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They were late. Remus was getting worried, he could feel it, painfully pulling at him under the skin. He was glad they were underground now, so he didn’t have to feel the moon watching him, but it was still overwhelming. Sirius, James, and Peter were arguing about whose fault it was that they were late. James made some remark about Sirius’ beauty routine, and Sirius replied that they’d have more time if James wasn’t oogling Lily Evans 24/7. He wished they would shut up. He wished everything would just –
“Remus!” Sirius yelped, running to help him up from the ground.
“We need to go now,” Remus said through gritted teeth. Sirius nodded and James hurried to his side to help him get Remus off the ground. He was moaning softly in pain and the boys had to practically drag him through the tunnels. Peter just followed behind nervously like he usually did.
They could see the door to the shack when Remus let out a scream and jerked so violently, he fell out of the boys’ grip. Sirius lent down to help his friend and noticed a tear in his back, like a rip in too old fabric.
“Moony?” He asked gently.
Moony turned his face back up to Sirius, “Run,” he managed to spit out as Sirius watched his eyes flash golden and then black.
Sirius pushed himself back on his hands and knees before transforming into Padfoot. James and Peter had already made the transition. They all stood there dumbfounded as their friend writhed in pain before them. Remus never let any of them in the shack during his transformation. He didn’t care if they were there when he turned back, but he never wanted them to see him like this. It was like all the darkness inside of his soul was bursting through his skin. It was ugly and grotesque. He looked like a monster who was finally taking off his costume. Sirius watched as the body in front of him changed into something unrecognizable. Remus’ face and limbs elongating, being pulled in every direction like taffy. Then he shakingly made his way to his feet, the transformation was complete, and let out a howl.
Padfoot didn’t know what to do. He was still in shock. Prongs snapped out of it first running antlers first into the werewolf’s side before he could begin his charge. Usually, the Marauders presence calmed him, but trapped in the tunnel, in this unfamiliar space, the wolf seemed to sense his chance at escape was closer than ever before and he wasn’t going to let anyone stand in his way. Padfoot took off like a rocket jumping on and biting his friend. He really hoped Remus would forgive him for this tomorrow, he never wanted to hurt him. Prongs continued to butt him from all sides, trying desperately to herd Moony closer and closer to the door of the shack. Wormtail did his best to keep Moony distracted, trying to draw his eyeline away from the other Marauders as they prepared for the next attack. But this wasn’t a war, they weren’t trying to hurt their friend; they were trying to save him. They would always fight for Moony. Always.
“Pads, the door!” Prongs yelled. Padfoot yelped in response. They were almost there now, a few more minutes and Remus would be safely inside.
Padfoot turned for the door and ran to it, making use of his canine abilities. He heard Remus growl behind him. As if he was catching onto their plan. Padfoot skidded into the door before realizing he would need to be human to get the latches and doorknob open. He transformed quickly, giving no thought to the fact that if he got hurt in his human form it would be not only more painful but more permanent. He hurried his way through each of the chains and bolts, wondering why they even bothered to close the door properly when there was no full moon. Time seemed to pass in slow motion, he felt clumsy, and seemed to fumble with every latch but he finally made it to the bottom one and went to throw the door open –
“Pads!” Sirius turned around in time to see Prongs get thrown against one of the walls of the tunnel. He fell to the ground with a sickening thud and Sirius wasn’t sure if he was conscious anymore. Remus was moving towards Sirius now. Wormtail ran quickly up his back trying to disorient and distract him but it wasn’t long until he was thrown aside too. Sirius still had his back against the door and quickly ran through the options in his head. He’d have time to open it, he was sure of that. Sirius knew alohomora didn’t work on this door as a protective method and he felt himself silently cursing Dumbledore for that. He’d need to twist the handle and provide enough force to throw the door open. He could do that, but he wouldn’t have time to get out of the way. He’d have to hope that Wormtail or Prongs would come to their senses soon enough to close and bolt it.
It was his fault that they were late. He’d gotten in another row with his family and after a particularly brutal Howler from his mother was feeling pretty low. He spent most of the day in bed with Remus who read to him aloud from the current book he was reading and let him steal pieces of his secret chocolate stash. When it had started to get late, Remus had said that they needed to leave, Sirius could see the agitation, the pain, and trembles making their way through his friend’s body, but he didn’t want to. Like a child, he’d demanded one more chapter, and then another, and another. He was being selfish, he knew that, but in some small way after the day he’d had he felt entitled too. But he saw now how stupid he was, to risk his friend’s safety for a few moments of peace. In fact, Sirius wasn’t even sure what the story had been about. All he knew was that he wanted another moment curled up next to Remus, breathing in his warmth, and the way he smelt like an old bookstore. He wanted to stay there and fall asleep next to Remus’ heartbeat. At the time he would have said no matter what cost, he now realized how stupid that was. There was always a cost.
Remus growled angrily as he began to charge towards Sirius. Sirius had time to note the way that he never called the creature before him the werewolf, or the monster. It was only ever Remus, his friend, the boy that Sirius was hopelessly in love in. When Remus attacked, Sirius knew that he’d feel only him. The shy quiet boy who saw through Sirius’ dark front, who knew about the bruises and the scars Sirius carried on the inside. That boy could never hurt him. Even if he tore him apart piece by piece. Sirius pushed himself up. He saw that Prongs was trying to do the same. He caught James’ eye and nodded to him.
“Sirius, what are you - ?”
But it was too late, Sirius turned to face Moony head on. The distance was closing between them now. Sirius twisted the doorknob and threw the door open. He took one last look into the eyes of Remus and thought everything he wished he’d told him. All the endings he wished they could have had. Then he collapsed onto his knees, putting his hand in front of face to stifle the worst of the damage.
But the damage never came.
Sirius opened his eyes, wondering if somehow, Remus had managed to jump over him without him realizing it. But as he pulled his arm away from his face, he saw Remus in front of him, crumpled on the floor back in his human form.
“What the hell?” Sirius heard James say as he too transformed back. “Sirius, what did you do?”
“I…I… didn’t do anything. I just opened the door. Then I looked at Remus and –“
Oh. OH.
The boys had done their fair share of werewolf research once they learned about Remus’ lycanthropy. They wanted to do their best to understand what it was like from him every month. This way they could better prepare themselves and be able to help him the best they could. However, there was so much mythology and lore that most of those late nights in the library had been spent with Remus debunking half of what they had read. But there was one legend they’d only found printed once. An old oral myth that had been passed down from generation to generation. It was the story of a young girl and the love of her life. A hunter, he had been out in the woods one day and had been viciously attacked and bitten. The next full moon, not knowing what had happened, he broke free and unleashed havoc on the town. However, when the girl had realized what had happened, she strode out into the square to meet the wolf. She called him by his name and when he came close, she looked into his eyes. The legend said that when the werewolf saw his true love looking into his eyes he turned back into a human. James had joked that this was perfect, that all they had to do was get Moony to shack up with some chick and they’d be set. They’d all had a good laugh, but Remus had told them there had never been any evidence of that working. Sirius would never get what he had said. “Besides, who would love a werewolf anyways?”
He did. And if Remus had changed back, did that mean that Remus loved him as well? Sirius sat there in shock, watching James and Peter’s faces change as they came to the same realization. Remus moaned softly and that was enough to snap them out of their trance.
“Remus? Remus, are you okay?” Sirius asked, at his side in an instant.
“Feel like a fucking lorry hit me.” He whispered, putting his head back on the cold ground.
“Sorry mate, that would be me,” James chuckled to cover up the guilt in his voice.
“What happened?” Remus asked, suddenly seeming to take in that they never made it to the shack. He sat bolt upright and glanced around suddenly at his friends in fear. “Did I…?”
“We’re all good. Don’t worry about it,” Peter reassured him.
“Good,” Remus said as he pulled himself against the wall of the tunnel. Sirius went into the shack and brought out the tattered remains of a blanket.
“Here,” he said, crouching down and handing it to him. “Remus, I’m so sorry. If I hadn’t kept you inside for so long, this never would have happened. It’s all my fault.”
Remus closed his eyes sleepily, crossing his arm gently over the large bruise that was forming on his side from where James had hit him.
“Shut up you big oaf. All that matters is that no one got hurt.”
Sirius smiled softly and glanced back at James, who was running his hand through his hair. Sirius recognized that look, James always did that when he was trying to wrap his head around some new concept of spell. I guess you could say what just happened between him and Remus was a new concept.
Remus mumbled something under his breath.
“What was that Moony?” Sirius asked.
“Hmm, oh, said I can’t believe it’s sunrise already.” Remus replied.
Sirius’ head whipped around to look at James and Peter who both burst out laughing. Sirius felt his face go pink as Remus’ eyes snapped open.
“Wait, what happened?”
“Oh, this is too good,” James managed to get out as he gripped his stomach, doubled over in laughter.
“Sirius?” Remus asked. But Sirius, was glancing down nervously at his feet. He finally allowed himself to lift his head up and make eye contact with Remus. His eyes were back to normal. That soft green with flecks of gold. Sirius had never been to Wales, but he always imagined that was exactly what the Welsh countryside looked like. A whole country wrapped up in Remus Lupin’s eyes.
“Come inside the shack okay? We’ll get you comfortable and then will explain everything?”
Remus could tell from the look in Sirius eyes not to ask questions. So, he nodded and let his friends help him to his feet and lead him inside.
* * *
Remus was asleep on Sirius’ shoulder. It had been a few months since their shocking discovery. Sirius can still remember how pink Remus’ cheeks had went when they’d explained what had happened. But how happy he had looked when he put the pieces together and realized that it meant that Sirius liked him too. Prongs and Wormtail were curled up on the floor. It was more comfortable sleeping in their Animagus forms. They still came down with them every full moon. Their job now was mostly to try and keep Moony out of the way until Sirius could get close enough to look into his eyes. It turned out that the two of them had been in love with each other for quite some time now. They’d decided it hadn’t worked earlier because Sirius was only ever around Remus at the full moon as Padfoot. In some way, if Sirius hadn’t made them late there would have been no reason for him to turn back into a human and they never would have known. That didn’t stop him from feeling horribly guilty about it though.
Remus squirmed in his sleep and wrapped his arm tighter around Sirius’. Sirius jolted in pain, waking Remus up in the process.
“Pads?” Remus asked, groggily rubbing his eyes.
“It’s okay Moony, sorry, you just… startled me. Go back to sleep.” But Remus knew him better than that and glanced down at Sirius’ arm to see blood seeping through his shirt.
“Sirius, you’re bleeding.”
“It’s fine, it’s just a scratch,” he said trying to tug his arm away, but even in his exhausted state Remus had quicker reflexes and managed to get a hold of his wrist. Remus gently rolled up the cuff of Sirius’ shirt and Sirius gritted his teeth and tried to keep his face neutral as the cloth brushed against the fresh wound. He heard a sharp intake of breath as Remus saw the three large gashes across his arm. There were matching ones on his chest too, but he wasn’t about to tell Remus that. See, the problem was it was quite difficult to get a werewolf to look you in the eye. Even if he was your boyfriend. So, sometimes Moony would throw him around a bit before it would work, even with Prongs and Wormtail there to protect him.
“Did… Did I?” Remus asked.
Sirius debated about lying but knew that there was no point, Remus would see through him anyways.
“Yes,” Sirius said. Remus turned away from him to hide the tears that were coming. “But hey, hey look at me,” Sirius said placing his hands-on Remus’ cheeks and gently turning his head back to face him. “You could never hurt me. All I ever feel, all I ever see is you.”
Then he leaned in gently and kissed Remus. It had been months, but he still felt like he was dreaming every time. Remus smiled that gentle, soft smile of his at Sirius, before laying his head back on Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius listened to the gentle rise and fall of his chest.
“I love you Remus Lupin.”
“I love you too Sirius Black.”
They fell asleep in each other’s arms. The stars and the full moon keeping watch over them.