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He never wanted to kill his brother.
(Fox always knew he wasn't the most approachable. Knew the others say him as closed off, distant. It was fine, he had convinced himself at least. It was fine he wasn't as close with his vode as the rest. It was fine that he was alone.)
No. He had set them to stun, he had made sure to. Or... Or he remembered setting to stun. Killing a vod was something he hadn't even considered, it hadn't even crossed his mind. Nothing would be worth killing a vod for. Nothing.
And yet- the searing bullet wound in Fives' chest was like a cold shock, pulling him back to reality. No. He had- he had set them to stun. Killing a vod that- if- If he had shot to kill he would have gone for his head, not his chest. If he was forced to kill a vod, he would have made it quick, painless. Not this, never this.
His body froze as Fives tumbled to the ground, wound searing and sizzling in his chest. The wound that Fox had put there.
(He didn't need anyone. Cody was more distant these days, and Wolffe was always busy. He was fine not having anyone, of being the most hated vod. It wasn't like he needed to be liked. He didn't. He was fine.)
With trembling hands, he lifted his blasters, needing to know, to make sure that-
They were set to stun.
They were still set to stun.
So why, why had it fired a killing shot? Why had the blasters fired a shot that he had specifically tried to prevent.
Suddenly someone was on him, shoving and pushing, brown eyes furious and burning with unshed tears.
"How could you!" Rex roared in Mando'a. "How could you do this. You're nothing more than the chancellors lapdog!"
Fox accepted the snarling trooper, frozen and unmoving. He wanted to scream that he hadn't done it- that he hadn't actually shot to kill, that despite the Chancellor's orders, he still planned to arrest Fives. Never kill.
(It was easy to hear what they said about him. It wasn't like they tried to hide it. He was cold, distant. Uncaring and robotic. Did he really have feelings?
It only got worse. And worse. And Worse.
He. Was. Fine.)
It was all swept up too fast for him, brushed under a rug like nothing had happened, and the world continued to believe that Fox had intentionally killed his brother. And- and he tried, he really tried to speak up. But the words would get stuck in his throat, causing him to choke and struggle. No matter what, he just couldn't get them out, instead being trapped in his own mind. Even as Cody stopped talking to him all together, how Wolffe couldn't look at him, how Bly had given him a sad smile and nothing more. How Rex couldn't stand to be near him.
It was fine.
(But it really wasn't. No. The coldness, the detachment, it was easier than showing the others how he shattered, how he broke apart. How he slowly lost more of himself under the paperwork, under the horrors, under the war. He didn't see the front, but he had enough for a lifetime here on Coruscant. Death, destruction, torture. It was everywhere. And no matter what, he couldn't escape.
No. They couldn't see the way a piece of him chipped away with each casualty form he had to sign, seeing the list of numbers instead of names, when he had to sign yet another thing stripping the Senate of power, of letting the Jedi fall into the roles they were never meant to have.
It was better they didn't see it. Didn't see the way he was broken, lonely, gaping and longing for something, anything. For things to be better, for things to be right.)
It was easy, oh so easy, to slip into his mind, to fade back and shut down. Fox wasn't needed. Commander CC-1010 was. And that was who he would be.