Chapter Text
••• Day 01: Monday
"Thanks for waiting, Iwa-chan!"
"You're annoyingly chirpy today."
"Aw, don't say annoying! It's a wonderful day, isn't it?"
"…you got dumped again, didn't you?"
"How awful! I was the one who did the dumping, thank you very much!"
That's true.
After high school, it seems that Oikawa has become even more annoying – dating anyone who confesses to him at the start of the week, then promptly breaking up with them by the time the week is over. Iwaizumi can't remember when has this habit first started, but now it's part of their routine – with guys seething in envy at the seemingly endless supply of fangirls that practically line up to be picked first – with girls knowing better than to fall for someone so frivolous, but still ultimately unable to resist the temptation of gaining the honor of being the queen of the school, even temporarily.
"Don't you get tired of being such a shitty person?"
"I'll have you know that I'm an upstanding citizen, okay???"
"Pfft, you don't actually believe that, do you?"
"How mean, Iwa-chan!"
It's part of their routine – just like the way they start their day with Iwaizumi's alarm clock (programmed to play the recording of Oikawa cheerfully calling out 'Iwa-chan' ten times – it's an alarm that has never failed to wake him up), followed by Iwaizumi rolling over, dragging himself out of bed and sleeping wobbling to the single bed across their shared dorm room and dragging a drooling Oikawa out from dreamland and into the reality of courses with morning classes – just like the way they go to eat breakfast together, attend class together, play volleyball together, do basically everything together. It's only interrupted in portions where Oikawa goes on some date with his girlfriend of the week – but then, it's not always, because sometimes Oikawa is an asshole who doesn't care for his girlfriend's feelings and drag Iwaizumi to his mess.
"No confessions today yet, hm?"
"Geez, Iwa-chan – it's not like it always happens first thing Monday morning."
Iwaizumi carefully sips his coffee from his thermos, easily sidestepping Oikawa planning to drape himself all over his shoulders. "Hmph, maybe they finally understood that you're actual trash."
Oikawa makes a show with sighing and shaking his head ruefully, but there's a smile playing by his lips. "I really wonder why you're my best friend, Iwa-chan."
"I wonder the same thing every single hour of my existence."
"Aw, you think of me that often? I'm soooo honored, Iwa-chan!"
"Your mother was right – you really have been dropped on your head too many times as a baby. What kind of dumbassery was that, shittykawa?!"
"Hey!!! I'm against violence – especially this early!" Oikawa tries to dodge the punch to his stomach, but was a few seconds slower. "Oof—don't wrinkle my clothes, Iwa-chan, you brute!"
Iwaizumi rolls his eyes at the other's theatrics. "Vain asshole."
"At least I look good! No, better than good!" Oikawa protests, waving his hands around as though to denote the horde of fangirls that are deluded into thinking he's actually a fine specimen of a human being. The few other unfortunate people who have classes this early on a Monday are too zombified to pay attention to their conversation as they all trudge along in hopes of making it in time for their classes. "Which is more than I can say for your face, Iwa-chan—ouch!"
"You're just jealous that I have had more girlfriends than your outstanding zero, Iwa-chan," Oikawa pouts as he combs his hair back into place after the noogie Iwaizumi gave him. They both settle near the back of the classroom – with still ten minutes to spare until the professor arrives. There's only three other students aside from them, but most of them arrive on the final minute anyway.
"I have no reason to be jealous of someone who's just playing around."
"How rude—I'm not just playing around. I'm using up the week to see what's really in my heart."
"I don't want to spoil it for you, but you're just going to see something really gross."
"Hey—don't say that when you haven't even had the honor of dating me, Iwa-chan!"
"Trust me, it's never going to be an honor."
"That's not what they said!"
"Yeah, of course not. If they tell you that, you would run away sobbing like the crybaby that you are."
"I wouldn't run."
"But you'll still cry."
"ANYWAY," Oikawa clears his throat loudly and makes a show of pulling out his leather-bound notebook and a pen. Iwaizumi rolls his eyes again at the other's posing, because he knows that Oikawa has zero plans of listening to the professor and he'll just waste the lecture alternating with doodling more alien designs and shamelessly drooling into the desk. Most of the weekly confessions happen right after this class, which is why Oikawa is pretty confident with acting like the slob that he is for this period. "I really do want to fall in love for real, you know."
"Which drama did you get that line from?"
"Are you saying that I stole that line, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa giggles at Iwaizumi's unimpressed stare. The lecture hall is starting to get filled with fellow students. "… It's from 'It Seems Like You're The Only One For Me' – which is ending in next week's episode! I can't wait to see who Shino will end up with!"
"Shino will end up with the bad boy character."
"You don't know that yet!"
"It's a common ending." Iwaizumi has no interest in dramas and shoujo manga, unlike his friend, but he knows enough because Oikawa enjoys dragging him to watch whatever he's obsessed with at the moment. It's the only reason why he's even aware of those stories' existence. "Plus, isn't it obvious from the promo materials?"
"I'm still rooting for Tachibana!!! Don't you dare jinx my pair, Iwa-chan."
"Tachibana—the childhood friend dude?"
"Yup! He's been in love with Shino forever, but then he's too shy to actually confess!"
"And next week, he's going to end up bitter and alone."
"RUDE."
"If he loved her, he should have confessed to her. What an idiot."
"He didn't want to ruin their friendship!"
"And he expects Shino to notice his feelings by keeping quiet about it?"
"He believed that would be best for their relationship!"
"Yeah—he's an idiot."
"You really don't mince words, huh…"
"Dumbass."
"Hey!"
Their professor enters the room and greets the brave souls who manage to successfully drag their asses after a weekend of partying and half-assed attempts at keeping afloat of their studies. Oikawa starts to doodle on his notebook, while Iwaizumi actually starts to write down notes that Oikawa will inevitably copy later.
"Hey, dumbasskawa."
"I really have a problem with that insult…" Oikawa attempts to keep his expression neutral instead of sleepy, as he props his left cheek on his hand and glances sideways at his friend. This is part of their routine, him and Iwaizumi to his right, like a proper right-hand man, only with a dozen times more harsh words.
"Nobody has confessed to you yet for this week, right."
"Stop rubbing it in, Iwa-chan… jealousy doesn't look good on your face." Oikawa looks at the wall clock and sees 08:05 AM. "They'll probably be waiting for me right after this class."
"Let's try it."
"Huh?"
"Let's try seeing what's kind of gross thing is really in your heart for this week."
"Uwaaaaa—did you finally snap, Iwa-chan???" Oikawa would have wailed louder, but even with their old professor's impaired hearing, it will still get both of them in trouble. "Is the world finally ending? Did you finally see the light? Ooooh, definitely I'll make you say: 'Kyaaa~I'm glad I had the chance to date the lovely Oikawa-san~~~'. I'm so excited!"
"Shut up, you stupid idiot."
"That's not the way you should speak to your boyfriend!!!"
Iwaizumi reaches down with his left hand and pinches his thigh. "Settle down or we'll get in trouble."
Oikawa yelps, but he sees their professor's eyes swivel to where they're seated, so he does try to settle down.
"…Yes, sir!"
Iwaizumi keeps his gaze trained forward for the remaining duration of their class, like the good student that he is. Oikawa dislikes being ignored, but he lets it go for now, because one of them needs to have legible notes for the exam next month. Plus, his mind is filled with thoughts of how to make this week the absolute best for Iwaizumi so that he'll stop telling him that he's the worst lover ever.
Oikawa chuckles darkly as he plots ways on how to make Iwaizumi's heart pound like a love-struck girl's.
(Part of their routine is Oikawa smiling gently and beautifully at whoever's first to confess to him, followed by the exchange of numbers and mail addresses, along with going along to whatever his girlfriend for the week wants. The routine has already changed—but nobody ever claimed that Oikawa's perception applied to his own heart.)
••• NEXT: Day 02 - Tuesday