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There had been some expectations for how the conversation would go. Janus had known that it was only a matter of time before he got to Thomas and convinced him that his self-care and mental health was the pinnacle of importance. Granted, he hadn’t expected to get there so soon, what with the light side – it felt almost strange, calling them light sides at this point. After all, Janus had a seat at the table now and the lines had been blurred long before when Virgil was first accepted.
“Don’t make me regret trusting you.” He trusted him. Thomas trusted him.
In all honesty, Janus hadn’t thought this far ahead. At the most, he’d expected to eventually be tolerated, but trust, now that was a different thing altogether.
For years, Janus had put up an imposing front, making himself out as something to fear, much in the way that Virgil had done so. Granted, Virgil himself was accepted into the light sides so it stood to reason that it was possible that Janus could be too. But he hadn’t truly expected it.
What struck Janus truly surprised was the fact that Thomas wasn’t the only one who had decided to put his trust in him; Patton had too. Patton, the impediment of all things moral and just, had decided to allow Janus to speak his mind.
This hadn’t been without serious pushback beforehand; Patton had hulked out into a giant frog, for God’s sake. Still, he had eventually cooled down and given Janus the space to promote his message of self-care. He’d eased up, a fact that Janus couldn’t help but feel a little proud over, not that he’d ever admit it. And Patton’s decision to accept Janus for what he was and what he stood for hadn’t been without consequence.
Roman had opposed such a decision with great passion, claiming him to be a villain and not to be trusted. These accusations didn’t surprise Janus. He’d put on the villain-persona for years in order to attempt to have any sort of an influence in Thomas’s life. He did whatever he had to do to get a word out, having to lie and deceive to even get Thomas to know of his existence in the first place. But what really wounded Janus wasn’t Roman’s general hostility. It was the insult on his name.
It had taken so much courage to finally come out and say it: “My name…is Janus.” And Roman’s response? He laughed. He laughed at something that he had kept from the others for years. Janus had retaliated, comparing Roman to Remus. In all honesty, this comparison wasn’t fair to either of the brothers. With Remus being a dark side himself, though he was a bit…much, they spent quite a lot of time together. Remus was strange, he was disgusting and did anything he wanted on a whim, but he wasn’t evil. And neither was Roman, though their situation was much messier.
Roman had ducked out of the conversation by that point because Patton and Thomas had taken his side, and then something even more surprising happened: Patton asked for Janus’s advice. At first, Janus had responded sarcastically but seeing the hurt in Patton’s eyes, he realized he was entirely serious. He genuinely wanted Janus’s help and as strange as the situation was, Janus was more than happy to oblige. Thrilled, if you must know.
Patton was the first one to use Janus’s name genuinely. He didn’t tease or poke fun, he accepted it. It was odd…hearing his own name breathed out by such a tender, kind-hearted person.
Janus’s feelings for Patton had always been…complicated, to say the least. It should come as no surprise that morality and deceit are fairly conflicting things. However, Janus’s purpose was now clearly not purely deception. He also had a great deal to do with Thomas’s self-preservation, something that would be hard to argue against at this point, when it was so glaringly obvious that he needed to take some time for himself. Janus wanted to help Thomas just as much as the others, and suddenly he realized that Patton was starting to see that too.
He’d never had the harshest feelings about Patton. It was hard to hate someone who was so kind and baked constantly and just wanted Thomas to do the right thing and be the best person that he could be. Conflicting though they could be, Janus truly admired Patton. It was probably far easier seeing all the good in the world being a light side, but he still understood that Patton’s intentions were always so positive. He’d expected Patton’s asking of his assistance to be their finial interaction for a while. He wasn’t anticipating a friendship or anything of that nature to bloom, so when he found Patton standing at his bedroom door with a plate of cookies and a few Disney movies in his grasp, it was safe to say he was flabbergasted.
“Patton this…is a surprise,” he said, trying desperately to gain his bearings, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
Patton smiled brightly, holding the plate out in offering.
“Well, I just baked some cookies and I thought why not bring some to you.” Huh. This was odd.
“And the movies?” Patton noticeably tensed a bit.
“I also thought…and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, obviously…but maybe you and I could…hang out for a bit?”
Hang out. The words seemed to ring out in Janus’s brain, rattling his skull. Patton wanted to spend time with him, he’d even brought goodies. Surely, one of the light sides was around to occupy him, or Virgil. Patton was very fond of Virgil. Some time ago, Janus had been too. But no, Patton actually desired his company. The very idea of such a thing made his face feel hot and chest tight, as though it were being constricted by a snake.
Suddenly, Janus recognized that he’d been standing there without answer for far too long and Patton looked as though he was considering walking away.
“Yes! I – I mean, sure. Let’s…hang out.” Janus cringed inwardly. He hadn’t quite sticked the landing, but Patton seemed happy with the answer nonetheless and he followed Janus inside his room.
Much of the room’s color-scheme was made up of yellows and blacks, his bedspread having a print of Boa-Constrictors and several images of serpents hang in the bedroom. For a moment, Janus thought perhaps the whole thing was a bit too much, but Patton lit-up when he saw the bedspread, belly-flopping onto the bed.
“Whoa! You have snakes on your bed! That’s so cute!”
Janus couldn’t help but be endeared by nearly everything Patton did. As mentioned prior, his feelings for the light side were complicated. Maybe more so than he’d allowed himself to recognize in the past.
There was a small TV across from the bed, and so one of the films was put on and the lights were turned off. At first, Janus kept his distance from Patton, sitting as far away on the bed as possible. After all, he didn’t want to overstep the boundaries, hell, he wasn’t even sure what the boundaries were.
But as the cookies were consumed and the film continued to play, Patton edged closer, eventually settling a tentative hand on Janus’s thigh. Janus did everything he could to keep his eyes trained on the screen, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. He realized all at once the danger of his feelings for Patton. It was incredibly foolish to even consider the idea of romance with the literal representation of Morality!
His heart felt like it was beating out of its chest as the movie came to a close and the credits rolled. He expected Patton to pop another movie into the DVD player, as he’d brought several, but instead he simply paused the credits, casting both of them in the dim light of the TV. Patton removed his hand from Janus’s thigh, slowly raising it to the serpentine side of Janus’s face. Janus flinched at Patton’s soft touch, not used to having his scales touched, much less caressed.
“Patton…” Janus had planned on saying something more, but the words crumbled like sand in his mouth.
Patton surged forward suddenly, their lips making contact, both hands now gripping Janus’s face gently. For a moment Janus kissed back, reveling in the feeling, before pulling back rigidly. Panic flashed in Patton’s eyes.
“Oh goodness! I – I’m so sorry, Janus. I – I shouldn’t have –.”
“Are you sure?” The question came out meek, just above a whisper. Patton tilted his head, evidently not understanding the question.
“Am I sure about what?”
“About doing…that,” Janus clarified breathlessly, more hope rising in him than it had in such a long time, “Are you sure you want this?” Patton nodded confidently, smiling so wide it looked as though it might crack his face in half.
“Yes, Jan,” he said, and Janus recalled all the times he had insisted for Remus not to call him Jan and that he hated the nickname. But god, when Patton said it, it sounded so much sweeter, so much so that he wanted to hear it a hundred more times, “I’m sure. I’m very sure.”
With that, Janus gripped tightly onto Patton’s shoulders, kissing him desperately. He could feel the slight upturn of Patton’s lips, knowing he was smiling right through it. Janus’s heart beat furiously, trying to keep up with the flood of emotions that ran through his body. Here he was, kissing a creature so divine who he could, for a lack of better phrasing, only call angelic. In a moment so beautiful he felt frozen in time, he thought not of how the other’s might react or how unworthy he felt in comparison to Patton, or of how terribly complicated this all was. No, what Janus thought of was the pure joy that surged through him, a feeling from here on out he was sure to chase.
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