Work Text:
“Patton? Dear, where’ve you gone off to?” Janus wandered down the hall, in search of him. He’d already checked Patton’s room, but to no avail, and as far as he could tell there weren’t any other sides around to be able to tell him where his boyfriend might be.
Janus nearly let out a gasp when he found Patton sobbing into his hands in the common-room alone. The lights were dim, casting Patton in shadows, so many shadows in fact, that they seemed to blanket him. Janus’s heart clenched at the sight, his pulse beginning to thunder in his ears. Quickly, he rushed to Patton’s side, setting a gentle hand on his shoulder, which trembled with sobs.
“Pat? What happened? Why’re you crying?” Janus decided against asking “Who do I need to kill?” like he wanted to, realizing it might only worsen the situation and sounded quite a bit like something Remus would say.
“It’s – it’s nothing,” Patton began in a weak voice, his eyes still brimmed with unshed tears, but he bit his lip when he saw the look in Janus’s eyes.
“Darling, you and I both know lying is my forte and most certainly not yours. Please, tell me what’s going on?” Patton took a moment to compose himself, pinching his temple and taking in a deep breath before speaking meekly.
“I…I don’t want to say.” He turned his head so that his eyes were focused on anything besides Janus’s concerned gaze. Huh, Patton had never noticed how interesting the wall was. Janus sighed, gently cupping his boyfriend’s face in his hands. Patton bit his lip, finding it impossible to avoid eye-contact any longer, no matter how much he wanted to.
“Patton, I need to know what’s going on. Seeing you so distraught is...well, it’s terribly upsetting. I want to help make things better, if I can. But first, I need to know what the problem is.”
Patton exhaled softly. He understood Janus’s position, of course he did. He would be beyond worried if he ever found Janus in tears, but that didn’t make things any easier.
“I know it’s going to upset you…” Janus let go of Patton’s face, bringing his gloved-hands downward and lacing their fingers together.
“Whatever’s going on, it’s going to be alright.” Janus hoped, prayed that he sounded believable. He had no idea what was going on and he was becoming more nervous with each passing second. He didn’t like to be in the dark, and this situation was no exception. Regardless, he was determined to do everything he could to put Patton more at ease.
It was truly horrible, seeing him breaking down, and all alone at that. Why hadn’t he seeked him out? It wasn’t the first time Janus had seen Patton cry, but somehow it felt different this time, as though he was witnessing Patton’s heart breaking in real-time.
“I promise, everything’s going to be okay.”
“But, how...how do you know?” Another sigh rolled past Janus’s lips. Perhaps it was irrational, believing that Patton would blindly accept his blanket-statement that everything would work out without any context. But he was doing everything he could. He gave Patton’s hands a reassuring squeeze, his lips upturning in a small smile.
“Because everything always is, in the end. I doubt whatever issue this is any kind of an exception to that.” Patton bit his lip, nodding slowly before finally relaying the information.
“Virgil and I had a fight. He stormed off and I tried to knock on his bedroom door, to see if he was alright...but he didn’t answer. Virgil and I never fight, and it hurt. A lot.”
Janus frowned. Patton’s reaction to the interaction made perfect sense now. He and Virgil had a very special relationship, they had for some time now, so the idea of there being any kind of a rift between them was almost unfathomable. Almost.
“The fight you two had, it was about me, I presume?” Janus hated that he could already guess what kind of a disagreement Patton and Virgil had, but it couldn’t be helped. This was going to happen eventually, it was merely a matter of time. Still, Janus wished he could’ve prevented it somehow.
Patton nodded sadly, his eyes cast downward.
“Yes, it was. I really tried to explain the discussion that we’d all had, that things were different now, you know?”
“I do.”
“But it went pretty bad,” Patton sniffled, another tear slipping down his cheek, “and he didn’t want to listen to what I had to say. He insisted that you were no-good and - and not to be trusted. I tried so hard to tell him that things weren’t like that, a-and that you’re really wonderful and -”
Janus wrapped his arms around Patton, pulling him into a tight hug. Patton tried to explain further, but the words got lost somewhere along the way and he cried into Janus’s shoulder, long and hard.
“It’s going to be alright, darling,” Janus crooned softly, rubbing slow circles into his boyfriend’s back, “It’s all going to be alright.”
He held Patton like that for a long while in the dark, close and tender, running his fingers through Patton’s curls. Eventually, Patton squirmed out of Janus’s snake-like-grip, deciding to lay his head in the deceitful side’s lap. Janus quickly resumed carding his fingers through Patton’s hair.
“I’m sorry…” Patton said after he’d stopped crying, his eyes cast on the carpet. Janus’s eyebrow upturned in confusion.
“Whatever are you sorry about, Patton?”
Patton sighed, the sound turbulent and troubled.
“I’m sorry about how things used to be...how things still are, sometimes. I’m sorry that I believed that you were evil and not good for Thomas. Not good for us. I... I was so wrong to think that.”
Janus felt his chest constrict, as though something was squeezing on his heart. Patton sat up and glanced at Janus, the beat of tense silent that had abruptly fallen over them cause for concern.
“Patton you have absolutely no reason to be sorry. I appreciate that you feel as though you have to make it up to me. You truly are unbelievably sweet, and that’s something that I cherish about you so, so much. But you don’t need to apologize for previously believing me to be something that I was trying to be.” Confusion etched itself into Patton’s features.
“Trying to be?”
Janus took Patton’s hand in his own once more, giving him a tight, comforting squeeze.
“Yes. When I first made Thomas aware of my presence, I wanted to be feared. If anything, I should be apologizing to you. Patton, darling, I pretended to be you, I tricked all of you. At the time, I told myself that it was necessary to get my voice heard. To some extent, I know that’s true, but it doesn’t make me feel any less awful about having done that to you. My dear, I’m sorry I did that to you, and I’m sorry I was so desperate to play the villain.”
Patton shook his head fiercely.
“No – Janus, sweetheart. It’s okay. I don’t care about that anymore, I know things are different now. I forgive you, for all of the things that happened in the past. I’m so proud of you for how much good you’ve done for all of us recently. You always have the best intentions.”
“As do you. You’re so fucking good, Patton.” Patton was able to bite back the urge to say, “Language Janus!”, far too swept up in the tenderness of his tone. “Your so kind, and soft, and the fact that you’re able to see the good in me, past all of the other layers I’ve tried to put up over the years. It just makes me exceptionally happy. You make me so happy.”
Despite the sorrow that had taken root in Patton’s heart, he burst out smiling, wrapping Janus in a firm embrace.
“You make me so happy too, Jan. More than I have been in such a long time. I see the good in you because there’s so much there. You’re wonderful, and I guess…I guess that’s what makes it so hard to think about, Virgil and I’s fight. He called you evil, and I know at one point I had a similar position. But now that I know you the way that I do, it’s almost impossible to think of you that way. Now you’re someone who brings me such peace to get to hold and confide in and – and love.”
Patton could feel as Janus went rigid in his arms. And then he realized, oh dear, he’d said that out loud, hadn’t he? Patton unhooked his arms from around Janus’s waist, and there was a sudden, flighty panic in his eyes.
“I…oh goodness, I didn’t mean – well, that isn’t to say that I didn’t mean it, I just hadn’t intended to say it t-that way I –.”
Janus spared Patton the embarrassment of continuing to sputter like a fool, cradling his face in his hands and kissing him deeply. Patton’s eyes fell shut, the tension that had contorted his body a moment ago melting away as he set his hands on Janus’s waist, squeezing slightly and kissing Janus with every bit of love that welled up in him.
“I love you too,” Janus confessed against Patton’s lips before kissing him again, searing, desperate, “I love you so much.”
“Janus…” And god, Patton moaned as Janus pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his pulse-point.
“I love you,” Janus announced again, sucking wantingly at Patton’s neck, his teeth just grazing. Patton shivered. It was as though the floodgates had opened. Now that that word had finally been spoken aloud Janus was determined to say it as much as possible, to let Patton know how deeply and insanely he loved him.
After several more heated kisses and prolonged touches, the pair calmed it down a little, considering their rather public location. Though no other sides were around they could always walk in, and considering Virgil and Patton’s recent fight, that wouldn’t exactly be ideal.
“Sorry…” Janus said, now laying on the couch with his arms around Patton’s middle, embarrassment tinging his words slightly, “I might’ve gotten a little carried away there…”
"You don’t need to apologize, silly,” Patton said, and Janus could feel his breath hot against his face, that’s how close they still were, noses bumping, “It was nice. You made me feel a lot better. Thanks for that, sweetheart.”
“Of course, darling. I’m glad I was able to offer some assistance.”
The couple laid together for a long stretch of silence, holding one another and kissing softly every moment or two, a low fire still burning in their bellies, though momentarily calmed.
“I know things might seem bad right now,” Janus said, after a while of no words between them, “But things between you and Virgil will work out. I’m sure of that. His opinions on me…well, they aren’t unfounded. And I know he’s terribly protective over you. I can’t say I blame him for that. But you two are best friends, he looks up to you. I know he does. It’s going to be alright.”
Patton sighed, moving so he was laying his head on Janus’s chest, the beat of his heart a comforting thump in his ear.
“I hope you’re right…”
“I know I’m right. Give him some time, but he’ll come back. I can’t imagine him staying away for too long. You’d be very hard to quit outright.”
Patton smiled softly, feeling hopeful that Janus was right. Still, even with the concern over Virgil, he felt so much calmer now, in the embrace of his boyfriend, his lover. He had by no means intended to admit the true strength of his feelings for him, but regardless, he was happy that he’d done so.
“Hey Jan?”
“Yes dear?” Patton smiled against his chest.
“I love you.” It felt so good to say, and he was becoming certain that he wanted to keep saying it too. From the slight quickening in Janus’s pulse, he was fairly certain Janus felt similarly.
“I love you too, Patton.”
=+=