Work Text:
Komaeda stretches out, rolls over onto Hinata’s stomach, tendrils of hair splaying on Hinata’s bare tummy with a puff. In the middle of scratching Komaeda’s scalp to the hum of approval, Hinata stops his motion. Komaeda opens his eyes, gray orbs travelling upwards so they stare up at Hinata curiously. The urge to continue stroking praise out of the boy before him was immense. It was such a problem that Hinata had to fight it. But like all addictions, these problems stay with you unless you fight it.
So he does.
He does.
Is it such a problem? To be run by validation, when words from others are limitless? As long as there’s a voice box, there’s a source of praise. Would it hurt Komaeda, to say the words one, two, three times more? Maybe not once a day. Maybe not twice a day. But a whole lifetime’s worth?
How long was a lifetime?
How long were their lifetimes?
The burn of the summer sun, prickling heat on their skin. The sun would continue to provide, as it does, the light and nutrients essential to keep living.
In such a scenario:
“Did you ever think you’d be with someone so normal?” Hinata says, lazily. Komaeda could sense the inquisitive intention of the comment, without any of the inquisitive nature behind it.
“Do you mean to ask... someone like you, Hinata-kun?”
There are many terms- many, many grounds- on which Komaeda can deny the validity of Hinata-kun’s statement. On the basis of the boy’s red eye, the scar on his head; the soul of a man long-gone that resides in Hinata’s brain. By the way he’s bored more often than not, even residing on an island with 15 of the world’s most special people.
But…
If you thought only of the Hinata- the one freshly placed into the killing game before Komaeda had really gotten to know him- he was the only one here that was not special… and that was perhaps the most special thing about him when he first landed on the island.
Maybe.
Perhaps.
And yet.
What’s not special about the man who decided his dreams were worth cutting up his brain for?
What’s not special about a man who didn’t die within a 5 meter distance from Komaeda? But no, there’s no way of knowing a person wouldn’t die- any time. Any place. Any where. Any how.
Perhaps Komaeda was approaching these thoughts from the wrong place.
“Yeah.” Hinata says, with breathless lack of emotion. Breath not worth emotion. So bored he didn’t need to breathe.
Komaeda wonders if Hinata-kun would be happy to hear that he was special after all. Special, like the fish who could fly, or the ones that swim the fastest that had always caused people to point whenever they were on a fishing trip. Hinata was special, right? It was a compliment, right?
After the initial shock of waking up from death, and processing everything that took place after he had died in the program, Komaeda had complimented Hinata several times. Back when Komaeda had first started to accept that the Hinata now was no longer only a reserve student, in the amateur therapy sessions the class set up by sorting plastic chairs in a ring at the top floor of the abandoned hospital, trying to build each other up because no one else in the world would bother with them or care… when he still couldn't be sure whether the group of terrorists on the island surviving was a blessing or a mistake, he was sure his compliments (like everything else about him) were worse than everyone else's.
Teru was an amazing cook, Akane was an amazing athlete. Nidai really knew how to lead a team, and Mikan had great knowledge of prescription drugs. And Hinata?
He could do everything now, well done. He was now a splendid, capable individual that had skills valuable to society, like he had always dreamed of.
Hinata would never respond to that, stone-faced as ever to Komaeda's compliment. But Komaeda realised a trend where it became harder to find him the following days, and that outcome was less than pleasant so Komaeda took the notice to stop.
It confused him because - hadn't it been what Hinata had wanted?
But maybe that was Kamukura… the consequences of Hinata’s decision , but not Hinata himself. Artificial, like Komaeda’s arm. Komaeda didn’t like his arm that much.
Did he consider it a part of himself?
No. Not really. Gidgety-gadgety, it worked. Of course it did- made by talents far greater than his own, it would have been an insult to assume otherwise. It functioned too much better than his own dysfunctional body.
He wondered if Hinata saw Kamukura as part of himself.
…
Hm.
Recently, life has been challenging philosophy. Every once in a while, if he stopped to think - those that swam, those that flew, were all the same under the umbrella of life.
It’s not all those things. It’s not any of those things.
Under mortality they’re all the same.
Then what matters?
“Are you done thinking yet?” Hinata crinkled his eyebrows when he craned his neck so he could look at Komaeda better- deeper. Komaeda’s breath stops a second, “I know when you get like that, Komaeda. You’re not thinking about anything stupid, are you?”
Hinata is not scary, because under his menacing glare and the variety of different talents he could use his hands for (Komaeda’s not listing them out), Hinata is a human being. Someone who has flesh and blood like a human being. Who radiated warmth like a human being. And that is everything more than an encyclopedia of useless facts. It’s rare one needed to know about the rate of radioactive decay, over needing a tender word or two that stopped a man’s mental state from decaying in a more explosive way.
What’s not special about a man who drew everyone to him like vines that crawled up tree trunks to reach a source of light?
What is special about Hinata is the fact that even when he is totally and utterly, completely and wholly, at the mercy of any Ultimate Power… he continues to stay here, like any normal man wouldn’t do.
What makes Hinata special is perhaps that he is a good person, who can be who he wants to be; to do what he wants to do without life's limitations telling him what he was.
And that’s what made him special. So, essentially, what makes him so special is the fact he is so normal.
“I don’t think you’re normal at all, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda laughs. “No one normal would be stupid enough to stay close to me, you know?”
“Maybe I am stupid…” Hinata grunts, and tries to raise himself off the bed so Komaeda has to scurry off. He laughs a bit as he does, because maybe Hinata’s had enough of him now, and maybe he deserved it. But he smiles anyway, because the boy looks so disgruntled as he scratches at his head annoyed, like Komaeda’s just ruined his cereal by putting celery in it. Or something. "To expect a straight answer from you...”
Hm. Exasperated as Hinata seemed, it was good to see him smile.