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She’s little more than a child, that’s obvious. She’s wearing a nightgown. It’s blue with some type of Earth animal on it. The hem stops just above her knees, and the front is coated with red soil and blood. She’s barefoot and her feet are bleeding. In her hands is a shovel. At her feet are three dead batarian slavers, all of them armed to the teeth. The girl is panting, her green eyes wide with primal fear and shock.
He doesn’t want to admit it, but Saren is impressed.
*
“This is yours,” Saren says. The lights in his guest room come on as soon as they step through the threshold. Jane jumps. They didn’t have such accommodations on the little farming colony of Mindoir. It will take time for her to get used to living on the Citadel. Her room here is twice as big as the one she left behind.
Jane sets her bag on the bed and looks around. “…it’s nice.”
“You should have adequate space,” Saren agrees. “I’ve stocked the fridge and pantry with amino foods; they’re all clearly labeled, so it’ll be your own fault if you poison yourself.”
She nods. “Thank you.”
Saren turns to go. “Keep yourself out of trouble. If you get lost, go talk to the nearest VI. Don’t ask the locals for help. They might end up sending you to the lower wards.”
“Where are you going?” Jane takes a few steps towards him. Her big green eyes blink at him confusedly. There are many things he doesn’t understand about his new apprentice. About her humanness. Perhaps taking in a human was not a wise move, especially not for him; he’d never bothered to learn about their ways or their culture. It never mattered to him. But now, perhaps, such lessons would be helpful. Perhaps then he will understand why she stares at him with such pain.
“I have a mission,” he says.
She rushes towards him and wraps her arms around him in a hug. Saren is shocked. He stares down at her.
“Be safe,” she mumbles into his chest.
Saren pauses, then sets his hands on her shoulders and pushes her firmly away. “I know what I’m doing.”
With that, he leaves. When he puts a bullet in the last smuggler’s head, it’s her pained green eyes he sees staring back at him.
*
“Again,” he barks.
Jane is panting, but she does what she’s told. She manifests a biotic shield and holds it for one, two, three, four, five, six-
“Drop the shield and we start over,” Saren threatens.
She grits her teeth. Seven, eight, nine, ten-
“Drop it,” Saren says. But she doesn’t. She holds it for another five seconds. Then it breaks. Jane falls to her knees, panting. Saren’s mandibles flare slightly in an expression that might almost resemble pride. There’s a spirit in Jane. The same spirit he saw in Nihlus. In himself. Perhaps that strength isn’t just reserved for turians after all.
*
“Not bad,” Nihlus says, inspecting her target scores. “Your aim is definitely improving; you got seven kill shots this time.”
“Not perfect.” There’s disappointment in Jane’s voice. The type that Nihlus knows all too well. He sets a hand on her shoulder.
“Trust me,” he says. “Saren’s proud of you. He’ll die before he shows it, but he is.”
*
Jane makes dinner for him, then sits outside the closed door of his study and wonders how silence can be so loud.
*
“I had a dog back on Mindoir,” Jane says. She sits beside Nihlus, her legs hanging off the edge of the balcony. Cars zoom several hundred feet below them. The turian leans back on one hand, looking out at the Presidium skyline. “Do you know what a dog is?”
“I’ve heard they’re man’s best friend,” Nihlus says.
She smiles. “They are. They have four legs and they’re covered in fur, and they love you no matter what.”
“What happened to your dog?” Nihlus asks, then immediately realizes what a stupid question it is. The dog probably shared the same fate as the rest of her family. The look on her face confirms what he already knows. “I didn’t mean-”
“It’s alright,” she says. Even without being able to listen to her sub-vocals, he knows it’s not. That pain is still fresh. “Saren says I have to forget about all that. He doesn’t like it when I talk about it. It’s a distraction or something. So I guess I should just shut up.”
Nihlus looks at her. “First rule of being Saren’s apprentice: he’s almost always right.”
She stares at him, quirking an eyebrow.
He claps her on the shoulder. “Second rule: almost always does not mean always.”
Jane smiles.
*
“It’s…a hamster?” Jane says, looking down at the small creature in his hands.
“They didn’t have a dog,” Nihlus says regretfully. “But I figured he would do. I think he likes you, at least.”
She smiles. “Thank you…but…uh…why?”
Nihlus tilts his head slightly, confused. “I was told that humans receive gifts from their friends and family on the day of their birth. Is that not the case?”
“Yeah, but it’s not my birthday,” Jane says, laughing slightly. “It’s-”
“April 11th, going by the human calendar,” Nihlus says.
Jane pauses. She looks down at the hamster in her hands, running a finger along his back. “I forgot my own birthday.”
Nihlus smiles slightly, his mandibles flaring out slightly. “It happens to the best of us.”
*
She’s sleeping on the couch. It’s amazing how much she’s grown in a year and a half. When Saren found her, she was barely more than a child. Now she’s taller, more muscular, and stronger. The wide-eyed girl who was afraid to be alone is gone now. She’s been replaced by this young woman who can shoot to kill every time and use her biotics to throw a person twice her size across the room.
He crosses his arms and looks at her. His research has been slow going these past few years; he’s a soldier, not a scientist. But if the artifact reveals what he thinks it does, there’s something big coming. A huge storm is building on the horizon. And he has to protect everyone from it.
He walks over and shuts the windows, so that when the artificial light outside is turned back on it won’t wake her up.
Once he planned to bring humanity to its knees with this artifact. Now, it seems as though he’ll be protecting them from it. Or, if nothing else, protecting Jane.
*
“I’m leaving,” Saren tells her.
Jane looks up from her reading. She smiles. “Be safe.”
“I- er. I will,” he says. “If you have any trouble, call Nihlus. I made sure he wouldn’t have any assignments while I’m gone. Just in case you got into trouble.”
“I’ll be alright,” Jane says.
“And if you go out, you stay away from the lower wards,” Saren says firmly. “It’s dangerous down there. Especially for a young human girl. If anyone tries to talk you into anything, just go straight home.”
“I know, Saren.”
“And be careful when you practice your biotics. Last time you almost killed yourself trying to-”
“I know,” Jane says. She’s still smiling. Once again, Saren finds himself unable to figure out why. “I’ll be alright. Just be careful.”
Saren nods slowly, then turns to go.
*
The target is running down the street. Jane pursues, her heart pumping in her chest. The man turns and throws a grenade- but not at her. There’s an explosion, and she sees an asari child plummeting from her family’s now unstable balcony. Jane changes directions instinctively, running to catch the girl. As she dives to catch the child, the simulation ends.
Jane pulls off her visor to find Saren staring at her angrily.
“Your target escaped,” he says. “That’s the third time, Jane.”
“He keeps attacking innocents!” Jane protests. “What am I supposed to do, let them die?”
“Yes,” Saren snarls, shocking her. “Victory at any cost, Jane.”
She frowns. “But at the cost of innocents-”
“How many more innocents would your target killed if you allowed him to escape so that you could save one child? How many more lives would he ruin?” Saren demands. His blue eyes are cold and hard. “Now, do it again. We’ll keep at this until you get it right.”
Jane pulls the visor back over her eyes, biting back tears.
She fails the simulation five more times before completely it ‘correctly’.
*
“He’s just frustrated,” Nihlus says, handing her an amino soda. “He sees the potential you have. What you did on Mindoir-”
“I was scared!” Jane snaps, popping open the can. “I still have nightmares about what happened. About what I did. It’s not something I’m proud of.”
Nihlus sighs. “Sometimes you do what you have to. Saren just wants you to understand that. Victory-”
“At any cost,” Jane finishes bitterly. “I know. But what good is victory if you end up being no better than the person you were fighting to begin with?”
*
There’s a new message in her terminal. Jane opens it. It’s a recruitment email for the Alliance military. She starts to delete it. Then she thinks of the Alliance soldiers she saw on Mindoir. While she huddled beside Saren, wrapped in a bloody jacket, the Alliance soldiers were arresting the slavers.
Not murdering them. Not torturing them.
She reads the email through to the end. Then, she calls the number at the end.
*
“What?” Saren snarls, narrowing her eyes at her.
Jane keeps her back straight and her voice calm. “I’m joining the Alliance.”
“I forbid it,” Saren growls.
“I’m turning eighteen in two weeks,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. Of course he didn’t know that. He always forgot. Nihlus had to remind him last year. And even then he wasn’t there for it. “I’ll be a legal adult in the eyes of the human government, and I won’t need your consent.”
He turns away, furious. “Do you not understand what I’ve done for you? I’m grooming you to be a Spectre, Jane-“
“I didn’t ask for that!” Jane yells. “I was just some scared little girl you thought you could turn into a killer! But I’m more than that!”
Saren turns to glare at her. “Your talents will be wasted there.”
“So be it,” she says, stiffly.
He shakes his head slowly. The disappointment on his face is evident. Even now it takes all her resolve to keep from apologizing, to keep herself from yearning to win back his approval. As though she ever had it to begin with.
*
“You’ve lost you know, don’t you?” Saren says. “In a few minutes Sovereign will have full control of all the Citadel’s systems. The relay will open. The Reapers will return.”
“I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve!” Shepard shouts back. She can’t believe how fast this has spiraled out of control. The Citadel is in ruins, and in a few moments she’ll have to kill Saren. Or he will kill her.
“You may have survived our encounter on Virmire, Jane, but I’ve changed since then. Improved. Sovereign has…upgraded me,” he says.
Upgraded? Shepard’s blood turns cold. “You let Sovereign implant you?! Are you insane?!”
“I suppose I should thank you, Jane. After Virmire I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said. About Sovereign manipulating me. About indoctrination. I began to think about Nihlus, about you. Sovereign sensed my hesitation. I was implanted to strengthen my resolve,” Saren says. He sounds proud, almost. It makes her want to puke. “Now my doubts are gone. I believe in Sovereign completely. I understand that the Reapers need organics…”
His voice changes slightly, adopting a gentler tone that she hasn’t heard in years.
“It doesn’t have to be this way, Jane,” he says. “Join us, and Sovereign will find a place for you too. You and I will oversee the new cycle, and teach those remaining how to best serve the Reapers.”
“Sovereign’s controlling you!” Shepard shouts. “You have to fight it!”
“The relationship is symbiotic,” he insists. “I am a vision of the future. The evolution of all organics. This is our destiny. Join us, and experience a true rebirth.”
“Sovereign hasn’t won yet!” she shouts back. “I can stop it! If you step aside, the invasion will never happen!”
“Shepard, this isn’t working,” Nihlus whispers, leaning over.
“I have to try to talk him down,” she hisses back. “He’s still in there somewhere. We saw it on Virmire.”
Saren growls. “We can’t stop it, not forever! You saw the visions. You saw what they did to the Protheans. I’ve fought too long and too hard to keep you from suffering the same fate to let you throw it all away now. Join us, Jane. It's not too late.”
Déjà vu, she thought. For the second time she was throwing Saren’s life work right out the door. She grits her teeth.
“Some part of you knows this is wrong!” she yells. “You can fight this! You’ve always been able to overcome anything! You can beat them!”
“Maybe…maybe you’re right,” Saren says. He sounds like himself again. He sounds like the turian that saved her back on Mindoir. For a moment, she dares to hope. “Maybe there’s still a way for- ARGH! The implants- Sovereign is too strong. I’m sorry…it is too late for me.”
Shepard rolls away from cover now. Nihlus and Liara try to yank her back, but she avoids their grasp. “It’s not over yet! You can beat this!”
Saren looks at her and almost smiles. His mandibles flare, and she sees something in his eyes. Regret? Sorrow? He grabs his gun. “Goodbye, Jane.”
“NO!” she screams, running towards him.
“I’m proud of you,” he says. He presses the gun against his head, and fires.
“DAD!” she screams. As he falls, she drops to her knees.