Chapter Text
Blaine Anderson’s Facebook
Update: [clown emoji] [clown emoji] [clown emoji]
COMMENTS:
Thad Westerson III: sorry
Update: The entire New Directions unfriended me at ONCE. All within the span of a minute. They are insane.
COMMENTS:
Wes Huang: Oof… let’s hope they don’t bring that coordinated energy to regionals lol
Justin Achebe: So what I’m hearing, Blaine, is that you’re single…
Blaine Anderson: Sorry Justin, I’m still in love with Kurt. This is not over.
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Warbler Council Group Chat
Wes: [screenshot of Blaine’s most recent comment]
David: WHAT
Thad: Wait are we as the council allowed to get involved in Warbler love triangle drama
Wes: Does it say anything in the handbook??? David check it
David: I don’t think the founders of the Warblers anticipated this kind of drama
David: I can check though
Wes: Should I send this to Kurt or Seb?
David: absofuckinglutely not
David: Sebastian hasn’t even said the L word to Kurt yet, he doesn’t take it lightly
Thad: Is he planning to? OMG has he said the L word about Kurt to you???
David: That is way above your security clearance
Thad: HE HAS, HASNT HE
Thad: Sebastian Loves Kurt!!!! How did we not see it coming. Iconic. Breathtaking.
Wes: I think there are more pressing things at the moment than wondering if/when Sebastian is going to tell Kurt that he loves him
Wes: Namely that Blaine says he loves Kurt and that it’s “not over”
David: What do you think he has planned
Thad: Knowing him?
Thad: Serenade
David: How do we stop a serenade in its tracks??
Wes: do you think he wouldn’t have learned his lesson after the Gap attack???
Thad: Absolutely not
David: Okay, so we can either try to keep him from doing the serenade, or allow him to do the one and use that to make it clear that nothing is going to work. We can warn Sebastian and Kurt in advance, encourage Blaine to bring out the big guns, and make sure he gives this one his all and then let it fail
Thad: I vibe with the second. If we just keep him from doing this one, it’ll never stop, he’ll keep trying to figure out a way in
Thad: How many Warblers do you think we can get in on it?
David: Everyone on the doc, for one. I think everyone there is reliably Team Kurtbastian. Also, the New Directions can help.
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Sebastian’s Spam Instagram
6:30
[Image Description: Kurt, asleep in the passenger seat of Sebastian’s car.]
Caption: Look at this fucking dweeb. He fell asleep in my car bc we’re supposed to be in Columbus at 8 in the fucking morning for this show choir convention… I’m going to get him coffee from the drive thru because I’m a #goodboyfriend
COMMENTS
Nickyhateschexmix: But do you know his coffee order??
Sebbastard69: @nickyhateschexmix Fuck yeah I do. I also know what he likes to have for breakfast in drive thru scenarios. He’s my favorite person, of course I know these things.
Smythe.melissa.jane: @sebbastard69 you made such a mistake by letting me follow this account. Favorite Person???? Mom is going to LOVE this
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The Warbler Facebook
Update: [picture of the Warblers in front of Columbus’ convention center, arms around each other.]
Proud of the Warblers who are representing us at the National Show Choir Convention! Go rock them… and maybe drop a couple bars along the way...
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TwitterThad and Sebastian’s Texts
Thad: have you said the L word to kurt yet?
Sebastian: Lesbians?
Sebastian: Lice?
Sebastian: Laugh Out Loud at your stupid ass name?
Sebastian: Yes to all of the above
Thad: Deflection, I see…
Sebastian: Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you have to talk like a Bond villain
Thad: Anyway, do you have a plan for how you’re going to tell Kurt that you love him??
Sebastian: I figured I’d just tell him when I feel like it
Thad: OR you could say it and fuck over Blaine at the same time.
Sebastian: …….
Sebastian: Despite my better judgement, I’m intrigued
Thad: So Blaine wants to serenade Kurt, and I recommend that we let him, so that when he’s done, he gets stonewalled by Kurt, and you stand up and say “well I have a song of my own”, and then Kurt feels so wooed, y’all drop the L word, and Blaine realizes that you two are serious
Sebastian: I want to check with Kurt first, but it sounds very good, the way you say it
Sebastian: I texted Kurt, he said that he’s down to sabotage the serenade with the sappy romantic stuff. Do you have a song in mind?
Thad: maybe a song that has personal significance to the two of you?
Sebastian: Hmmmm i’ll check my Kurt playlist
Thad: YOU HAVE A WHOLE PLAYLIST
Thad: I want to see
Sebastian: No. Have a nice night!!!
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Melissa’s Snapchat
Snap 1:
[image description: A picture of the screen, with the title of “The Bachelor” on it]
Caption: It’s Bachelor night with the homies! And by homies I mean Seb and his bf.
Snap 2:
[video description: Sebastian and Kurt on the couch, cuddling a bit. Transcript below.
Kurt: How would I describe- I feel nervous, definitely.
Sebastian: Don’t worry, I’ll hold your hand during the scary parts.
Melissa (from behind the camera) what scary parts?
Kurt: Like, when they kiss or something.
Melissa: How about you, ‘Bastian? Any thoughts?
Sebastian: Considering that I watched the last two seasons with you too, I know what to expect. I’m excited for Kurt’s commentary, though.
Melissa: Not mine?
Sebastian: Of course I look forward to that too, even if you have the trashiest taste.
Melissa: Bold words! But can you back them up?]
Snap 3:
[image description: Kurt fully wrapped up in the blanket, with Sebastian leaning on his shoulder. He has a bowl of popcorn in his lap that Sebastian has his hand in.]
Caption: During the introductions, upon seeing her face, name, and career, Kurt keeps yelling “love her!” or “hate her!”
Snap 4:
[image description: Kurt holding the popcorn away from Sebastian, who’s trying to reach for it without disturbing his position]
Caption: Kurt’s punishing him since Sebastian said he sounded like an emperor choosing a wife
Snap 5:
[Video description: the Bachelor giving away the final rose]
Caption: WHAT???? Why give it to fuCKING AMBER??
Snap 6:
[image description: Kurt and Sebastian clearly asleep on each other]
Caption: They are not as bothered by this turn of events as I am.
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Sebastian’s Google Search History
-How to say I love you in a cool way
-When is it too early to say I love you
-how to make google results more helpful
-how to know what song your romantic rival will be singing
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Phone Call
Tuesday 9:29PM-11:01
Kurt: Sebastian… I hope you’re calling to amend your Lindsay B. apologist behavior.
Sebastian: She literally has done nothing wrong!
Kurt: That you know of! She gives me the most rancid of vibes-
Sebastian: Kurt?
Kurt: Yeah?
Sebastian: I was going to tell you tomorrow during the serenade, but sometimes I feel so- like, I just need to tell you, I’m tired of waiting, and google searching, I just need to talk about it-
Kurt: Sebastian, you’re rambling, is everything okay?
Sebastian: (light laughter) It’s more than okay, Kurt. I’m in love with you.
Kurt: You- Sebastian, are you saying-
Sebastian: You don’t need to say it back. I’m just so in love with you that I need to tell you, because you’re the person in my life I share good things with, and- it’s- this is good. This is so good, you’re so good, and I-
Kurt: I love you too.
Sebastian: And I love you too.
Kurt: Wow, how original, stealing my ideas now?
Sebastian: (laughing) But I said it first! You’re the plagiarist.
Kurt: I bet I thought it first.
Sebastian: Okay, when did you first realize it, then?
Kurt: That I was in love with you? Second date. I remember we went to your house, watched some dumb movie, made out for a while, and then fell asleep together. I remember waking up, looking at you drooling on my pillow and I just thought, wow. I love that idiot.
Sebastian: I have you beat, then.
Kurt: When did you realize, then?
Sebastian: tThat’s going to be a secret for now. I gotta keep you hooked.
Kurt: I love you, I’m the definition of hooked.
Sebastian: Sorry, secret for the time being. In other news, when I tell you I love you after serenading you, I need you to act like it’s the first time we said it, okay? Thad was scheming, I don’t want to ruin his fun.
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Warbler Meeting Notes
3:00: Meeting commences. Notes from the previous meeting are read.
3:05: Blaine stands up and announces that he has a song that he mUsT sInG, and as planned, the council unanimously allows him to sing.
3:06: Serenade is stalled because he has trouble working the instrumental track.
3:06-3:10: Blaine sings “Canyon Moon” by Harry Styles, full theatricality blazing. Kurt is smiling politely (as planned), Sebastian looks murderous (not explicitly planned but expected)
3:11-3:13: Blaine gives a speech on why he and Kurt belong together, and before Kurt answers, Sebastian stands up and asks the council for a chance at a “rebuttal”
3:14-3:19: Sebastian+Warblers sing “Lay All Your Love on Me”. It is EPIC!!! Kurt joins in!
3:20-3:23: Sebastian is giving his own speech and I am crying in the club. He and Kurt are smiling at each other and look misty eyed, which, same but FUCK ThEY SAID I LOVE YOU!!! They did it!! The GROWTH
3:24: Blaine says that Kurt needs to choose. The Response??? “Sebastian, obviously. Did you not see any of that? We’re in love.”
3:25: Wes tries to resume official Warbler business but Blaine storms out and nobody is focusing so we just chill. Sorry Wes!
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Sebastian’s Spam Instagram
5:18
[image description: The picture from Kurt’s old story when they went clubbing, the one in the mirror.]
Caption: Yeah we gay, keep scrollin. Also If Kurt gets to 500 instagram followers I’ll leak our playlist!!! Give him the insta clout please
COMMENTS:
Jeffyloveschexmix: I’m pretty sure I could find it without getting my friends and family to follow Kurt though
Sebbastard69: @jeffyloveschexmix Or you could skip the work and help a twink out! Ever think about that?
Jeffyloveschexmix: @sebbastard69 love has made you too powerful
Sebbastard69: @jeffyloveschexmix It’s the love!