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“It’s a boy. It’s a boy.”
The joyous laughter that filled the ambulance didn’t last long.
Kathy’s body rocked minutely, but just enough bring worry to the EMT.
Olivia grabbed at the newly born child, quickly bringing it to her chest and covering it to hold in the warmth. There was loud beeping as Kathy’s heart went tacky, and loud voices as the EMT communicated the situation, but it all began to blur for Olivia.
She clutched tightly as the wailing baby, her own body stuttering with the ambulances sudden stop. The black that steadily grew at the edges of her vision since the accident slowly overwhelmed her, and she could no longer speak to the ER nurses who moved forward who claimed her partners child.
Olivia grabbed at the edge of the metal seat, unable to stand and follow the staff. More questions were asked, all ineligible to her ears.
She could feel the world moving without her as they made her stand, until a strong cramp over took her, bringing her to her knees.
It was dark when she woke next. The beeping of the heart monitor echoed within her head, causing a feedback headache.
There was several minutes of silence, with only the footsteps that crossed over outside of her room, she’d remembered what happened.
“Elliot,” she whispered.
She sat up, prepared to alert someone to her change in status, when the pain hit.
Olivia groaned heavily at the ache of her belly. She rolled over and curled into herself, accidentally setting off one of the alarms.
There was a rush as nurses and doctors surrounded her. Light was shined into her eyes, hands touching her in so many places that she couldn’t keep track.
“Olivia? Olivia, can you here me?”
The many hands lessened to one and she worked to focus it.
“I-”
Her voice cracked. Within moments a cup of water was placed at her lips.
“Slowly,” she was told, the flow of water lessening though she tried to quench her thirst.
The doctor waited patiently, allowing Olivia the time needed to relax and recover a bit of her strength.
“Do you know where you are?”
She did, but it took a few for the words to leave her lips.
“Hos- hospital.”
“That’s right.”
The nurse or orderly moved beside the cop, shifting both her and the bed to sit place her in a more seated position.
“There was an accident,” the doctor reminded her.
“That’s right,” a hard impact, blood and glass, the loud noise of ripped metal and a crying baby.
“Kathy,” she whispered. “Kathy! My partner’s wife, is she?”
The doctor took her hand, easing some of her panic with a small, fleeting smile.
“She’s and the baby are just fine.”
Olivia relaxed, closing her eyes.
“What I’m more worried about,” the doctor continued, “is your own.”
“I’m fine. I’m just…” her energy waned.
“The impact from the seatbelt caused a placenta tear. By the time it was noticed we’d had no choice but to remove the baby.”
Olivia blinked heavily, “What?”
“Luckily enough, it seems that the most of the vital organs where fully formed. We have an IV in to stimulate the growth and development of the child’s lungs and under UV lights to prevent jaundice. We are continuing nutrient feeding through to the umbilical cord, and doing all we can to simulate the womb.
“We’re supporting most of her breathing but you have a strong little girl, Detective.”
Olivia’s mind went blank. The words she’d been told were repeating over and over but she couldn’t comprehend it.
“Your wrong,” she finally told the doctor, “I think you’ve got the wrong patient, doc. I don’t have kids, I was never pregnant.”
This brought a frown to the doctor’s face. She placed down the patient file and checked Olivia’s pupils once more.
“Can you state your full name for me?”
Olivia answered, confused though she was. She continued to go through the questions, recognizing them as the basics asked to rule out a concussion and/or memory loss, both of which she was sure she didn’t have.
Eventually the doctor must of come to the same conclusion. She brought over a chair, ensuring that she was at eye level and able to provide optimal comfort.
“You were,” she told Olivia.
“You must be mistaken.”
The detective shook her head, slowly becoming fed up with this farce.
“I’m not. I performed the procedure myself.”
The doctor opened the patient file once more.
“You we’re approximately 22 weeks along in development, though the child was smaller than expected. We’d feared it was a miscarriage, but once the child was removed, she took a short breath and wailed.”
There was a smile on her face, “It was something I’d never encountered under such circumstances in all my years.
“We’d gotten her hooked up and blood into you as quickly as possible, and so far there has been nothing to indicate that she’s in any immediate danger, but she will be hospitalized for quite some time. We can take you to her once you’re ready.”
She wasn’t ready. Olivia wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready enough to understand what was going on today.
“I couldn’t have been pregnant. I never missed a period. Hell, I hadn’t even had sex during the time you say I…”
She was only partially right. Its been a long time since she’d been with anyone, dated or a one night stand. Except that one time…
“But,” she shook her head, “there was no symptoms, and I was, I still am taking birth control on a daily basis. How could I have been…? Why didn’t I know?”
The doctor had no answers to give, and told Olivia so.
“If this wasn’t something you wanted, let us know now. We can see what your options are-”
“No.”
No. She didn’t want to hear anything about options. Hell, she wouldn’t believe anything until-
“Liv?”
She turned quickly, ignoring the dizziness that followed.
“Elliot.”
In the doorway stood her partner Elliot Stabler. He didn’t look stressed, which confirmed what the doctor already told her. She only hoped that he hadn’t learned yet of the child, there would be questions she had no way of answering.
“Im glad,” she told him, closing her eyes.
She didn’t continue, but he knew all she had to say before she’d even said it.
“Thanks.”
There was more from her than just being glad for her survival. His was a thanks for all she’d done to ensure the two make it through alive.
His easy smile made her glad that he truly didn’t know of his second child’s arrival.
“How is she?” he asked the doctor.
There was a blip in her heartbeat, unnoticed by the male but caught by the doctor, who’d been jotting down notes on her vitals.
“Better than expected,” she told him, allowing no confidential details to go through.
“I’ll leave you two to talk. Olivia, just let me know when your ready.”
The talked for nearly an hour. Mostly about baby boy Stabler, and what he’d learned about the aftermath of the case they’d been working on.
He brought well wishes from the other’s, who he’d sent home once Olivia was stable but showed no signs of waking and promises to call them once she woke.
As they ran out of small talk, and Elliot’s anxiety to go back to his wife and son hit its limit, the detective finally asked the question he’d been holding on.
“What happened, Liv? From what I’d gathered, you had nothing but a minor case of whiplash. I’m ashamed to say it took a while to look for you once Kathy was stabilized but there was no indication that you should’ve been hospitalized. The doctor’s won’t release anything to me, though I’d been under the impression that I…”
Whatever went wrong and stopped him from learning of her condition, she was glad.
“Apparently, the seatbelt shifted and caused some internal lacerations. They were worried about the bleeding and had to perform emergency surgery.”
The best lies were layered in truth.
Elliot smiled, but he knew there was something she was hiding.
“I should be going now. It took a lot of sweet talking to get inside out of visiting hours.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled back, grasping at his hand.
Olivia was exhausted. She watched him leave, bleary eyed, before closing her eyes to sleep. Her last thought was of the daughter she’d never thought she’d have and the future now that she was here.
***
How could something so tiny fill up every inch of her heart?
Olivia sat outside the tank that held her daughter, wondering at the being that supposedly came from within her. They always said seeing was believing, but even now it was so unreal.
So far, over the last week, she’d been able to keep this a secret. There was still a few days before she was due back to work, and a few months before the child was strong enough to be discharged.
The thin skin over brightly covered veins, covered in tubes from IV fluids to oxygen, under the brightly covered UV lights, made for a frightening sight.
“It sure does look scary, doesn’t it?”
It was Allison, one of the regular nurses on staff at the NICU. She was petite woman, smaller than Olivia in all ways, but never failed to hold a smile.
Allison stepped forward, taking notes on vitals, checking levels on the IV bags. At the end, she put her hands into the plastic gloves on the side of the tank and Laying one hand on her head and the other holding her hand. This was farther than Olivia could bare herself to go.
This was going to come to an end sooner or later, but she’d hoped for more time.
She knew she’d been acting differently these last few months. Even after returning to work, Olivia told no one of the news.
It was touch and go for quite a while there, with so many underdeveloped organs and no prenatal support, the risk for development disorders were high. But, so far, none have been found.
She named her Heather, a beautiful name for the sweetest little girl, and time had finally come to bring her home. Part of Olivia wasn’t ready.
It was probably the stress of it all that made it so obvious that something was going on. She should have known when the random request for leave was made, with no explanation save for ‘personal matters’, that Elliot would not leave her be.
He’d been bugging her for a few weeks, though how he found the time with a new baby at home was beyond her. And yet, there he was, sitting at her front door as she carried the small purple car seat home.
All in all, she knew she’d never be ready.
“What…?”
His brow was tight, and it looked as though he was fighting a frown.
“Elliot, I…”
She froze.
The baby’s whine broke through, making both adults move into the apartment. Olivia took in his expressions at the changes within. For the most part, the partners avoided entering each other’s residences since there was so much time they already spent together on a daily basis.
And there have been changes, to which she knew she would have to continue to make once Heather was old enough to need more room.
There was a playpen in the livingroom, a bassinet can be seen peeking through the bedroom. Bottles, some washed, other’s still packaged, throughout the kitchen. Can’s of formula, baby rattles, blankets and other necessities were scattered throughout the house in the panic to ensure she had what was needed as a new mom.
Though the weight of the carrier she held still seemed unreal.
“Come on in, El,” she started, ignoring the pink elephant, “do you want anything to drink?”
She removed the child, undressing her from the heavy coverage, and laying her down.
“Olivia,” Elliot was right behind her, looking down at the peacefully sleeping face. “Who is this?”
She couldn’t lie to him. But it was harder to tell the truth.
“Heather,” Olivia whispered, “Her name is Heather.”
She reached down, a single finger brushing against her downy hair.
“She’s my-” our, she’s our, “daughter.”
“Oh.” The confusion rang heavily in her ears. “I didn’t know you were even considering adoption again after” -after she was denied when she wanted it so badly- “everything.
“You should have told me. You know we would’ve helped you.”
The smile he held made her heart ache.
“Congrats.”
She walked away, moving to pour them both a glass of water.
“Thanks Elliot, but, um…”
She was grateful, truly, but there only so much she was willing to lie about.
“She wasn’t adopted. She’s mine.”
He coughed, the water going down the wrong pipe in his surprise. Elliot stared at her belly, so hard that it made her a bit self conscious.
“How? Did you,” she could see him search for the word, “surrogate?”
Incomplete though it were, she understood what he was asking and shook her head.
“No, Elliot, she’s mine.”
Olivia sat at her table, brushing her hair behind her ear.
“She was born same day as little Eli.”
She couldn’t look at him, settling for running a finger around the lip of the cup.
“I hadn’t known. I swear, I had no idea. One minute I’m holding your son, in the next I’m waking up in a hospital bed being told that I received an emergency c-section but there was high hopes that she’ll make it.”
She let out a bitter laugh, a slow stream of tears running down her face.
“I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell anyone. I could hardly believe it myself, although I’ve read my file over and over. Even when I saw her for the first time. All those wires” -another shake of her head- “until the minute they said discharge, it was still unbelievable.
“And yet her she is. There’s no telling what will happen in the future. What illnesses may come up with her prematurity. What may occur with the danger’s of my job.
“Hell Elliot,” she finally looked up at him, “I don’t even know who will take care of her so that I CAN work.”
She wanted him to understand, needed him to know how unprepared she was. Her mind screamed at how much she wanted the father of her child to give her an idea of what to do next.
“That’s okay, Liv,” not as reassuring as she’d hoped, but it was a start. “Parenthood, even as unexpected as it was in your case, is full of questions, and those who say they were completely prepared for everything are liars. Even me and Kathy, with 5 kids, the oldest already in college, are questioning everything we do regarding our kids. But the best thing we can do is try.
“You have friends out here, Olivia. Hell, at this point we’re practically family. We will make sure you get through this. Together.”
She was glad. She didn’t think she would ever tell him his part in Heather’s creation, but at least, in some way, he would be in her life.