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“Okay,” Ronan says, handing over the bag that holds the two suits Adam owns. “That’s all of it.”
Adam glances down into the back of the shitbox. “It seemed like a lot more when we were packing.”
“Yeah, well, dorms are fucking tiny anyway,” Ronan says dismissively. “It’ll feel like more once you get all moved in.” He leans against the side of the car, metal hot through the black of his tank top. He doesn’t ask are you sure you don’t want me to come with you and he doesn’t ask please, please let me come with you.
Adam glances off over the top of the Barns, towards the east where the sun is sitting hot and fat in the sky. At this rate, he’ll be there well after the sun sets in Cambridge but they’d both kept finding things to distract them and it’s nearly noon.
Ronan hates August, always has. It’s too hot and too full of new school years. It’s been looming over him all summer and now that it’s finally here, he feels like breaking something. He’s simmering with it, positively set on destruction as soon as the Hondayota disappears to the main road, but then he feels Adam press in tight against his side.
Tears well in the corners of his eyes before he can stop them and he wraps his arms around Adam’s narrow frame, pressing his face to soft hair so that Adam can’t see him cry. It isn’t until he feels Adam’s shoulders shaking that he realizes that Adam’s fighting back tears, too.
“I’ve never had anywhere I didn’t want to leave,” Adam mumbles brokenly into his collarbone and Ronan feels a tear slip down the side of his nose.
He says, “Just come back to me sometimes.” He doesn’t say I love you so much, doesn’t say I’m scared Harvard’s going to make you not want me anymore.
Adam, being Adam, hears all the things Ronan doesn’t say and pulls back to kiss the tear tracks on Ronan’s cheeks. His own blue eyes are damp. “I’ll always come back to you,” he whispers.
It doesn’t feel real, standing there in the bright sunshine. They’ve had all summer to be as free as they like, to kiss and laugh and go out to Nino’s with Gansey, Blue, and Henry. It’s that freedom Ronan thinks he’ll miss the most; he prefers having easy access to Adam over anything else.
If wanting Adam before had felt like burning, this feels like cold ashes in a grate after the fire’s burned out. It’s fucking scary and he hates it.
“You’d better go if you want to get there before midnight,” Ronan says, bringing his hands up to sweep his thumbs over the high ridges of Adam’s cheekbones. “Call me if you get tired.”
“Ronan,” Adam says weakly. It’s Ronan’s turn to kiss away tears. “Tamquam,” Adam says.
“Alter idem.” Ronan grins and leans forward, brushing his lips against the generous curve of Adam’s mouth. “Go show all those Harvard fuckers how brilliant you are.”
Adam sighs and finally lets himself pull away, sliding into the driver’s seat like he’s climbing into his coffin. Ronan hates himself a little for being the thing that’s keeping Adam from being excited about this; he’s been fighting for an Ivy League future since before they even knew the other existed.
Stupidly, he steps backward as Adam starts the car, shoving his hands deep into his pockets as the shitbox pulls slowly down the drive. One tan arm is shoved out of the window before the car turns, a final wave goodbye, and then Adam’s gone.
Ronan stands there for a minute, in the middle of the driveway of his family home, feeling lost. He thinks about calling Matthew, or Gansey, or even Blue but then his phone rings and he puts it to his ear without looking.
“Okay, so, there’s a long weekend in September.” Adam’s voice comes through a little watery. “And then I bet there’s a weekend in October, and I’ll obviously figure something out for your birthday-”
Ronan’s smiling before he even knows what to do with himself. “Slow down, Parrish,” he says with a laugh. “We’ve got plenty of time to figure all that out.”
“I’m coming back, Ronan,” Adam says seriously.
“You have to study.”
“I can study and come back.”
“I know,” Ronan says gently. “I know you can. But I can come there, too, sometimes.”
By a long-standing agreement that was bitterly agreed upon in June, they don’t mention the nightwash.
“Adam,” Ronan sighs. “Get there. Get moved in. Go to all your classes, sleep, eat, meet people. Your home will still be here.”
There’s a moment of silence and Ronan gulps as he hears Adam draw in a ragged breath. “I know,” Adam whispers. “I know.”
When they hang up, it only takes Ronan half a second before he’s calling Declan.
“What?” Declan’s voice is - understandably - wary, but Ronan’s too strung out to do battle. He chews his lip, thinks of Adam and home, and thinks fuck it.
“How much would it take for you to help me find an apartment in Cambridge?”