Chapter Text
Everything was over. Months has passed since the last battle and, still, Tanjirou couldn't believe it. From time to time everything felt like a dream, like an enormous colorful bubble that was about to explote and everything would go back as it was before: the pressure in his shoulders, that anxiety about the uncertainty. Maybe, if he'd be able to go back, he'd do things differently, in first place he wouldn't go to sell any coal that day, that painful day. Even so, he knew that wasn't possible, he didn't want to seem ungrateful about everything he had now, so he stopped daydreaming about timetraveling feeling a bit guilty. He was happy. Even if that happiness was bittersweet, he knew he was lucky. His struggle was over. He was surrounded by people he loved, he couldn't ask for more.
Love. Tanjirou and his loving heart were always present in every step of his journey, but even so he didn't had much time to actually enjoy that feeling. He was sitting in the garden of the Butterfly Estate. Nezuko and Kanao were playing where they used to train. He smiled. On the other side of the garden was Zenitsu. The boy with golden hair was just lying on the grass, his eyes closed and a peaceful expression made him look almost ethereal. Tanjirou didn't remember seeing that expression in Zenitsu ever before. He was always adorable in his own weird way, even when he was an anxious mess of screams and tears, but this was so different, he wasn't only adorable... he was...
"Beautiful" Tanjirou sighed without realizing he was saying his thoughts out loud.
"Beautiful?!" Asked Zenitsu from far away "I wanna know what's beautiful!"
Of course he heard him. Tanjirou wasn't sure why but he blushed intensely.
"T-The weather is beautiful!"
"Tanjirou, did you forgot you're a terrible liar?"
His blush was even more intense.
"He doesn't want to tell you, Monitsu! It's so obvious!" Intervened Inosuke, who was just arriving to the garden after taking a refreshing bath. His soft hair was still wet.
The new comer walked directly to where Tanjirou was. He sat next to him and with his strong arm he held him by the shoulders.
"Don't worry, Gopanchiro, I got 'cha!"
After the final battle Inosuke started being more and more touchy and protective with Tanjirou, even if there wasn't anything that could hurt him anymore. Tanjirou didn't complain. The smell of his friend reminded him of the forest, of the invencible power of nature. Right now he smell like wet soil. That made him smile. So he just kept smiling while the salvage boy almost hugged him while protecting him from Zenitsu's curiosity.
"C'mon!" Cried Zenitsu "I need to know what is that thing that's so beautiful that's worth lying!"
"Surely he was thinking about me!" Laughed Inosuke.
Tanjirou thought about it. That wasn't the case but it was true that Inosuke was, indeed, so beautiful.
"Oh! You wish! You're not that beautiful, boar head!"
The smiling boy was suddenly released as Inosuke walked towards the blond boy with a mischievous grin on his face.
"I'm gonna prove you're wrong" he said as he slowly invaded Zenitsu's personal space "and you're gonna admit it."
Their both faces were too close now. Zenitsu couldn't help but to blush. Inosuke let out a loud laughter. The boy of the red eyes laughed too, not a mockery laugh, but a sincere laugh. Deep down in his chest there was a dust of confusion.
"Don't forget it's time for Inosuke's lesson." Added Tanjirou in a cheerful tone.
Now that everyone had time for stuff other than just training to become stronger, Zenitsu and Tanjirou agreed it would be good for Inosuke to learn more about living in a society. The one thing that was requiring a lot of time was teaching him to read and write, specially since Zenitsu and Tanjirou didn't have any knowledge on how to teach, so every member of the trio was discovering through trial and error how to reach their goal. At first Inosuke didn't like the idea at all.
"Why do I have to know that?!" He yelled "It doesn't require any effort! That's for weak people!"
"That's not true, reading is necessary!" Complained Tanjirou "What if some day you go to the city and you get lost because you can't read the signs!"
"Then I'd climb on top of the buildings and find my place with my incredible breath."
"What if you want to send an urgent message and you can't because you can't write it!" Insisted the red eyed boy.
"I'm faster than any messenger, I'd go to tell the message myself! YOU CAN'T BEAT ME TANJIROU HAHAHAH"
"Let him be, Tanjirou," said Zenitsu with a taunting voice "he doesn't want to try 'cuz he knows his abilities are NOT enough to master this ancient technique," Inosuke frowned "he just can't."
"SHUT UP! You little-" He contained himself a bit "Imma show you how I learn faster than any other human in the world!!!!"
So that was how the boar boy began his classes. After some time they confirmed that Tanjirou was the worst teacher from the pair so Zenitsu was the one in charge of explaining everything while Tanjirou only helped him practice, he was the most patient from the both after all. At first Inosuke was only interested because it was a challenge and he always had to win challenges, but as the time went by he started to kind of enjoy it. It was a warm sensation in his chest. Even if he never stopped training his muscles and techniques (they made him feel powerful), his daily lessons were a part of the day he was impatient to arrive. The other two started to find this time together delightful as well.
"Okay, so, where were we?" Mumbled Zenitsu while he opened a book.
Inosuke was already preparing his paper and his brush.
"Oh! Right!" Gasped the blond boy "You were practicing these new kanjis!"
He wasn't using his boar mask... again. Zenitsu thought it was weird, he used to wear it all the time before, but now he didn't, specially during his lessons. For his honey eyes this was a lucky strike, he was able to see Inosuke's curious expression when he was concentrated and, if he was even more lucky, he'd be able to see when he sticks out the tip of his tongue when he's making something very difficult. Something Zenitsu finds kind of cute.
The black and blue haired boy let out a small grunt.
"Monitsu, show me how to make this kanji!"
Obviously, it wasn't like Inosuke was having any trouble to draw this particular kanji, not at all, that would be shameful. Failing in something as simple as this? Not for the great Inosuke. He saw how Zenitsu got closer to him and took his left hand with his own. Everything was part of a brilliant plan he masted in just a couple of weeks. The blond boy moved his hand holding the brush, slowly drawing the kanji, slowly letting his breath touch that sensitive skin, slowly letting Inosuke feel his pulse, his warmth. Poor Monitsu, he was a fool, he just fell into the trap again. He had no clue this was what he wanted. Inosuke was so smart.
Tanjirou, who was watching everything from a fairly close distance couldn't help but smile as he felt his cheeks getting a bit warmer.
Right before going to sleep, Tanjirou opened the book Inosuke chose to continue practicing. He didn't want something easy as the very first book he read, he wanted something more challenging. Inosuke took his place almost sitting in Tanjirou's lap, and continued his reading of Pride and Prejudice:
"There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me." Inosuke blinked twice "I like this Elizabeth Bennet," he said to Tanjirou "she is like me."
Tanjirou let out a small and tender giggle.
"C'mon, continue reading."
Zenitsu, who shared the bedroom with his two friends, fell asleep as the arguments between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy went by. During the last weeks he discovered how nice was Inosuke's voice when he wasn't yelling and screaming, just a deep soft voice.
_______________________
A few days later Nezuko, while she was shopping with Kanao in the nearest town to the Butterfly Estate, heard there was going to be a festival to celebrate the foundation of this place. Both girls thought it'd be nice for them having a funny night.
"Don't you guys wanna come?" She asked Zenitsu as soon as she came back.
"Uh- yeah, I guess, I'll ask them and-"
"Oop! It's getting late," she said "and I promised Kanao help for getting ready! Can you please tell Tanjirou? I'll see y'all there!"
The sunset made look the golden eyes of the boy even more bright. You couldn't tell if that sudden glow was all because of the sun. Soon the dark sky, the moon and the stars would cover everything in a cold thin light. Zenitsu wasn't afraid, he was eager to tell their friends about the festival. They would have fun together! Together... that word... it implied so many things. He'd be able to hear their particular sounds closely, both of them special in its own way.
The incident from a couple of days ago couldn't stop going around his mind: Tanjirou whispered "beautiful" and when he opened his eyes, the red haired boy was right looking at him. He wished that troubling sensation in his stomach would go away, he didn't want to be hopeful but... perhaps Tanjirou could be interested in him. He knew how was it was like to fell in love, Zenitsu could play the fool with himself all the time he wanted but denying his feelings was absolutely worthless. He was in love with Tanjirou. How could he not fell in love with that smile, with that heart?
But...
But there was Inosuke too... At first Zenitsu thought there was only attraction to those emerald eyes, to his soft features. There was more, he hated to admit it, but one part of him wanted desperately to know what was inside that heart. The boar boy had demonstrated there was more in him than just wildness and ferocity.
*
The anxiety was already invading his mind. He felt his limbs going tense just before starting shaking. He was an absolute idiot, why was he worrying about this? It didn't even matter if he was in love with Tanjirou or Inosuke or both because neither of them would ever reciprocate his feelings. He was obviously just imagining things, his mind was playing with him just in order to feel less lonely. No one would ever love him, not in that way. He felt tears running over his cheeks. He cried till the sun was gone. When that happened, he remembered the festival and, fearing disappointing Nezuko and his friends, he ran to tell Tanjirou and Inosuke.
______________
"I'm glad we came to the festival!" Said Tanjirou with an great bright smile on his face "Look at that! Everybody has paper lanterns! Don't you guys want one?"
"Err- that could be nice" Responded Zenitsu while Inosuke emitted a small growl.
It wasn't only noticeable but obvious for Tanjirou the sudden change in Zenitsu's mood. He smelled like tears. During the last few months he got used to see him in a pretty cheerful attitude. He just didn't get why he was suddenly so sad. Tanjirou was concerned.
On the other hand Inosuke was the happiest person in the world. With the money Tanjirou gave him, he was buying all sorts of snacks now that he knew the numbers and the basics about how to add and subtract. He let out a victorious laughter every time he bought a new snack, then he stuffed them all in his mouth. Tanjirou was really happy for him, he wasn't expecting all this new learnings could make him this joyful.
The town was fully illuminated by lanterns and the lights from the establishments that were selling all kind of fancy stuff, from food to traditional crafts. There was also music and a few theatre plays. Everything looked beautiful. Children running and laughing, happy people everywhere.
Tanjirou got two small paper lanterns, one was blue while the other one was yellow. When he gave the blue one to Inosuke it was almost as if he couldn't believe it. He stared with his shiny emerald eyes at Tanjirou. Then he gave to him –more like threw up at him– a candy he was about to eat.
"Oh, thank you, Inosuke."
He didn't responded, he just gave him a wide, gentle smile. Tanjirou didn't even know Inosuke was capable of making those kind of expressions. He felt his heart flutter, so he returned the smile. After that Inosuke held the lantern as if it was made of gold.
Zenitsu's reaction to the gift was way too different. He glanced at the lantern and then he looked away.
"But Tanjirooou," he sighed "why?"
"Why what?" Said Tanjirou, visibly confused "The lantern?" Zenitsu nodded "Well, I think it's pretty and..."
"No!" He interrupted "I meant, why are you giving it to me?"
Tanjirou's expression broke. Zenitsu felt guilty, he wanted to cry.
"Zenitsu," he took his hand gently "is there something wrong? You know you can tell me."
The blond boy denied with his head, he just couldn't formulate any words.
"Okay, it's okay. Whatever it is it's going to be just fine, I promise." He squeezed his hand a bit "Let's try to have fun tonight, can you?"
Zenitsu breathed deeply.
"I'll try."
He finally took the lantern and went to enjoy the night.
Inosuke dragged them to every interesting place in that town. As soon as he got bored he just took their both hands and choose another place to go. Eventually they met Nezuko and Kanao, who were watching one of the traditional theatre plays, but Inosuke lost interest too soon.
"Don't worry, brother," said Nezuko to Tanjirou before he left "I'll meet you at home, you three have fun!"
The night didn't last enough, as it use to happen when you're having a great time. The trio ended up playing games, laughing at handicrafts with funny faces, making fun of each other using some weird masks they found, clapping at Inosuke when they got hungry and he read out loud all the menu from the restaurant they got in, and lots of more things.
People were preparing fireworks for the final event. This would be the first time Inosuke would see them and their friends were eager to see his reaction. Their excitement was contagious so he got impatient. The preparation was taking a bit longer than expected so they just kept talking meanwhile, absolutely distracted. They were fairly close to the place were the fireworks would be launched, perhaps if they weren't being that distracted they would've moved a few steps back. But they didn't. Just Tanjirou smell on time the sudden fire and the smoke of the burning rope. Right on time to cover with his hands Zenitsu's ears just before the first firework exploded. It was impossible to block all the sound but at least it'd prevent him to get hurt. Zenitsu at first got scared but as soon as he acknowledged what was happening, he blushed.
Inosuke jumped when he saw the fireworks, he stared at them almost without blinking. The lights from the spectacle reflected on his eyes and his smooth skin. His friends watched him tenderly.
"They're bursting the stars." Said the astonished boar boy.
"No, dummy," said Zenitsu "they're bursting powder."
"Ah." For the first time in forever he didn't complained about being corrected.
Zenitsu put his hand over Tanjirou's, he was still covering his ears.
"It was a magical night." Said Zenitsu.
After sometime, Tanjirou took Inosuke's hand and told him that it was getting late, it was time to get back home.
It was past midnight. Everybody at the Butterfly Estate was already sleeping. Or at least that's what Tanjirou thought. After saying goodnight to Nezuko, he went back to their bedroom, but before he could enter the room, he smelled a familiar presence. It was a sweet perfume, like fruits and petals.
"Zenitsu? Why aren't you sleeping already?"
"Tanjirou," there was something different in his tone, what was it? "I-I need to tell you something."
The boy started fidgeting with his hands. Tanjirou, slowly, reached one of them.
"Yeah?" There was barely light and still Zenitsu could see perfectly his kind smile.
"I-I, y-you" he didn't know how to begin, but Tanjirou's touch told him there was no rush, he took a deep breath "I've never thanked you properly, Tanjirou, you've always supported me since the first time we met, sometimes I feel I don't deserve your kindness, or worse, sometimes I feel I don't deserve no one's kindness... but that's why I want to thank you, you've been so patient with me, and even if I don't have as many breakdowns as before, when they happen you're still with me... that means so much, you know?"
Tanjirou nodded.
"I don't need you to thank me to know you're grateful, Zenitsu," he took a step closer "you're a good person and also a good friend, I know you care for me too and that's all I need for wanting to support you and just to be with you as much as I can. You've proved you don't give up so easily, I know you won't give up on yourself."
Zenitsu felt his eyes going wet. He couldn't pronounce anymore words so instead, he embraced the red eyed boy by tangling his arms over his shoulders. Tanjirou, after a little gasp, retuned the hug by holding his waist. He drowned into his sweet smell, feeling like this few moments were an eternity.
Zenitsu didn't want to make this awkward so the hug didn't last that much. But before he could pull away, Tanjirou caressed his face while giving him a soft warm kiss on his cheek. Both boys blushed intensely. "Why did he do that?!" Thought Zenitsu.
"Why did I do that?!" Thought Tanjirou, it wasn't planned at all, in that moment it felt like the most natural thing.
Zenitsu heard Tanjirou's heartbeat rushing, there wasn't regret in there, right?
"Zenitsu, sorry, I-I" But before he could continue, his friend smashed his lips over his in a kiss that was rough at first but went soft as they realized what they were doing and that they liked it, more than like it... it was perfect.
______________
It was obvious. It was obvious even for him. He knew before they told him. And still he held a hope it wasn't true. It didn't felt wrong, but still he hated the sensation in his chest. When he knew Tanjirou and Zenitsu were dating, Inosuke learned how it was to be heartbroken.
Notes:
I hope you liked it! Sorry if there's any error, English is not my mother tongue hehe
Hopefully I'll finish the next chapter pretty soon. Let's explore Inosuke's feelings owo
(Yes, the title is a Pride & Prejudice's quote)
Chapter 2
Summary:
What do you do when you can't put pain into words?
Notes:
Another trigger warning (sorry): anxiety attack
When you see the * jump to the next paragraph ;)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The wood cracked under his fist. His skin hurt a bit. Hours has passed since he started training. He couldn't feel anything, nor excitement, nor satisfaction, nor motivation, as he used to feel before. Everything felt so empty and he didn't know why. He couldn't feel anything but frustration against himself for not knowing why there was a pain deep down in his chest. Or maybe he did know the reason... he just hated to admit it. Inosuke was always a terrible looser.
He felt a presence behind him. He wanted to run away, but he didn't.
"Inosuke!" Said Tanjirou with a charming voice "Dinner is ready! Don't you wanna come?"
For a moment the green eyed boy felt like his whole body was being poisoned.
"Yes." He responded automatically.
Tanjirou felt his eyes going wet. Seeing Inosuke this hurt was ending him, but he didn't know what to say or do. He needed more time. So he took a few steps back and then he returned to the table.
Only two days have passed since Tanjirou and Zenitsu got together. Neither of them expected much to change, specially not this.
Everyone in the Butterfly Estate was at the table, they were already eating the variety of dishes. Inosuke kneeled in the place that was assigned to him, right in front of Tanjirou and Zenitsu. No one seemed to notice that Inosuke wasn't eating anything, he was just staring at the couple with an unreadable expression. Suddenly Tanjirou noticed his look. In less than a second the boar's heart bumped as he grabbed the table, he lifted it and flipped it over his friends in front him.
"What's wrong with you, idiot!" Screamed Aoi, who was sitting next to Zenitsu, while she put the table in its original place.
"Inosuke..." Mumbled Tanjirou, barely opening his eyes because of the food over his face.
The little girls started to cry when they saw their dishes spilled on the carpet.
Aoi was still screaming. The boar was heavy breathing, not knowing why there was anger navigating through his blood. He threw a deadly gaze at Zenitsu and Tanjirou and then he walked away, but right before he could reach the next room someone gripped his wrist tightly.
"Won't you at least say sorry?" Threatened Zenitsu.
For a moment Inosuke prepared for an electric shock, one that, obviously, not really happened. But that was the kind of sensation resembled Zenitsu's grip and voice tone. Calmed, firm, quick, menacing. The grip was tightened. The boar let out a grunt as he tried to free his wrist.
"So you're not doing it?" He insisted "Do you think you can go around ruining everybody's night without even saying anything? You can't make us pay for whatever problem you have!"
"Agh!" The boar yelled, trying to force Zenitsu's hand to open "Let me go!"
"No!" He shouted, exasperated "Stop acting like a damned salvage!"
Inosuke's mind went blank.
"I'm not acting."
Zenitsu's grip went weak. Inosuke left the room.
Fine. Maybe Monitsu was right. He was a salvage. He was wild and he always have been. That was his essence, right? That was why he become strong. It wasn't a problem for him if they didn't like him, everything he needed was himself. That was it. He was returning to his mountain this very night. He put on his boar mask. Hashibira Inosuke opened the door full of determination. Not daring to look back, he took a step forward. The fresh wind filled his lungs. He ran to the woods.
____________________
"This is all my fault, Tanjirooooou," Cried Zenitsu shaking the redhead's sleeve as they walked through the house searching for Inosuke "I was so rude!"
"Zen-" as soon as he started talking the blond boy interrupted.
"I should have known he could never forgive me," he cried even louder "but I didn't known he was gonna leave! It wasn't my intention to hurt him! I was just so mad because he ruined our dinner and he messed up your clothes as well as Nezuko-chan's and he made the girls cry and he could have hurt you and-"
"This is not your fault, Zenitsu." Tanjirou finally said.
"But he left because of me..."
"You didn't know that."
Zenitsu nodded, giving up. Deep down he was still feeling it was his fault.
It was no use. Inosuke wasn't in the house anymore and they didn't even know how much time has passed since he left. After he messed up the dinner, everybody had to help cleaning and cooking a new dinner, after that, they talked for a long while. It was so late. They agreed Tanjirou was going to search for him in the surroundings while Zenitsu stayed at home in case he returned. In case he wasn't nearby, his friends would go on his search next morning.
Before leaving, Tanjirou gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
"I'll be back soon!"
Zenitsu wasn't used at all to Tanjirou's affection, so he blushed intensely while waving his hand.
____________________
The night was quiet. The whisper of the tree's foliage was the only sound Inosuke could hear whenever the wind rose. He was lying on the top of a tree. The landscape he could see was formed by dark woods, the stars and the moon who's light illuminated the Butterfly Estate. The last one looked tiny from his point of view.
He managed to ignore the pain in his chest, but as his anger went thinner the pain came back and he couldn't go further. So he just climbed till he found a nice branch from which he could see the house where his friends were. He felt something every time he looked there, something bittersweet that made his sight fuzzy because of the tears. The confusion was overwhelming him. The last words from Zenitsu didn't make him feel angry as some minutes ago. Was there a certain look of disappointment in Tanjirou's eyes before he left? Why everyone seemed to be so mad at him? Why was he suddenly worried about what the other ones think about him?! That wasn't Inosuke, right?! He was proud to be who he was! But still... the image of Tanjirou and Zenitsu being happy together... without him, pushing him away... made him tear up. Maybe they didn't like him... for being who he was. Maybe he was meant to be alone.
___________________
Tanjirou's nose couldn't lie to him, he was pretty sure Inosuke was close. Fearing that if he called him, he'd run away, he decided waiting to get to the exact tree where he was lying. After a few minutes, he found the place. The boy with the hanafuda earrings knocked gently at the base of the tree. Almost immediately Inosuke leaned out on his branch.
"What?" He asked.
"I found you!" Giggled Tanjirou "Can I join you?"
A snort was the only response.
"Thanks!"
Tanjirou went up and he sat next to the boar.
"So what?" He grunted "Are you gonna ask me to apologize too?"
Tanjirou raised his shoulders.
"I guess that's up to you." The tension between them was tangible "I'm worried about you, Inosuke."
"Then find something else to worry about, I'm perfect, I don't need your concern"
Tanjirou would've lied if he said those words didn't hurt him, not only because of the tone or what they meant, but also because they were the clear confirmation that Inosuke was so broken.
"I think" Tanjirou said with his soft voice "you've already discovered it's not wrong to accept the others worry and care."
He let out a sigh.
"I thought so but... but you don't really care... neither Monitsu."
"Wha-?! But!" Oh- so that's what this was about? "Y-you think we don't care for you because we're together?"
Inosuke looked, for the first time in this night, at him. Tanjirou wished he could see the expression behind that mask.
"You can tell me what you feel, Inosuke, trust me."
"I-I" He suddenly turned around "Agh! I just feel weird, fine?!"
"Weird?"
"Yes! I feel lonely! I feel like you don't like me!"
"But that's not true! Inosuke, look at me!" Tanjirou took gently his mask, he removed it an placed it in a safe place where it couldn't fall, now it was just that smooth skin and those radiant green eyes looking at him. Something inside Tanjirou twisted, he felt like he could drown in those eyes. "You mean so much to us, Inosuke."
"Then why did you abandon me?" His tears ran through his cheeks.
"We didn't abandon you, you were the one who started avoiding us."
Inosuke couldn't say anything else, he barely knew what to think, the only fact that was clear was that he needed to be close to that boy's chest, to have those arms wrapping him. It was like Tanjirou's read his mind, he hugged him.
"Inosuke," his voice was almost a whisper "I have the feeling that you still need to figure out what it's going on in your mind and in your heart, but meanwhile I want you to know that we are your family and we love the fact that you're part from it."
"But Zenitsu doesn't like me." His voice was trembling.
"He does! He didn't mean that, you'll see once you talk with him."
"Do I have to?"
"You know, Inosuke? Everybody makes mistakes, that's fine and normal, it's part of what makes you human, but, if you care for the people you love, you need to acknowledge those and try to make it up for them... that will make you a better person."
There was a silence. Then he nodded.
"Tanjirou?"
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry."
The redhead smiled.
"It's fine now."
Maybe Inosuke wasn't perfect... but that wasn't bad.
___________________
Inosuke decided he'd better stay the night in his branch, since he needed time to think. He promised he'd go back in the morning. So Tanjirou went all the way back alone. As he walked through the woods he couldn't stop thinking in the feeling of the boar boy in between his arms. He remembered his eyes and the sentiment in his own chest. He knew he couldn't deny that feeling anymore. He thought about Zenitsu, his sweet smell, the taste of his lips. There was no comparison between both emotions, they were special in its own way... also that was kind of unfair, though. Yes, this was unfair to Zenitsu, he needed to be sincere.
__________________
Zenitsu felt how everything in his body started to tremble as soon as his boyfriend said:
"We need to talk."
He should have seen that coming, it was too obvious, of course it was. The other night he just threw himself to Tanjirou without even asking, without even knowing if that kiss in the cheek he gave him had a romantic intention or not. He began to think that Tanjirou just agreed everything so he wouldn't get hurt.
"Yeah," he managed to answer "what is it?"
Tanjirou seemed to be kind of doubtful too.
"There's something you need to know..." The red eyed boy sighed.
Zenitsu gulped. We wondered how much longer he'd be able to hold his tears.
"I-I feel something for Inosuke."
So that was it. Honestly anyone was probably a better option than him, but Inosuke, that boy was beautiful and, despite his feral impulses, he was becoming someone caring and endearing. He understood him perfectly.
"But-" Tanjirou tried to continue.
"No no no!" Yelled Zenitsu "You don't need to say anything else, Tanjirou!" He stood up.
"But, Zen-"
"No, really! I understand! You don't need to worry about me! I'm gonna be fine! I wish only the best for you two!" And as soon as he finished, he ran away, he couldn't contain his tears anymore.
Tanjirou was about to run after him when he noticed Nezuko's smell coming next to him. He turned around and he saw his sister looking at him tenderly.
"Is there something wrong, brother."
"Nezuko..." He felt his knees going weak, why was everything so difficult? "I think I messed it up."
She came close and embraced his brother's head lovingly.
"I should have chosen my words better... I just want them to be happy, they shouldn't be suffering anymore."
"You know life is not like that, brother."
"Yeah... but I wish it was..."
"Everything will find its place eventually. I know I don't need to ask you to try to understand them."
Tanjirou nodded.
"There are some fights" she continued "they need to overcome alone."
The pair stood still for some moments until Nezuko told him that Inosuke was looking for him. After promising spending some time together after he talked with his friend, Tanjirou went on Inosuke's search.
________________
*
Zenitsu cried for a long while on a dark corner of the house. After sometime, thinking that if he cried so much it'd lost its meaning, he forced himself to stop crying. He felt a void in his heart. He didn't even tried to quiet that voice inside his head which told him that no one could ever love him, no matter how hard he tried. Memories from the last two days kept returning to him in a loop, every time with new possibilities that could have guided him to a better place, but since he couldn't change anything he just felt more useless. When the pressure in his shoulders became so much, he wrapped a blanket around himself, he closed his eyes strongly so he couldn't see any light. And he cried, shacking, feeling that he was carrying the universe, asphyxiating him in an infinite agony. This was ridiculous, he needed to stop crying. When he finally calmed down and he could stand up and walk again, there still was a feeling of emptiness in his chest. He felt like an automaton.
His dark aura lasted for the rest of the day, until a flying paper ball hit his head and interrupted his thoughts. "Ah! What the-?!" He screamed as he felt the crash in his head. He took the ball and, instinctively, he unfolded it. There was a message on it! One written using a very ugly calligraphy:
I need to tell you something, can I come?
Notes:
This was planned to have only two chapters but as I wrote this one I discovered I didn't want to rush things ;-; so there's still another chapter coming!
The next one will be much more fluffy, don't worry~
Thank you for reading and for your support! ;u;
Chapter 3
Summary:
Take a breath, don't rush
Notes:
I got a bit of inspiration from "Talk me down" from Troye Silvan (just the song, not the video), specially for Zenitsu's part, in case you wanna listen to it before reading~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Inosuke was eager to talk with Tanjirou and Zenitsu when he arrived from the woods. The last time he felt this exciting impatience to do something was in one of those fights where the only reason which guided him to combat was to prove his strength. Much has changed ever since... He never felt that excitement with words, but now it's was like they were burning his tongue. He saw Nezuko and after apologizing for what he did, he asked her for his brother, he frowned when she said that she didn't know where he was.
The wait didn't last long, but Inosuke felt it a hundred times slower. When Tanjirou arrived he saw his friend from behind, his posture recovered his usual forcefulness. That relieved Tanjirou's soul, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle seeing him broke after what happened with Zenitsu. Inosuke knew his friend was there in a glimpse.
They were standing in ahead of a window. The morning sunlight made the blue tones of Inosuke's hair shine with a precious glow. The boar boy held him by the shoulders. Before telling him everything, he wondered why took all that time to think when the answer was so obvious, he knew it all that time, he should have followed his instincts since the beginning.
"I found the answer, Gonpachiro!" He announced happily.
"What answer?" He mumbled while he was slowly drowning into those emerald eyes, they were so close.
"Gah! You told me to figure out my feelings and I did!" His expression turned a bit exasperated.
"Oh! I knew you could do it." Tanjirou smiled brightly, the other boy felt that strange sensation in his stomach. Yes, he was sure he found the answer.
"I was angry 'cause you want Monitsu all for yourself, dumb Tontaro!" He squeezed harder Tanjirou's shoulders "But-" he raised his voice "but I want him too! And also you!"
Tanjirou blinked twice. Was he hearing right?
"Gah!" Why did Kanjiro was just staring speechless?! "I want you but-" his expression softened "but like Mr. Darcy wants Elizabeth Bennet, remember?"
Tanjirou rose his hands and caressed gently Inosuke's arms. A moment later, he hugged him. Inosuke, when he realized what was happening, he returned the hug tighter.
"I love you too, Inosuke." He whispered. Inosuke shivered. "But- you have to know that I'm no longer with Zenitsu."
In a sudden the boar boy broke the embrace.
"What?!" He yelled.
"It was an accident! I didn't meant- but he-"
"Dumb Gonpachiro!!!" He screamed while shaking him, this really not helped the redhead to connect words better "You left him!"
"I didn't! He left me!"
"What now?!"
"Inosuke!" Tanjirou stopped him abruptly from shaking him by holding tightly his forearms. "I don't think we can be with Zenitsu right now... not in the way you want to."
"Why not?!"
"He's not fine, he's just so sad..."
"So you just want to leave him all alone?!"
"No, of course not! He needs us more that ever! But... I'm afraid that if we try to get more intimate it'd do more harm than good."
Inosuke went silent for some moments. In this world there are things that can show you more than any word that you could ever hear, instants when you can actually see through someone's eyes. That was exactly what happened when that boy in front of Tanjirou spoke again. What he said was pretty simple, but it was only the appearance, because what was underneath those words let Tanjirou feel the reason why those green eyes were sparkling more than ever. Tanjirou would never forget it. The conversation continued just a bit longer. They never stopped staring at each other eyes. They also intertwined their fingers without even realizing, just like if they were fearing to let each other go. The word love was never pronounced again, and yet they feel it running through their veins. At the end Inosuke nodded as they let go each other's hand. If someone else would have seen that very last moment, they'd have assumed it was a painful goodbye, but for them it felt like a promise.
__________________
Direct aim at his head and... perfect! The great Inosuke won again. "Ah! What the-?!" He heard. When he peeked through the door, he saw Zenitsu unfolding the paper. After a second he came in and indicated him with his hand to come with him.
Finding Inosuke in theory wasn't hard, he just followed the loud amount of steps that started as soon as he used the last strength of his body to stand up and walk to the door. Following that wild boy was literally torture.
They reunited near the garden. The sun was down and the only lights were those coming from the lamps. Zenitsu's feeble limbs reminded him how tired he was, however, probably he wouldn't sleep even if he tried.
"Ino-" his voice trembled "I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I didn't meant to hurt you, I'm just-"
"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have done that, maybe we were both idiots."
Zenitsu nodded without much energy. Could he go back to his blankets now?
Inosuke doubtfully got closer. His hands were tied behind his back. In a moment, he revealed what he was hiding. It was the book they were using for teaching Inosuke to read.
"Can we keep it up?" Asked Inosuke.
"I-I don't think- Don't you think it's better to ask Tanjirou for that, I-" he wanted to cry again "I can't."
He pushed Zenitsu's chest a bit with the book, frowning a little.
"What are you talking about, Monitsu? You've been doing it all this time."
"B-but it's not enough, anyone could do it better than me."
"Ugh, do you really want me to tell you how good you can do it? Can't you see it for yourself?" For the first time in the night the blond boy looked Inosuke straight into his eyes "Didn't I just send you a note I wrote myself? I don't care if anyone can do it better, I want you to do it."
Zenitsu stared for some moments. Then he sighed.
"Fine, let's do it." He said a bit more cheerful.
Inosuke smiled. There was no way he'd end up not knowing what was the end of Pride and Prejudice or failing at this whole writing thingie. Besides, he was glad his friend was smiling again, even if it was a bittersweet smile. Deep down he knew Zenitsu liked spending time with him, maybe as much as himself. Even if it was late, they stayed up till midnight, laughing whenever Inosuke wrote any silly thing.
When Zenitsu finally went to bed, he heard someone approaching him, it was Tanjirou, he could've recognized that gentle sound anywhere.
"Zenitsu," he whispered "I didn't meant to hurt you."
"I know..." Tanjirou would have never do something like that "I'm sorry I ran away."
"It's fine, don't worry."
The golden eyed boy was already lying down in his bed. Tanjirou, who was next to him, put his hand kindly over his arm, the movement was slow, as if the boy was a tiny bird that could fly away if he made a sudden move.
"You don't need to rush yourself for anyone, you know?"
Zenitsu nodded, even if he wasn't so sure of what that meant.
"I'll always be here for you, just as everyone else who cares about you." And as Tanjirou finished that last sentence, he went back to his own bed.
Zenitsu still felt that pain in his chest, he wanted it to go away. And for the first time, he thought that it could be possible... just maybe. Perhaps it was worthy to try. His grandpa once told him to not give up, even if he was referring to something else, he should still listen.
____________________
As for most things in life, great affairs don't happen spontaneously. It takes several days of sun and rain for a cherry tree to grow, blossom, and then finally offer its sweet juicy fruits. When people eats cherries, they never think about how much effort of nature involved the creation of that tiny red fruit. Should they feel grateful and think about that whole process every time their mouth experiences that special flavor? Probably not, but that doesn't mean those wonderful miracles never happened.
For Zenitsu, not acting fast when he was facing something felt weird. When he fought demons his movements were always quick and agile. Also whenever he saw the smallest glimpse of kindness from a girl, he used to swiftly take it as solution for all his problems, not that it actually worked, of course, but at least he tried. Maybe that was part of the reason why he frequently felt so lost, numb, or useless, because deep down he was so impatient. Funny thing actually, he had always thought Inosuke was the impatient one. But this time he needed to make an effort since it was so difficult for his mind and heart not doing everything fast... and that was fine. Acknowledging that took him a lot of time, but, step by step, he kept moving forward.
The time went by and months passed. Life was oddly quiet and peaceful, even if everyone struggled a bit to feel at ease with it, deep down they were enjoying it. Tanjirou spent a lot of time with Nezuko, they were never tired of each other, they went hiking, cooked together, and also went shopping to buy Nezuko a new kimono. Inosuke officially knew how to read and write, even though he was still a bit slow, he celebrated it announcing that he was gonna write his life "because everyone deserves to know about the great Inosuke!". The boar boy wasn't reading that much, though, since it was a very calmed activity and he preferred something that involved more adrenaline, but, from time to time, he grabbed a novel and read it before going to sleep, he used to loudly yell at every plot twist.
There was a time when Yushiro came to visit them. Zenitsu noticed that the demon was handling better his short-temperedness and was actually happy to see them. Thanks to Nezuko's intervention, Zenitsu got the chance to talk to him before he left. Even if at first he was doubtful about opening up with someone he didn't really know, it ended up being good just because of that, the pressure of being judged wasn't that choking as if he talked with his friends. He told him everything, even about those two magical and at the same time distressing days when he dated Tanjirou and he couldn't help but feel worthless and ridiculous for daring to think he was good enough for the red eyed boy. Yushiro listened respectfully. Their talk lasted for a while. When it ended Zenitsu was still the same person, except for the small piece of hope he held in his heart, it was a bit brighter. A couple of days later he decided he wanted to learn to play an instrument, and so he did.
The trio continued their friendship. Their bonds became stronger, they didn't even know that was possible. In appearance they were just a bunch of buddies who liked to spend a lot of time together, but if you looked closer, you'd notice those desiring glances. Between Tanjirou and Inosuke nothing more ever happened, nothing except for some moments when they caught each others gaze and they missed looking closer to those eyes, every time that happened they shared a bittersweet smile and continued with their day. As Zenitsu was learning to play better the shamisen, it became a custom to spend their evenings listening to him. It was the perfect reason for Inosuke and Tanjirou to stare at that golden boy for a long time. At first he was shy to play in front of them, but as he gained confidence, he even started to sing as well. The music was beautiful, so as the musician.
___________________
One day Tanjirou got an idea, he wanted to visit the city. Nezuko thought it was a fantastic idea for the three boys to go alone.
"So don't you wanna come?" Insisted Tanjirou.
"No, brother, don't worry, I'll go next time," Nezuko said "I was planning to visit Kanao so you three can have fun without me."
The three of them got ready and started their trip to the city. This was the very first time Inosuke would go to one. The trip was fairly long, but it didn't felt like it for them.
As Inosuke kept telling adventures from the time they hadn't met, Zenitsu closed his eyes and listened to their voices. They were so different from one another, but still both made his heart flutter. Tanjirou was laughing, probably from a silly thing Inosuke must have said.
"Gah!" The wild boy yelled "Monitsu, you do believe me right?!" He held him by the shoulders with his arm.
Zenitsu barely know what they were talking about, he was too lost in their sounds.
"That just can't be true, Inosuke!" Giggled Tanjirou.
"Shut up, Tontaro!" He tightened the embrace "Tell him, Konitsu!"
How could he say no to that beautifully sculpted face?
"You know what?" He announced proudly "I do believe you, Inosuke!"
Tanjirou bursted in laughs. For Zenitsu it didn't mattered if what the boar boy said was the most inconceivable thing in the world, if Inosuke believed then he would as well. He could hear he wasn't lying.
And when Inosuke heard Zenitsu's words, surprised, he turned to see his expression only to find a serene and secure smile, just as sweet as his honey eyes. He blushed intensely and broke the embrace quickly.
Tanjirou saw everything and he felt like the most lucky person in the world. How different this was from the first time they traveled together. Instinctively, he put a hand in his heart.
____________________
When they arrived to the city, both Tanjirou and Zenitsu couldn't believe how widely Inosuke opened his eyes. The latter behaved aggressively at first, then he got excited and, finally, after some time he calmed down. It was then when they started to walk closer to each other so no one could get lost into the crowds, everyone liked that idea and they managed to take turns to be in the middle using dumb excuses.
"I'm getting cold!" Inosuke complained once, even though it was the middle of summer.
They walked through the streets talking and watching everything. They even tasted some new dishes. But the most breathtaking moment came after the sundown, when all the artificial lights started to shine. Tanjirou remembered his surprise the first time he saw them with Nezuko. This time wasn't any different, he was as much as amazed. Tanjirou held Inosuke's hand full of joy.
"Can you see them?!" He said excited.
Of course he could, but Inosuke understood what he was meaning, so he nodded heartily. He didn't wanted to let go Tanjirou's hand.
In a moment something caught Zenitsu's attention. It was a clothing store that only sold men suits, they were like the occidental ones and that was what stood out.
"I think you should try it on." Suggested Tanjirou pointing to one of the suits.
"What?! No- but-"
"Yes!" Shout Inosuke while pushing them into the store.
Tanjirou talked to the attendant and he helped Zenitsu to pick up one. After a little while, the blond boy came out from the back part of the store showing off an elegant suit that fitted him perfectly. The blue tones of the fabric made a good looking contrast with his hair. His friends didn't know what to say.
Zenitsu looked at himself in the mirror. He never really thought much about the way he looked, maybe after all those rejections he just assumed he was ugly without much meditation, and yet it hurt. But now, in front of that mirror... maybe he wasn't that ugly, he let himself enjoy what he was watching.
"I think" Zenitsu said with just a bit of shyness "I look good."
"You do." Tanjirou affirmed, Inosuke nodded. "Let me try one small thing."
Tanjirou got so close to him. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling back some hair from one side of his forelock.
"You always look handsome," he said "but maybe this will suit you better this time."
Zenitsu ended up looking completely elegant. Tanjirou appreciated his creation proudly, and the blond boy manifested his approval with one wide blushy smile.
Of course, they didn't buy the suit, so they left the store a short after.
They ended their night sitting in a bench in a park illuminated by lamps. The lighting on the cherry trees looked magical. While Zenitsu stared at the landscape, Inosuke was so busy contemplating that golden boy. He remembered how he used to scream and cry every five minutes, but now he was different, not in a radical way, he was still Zenitsu, but his presence felt a bit stabler, even if he still had some moments of crisis, he was happier now. Inosuke knew that his friends, himself included, never left him alone, but at the end it was Zenitsu who made the decisions. The proud boar boy had felt admiration for some people over his life, but deep down he always felt a need to surpass them as well. But this time he didn't felt that need, he just admired him. Inosuke was genuinely happy for Zenitsu.
Tanjirou could read Inosuke's expression almost perfectly. He wished this moment would last forever. Their both fragrances mixed in a perfect harmony. The boy with the hanafuda earrings remembered what Inosuke said that morning some months ago: "I'll wait. I want to wait. If we can't be with Zenitsu right now then I'll wait as much as necessary, it doesn't matter how long, if it's for him then it's fine for me.". That moment made him understand how deeply that boy loved them. After that they both agreed they would wait for Zenitsu until loving wasn't harmful for him. And maybe, he thought, maybe that moment had arrived. He wasn't expecting love to be perfect, because that was impossible, but maybe now everyone of them could be able to give their very best to make it worth every second. Just maybe, he wouldn't know if he didn't ask...
Tanjirou kneeled down in front of the two boys and he grabbed their hands. Zenitsu blinked confused. Inosuke blushed and bit his lip to contain his emotion.
"Zenitsu," Said Tanjirou with a soft voice "I- we want you to know that we love you more than you could ever imagine"
Zenitsu was still confused, only his heart was understanding, he could hear it running faster.
"Some months ago Inosuke and I agreed we wanted to be with you, we were sure we'd know when the right time arrived and maybe that time is now..."
"But-" he interrupted "you, guys, like me? Like me in that way of liking?"
"Yes, you beautiful idiot!" Yelled Inosuke "And don't pretend you don't like us 'cause you blush every time we get close to you!"
Oh... so it was true. He was nervous, how couldn't he? His heart was racing as never before. He feared for a second to find that ugly feeling of selfdoubt that used to smash his chest in a sudden, but he didn't find it. Instead of assuming they were lying, he listened... and he only found truth. He shivered.
"So... what do you say?" Tanjirou smiled.
"I-" Zenitsu was eager to say the next words "I love you both too."
Inosuke held his face tenderly but quickly with his hands and pressed his lips into his. Zenitsu thought this was better than any dream he could ever had. A second later they both jumped into Tanjirou's arms and filled his face with a thousand kisses. Tanjirou couldn't stop laughing until Inosuke kissed him on the lips. The redheads expression looked as if he wanted to cry, as if he had waited for this moment for a century or more. And when they finished, Tanjirou stared at Zenitsu, inviting him to get closer with that warm smile of his. Tanjirou caressed his cheek and kissed him.
"I missed kissing you." Admitted Zenitsu.
"Me too."
Inosuke, who just couldn't stop smiling, picked them up and carried them in a very tight hug.
"I wanna say it too! I love you!"
____________________
It was too late for walking to their home, so the lovers ended up in a hotel room. It wasn't very fancy but it was cozy enough for them. Everyone was so tired, so after some gentle hugs and kisses, they got into the bed. It wasn't so big, but that wasn't a problem. It wasn't that difficult to find the perfect way to cuddle each other. All of them felt safe, safer than ever.
"You two are the best thing that ever happened to me." Tanjirou mumbled before falling asleep.
Notes:
I really hope you like it! Thank you so much for your support
You have no idea of how much I enjoyed writing this!

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