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So. There was a moment. Or so Lorelai thinks. And today. Today had been a weird kind of amazing. The amount of bobby pins she’s currently pulling out of her flower crown and the tiny polyester roses tangling in her hair are signs of that amazing kind of weirdness (and that warm fluttering feeling in her stomach too. But she can’t think of that. Not yet, anyway).
What the hell was today anyway? She groans as her fingers get stuck in a knot.
Liz’s wedding. That much she knows. Lorelai isn’t completely out of it. .But the purpose of today isn’t that important. It’s the why and the how. Why did today happen?
Right. She remembers. Lorelai had slept in the zucchini patch with Michel and Sookie because of the frost coming in. And Luke (does she even prefer Luke over Lucy? Make a mental note to find out. Hate to think it was just a mean nickname that stuck) had found her. Plucked the hay out of her hair and asked her to be her plus one to Liz’s wedding.
Luke had smiled at her. Said it’d be fun. Her hair had been in a braid like it usually is. Sleeves rolled up and Lorelai hadn’t thought much of it. Of course Liz and TJ’s wedding would be fun. How could it not be? Tights, crazy Carrie, trovadores and jugglers. How could she miss this? All Jesters and lycra tights. And turkey legs. The promise of giant turkey legs.
But. But.
Luke had worn her hair loose for the wedding. Over a dark suit and fidgeted with her tie. Like a character out of a Hughes movie. Lorelai had resisted the urge to run her fingers through her hair. Because they’re friends. Best friends even (if Sookie feels like sharing) but they don’t do that . They break bells together. Maybe scream at each other in the street because of their kids. Look for lost baby chicks together.But they don’t do that.
They also don’t dance. Or at least Lorelai thought they didn’t dance. Together. Hands clasped, and chins on their shoulders dance. Friends don’t think the other one smells nice. No. Lorelai doesn’t do that with her friends. Who slow dances with a pal? (Is there such a thing? Is that what Katherine Hepburn called it?). And that’s when the previously set aside warm fluttering feeling had come.
One Lorelai usually reserved for... For. She’s stuck. She can’t remember the last time she’d felt it. Maybe when Luke scrunched up her face and pushed Rory’s old mattress on her truck. But those had been nerves. Her kid was leaving home. It couldn’t have been anything but gratitude. She got whenever Luke did anything for Rory. It’s that feeling that comes because someone loves her kid. All moms get that.
But. But.
The moment. That walk home that would have put any made for TV movie to shame. Luke’s eyes don’t twinkle. There isn’t a gleam to them. But Lorelai had tucked her hair behind her ears because of the way the pale green of them had looked. And they’d laughed. So many times. Head thrown back. Full on belly laugh. Until her ankle had been so close to bending and Luke. The eternal Knight in Flannel had caught her. Hands had hovered over the small of her back. And Lorelai’s voice had gone up so high.Higher still when Luke had said that her favorite part of the night had been the dancing. And. Oh, have you been taking lessons? She must have sounded like a moron.
And Luke. With her loose dark hair and her good suit had ducked her head. Told her that no, it’s all natural talent. And everything had fluttered.
Lorelai. She’d frozen. Because her heart took giant leaps when Luke mentioned going to a movie next week. Luke doesn’t do movie theaters. Not the people. Not the concession stand with its crappy processed hotdogs. Not the over-salted popcorn. Sticky floors and disease infested seats. And had it been that promised TV movie of her life is made, a kiss would’ve come? Maybe she’s getting her tropes mixed up.
Ugh. What the hell is she even doing thinking about this? She isn’t gay. Isn’t she infamous for going through boyfriends? Like Liz Taylor went through well,... men. (Nice men. Boring men. That Nice but unreliable father of her child. Men. All men.). Ugh. Ugh. She’s doing this. That’s where her mind is jumping off to tonight. Fine.
With a pint of rocky road she settles on her couch. Sighs and psyches herself out for this. For the long list of her has beens. First there was Timmy Leer. She’d been six but his appeal had been reduced to the fact he sort of looked like Prince Phillip (And doesn’t HE have the most feminine face of all Disney princes?). Fine. So maybe Timmy Leer from her mother’s parties who hid under tables with her doesn’t count. James Dalton then. She’d been eleven and he...Lorelai had just wanted him to like her because Sissy Twice Removed from the Vanderbilts had liked him.They’d lasted through lunch break. She takes two big spoonfuls when she thinks about Chris. That has her putting on I Love Lucy (OK maybe not. I love Lucy. Maybe some Carol Burnett. Didn’t she and Julie Andrews have a THING?), whatever. She has to think about Christopher.
He’d had a good enough face, hadn’t he? And they had grown up together (she really has to get more ice cream), and he’d been. He’d been what? Lorelai thought they’d wanted the same things. Or hated the same things anyway. Chris had been her best friend so it’d been only logical. Matter of time. No fluttering though. Over time he’d become a crutch (a willing crutch that had always wanted more than she could give him). Her mother’s voice of all things rings through her head. Of course. A girl needs a father and a mother, Lorelai. And why had that always rung false? Is it not because Lorelai saw herself starring in a 9 to 5 sequel? Because the idea of spending the rest of her life with a man filled her with dread?
Oh. Max.Max Medina. If she’s going to think about Max she needs waffle cookies. If she’s going to think about how perfect he was on paper she is going to need chips. Nacho cheese if she remembers how she never tried on her wedding dress. She hadn’t loved him. And she should have. Because he was kind, smart. Cover of US Weekly Handsome. Great with Rory. And Lorelai hadn’t loved him. It had made her feel broken for so long (maybe she’s still feels like she’s been hammered into a thousand jagged ended pieces). If it hadn’t worked with him, how could it work with anyone?
She takes a bit of a cookie and sprinkles it with two kinds of self loathing. Shouldn’t she have figured out this whole thing when she was a teenager? Oh. Right. Lorelai had stopped being a kid the moment the strip had turned blue. Arrested development and all that. No more figuring out after that. No finding herself with a kid on her hip.
Her brain brings up that Debbie Harry-in-her-underwear poster Lorelai had kept up to annoy her mother.
Maybe she’s just gay. Wouldn’t that annoy her mother?
Luke is working the diner. Moving left and right taking orders. Setting down hot plates. Pencil on her ear and her braid falling on her shoulder. She’ll look at her once or twice and Lorelai takes a deep breath. Because had Luke always looked at her like that? Had she always given her that sideways smile? What the fuck. Lorelai has to make sure there isn’t music playing in this ridiculous scene she’s in. Rory comes in and Lorelai stutters. Stammers when she says a minute would be great. Pulls her daughter out the door.
“What’s your damage Heather?” She asks and this isn’t just another one of Lorelai’s signature parenting moments.
“I think...I think I might be dating Luke.”
Figures Rory’s jaw might drop. Of course she crosses her arms.
“What do you mean you think you’re dating Luke?”
So Lorelai explains as best she can (which means speeding through her words and inserting a joke here and there). The food. The laughs. The dancing. No, it hadn’t been the hussle. They’d poplocked (she leaves out how nice Luke had smelled). How all these things separately don’t constitute a date but together? Together they could be.
“If you date and it doesn’t work out it will be really bad. For the both of us.” Her daughter is flushed and putting her hand on her forehead. “You can’t just date Luke. When you’re with Luke, you’re with Luke. The whole town will know if you’re together…”
“OK, OK.” Lorelai stops her because she pukes. She hadn’t stopped to consider this part. Not yet. She’d gotten stuck on the whole Mommy might be a lesbian, part of the questioning. “We don’t know if that’s what’s happening anyway! This could be a totally innocent situation. Let’s just go back inside and see if anything is weird.”
“Is everything alright?” Luke asks as soon as they step through the door. Arched eyebrow that made the fluttering return. Goddammit. Goddammit.
Lorelai trips over her own feet and pushes everything off the table.Stupid, stupid fluttering.
“I’ll get the broom.” A confused Luke says as she rolls her eyes.
“That was a little weird.” Rory sits and shakes her head at her.
Because her whole life is a comedy hour the Dragonfly Inn has no doors. They’re checking in guests as the doors arrive. Having them follow their doors up at least adds some quirkiness. Lorelai could have almost forgotten about secretly being Sappho’s number one fan. (This wouldn’t have happened if she had read more Virginia Woolf. This is her being years behind on her highschool reading list). She could have focused entirely on this test-run, on her crazy separated-but-not-separated parents arriving. Instead (ha ha) she becomes a ball of nerves when she sees Luke’s name down as confirmed on the screen.
And then. Sweet, good Luke. Completely-unaware-Luke brings her flowers. Lilies, actually. She has one hand in her front pocket and looks at the chaos all around her as if it were just another day. Luke Danes.
“Hey, you came!” Lorelai hears it now. She does sound like a moron.
“Of course I came. I RSVP'd.” Luke eyes her curiously and hands over the flowers. “The place looks great.”
“Or it will once we get the doors,” Lorelai can barely hold onto the flowers. “So..uh we should check you in. And that’s...over there.” Only she could forget where reception is. In front of a cute girl.
Cute girl? What the hell is she? Fifteen?
“You OK?” Luke chuckles and that makes it so much worse.
“Yeah, yeah..” Lorelai mumbles. Turns on her heel and.
Walks straight into a door. A door with glistening number 4 on it and a very embarrassed construction worker attached to it.
“Lorelai!” Luke lays a hand on her elbow and isn’t that jolt of electricity just what she needs?
“Umm, so that was your door.” Her head throbs and it’s definitely going to leave a bump. “So you could just follow it up.”
She motions to Rory to hand her the key. Without commentary she hopes. Lorelai keeps a hand to her head and takes a deep breath.
“So umm..bye bye.”
Luke smiles and then laughs. It isn’t until she’s gone up the stairs that Lorelai can bring herself to smell the flowers. Oh, she loves lilies.
It’s then that Rory gives her a look and Lorelai shrugs her shoulders. Buries her nose in the flowers and giggles. Never in her life had she giggled over lilies.
Miss Patty’s bi (Lorelai knows becuase she’d done an extensive search. Ran up her phone-bill with her internet use. And so many pop psychology quizzes). And Miss Patty is loud . Lorelai can hear the stories all the way in the kitchen. Through Sookie’s orders. The torrid affairs with beautiful men and dark and voluptuous women. Oh. She thinks when she overhears how she had loved them all. Or thought she had in any case (oh she had definitely loved that Paul Newman stand-in she’d met that summer back in California). Right. So. That pretty much cements it then. Lorelai Gilmore is a lesbian. She wonders if she should tell her mother before or after drinks.
If that hadn’t done it then Luke Danes in a black turtle-neck certainly does. Hair smoothed back in a pony-tail. Black turtleneck that clings to her arm muscles. Sure, she’d always felt Luke was beautiful. In fact it was a running theme that if she only tried she’d bring in more customers. Luke had always barked and told them (Taylor Doose) to go back to hell. But does she have to look like that? With the sharp cheekbones and the... everything. When Lorelai reaches her table at dinner time, Luke is staring down at her plate. Trapped playing board games with Babette and Miss Patty.
“Poor thing! My robe flew open when I threw the dice and her little heart couldn’t take it.” Babette tells Lorelai. Completely clueless, for once.
“I’m just...content with looking at my plate.”
But as she says it Luke raises her eyes up to her and smiles. Lorelai forgets what she was going to say. She ends up smiling too. Gazing at Luke Danes and downright swaying. She wishes she could stay. Keep gazing at her. But she’s running this inn. Responsibilities and all. No time for a lesbian awakening.
She definitely does not have the time for her parents marching in. Yelling and declaring they’re leaving. And Jason. Jason Styles . Who she had forgotten all about coming back and begging for a second chance. Her life. The eternal joke. This shouldn’t be happening. Shouldn’t the universe give her a break on account of being newly gay (in her EARLY-mid-thirties and all). Isn’t that written down somewhere? Ugh. Ugh. It would have been easier if the place caught on fire.
After an hour or so the crazy seems to simmer down to an acceptable level Lorelai breathes in relief when she sees Luke still downstairs. While everyone else seems to have retired to their rooms. A break. Finally.
“Hey,” Lorelai doesn’t know whether to run her hand on her arm or not. “Last one up?”
“No, not the last one.” Her voice is strained and her eyes are cast down to the floor.
“You OK? I heard Babette was kicking your butt at Yahtzee”
“Well, I’m feeling pretty stupid now.”
Lorelai has to laugh. Could be this is part of their thing. Part of..something.
“Why?”
“I’m not mysterious, am I?” Luke gets to her feet and narrows her eyes at her.
“Well, some would say the wardrobe is a bit of a head-scratcher…” Lorelai begins and it’s too late. This isn’t part of their thing. Luke is genuinely upset.
“You knew what I was doing!” There is a note of hurt Lorelai’s never heard before. “The wedding. The movie invite. The flowers. You knew!”
Lorelai is dumbstruck. It’s all she’s been thinking about. Every spare moment, every time she took that first sip of coffee. Every second. But she gets defensive because it’s what she does. Because she can’t verbalize what her brain has been like for days.
“You didn’t say anything official.” Like that absolves her of letting herself go along with it. For wanting it so bad too.
“What? Was I supposed to get you a ref present?” Luke paces, brow furrowed. “And then I come here and run into your boyfriend …”
“Woah, what boyfriend? Jason?”
“No, Tom! Yes, Jason!” And Luke is that in spiral Lorelai has seen many times. “I had to sit there and have him go on and on about how you’re right and he’s right and I thought. Why the hell have I been doing all of this for? She’s taken!”
Luke storms out onto the porch and Lorelai follows her on instinct. Because if she’s doing this and boy is she doing this, she is doing it with Luke. No one else. This-chasing-after-a-broody-grump-thing.
“I’m not taken!”
Luke’s nostrils are flaring when she brings up following a stupid book. And the night’s air is making her skin stand on edge. And it’s blowing errant strands of hairs on Luke’s face. Lorelai’s chest rises unsteadily and she might not be able to keep standing for much longer. How had she not noticed before? Fear strikes her. That Luke might walk away before they even began. Just when she’s figured it all out.
“You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? NEVER! That’s when. Very easy stat to remember!” A vein has popped because of the strain in Luke’s voice.
“I loved the flowers!”
“And when I walked you home after the wedding,” She presses her lips together and then locks her jaw. “I thought...I thought there was a moment.”
“There was!” If Lorelai is shaking she doesn’t care. Because this is Luke. Luke. She can take sounding like a jittery idiot. “There was a moment!”
Luke drops her shoulders. And stops. Just stops and takes two steps forward.
“Woah, what are you doing?” Lorelai asks because she isn’t done making an ass out of herself.
“Would you just stand still?”
And like that. The fluttering goes crazy. Crazy, crazy when Luke takes her by the waist. And kisses her. And it’s so...like nothing she’s ever felt before. They fit. They fit. Their lips fit and Luke’s skin is soft all over. And oh my God, how could she not know she liked women? When it feels so good. So, so good. To feel her hands on her. When Luke has her gasping when they break apart and reaching for her on instinct.
“What are you doing?” Luke has that deer in headlights look to her.
And dammit. Lorelai is trembling.
“Would you just stand still?” Lorelai cups her cheeks as Luke nods.
Pulls her in. And Lorelai kisses her. Deeply, not caring if anyone finds them. She could do this all night. Keep kissing Luke Danes. Anywhere. Everywhere. Oh my God. If she had known she was a lesbian she would have done this years ago.
Or maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it was all about timing.
These, of course were her famous last words (or is it thoughts?). They have damn bad timing. Because this night continues to be a joke, just when she and Luke are about to go in for thirds (thirds! Is this a lesbian thing? Or just a kissing Luke thing?) Kirk happens. A naked Kirk comes running down the stairs. Screaming his head off.
“Stay here!” Luke tells her as she sets off after Kirk. “I’ll explain later!”
Lorelai takes a second to process what just happened. Rubs at her lips and shakes her head.
“Really?” She asks to the universe that is supposed to be going easy on her. “Can’t a gal kiss another gal without a man coming in between?”
It’s all very funny once she thinks about it.