Work Text:
You wake up at the exact same time that you have woken up for what must be most of your life, and you're pretty sure you went to bed at your usual time the night before, too, although you can't really vividly remember how and when last night ended. Why do you feel like you just spent the last few weeks of your life fighting nonstop, restless?
Yesterday was Egberts birthday, you recall. You got him that shitty rabbit doll from that shitty movie he likes. You wouldn't admit it, but even with your (well, Bro's) connections, that stupid thing was hard as fuck to get. But he was your best bro, and he deserved it.
It is really, really uncool, and not even ironic at all, but you are suddenly filled with the urge to hop on a plane and fly over to Washington and track down that derp and give him a great big, shameless hug. And Jade, too, if you can find your way to her remote island. And fuck, maybe even Rose, even if you then have to lie down on her couch while she asks you questions and takes notes.
Wow what the actual fuck is wrong with you today. You just talked to everyone yesterday and they were all completely fine and alive.
Alive?
Why would you even think they would be dead?
Well, okay, you imagine maybe a few things could go wrong with Rose in the middle of fucking nowhere. But John lived in a normal little place is Washington. Really, what goes wrong in Washington? And in a suburb, no less.
A suburb? Weren't you supposed to do something?
Well, anyway, you imagine Jade is perfectly safe, too. Sure, she lives on a remote island, but she can sort of see into the future and shit. And she has that weird dog to protect her.
God what was that things name?
Why do you only think Noir? It wasn't even a black dog.
Was it?
Wasn't it?
God this is stupid, you need to just get the fuck up and eat something for breakfast, you feel like you haven't eaten in ages. But you think you might have had soup yesterday? You vaguely remember smelling it, but you don't remember ever eating it.
You sneak downstairs, trying not to alert Bro to your presence. Usually this is a stupid endevour and you are never quite quiet enough to sneak past him, but today... today you feel fine-tuned and alert and like you know just what it feels like to need to go unnoticed or risk death.
You don't wake Bro today.
But he's already downstairs, in the kitchen.
He's not cooking - that's just ridiculous - he's leaning against the counter looking off into space and you don't think he's noticed you yet. You can't tell from behind his shades, but you think he looks like he hasn't slept in a while. You think he might feel a bit like how you feel.
"Hey," your voice cracks and you wonder why it feels like sandpaper. It feels like you were crying for the first time since you were a kid. But you know you weren't. What was there to cry over.
He looks over to you and you stay locked in place for a while, just staring at each other. "You okay?" He finally asks, and the question sound strangely parental for Bro.
"Been better," you shrug.
A smirk tugs at the corners of his lips. "Me too, kid," he sighs, and slumps a little into the counter more.
"Could be worse," you offer weakly, and that's just what it feels like. Weakness. You feel broken and cowardly and weak, and you feel like you were supposed to do something to help the situation. But what situation? Nothing even went wrong to help. Why do you feel like you must have lost so much?
"Could be dead," he agrees, and you have to pause to stare at each other again. You don't know what to say. You still feel sort of fine-tuned. You feel the way your fingers flex when you tighten your hands into fists, and you feel the slight skip in your heart like you have physically feel the hiccup of blood throughout your body, you feel a little light-headed and a little like you won something but a lot like you lost a whole lot. You don't think you stood quite as tall as you do now than you stood yesterday. You don't think you felt as small then, either. Not small height-wise, though. You are still pretty damn tall. No, you feel small inside.
You feel like you've seen a lot more of the universe, and it was a lot bigger than you, and it was intimidating as fuck.
"You look older," Bro finally says, and you snap out of your reverie.
"What the fuck are you talking about. I'm the same me I was yesterday," you roll your eyes, knowing that Bro can tell you did so, even behind your shades.
"No, you're not. You're older. Inside," he disagrees.
"You're going all parental on me now," you warn.
He cracks another little smile. "I feel like I might have aged ten years overnight, too," he breaths, reaching up to rub his eyes under his shades. "I have work tonight, a DJ job. So I'm gonna try to catch a few more hours of sleep. Make sure you eat," he pauses by the stairs for a minute, "and talk to those friends of yours."
"Make sure I talk to my-" you turn, but he's already gone, and it leaves the strangest, hollowest feeling inside of you. You actually need to remind yourself that Bro is still in the house. And... and alive.
You skip eating - you'll have time for it later - to head back to your room. You hate to say it, but Bro is right. You need to talk to your friends. Because what if John got stabbed, what if Rose was still walking but just cold as ice, searching, what if Jade was out looking for frogs and God fuck what was that dogs name again? What did you think it was earlier? You think it had to do with colour? But that's dumb, the dog's name is Becquerel, and he's white, his name has nothing to do with that colour. The point was, what if that dog was just following her, just waiting?
What if anything at all had happened to any of them or anything?
You're upstairs in a second and you close your window first and foremost, feeling oddly like you don't want any birds crashing into your room, before sitting at your computer. Pesterchum is flashing, and you can see that one ectoBiologist is trying to get a hold of you, to your great relief. You don't even find it weird to just see "EB: are you alright?" on your screen and you just want to tell him yes.
Yes, you are alright.
And so is Bro, for that matter.
And there isn't even a single crow in site.
And did he talk to Rose or Jade yet?
Are they alright?
And is he alright?
And his dad?
And literally everything?
Is everything alright?
And just hope, hope like hell, he says yes.
Yes, he is alright.
Yes, literally everything on the planet, no, in the universe, in all of the universes is alright.