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A five year old's birthday party should not involve getting this drunk but, somehow, it has. Jiang Cheng absolutely can't see straight, much less stand straight, but he's managed to stumble his way out of the great hall where most of the other sect leaders and higher level disciples are still celebrating Jin Ling, who had gone to bed three hours ago. He falls into a seat on one of the fences around a lotus pond, and nearly tips backwards into it, barely catching himself by desperately grasping at the fence. Or - hm - he doesn't seem to be gripping it all that hard. Thoughts swimming lazily, it takes a while to focus on the fact that a hand has grabbed the front of his robes and is slowly hoisting him into an upright position. Maybe that's why he didn't fall in? Or maybe he caught himself without trying that hard. He is pretty strong. Hmm.
"Sect Leader Jiang."
The voice is warm and scolding all at once, and Jiang Cheng realizes that it's Lan Xichen, his friend. He smiles, because he wants to and because why shouldn't he? He's allowed to smile. He can smile whenever he wants. When he looks at the other man, he thinks he looks like a ray of moonlight, glowing soft and white and clear and beautiful. Lan Wangji looks like he's going to a funeral, and Lan Xichen looks like moonlight.
"Sect Leader Lan." Jiang Cheng says, attempting to enunciate each syllable, feeling it out, but mostly just managing a slow, cottony statement. No, not right.
"Zewu-Jun." Again, each syllable is molasses, not so much rolling off his tongue as dribbling out slowly from his mouth.
"Lan Xichen."
Yes, maybe that's the right one to use right now. He can't seem to remember Lan Xichen's birth name, which is embarrassing, but also it doesn't matter, because this name seems right. Jiang Cheng continues to smile, feeling victorious that he's settled on what to call his companion. Lan Xichen is smiling too, but his eyes crinkle up at the corners, which is a different kind of smile than he usually gives other people. Jiang Cheng is special. They're very good friends. He gets special smiles. Lan Xichen is still holding to his robes, but more gently now.
"Goodness, I think you maybe need some water, Sect Leader Jiang."
"No." Jiang Cheng feels himself scowl, suddenly irritated. What the hell is Lan Xichen's problem, anyway?
"...no?"
"Not that name," Jiang Cheng insists because, really, what the hell is Lan Xichen's problem? He lifts a hand to run through his hair, but mostly just succeeds in messing up his topknot. Also, he's hot and thirsty.
"Sandu Shengshou?" Jiang Cheng shakes his head aggressively and nearly topples backwards again, but doesn't because of his strength (and maybe also Lan Xichen).
"Jiang Wanyin?"
"No."
"Jiang Cheng, then." Yes, that seems correct. Jiang Cheng nods, trying to remember if Lan Xichen has ever called him that before. He maybe hasn't, but there's a first time for everything, and why should his friend call him anything but his name? Hadn't Lan Wangji called Wei Wuxian by his name? His mouth suddenly tastes sour as he thinks about this, and he tilts back, this time willing himself to fall into the lotus pond. Everything is stupid and bad anyways, so what does it matter? Lan Xichen softly yelps at the sudden dead weight dropping back, and rights Jiang Cheng once more. Jiang Cheng isn't sure if he's mad about this, so he just scowls off over Lan Xichen's shoulder.
"Se… Jiang Cheng. We should get you some water and get you into bed, don't you think?"
It sounds reasonable, but also Jiang Cheng wants to drown himself in this lotus pond, so it sounds a little unreasonable too. He huffs a sigh and finally looks Lan Xichen in the face. Unlike his stupid brother that Jiang Cheng finds horribly insufferable, Lan Xichen is emotive. There's a soft concern in his expression, and a desire to help. He's helped him in the past many times, even just by providing easy company. He'd hugged him before. Maybe more than once. Hadn't they kissed? Jiang Cheng can't remember. What he does remember is that they're friends, and that Lan Xichen is very nice, and he should probably not be a total pain in the ass right now because Lan Xichen doesn't deserve that.
A long silence stretches before he finally nods. What a hassle the Lans are.
"Fine. But only because you're nice."
Jiang Cheng tries to push himself up and wobbles forward, caught in Lan Xichen's arms. He sinks into them a little, because they're comfortable, even if they're a little too warm. He can hear the other man laughing quietly.
"I'm going to pick you up."
There's no time for Jiang Cheng to process what he's said, much less argue. He's hoisted up into arms that definitely don't look this strong, but clearly are, and he's quick to accept his fate, sinking against Lan Xichen and shutting his eyes. They begin to move, and it makes him a little dizzy, so he opens his eyes again.
"Brother!"
Both men turn their heads. It's Jin Guangyao - Jiang Cheng would recognize his simpering voice anywhere. He considers telling him to get lost, but Lan Xichen is speaking to him before he can fully form the sentence in his mind. He scowls. Pouts, maybe. Whatever the case, he's unhappy, because he was going to lie down, and now they've stopped.
"Yao. I'm going to get Sect Leader Jiang settled. He's had a long night."
"You can let the servants take care of that, can't you? I was hoping to borrow you, for a bit."
Jin Guangyao and Jiang Cheng make eye contact, and Jiang Cheng hates him a lot in this moment. In general he doesn't entirely dislike him, as he's Jin Ling's other uncle and does treat the boy well, but he's never been his biggest fan. And look how bold he is now, trying to get Lan Xichen to abandon him.
"No, no, I'm already in the middle of it anyway. I'll come find you after I take care of him, I promise."
"Of course. Let me know if you need any help." Jin Guangyao does not sound happy, even if his smile remains. As Lan Xichen turns to head towards Jiang Cheng's rooms, Jiang Cheng takes the opportunity to peek over his shoulder and stick his tongue out at Jin Guangyao. The gold-clad young man, for an instant, looks very, very annoyed, and Jiang Cheng settles back into Lan Xichen's arms, triumphant.
Before Jiang Cheng knows it (maybe because he fell asleep for a moment), they're in his rooms, and Lan Xichen has gently set him down on his bed. His head is still swimming, and it's starting to get a little unpleasant. He sighs and petulantly stares at the ground. Lan Xichen takes off his shoes for him, and takes down his hair. He helps him get off his outer robes, which are stupid and complicated right now because he had to dress up for Jin Ling's birthday. In trying to get them off they seem to have become more restrictive, choking the life out of him. He flaps an arm to get off a sleeve before realizing it won't come off because of his bracer. Lan Xichen appears to be biting his lip as he unbuckles it for him, but he remains silent.
Jiang Cheng is hot and thirsty. Lan Xichen has rice and water from somewhere, so Jiang Cheng eats a little and drinks one, two, three glasses of water that keep appearing in Lan Xichen's hands. He successfully runs his hand through his hair before flopping back on his bed, feet hanging off the edge.
"Jiang Cheng, put your feet on the bed."
Grumbling, Jiang Cheng complies, twisting his body once he's fully on the bed to look at Lan Xichen, who seats himself on the edge of the thin mattress. His bed feels large and empty. He shouldn't have told Jin Ling that, now that he's five, he has to sleep in his own bed. Jiang Cheng knows better than to ask Lan Xichen to lie down with him, but that doesn't mean it isn't on his mind. A thought occurs to him. Maybe Lan Xichen can tell. Maybe he'll realize that's what he's asking for without him having to say anything and then it'll be fine. He seems very good at reading him. He stares at Lan Xichen, trying to will this knowledge into his head, until Lan Xichen laughs.
"Jiang Cheng, what are you doing?"
"Nothing," he groans, defeated as he stretches his arms out above his head.
If Wei Wuxian were here, he could ask him to clamber into bed with him. They had often slept in one another's beds as children, and even sometimes as teenagers, especially when things were hard. When Jiang Cheng's mother had tore one or both of them down, or when Jiang Cheng's father had once again reminded Jiang Cheng what a failure he was. It's been a while since Wei Wuxian has been here, though. Even before his death, he'd been away for so long. When was the last time that they'd shared a bed, stayed up late talking, pinched each other for hogging the blankets? He can't remember. It's been too long. How could it have been so long?
"I miss Wei Wuxian."
Jiang Cheng isn't actually sure if he says the words out loud but he must have, because Lan Xichen's amused expression melts into something sad. He replaces it with a gentle smile after a few moments, but his words still sound tight with hurt as he leans to brush some hair from Jiang Cheng's forehead. His fingers are cold and calloused, which seems both incorrect and correct for a ray of moonlight.
"I know," Lan Xichen murmurs softly, understanding.
"How?"
Didn't everyone think he'd killed him? Why would anyone know that he missed him? Can Lan Xichen actually read minds? If so, why has he not gotten into bed yet?
"Because he's your brother."
Ah. Jiang Cheng wants to cry but he won't, even though he can feel the tears settling at the corner of his eyes. He's not crying because he's sad. He's crying because he's angry and frustrated. Because why did Wei Wuxian do all those things? Why was he so willing to sacrifice everything for everyone else, but not for himself? Not for Jiang Cheng? Not for Yanli? And why is Jiang Cheng the only one left to pick up the pieces? Why does he have to do this all alone? Of the three of them, he was always the least equipped for anything, and now he is the only one left alive. It's not fair. It's not right. In what cruel, stupid universe is he the one that has to drag their broken family back up from the ashes?
Lan Xichen dabs at the corner of his eyes without saying anything, and Jiang Cheng finally doesn't want to look at the beautiful Lan anymore. He rolls over so his back is to him, the movement ungraceful as his shoulder catches on his hair and he has to lift his body and push it out of the way before he can lie down. He's not crying, but his eyes are very wet.
"I've left some water here at your bedside, Jiang Cheng. You should drink a bit more, before you fall asleep, if you can." Lan Xichen is getting to his feet.
"Stay."
He might not want to look at him, and he might not be able to ask him to lie down with him, but that doesn't mean that Jiang Cheng wants to be here, alone with his thoughts. He feels like a child, but he's immune enough to shame thanks to alcohol that he can ask for this, at least. The bed settles a little lower as Lan Xichen seats himself again. Jiang Cheng says nothing else, and neither does Lan Xichen. After a few minutes of silence, Lan Xichen begins to play Leibing. He plays some songs that Jiang Cheng recognizes, either from life or from their nightly meetings when they were teenagers. Others he doesn't, but they're soothing all the same. He rolls over a few times to dutifully drink a little more water without looking at Lan Xichen, and eventually falls asleep with his back to the other man, lulled by the sound of his flute.
In the morning, Jiang Cheng has a splitting headache and only foggy memories of the evening before. He remembers talking to Lan Xichen, he remembers being carried back to his rooms, he remembers the other sect leader playing his flute, and he remembers being angry, frustrated, but when is he not? He remembers speaking of Wei Wuxian, but not what he said. All of these things are embarrassing and horrible, even in this hazy state, so he pushes them out of his mind.
He gets ready slowly and painfully, and does his best not to snap at Jin Ling when his nephew appears in his room and hangs on his arm. Luckily, by this age, Jin Ling can tell when he's in a bad mood, so he doesn't pester him for too long. He darts outside. Jiang Cheng finishes getting ready, and steps out into the much too bright sun to say his goodbyes to everyone, and thank them for coming. It's painful. Jin Guangyao gives him a cold look and he's not entirely sure why. Lan Xichen doesn't act as if anything had passed between them last night, except that his voice is maybe a little softer than it usually is. Everyone leaves. That evening, Jiang Cheng can hear Jin Ling shuffle up to stand outside his door, and can see the silhouette of his small frame, hand lifted, considering knocking but unsure. Jiang Cheng opens his door and lets Jin Ling crawl into his bed. Lotus Pier feels so empty tonight. He shouldn't make his nephew sleep alone.