Chapter Text
Group chat: Responsibilities
Dorcas: we're out of milk
Sirius: oh really? However could that be?
Lily: shut your trap sirius those cookies were worth it and you know it
Sirius: yeah fair enough
Dorcas: guys not the point (save some for me). Who's going to go to the store?
Lily: (will do) not it
Sirius: not it
Dorcas: not it
Peter: not it
James: not it
Marlene: not it!
Marlene: wait Peter, you don't even live here. Why did you join in?
Peter: you know just as well as I do that Sirius would've made me get milk if I didn't
Marlene: fair enough
Regulus: not it.
Dorcas: HAH! Remus go get milk, you lost
Remus: Sure
Sirius: Are you guys really this stupid?
Marlene: yes
Marlene: but we're also too stupid to know what we're being stupid about, or at least I am. Explain please
Sirius: Have you really forgotten the last time Remus went to get milk?
James: oh shit. you're right
Regulus: not all of us lived together during our school years, what happened?
James: Well, Remus was kind of pissed of at us for no good reason
Remus: You call making me mooN AN ENTIRE BEACH NO GOOD REASON???
Regulus: yes he is. Keep up
James: Thanks Reg. Anyway, Remus was then tasked with retrieving some stuff for us. Just some milk, eggs, butter, flour, that stuff
Marlene: ohh were you making a cake?
Lily: come on you know them better than this. Ten bucks it was for a prank
Marlene: I have learned that it's better not to bet against you, so no
Dorcas: How did you learn that?
Marlene: The hard way.
James: It was indeed for a prank. Remus, still mad at us, decided that he needed to drown his sorrows
James: In chocolate milk.
Marlene: omg Remus you DID NOT
Lily: how can you guys be mad about this? it's too funny
Sirius: In hindsight, it might be slightly hilarious
James: Oh, you guys think this is funny?
James: What if I tell you guys that he also got us chocolate eggs, cacoa butter and, from god-knows-where, chocolate flour?? Do you still think it's funny???
Regulus: Yes.
Marlene: Remus, I just want you to know you're my hero and I love you
Lily: Guys we already know Remus is amazing and funny, and while it's good to keep acknowledging it, I think we need to focus on the fact that he apparently mooned an entire beach
Lily: What's the story here?
Remus: not a chance. I won't tell
Sirius: I will! You see
Remus: Sirius.
Sirius: I have changed my mind.
James: I can tell you the story! It was at a summer at our house
Lily: I'm sorry but James you have lived in four different houses so far, not even including this one
Regulus: don't forget his parents' vacation homes
James: It was at my parents' usual home. It was summer, we were... tipsy, and Remus never says no to a dare or challenge
Remus: It's my only flaw
James: Sirius dares him to moon the rest of the beach, but just for like, five seconds
Dorcas: Couldn't share him for longer than that, huh Black?
Private chat: Sirius Black> Dorcas Meadowes
Sirius: did you have to say that?
Dorcas: am I wrong, though?
Sirius: ….
Group chat: ReSpONsiBilITieS
Sirius: Remus accepts the dare, and turns around so that his back faces the beach, with his feet in the water
James: Just when he has his pants down, an enormous wave sneaks up on him.
Sirius: He falls, and somewhere during his mighty battle with the sea
James: He loses his pants
Marlene: you know this 'finish each other's sentences' thing is no less weird while texting than in real life
Sirius: so the mooning took a bit more time than expected
Dorcas: oh please, I highly doubt that you complained, sirius
Private chat: Sirius Black>Dorcas Meadowes
Sirius: we literally just talked about this
Dorcas: sorry, did you say anything?
Dorcas I can't hear you over all this yearning you're doing
Sirius: Shut up
Group chat: Guys someone needs to get milk
Lily: okay we won't let Remus go for the milk
Remus: you sure?
Remus: I promise to not bring chocolate milk today
Marlene: just let him go
Sirius: let it go~
James: let it go~
Sirius: can't hold it back anymore~
Group chat: The superior chat (aka the normal group chat but without James and Sirius)
Regulus: anyway, Remus, are you getting the milk?
Remus: yep
Regulus: can you get some googly eyes? I've run out
Lily: what the FUCK do you need those for?
Regulus: my parents want me back home for a day and while Sirius has always been the one who did more pranks between us I thought, hey, why not?
Marlene: oh shit that sucks dude
Remus: do they still think you agree with them?
Regulus: after saturday not anymore
Regulus: I hope
Private chat: Lily Evans>Regulus Black
Lily: Can you save some of these eyes for me?
Regulus: Sure, why?
Lily: You know how James is all groggy in the mornings and doesn't see for shit?
Regulus: the mouth on you, Evans. But yes I know
Lily: The mouth that could be on you, you mean. Anyway, imagine his surprise when he puts on his glasses..
Regulus: I already like where this is going
Lily: and sees another pair of eyes staring back at him!
Regulus: You, Lily Evans, are a genius
Genius: well c'mon, put your money where your mouth is
Regulus: ?
Genius: I sincerely hope you changed my contact name to 'genius'
Regulus: …
Regulus: nah I didn't
Genius: well that's just rude
Regulus: what am I in your contacts, then?
Genius: at this point not really anything, but I can always change it to sweetheart
Genius: or gorgeous
Genius: or beautiful
Sweetheart: sometimes I forget how much you flirt, but you never allow those blessed moments to last for long, do you?
Genius: nope
Sweetheart: first, change my name back
Regulus: Second, why do you even do it?
Genius: because I like you, obviously
Regulus: Oh, sure, that's why you flirt with everyone
Genius: Really? Name one other person I flirt with meaninglessly
Regulus: James
Genius: oh fuck this I'm not doing this
Private chat: Lily Evans>Dorcas Meadowes
Lily: Dorcas why are they so stupid ugh
Dorcas: What did Regulus do?
Lily: they thought my flirting was fake! And then they used the fact that I flirt with James too as an argument.
Dorcas: oh yeah that sucks
Lily: Why can't they just realize I'm serious??
Dorcas: probably because your flirting is a joke
Lily: harsh
Dorcas: It really is tho. It just seems too... bad to be true
Lily: I come here for consolation and empathy, and this is how you treat me?
Dorcas: obviously
Group chat: The superior chat
Marlene: guys I took it upon me to look back in the chat
Marlene: and James and Sirius are almost finished
Dorcas: Marlene, you're a hero
Remus: they still haven't stopped? 'Let it go' always felt like it took really long, but I always thought that was because Sirius and James were singing it?
Marlene: it's not that long. They've just been repeating it non-stop and I need someone to get between them
Lily: why are they so dumb
Remus i'll stop them
Regulus: good luck. you'll need it
Remus: thanks. i know
Marlene: hurry up!
Group chat: To all the haters: Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried
Sirius: let the storm rage onnn~
Remus: guys I just saw this adorable dog on the sidewalk
James: ohh was he fluffy?
Sirius: can we still pet him if we go outside now?
Remus: the fluffiest, and unfortunately not, they just rounded the corner
Lily: wow
Lily: Thanks Remus
Lily: you're truly a miracle worker
Remus: what can I say
Remus: except
Lily: yes?
Remus: you're welcome~
Sirius: for the tides the sun, the sky~
Lily: I AM DISOWNING YOU
James: hey it's okay, it's okay~
Regulus: it's really, really not. How dare you betray us like this?
Remus: YOU'RE WELCOME~
Group chat: The superior chat (without James, Sirius and Remus)
Dorcas Meadowes has removed Remus Lupin from the chat
Lily: can you believe this guy???
Marlene: well, to be fair, he was probably part of the Marauders for a reason
Marlene: speaking of...
Marlene: if you're mad already, it would be better if you didn't look in the fridge right now
Group chat : To all the fans: no need to pray, it's okay
Sirius: Also I harnessed the breeze~
Lily: Remus John Lupin what the HELL is this coconut milk doing in my fridge??
Remus: you're welcome!~