his fault.
Tony opened his eyes, moved to sit up with a pained breath, not taking in his surroundings in his determination to find Rhodey and make sure everything was alright. His mind was already moving a million miles a minute, designs flashing across his brain on how to fix it, to make sure Rhodey could walk and fight and live a normal fucking life…
“Tony!”
Hands clamped down on his shoulders, a familiar stern and feminine voice trying to warn him just as the pain hit and sent him gasping and falling back into his pillow. His ribs, his chest, he saw sparks in front of his eyes as he flailed for a moment, only to be struck dumb by the sight in front of him.
Pepper.
To his absolute horror, tears came to his eyes and Pepper was gathering him in her arms, speaking nonsense into the air between them and he was so fucking relieved, not to be alone, not to have to worry about anything because Pepper had always known what to do, always knew just how to handle things and make it all okay.
“Tony, Tony listen to me,” she whispered urgently. “He’s okay, he’s going to be okay. Rhodey is only a few doors down and he’s okay.”
The pain faded and Tony was grateful she hadn’t immediately called for the nurses as he slowly came back to himself, head still spinning a little. A hospital room, generic and plain as they come but evidently a private sweet courtesy of the government or Pep, who knew. Focusing on her bright eyes, he reached out to cup her face, unable to help himself despite where they stood with each other right now.
She smiled tightly, “are you okay?”
“Okay?”
“Does anything hurt worse than you think it should?” she clarified and that was all Tony needed to hear to figure out she knew, had maybe even seen the video.
“Where are we?” he chose to ignore her question. Pepper wouldn’t treat him with kid gloves, she had too much respect for that and he was grateful.
“You’re home. All of you. They had to put you out for a few days, and they airlifted you and Rhodey back to the U.S.” she explained calmly and continued without prompting. “The others are okay. Peter was a little ruffed up, but he healed quickly during the flight, not a bruise except for his pride. T’Challa has returned to Wakanda, Rhodey…the doctors aren’t sure he’ll be able to walk again.”
She squeezed his hand when he inevitably paled, “I already have Friday researching and working on designs to help.”
Tony sighed, entire body relaxing as Pepper carefully explained what Shield was doing with the detained avengers. How she got the information was anyone’s guess, but he was grateful. He stared at her as she spoke, felt his heart swell and the words I love you settle firmly on his tongue, but he held them back.
She was here. That was what mattered. They would have time to solve their problems but right now he just needed to be reminded that he had a family. That the winter solider hadn’t yet managed to take everything from him and he never would.