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Devi Vishwakumar and Ben Gross are more than just your regular old rivals, they’re nemeses, have been since first grade and will be until the end of time, which for teenagers isn't very long considering their idea of forever is warped but hey, these two are a special case. Some even call them the John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors of Sherman Oaks High. Okay, nobody calls them that other than me but it just means they’re the real deal. Not to make this any more about me than it has to be. 

Which is why I, John McEnroe the tennis legend, have compiled a collection of evidence from various sources privy to the lives of our favourite rivals to prove once and for all that Devi Vishwakumar and Ben Gross hate each other with a burning passion. 

Because no matter what that funny guy Andy Samberg says about them having repressed romantic feelings that could be interpreted as sexual tension, I know they don't. Why? Well, that's because Devi is Mohan Vishwakumar's daughter and since he was my biggest fan, Devi is practically my daughter. Sort of. Besides, what would he know about rivals having repressed romantic feelings, right? 

Exhibit A: "The Spelling Bee That Started It All"

Circa 2012, submitted by Regina Hill, Devi Vishwakumar and Benjamin Gross' first grade teacher.

Regina Hill eagerly turned to her first grade class as the dismissal bell started ringing, hoping to get a word out before all her students piled out of the room. 

"Now class, I know you're all excited for the weekend but I am expecting everyone to practice hard for Monday. This weekend will be your last chance to brush up before the big day!"

Devi Vishwakumar looked up from the bag she was packing to gouge out the reactions from her classmates, as if asking herself: What had I missed this time ? 

Being the responsible, albeit often forgetful, first grader her parents raised her to be, Devi approached her teacher.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Hill. I know this is silly of me to ask, but do you mind reminding me what's happening on Monday? I think it must have slipped my—"

"—very irresponsible mind," a voice cut in suddenly. That would be Benjamin Gross, possibly her brightest pupil, other than Devi, and surely her most zealous one. "David, Davidi, David! How could you forget? This spelling bee is all she's been yapping—I mean talking about all week! I for one have been practicing non-stop with my housekeeper every night, Mrs. Hall."

"Shut up, butt-kisser! I did too remember, Mrs. Hill! It just slipped my mind for a second because my dad finally convinced my mom to buy me a harp and I'm finally going to have my very first lesson this Saturday."

"Sucky excuse, David. If you really cared about it then you wouldn't have forgotten, not even for a second. Unlike me, Mrs. Hill. I noted it in my journal," he said with a smirk as if having the equivalent of a diary made him better than Devi.

Prizing herself for her patience, she inhaled softly and smiled at the pair. "If ever you did accidentally forget, Devi, I'm sure you'll be able to catch up with our enthusiastic Ben during the weekend. You're an excellent speller, sweetheart."

A grin started blooming on Devi's face as she was about to thank her teacher when—

"Not as excellent as me! I'm the best speller in class and I'm gonna take the spelling bee trophy home. Then my dad won't have to feel bad about leaving work early to see me!"

Devi rolled her eyes as hard as a seven year old could. "Shut up! You shouldn't butt in when people are talking, Ben Gross! And also, you're wrong. I'm the best speller because I know more words than you. That trophy is mine !"

"Just because you pretend to read Harry Potter doesn't mean you know more words than me. Knowing spells from Hogwarts doesn't count," Ben scoffed. 

"I know normal words too! Anyway, your dad has to come because he's your dad, duh! He'll come and see me holding that trophy!" 

"No he wo—"

The slamming of her books pulled the two kids out of their argument and they looked up at their exasperated teacher. "Enough! Your fighting is just taking up time from your weekend that could be spent practicing and time from my weekend that could and should be spent with me on my couch with a mimosa! So go along now, I'm sure you both will do great." She pushed them out of the room and closed the door with a strained smile, hoping the pair wouldn't strangle themselves outside or worse, tell their parents. 

—

On the Monday of the coveted spelling bee, Devi beat out all her other classmates while Nalini and Mohan cheered proudly at each correctly spelt word. Regina would be lying if she said she was shocked because if there was one thing Devi did better than annoy the brains out of nemesis, it was showing him up to annoy him. Which she did a good job of since the final two came down to the both of them.

"You ready to lose to me in front of your dad, Gross?" She heard Devi ask with glee as she approached him.

With a glance to the crowd of parents who had come to watch, Ben threw her a glare before walking to his position for the final round. 

Poor kid, Regina thought. Despite the constant praises she heard from their son about how great they were, she hadn't seen Ben's parents since she'd started teaching their class four months ago.

In the end, the word that caused Ben's downfall was February. Annoyingly he had forgotten an R. As their teacher, she never had favourites, but since his parents had failed to show up again, she had been silently rooting for him this time. Now not only did he have to ask the school office to call his housekeeper Patty to send someone to get him later, he also had to deal with the gloating face of Devi Vishwakumar and the chicken nugget bouquet she was hugging along with her first place trophy. 

She was about to make her way to the sulking boy when Nalini Vishwakumar walked over to him with a kind smile. 

"Congratulations, Benjamin. You did very well today." 

He gave her a smile that did not quite reach his eyes. "Thanks, Mrs. Vishwakumar. Devi did better though. You don't need to say that just 'cause my parents didn't show up."

Nalini frowned. "Devi said your dad would leave work to see you. She made me promise to leave work early too, even if her father would be here."

"Guess he forgot. He has a big case for Andy Samberg's mom. You know, the Andy Samberg. Said he'd leave work early because it'd be worth it to see me win. Maybe he had a feeling I'd lose or something," Ben replied halfheartedly.

Nalini sighed and turned to whisper something to her approaching husband as Devi skipped over to Ben. Regina winced internally at the inevitable squabble that would break out but decided to let the two talk before she staged a divine intervention.

"So, where's your dad? I wanna show him my new trophy." 

"He couldn't make it. Andy Samberg's mom probably wanted to treat him for doing such a good job on her case so far. No biggie. He'll come next time when it's me holding that trophy."

A look of mixed pity and confusion found its way on Devi's face while Ben looked like he was about to scream at her. That's my cue , Regina thought. 

Yet again, Nalini beat her to it and put her hand on the sullen Ben's shoulder in a way that seemed both warm and unfamiliar to him. "Benjamin, how would you like to come with us for a victory dinner? We could have the school office call your parents to ask if it's okay. Second place is also a big accomplishment."

His eyes grew big and he was about to reply but Devi got there first. What was it with these two always interrupting each other?

"What? This was supposed to be my victory dinner. I don't wanna share it with my nemesis. It's not my fault his dad didn't sh—"

"Devi. Don't be rude. We would love to have you, Ben," Mohan said firmly but kindly. 

He threw his nemesis a glance and looked up at her waiting parents. "That's okay, Mr. and Mrs. Vishwakumar. Thank you for inviting me but uh, my housekeeper Patty already knows I'm going home and probably feels bad. Which means she's rushing to make lasagna for dinner, my favourite. I wouldn't want her efforts to go to waste. I hope you guys enjoy. Congratulations, Devi. I'll see you tomorrow." Giving them one more awkward smile, he turned to leave when Devi caught his arm and made him look at her.

She was wearing that face again, one that looked as if she was about to say sorry that his cat was run over or something.

 "Hey, Ben, I'm sorry about what I said about your dad not showing up. I think he would have been really proud if he got to see how good you were today. But uh if you're making up the thing about Patty because of me—"

"I'm not, David! She really is home waiting for me with lasagna."

"Well, okay. But um, I wanna give you this." She pauses to get the nugget bouquet back from her dad. "It's not much but they're McDonald nuggets so they're the best. My mom doesn't let me have them too often because they're the worst kind of meat or whatever but you should have them."

The nuggets didn't look as fresh as they did when she first got them, which Ben probably noticed that too but since Devi was now looking at him with a shy smile that made his ears turn pink, he took them from her slowly. 

"Uh… thanks, David. Thanks a lot."

Her mouth widened in a toothy smile and she waved before turning around to return to her parents.

Devi Vishwakumar seemed to be a pretty sweet nemesis, as far as first grade nemeses go. Regina thought with a smile. They might just become good friends yet.

"Hey, Gross! Don't look at the bouquet all gross. Your face looks so weird."

Never mind.

Exhibit B: "The Scavenger Hunt of Betrayal"

Circa 2015, submitted by Shira Stein, Devi Vishwakumar and Benjamin Gross' classmate.

Shira looked at the list again and scoffed. "No way. Nuh-uh. I am not asking Ben Gross for his science fair trophy. He's so weird! The last time I talked to him, he kept going on about how much he hated his Auntie Semity or whatever her name was."

Her friends stared at her all funny and judgey but hello, they weren't the ones who would have to act all cute in front of Ben Gross to get him to give them his stupid trophy. Which would be totally a piece of cake for her because she just had a super chic haircut and he was like in love with her, but still. 

"Come on, Shira! The only free things left on the list are Eric Perkin's gym socks and the science fair trophy. Kissing up to Ben has to be better than going anywhere near Eric's stinky socks!" Zoe begged.

Carley's eyes grew wide as she gasped, "Omg! Shira's gonna kiss Ben Gross?"

She turned to face Carley and glared at her. "Ew! Nuh-uh! Forget it! I'm out!"

Zoe nudged her gently. "Shut up, Carley and don't say that, Shirs! We need those seats. Anyway, of course you won't kiss him, you just need to smile at him then get the trophy. Look, Devi and her friends only have two items while we've got three. So if we get Ben's trophy, it's a sure win. We won't have to go anywhere near the socks. Think about it. If we lose, we have to sit next to the toilets for our whole middle school lives!" 

She did have a point. The seats would for sure make them lunchtime royalty and once she got her new phone, they'd need to have good seats to snap pics at, Shira thought. "Fine! I'll do it tomorrow. Only for the seats and because Ben Gross worships me… and because he's like uber rich."

The next morning, Shira put on the candy-scented lip gloss she stole off her sister and sat at the desk behind Ben during the first period. Giving him her selfie smile, she greeted him. "Hey there, Ben! Love the shoes, they're so uh, adult-looking." Doing her best to not roll her eyes at the grandpa shoes gave her a headache.

"Thanks, Shira. They're a limited edition children's pair from the same brand my dad wears." Why he sounded proud, she had no idea.

"Oh! Um… cool. Anyhoo, I wanted to ask you, my favourite boy, for help. You remember the trophy you won with that sciencey, icky body stuff?"

"You mean my report and presentation on liver digestion?"

"Yeah, that. Well, I kinda need it. It's for a scavenger hunt against me, Zoe and Carley and Devi, Fabiola and Eleanor. Since she's like your enemy and I'm your favourite girl, you should give it to me so my group can win the nice middle school table." 

"Um, the trophy? I… I dunno, Shira."

This time she rolled her eyes. Hard. "Ben, come on! We're like besties right? And I know you kinda have a crush on me. Which I totally get, not your fault, so help me out. Tell you what! When we win, I might just let you have lunch with me at the table next year." 

The boy rubbed his neck nervously and tried to avoid her gaze. "The thing is, Shira... I may have sorta...givenittodevibecausesheaskedfirstandifeltbad.'

"Uh, Bless you! So you may have sorta what?"

Ben sighed then shot her an awkward grin and repeated, "I said that I may have sorta given it to Devi. She asked for it yesterday! I wasn't gonna give it to her but then I felt bad because she seemed down and I did kinda kick her butt so hard at the science fair so I thought it wouldn't hurt to just let her borrow it for a silly game. Plus the school just had my name engraved on it so I wanted to rub it in her face."

"Excuse me? Silly game? This silly game is gonna make or break our middle school lunch life and you just broke it! How could you give it to her? I thought you hated her! Didn't she tell you that she was up against me? Have you forgotten who I am to you, Ben Gross?"

"I'm sorry! Really!" He groaned. "I do hate her. She's the worst and is a sore loser, but to be fair, I didn't think you'd actually come and ask me for it! You've been ignoring me since the last time we spoke! And I didn't even know what the stakes were, it's not my fault. You're still my favourite girl, Shirs."

How dare he! He literally chose Devi Vishwakumar over her!  "Omg, stop calling me that, it's so gross! Just call Devi that from now on since she's the one you have your trophy to! Ugh! Unbelievable! We're through, Ben Gross. I'm unfollowing you on Instagram." 

"I don't even have an Instagram account..,” he trailed off then looked as if he had a sudden brain fart. “Wait, does this mean I can't sit with you at lunch next year?"

She got up and started walking to her desk. "Uh a hundred percent no and whatever, Gross. Still unfollowing you. And your Auntie Semity!"

He threw her a confused look and was about to open his mouth when Devi tapped Shira on the shoulder. She was smiling brightly. "Shira! Did Zoe tell you? We won! We just gave the older girls the gym socks and the trophy which means we have four items now."

Great! Now they weren't even tied! Omg they were gonna have to inhale toilet fumes their whole middle school life. This was a disaster! She gave Devi a scowl and pointed her chin up. "Whatever, girl. I couldn't care less about that stupid scavenger hunt. Zoe made me join."

"Well, I hope there's so hard feelings then. I mean you guys did so well at the start and boy, lemme tell you, getting Eric's socks sure wasn't easy and asking Ben Gross for a favour? Even worse! I actually thought that you'd get it first 'cause he's—"

"Okay, okay, I get it, Devi! No need to rub it in!"

She was then given her second look of confusion that day as Devi asked, "rub what in?"

Rolling her eyes with new purpose, Shira stared right at Devi then glanced at Ben's head then cried, "I hope you two are very happy together!" 

Devi moved away from her and took her seat up front next to Ben. "What was that about?" She heard her whisper to the boy. 

As the pair hissed at each other quietly but not subtly throughout their teacher's role call, Shira couldn't help but scoff at them. They deserve each other, she thought with annoyance. 

Exhibit C: “The Extracurricular Agreement of 2016”

Circa 2016, submitted by Eleanor Wong, Devi Vishwakumar’s best friend.

Eleanor was gluing on the final touches to the latest page in her scrapbook. It was dedicated to her future co-stars who she would get into dating scandals with once she made it big in Hollywood. She was about to start planning her next one: her, Fabiola and Devi as the Schuyler Sisters when a carton of milk materialized on the table with a bang.

"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him! Ben Gross has always been a pain in my butt but now he has actually ruined my life."

Before she could say anything in return, Fabiola plopped onto the seat next to her. "El, please tell Devi she's being dramatic and hot-headed. She just needs to calm down for a second so we can rationally think of a solution to the latest episode of Keeping Up With Gross and Vishwakumar."

Rather than answer, Eleanor lowered the round Yoko Ono sunglasses she was wearing slowly and smirked at Fabiola. "She's being dramatic? Have you forgotten who you're talking to?"

"Right, forget I said that." 

"Guys!" Devi whined. "I'm not being dramatic. You would be acting the way I was if you were the ones not allowed to perform right before your first concert since joining the orchestra, kicked out of Chess Club right before the big competition and banned from joining any extracurricular activities for the rest of your pathetic undergraduate career."

While her heart went out to her distraught bestie, she couldn't help but cringe. "Oh my God, Devi. This must be really bad if you're using depressingly Ben-like terms like undergraduate career."

As her forlorn friend flung her head into her own arms and groaned into the dirty lunch table, Eleanor decided then and there that A, she and Fabiola would help Devi out of the depths of her despair and B, she would not remind her how filthy the lunch table was but would subtly offer her some wet wipes on their way to class. 

—

"Eleanor, why can't we just text Ben like normal teenagers instead of waiting to jump him outside the Acapella Society practice room?"

"Because, Fabs, I watched Law and Order SVU with my dad last night and while I'm more of a Brooklyn Nine Nine girl, Olivia Benson is such a dramatic, fiesty girl cop and I was inspired."

Failing to hide her laughter, Fabiola opened her mouth to respond when their target appeared at the door. 

"Um… what are you guys doing here? I've heard you sing and well… I won't finish that sentence. Out of respect."

"Did you show Devi respect when you got her blacklisted on all the extracurricular activities she's in? And banned from joining any new ones?"

Ben's eyes grew like the albino tarsier he was as he spluttered, "wait…what? I...I had no idea, Eleanor. I mean I assumed she got scolded by Grubbs for acting out but blacklisted and banned? What's that about?"

"Don't try to deny it, Gross! I know you had motiv—ow, Fabiola! What the heck?" She cried,  rubbing her arm.

"He wasn't denying anything! Let the idiot talk!"

"Hey! I—"

"Could sue us, yeah yeah, we know, Gross. Now explain. What even happened? Devi won't give us any details. She's too busy cursing you to the Gods"

"It started in debate class the other day, we got all fired up about one of Trump's policies and your stubborn as a mule friend forgot that just because I was assigned to argue the affirmative in no way means I support that oompa loompa. We ended up swearing at each other, which was extremely below us by the way, so Ms. Lillis got mad. She asked who started the fight. And yes, technically I started swearing first but she was the one who took it too seriously! I mean, why would I support Trump? He's practically a spray tanned Hitler gone wrong and I'm freaking Jewish! So I told her Devi did and the old bag sent her to Grubbs' office."

Eleanor rolled her eyes. Typical Devi and Ben, ever the modern day Mercutio and Tybalt. "So then what? Devi got sent to the principal's office for fighting with you. Big deal, they've been sending you two there since you lost the spelling bee trophy to her in first grade."

"I resent that! But yeah, I guess it would have been fine except she was still mad at me in Chemistry class and unfortunately we were paired together for an experiment… Devi. Me. Semi-dangerous chemicals. Beakers. Need I say more?"

"Ugh, thank god I'm not in most of the classes you two share," Eleanor groaned.

"We got sent to Grubbs by Mr. Calleway. She told us both off but warned Devi if she had another incident she'd be in real trouble, especially since the debate fiasco happened only a few days ago. But we haven't got into any fights after that! So I don't see how it could have escalated to her being banned from all clubs."

Oh, Devi. You hot-headed, irrational but culturally-aware psychopath, Eleanor cried internally. "She had another outburst in Orchestra today. According to Mr. Chan, he asked her to present the piece she was supposed to have practiced but she forgot about since she was too busy being your nemesis. That wasn't a good enough excuse for Chan and he scolded her for being irresponsible and pop !"

Ben looked at her and Fabiola with confusion. "Pop what?"

"The lid of Devi's fuse. Her very short fuse."

He sighed and rubbed his temple. "What the actual flip, David. I get that I had a part to play but seriously, your best friend has got issues."

"Hey, she was your nemesis before she became our best friend," Fabiola pointed out with a straight face.

He stared at her as if attempting to understand. "That is slightly inaccurate but okay."

Eleanor took out a handkerchief to wipe her initially fake tears. "I just feel bad for our firecracker! We all know how important clubs are for her résumé for Princeton. And this was supposed to be her first concert, she's been dying to perform for her parents, especially her dad."

Ben scowled as she gave her short monologue. "Ugh..okay! Stop trying to guilt trip me. I'll try talking to Principal Grubbs! Happy?" With that, he stormed off.

"Well, I was just hoping he'd quit all his clubs but that works too. Much more valiant! Run from cowardice, Ben! You can do it." People were staring. Which is normally great but she's wearing her bad pearls today.

—

"Eleanor! Over here! I need you to be the witness for the pact Devi and I are gonna sign. Be quick! I don't want anyone to see me sit with you people."

She flipped around to see Ben sitting at their usual lunch table. Devi rolling her eyes so far back she kind of looked like a sexy Indian Voldemort with hair. "You guys agreed on something? Has the apocalypse arrived without informing me?"

"Well, we're trying to agree on which clubs will belong to who so we won't have to be in the same ones and so I can be un-blacklisted but Ben here is being a selfish tarsier who happens to be albino!"

"Oh my God! I was just thinking that the other day wh—never mind. Okay what's the problem now?"

"He already has Student Government but he still wants Model UN!"

"That's because you took Mock Trial, David, even if we both know I am better suited for that ‘cause my dad is a lawyer."

"Then give up Model UN! You can have Mock Trial and Chinese Club."

"No way! How can I be a diplomat if I'm not in both Student Government and Model UN. I already agreed to take Latin Club so you could take your beloved Orchestra since they meet at the same time."

"You can't be a diplomat without Chinese, Ben. Everyone will be speaking it in a few years."

"Not a problem because I'm already fluent in Chinese. 你应该吃醋了！ If you really want Model UN, let me have Cultural Awareness Club!'

"What! You in Cultural Awareness Club? Need I remind you that you supported Trump during debate class?"

"Devi are you really that stubborn? Or just insanely stupid? I was arguing for the affirmative so—"

"How dare you call me stupid! You're the—"

"SHUT UP! Please! My God, my poor, innocent ear drums. Look, how about this." Eleanor grabbed the laptop from the two heathens, scanned through it a few times, made some changes then turned to her right. "Devi, you'll take National Honour Society, Newspaper, Chinese Club, Orchestra, Mu Alpha Theta, Student Television Network, Amnesty International, Rainbow Alliance, Young Democrats, Spanish NHS, Interact Club, UNICEF and Mock Trial." 

She looked left then said, "While you Ben, will take Beta Club, Yearbook, Model UN, Acapella Society, Science NHS, Latin Club, Student Government, Cultural Awareness Club, Young Republicans, SOSADD, Physics Club, Chess Club, Global Nomads and Quiz Bowl. Okay? Okay? Agreed? Agreed. Now, let's have this printed out so you two can do the rest of us a favour and never have to be in the same club ever again."

Devi moved to save the file on her flash drive. "I'll do it. Give me a few minutes."

Once her friend had left, she turned to look at Ben again. "So, how'd you get Principal Grubbs to let Devi join clubs again? Did you bribe her?"

Affronted, he scoffed. "Of course not! I maturely and diplomatically explained Devi's side and offered that she and I make this pact to minimize future incidents."

"Like that'll stop you two."

"I know right! But she agreed anyway because I'm that good so now here we are."

"You sure that's it? Seems like a weak deal IMO. What else did you offer her?"

"Nothing! That's it. Give me some credit. I'm Howard Gross' son, a very competent and influential law—okay, fine! Stop looking at me like that! I told her I'd organise her file room and tutor her son a week before his finals."

"Le gasp! You bribed the principal for Devi? You bribed the principal for Devi! You stuck your neck out for her! You stuck your—"

"Shut it, Wong! She's coming back. Not a word or I'll have my dad sue you for libel!"

As Devi and Ben finally signed the agreement, Eleanor realised that while she was no Howard Gross, she knew enough to be sure that he couldn't actually sue her for libel. But she had just been watching reruns of Jimmy Neutron last night and had suddenly remembered how fun academic rivals-to-lovers relationships were so she kept her lips sealed.

Exhibit D: “The Day the Little Prince Became a Man”

Circa 2018, submitted by Patty Pieroni, the Gross family housekeeper.

The furious slam of the front door echoed through the empty house and almost made Patty drop the bowl of grapes she was carrying. Aha! Got it! I am getting good! Like the spider boy the little prince used to like, she thought with glee.

Once the grapes were tucked away safely in the freezer, she scrambled out of the kitchen to greet Ben at his room. From the force of the slam earlier, she had a feeling it was going to be one of those blanket fort and Shrek days.

With a soft knock on his door she sang, “good afternoon, my little prince! How was your day?”

Not moving his head from the pillow he had pushed onto his face, he pointed to the very small pile of envelopes on the foot of his bed.

Patty picked them up and sat on the ledge. The light blue shade of the envelopes and the monogram BG seal on them made it impossible for her not to know what the contents were. As she took the small card out of one of the envelopes, she furrowed her eyebrows. “What is the matter, Ben? Your invitations have the RSVP box checked. This is a good thing, no?”

They boy sat up to stare at her dejectedly. “Patty, I only got four invitations back. One being Garret Von Kaenel who has only one friend other than me, the second being Brian Lakestone who is barely in school long enough to make friends, the third being Devi Vishwakumar who wrote: ‘ my mom is making me go’ on hers and the last being my dentist… who said she couldn’t make it and sent me 20 bucks.”

“That’s not so bad, little prince. Three guests is better than none. Maybe the rest haven’t had the time to respond yet.”

“I sent out a hundred invitations, Patty. Fifty were my dad’s work associates and clients but still! And I sent them out three weeks ago.”

“Maybe all the postmen are on a… what you call it? Ah, a stroke.” She replied with a reassuring smile.

Ben’s eyes widened. “I think you mean a strike, Patty. And I hope not! That would mean my letters to the Rick and Morty writers about my conspiracy theories won't get through.” 

He sighed heavily and flopped back onto his pillow. “Thanks for trying to help, Patty, but I’m just gonna have to face the fact that nobody wants to go to my bar mitzvah because I’m a loser who only has his trust fund and beefy brain going for him.”

Patty’s heart broke for the silly boy next to her. “Oh, Benjamin. You are not a loser. If they do not wish to attend the little prince’s bar mitzvah then it is them who lose. That just means that you, me, your parents, your three friends and my sons can enjoy the planetarium after-party more.”

If he still felt bad, he made an effort to hide it and gave her a soft smile. “Okay, Patty. Thanks.”

She gave his cheek a tender pat and then stood up. “Well, how about I go get you a bowl of frozen grapes? They’ve been in the freezer for a while now and—”

Suddenly, the Rick and Morty theme song started playing and Ben’s phone lit up. He glanced at it and groaned, giving it to her.

“It’s Devi Vishwakumar. Could you please answer it, Patty? I’m not in the mood to hear her excuse as to why she can’t make it.”

“Oh, I’m sure she wouldn’t do that…”

Ben snorted and frowned. “That is exactly something she would do. She literally wrote on her invitation that her mom is making her go and not to mention, she hates me and is like my sworn enemy.”

Sighing, Patty took the phone from him and accepted the call as she walked out of the room.

“ Finally, Ben. I was about to give up calling you.”

“Hello, this is Patty, the Gross family housekeeper. The little prince is busy...with his pillow.”

“Oh! Um, okay... hi! This is Devi Vishwakumar, his um… classmate. Could you please tell Ben I need to talk to him. It’s really important!”

“I’m afraid he has asked me to take all his calls. You could just tell me what you want to tell him and I’ll let him know,” she replied calmly. Benjamin was right, this enemy was going to cancel on him. My poor boy.

The line went quiet for a second, then, “Well, uh, I may have messed up. You see, I kinda caught the other kids throwing his invitations in the trash and saying they weren’t going to Ben’s bar mitzvah because he’s an annoying butt-kisser whose party will probably be as nerdy and boring as he is. Don't get me wrong, he’s totally my enemy but I dunno… I guess I felt bad. I mean sure he’s a butt-kisser and is so annoying but he obviously made an effort to make handmade invitations and pass them out when he could have just sent a message to the class group chat. And it’s his thirteenth birthday, which is a pretty big thing for Jewish kids, right?”

Ignoring her blood that had started to boil, Patty answered, “Yes, it is. It is the day he finally becomes a man, but how exactly did you mess up, child?”

“Right, well… I may have accidentally shouted at them and told them it would be their loss not to go because Ben’s party was gonna be so cool and that it was gonna be at Dolby Theatre and some famous basketball player was gonna be there. I didn’t mean to lie! I just got mad and my mouth started blabbering and oh man, now they all wanna go to his party and are gonna make even more fun of him when they see that the party is at a planetarium… which is actually kinda cool but they’re idiots! They don’t think that! So yeah, I just wanted to apologize and warn him.”

Patty couldn’t help but giggle at the warm head of Ben’s so-called enemy. “Are you sure you’re the same Devi Vishwakumar who has been competing with my boy since first grade?”

“I am! I hate the guy! It’s just… it’s his birthday. You can’t be mean to a guy on his birthday… even if he’s as insufferable as Ben Gross.”

She was about to say that she’d inform the little prince and let him handle it the way he felt best when an idea hit her. “Wait, Devi… those silly kids said they were going to go to the party after you said that?”

“Yeah, they even took the invitations out of the trash.”

“Hmm… I just had an idea that would make Ben feel better than frozen grapes and Shrek marathon. Don’t say anything to him! I will talk to his mother and father and get rid of the little prince’s greys.” Patty replied with excitement.

“Um… maybe you mean blues, Patty, but what are you planning to—”

“Shh! Shh! Do not worry about it, little knight. I will handle. Just do not say anything to Ben until the party. Oh, you are still going, yes?” 

“Yup, my mom is making me go but like I said, of course I’m going, it’s his birthday I can’t be a jerk to him.”

Grinning, she told the girl that she’d see her at the party and reminded her to keep her lips sealed before she ended the call and returned the phone to Ben. Then she went to the fridge to see where Howard and Vivian had left their emergency numbers so she could tell them about her very genius plan.

—

She hadn’t seen Ben smile so much in a long time. His cheeks were pink and she had a feeling that though they had started to hurt, he didn’t really care. The look of shock and joy when he removed his blindfold after the ceremony to reveal Dolby Theatre filled to the brim with people and Blake Griffin was amazing. The party had been in full swing when Devi approached her as she was waiting for her son’s caricature to be framed.

“Hi, Patty,” the girl had said sweetly.

“Oh, why isn’t it the little knight!”

“Why do you call me that? You called me that when we talked over the phone last week,” Devi chuckled.

“That is because you, Devi Vishwakumar, sworn enemy of my little prince, came to his rescue and defended his honour. Also, you gave me the idea for this surprise party. Oh, Benjamin’s face was splendid when he realised where we were.”

“I knew it was you. I mean, when his dad’s assistant emailed the entire eighth grade about the change of venue of the after party to Dolby Theatre, it couldn’t have been just a coincidence.”

Winking as if they had succeeded in kidnapping the president, Patty whispered, “you’re a good nemesis. The little prince is lucky to have you, little knight.”

Devi smiled sheepishly at her and whispered back, "I guess. But he doesn't need to know that, because, well you know…and um, could you maybe not call me that next time we see each other. I don't want Ben to think anything weird."

"Your secret is safe with me, Devi Vishwakumar." With that, she got the framed cartoon from the artist and left, but not before tapping her nose subtly to the girl. 

Chapter Text

Exhibit E: "The Birth of the UN"

Circa early 2019, submitted by Paxton Hall-Yoshida, Devi Vishwakumar's longtime crush.

It wasn’t like he hated nerds. No, he wasn’t that kind of guy. He was no bully and he’d never be one, especially not after what Rebecca had to deal with growing up. Paxton didn’t ever want to put another kid through what she went through. Sure, there was still the occasional jerk or mean girl but for the most part, his sister has been getting the respect and praise she deserved. 

At least that’s what he kept trying to remind himself as he walked with Ben Gross to the Hot Pocket for lunch. This kid just wouldn't stop bringing up his dad’s new Porsche Cayenne, his GPA or his theory that Evil Rick… okay, he stopped listening at “theory.”

To be fair, Ben Gross wasn’t that bad of a freshman to be buddied up with. Ben was smart enough to sometimes get a good joke in and when he heard that Paxton was on the swim team, he offered to get him Stephanie Rice’s autograph ‘cause his dad was her lawyer at one point. But while he wasn't about to give him a wedgie, Paxton was no saint. It had only been day two of his week as a Big Cricket Brother, and his patience is really starting to thin out… and so were his eardrums.

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one who found the poor kid annoying because a girl he recognized as one of Ben’s fellow freshmen suddenly stepped in front of them.

“Ben! What the heck was that in History?”

“What was what? You showing off that you were the president of Chinese Club in Middle School then proceeding to embarrass yourself by not knowing who the last king of the Han Dynasty was? Or me totally saving your ass and answering Mr. Shapiro’s question like the superior genius I am?” Ben taunted with a smirk.

The girl he had just insulted glared at him in frustration. 

Oh, boy. Here we go again, Paxton thought. Anytime he had been anywhere near these two in the past two and a half days had felt like being in a game of Call of Duty.

“First of all, Benjamin , I unlike other pathetic losers am normal enough to not spend my entire summer reading the syllabus for the next school year. And second of all, you acted in violation of our pact by telling Mr. Shapiro you’d consider taking part in the Chinese play he was writing about — ”

“Well, David , I’m pretty sure you tried to do the same thing but failed because I saw the Instagram story you posted three weeks ago and besides, I can’t break the pact by doing anything Chinese-related, you don’t own China!”

“Omg ew, you were stalking me on Insta? Gross, Gross! I knew you were obsessed with me but now I find out you get off on my stories t — ”

Okay, he had to stop this before it got all Fifty Shades in front of the whole student body.

“Woah! Woah! Um, David, right? Let’s not get too graphic. I sorta want to be able to eat my lunch so you two should just keep your lovers quarrel between you and your marriage therapist.”

Ben’s eyes bulged out of their sockets while the David girl’s mouth dropped in disgust.

“No, no, no, I think you’ve got the wrong idea, we’re nemeses not lovers so this is a war of wits not a quarrel. There is no way I’d ever — oh, shit! You’re Paxton Hall-Yoshia! The hottie from the swim team!”

“Uh, what?”

“I mean, I uh, saw you swim last year! My friends and I went to one of the high school swim meets. You were like the only freshman allowed to compete but you still won. You looked so hot in blue!”

“How was that any better than what you just said? You called him hot both times,” Ben spat.

“ Shut up, Ben! Hi, I’m Devi Vishwakumar. Ben’s real lucky that you’re his buddy for the week. My buddy ditched me after she gave me the tour and my best friends have a different lunch period.”

“Um, thanks, Devi. That sucks… but uh, maybe you’d wanna sit with us for lunch? Since you’re sorta friends with Ben and the other guys have brought their freshmen buddies to our spot anyway.”

“Wow, I’d love to! And yeah, totally. Ben and me, Ben and I, friends. Total childhood besties. Right, Ben?”

Suddenly regretting his offer, Paxton realized he’d just invited Tom and Jerry to his table. He turned to his buddy expecting him to start another shouting match with the girl but instead found him glaring at him like he had just stolen his trust fund.

Ben rolled his eyes and sighed. “The absolute best.” Paxton noted the sarcasm dripping from his voice but shrugged it off when Devi smiled at them both.

—

Turns out, the two freshmen weren’t a bad addition. They went along with whatever he and his friends talked about and even managed to keep their fighting to a minimum. Until one of the other freshmen brought up her friend group in a debate about who the biggest nerd among them was.

“Yeah, Devi’s a way cooler nerd than Ben on her own,” said Eric, Trent's buddy, “but she’s part of a flock of nerds so collectively, they’re way nerdier than Ben or any of us other ninth graders.”

Devi focused her glare at the kid who dared to make a comment as Ben winced next to him. “Excuse you, you ignorant Santa Claus-in-training! El, Fab and I are a group of ethnically diverse women who together will one day use our intellect and compassion to make the world a better place for everyone.” 

He and his friends followed Ben’s lead and winced under their breaths. Man, were freshmen dramatic.

Eric raised his eyebrow and chuckled, “so what you’re saying is… you guys are like the people version of the animals from that TV series Zoo.”

Looking sort of annoyed, Ben finally decided to rejoin the conversation. “That was a bad comparison, Eric. She just said they want to make the world a better place, not destroy it.”

Paxton was surprised to see him defend the girl and Devi seemed to be surprised too as she started smiling to herself.

“Nah, they’re more like the United Nations. Smart people from around the globe gathering together to achieve international cooperation and peace.” 

The group of mismatched freshmen and sophomores laugh at the comment as Eric said, “The UN! That’s a pretty good nickname!”

“What the hell, Ben? That’s freaking racist!”

Like the good Big Cricket Brother he was, Paxton decided to end the conversation before all hell broke loose. “Woah, come on. I’m sure Ben here didn’t mean to — ”

“Oh, yes he did! How very Republican of you, Ben Gross.”

Well, shit. That escalated fast. 

“David, for the last time, I only joined Young Republicans because I need a political group on my CV for Yale and you called dibs on Young Democrats in our pact.”

She ignored him and picked up her bag violently then stood up from the table. “Screw you, Ben!” 

Paxton looked around and took in the shocked expressions everyone wore. Then he turned to Ben. “Man, not cool. I know you’ve got a feud going but not cool.”

Ben threw his arms up in defeat. “Dude, I didn’t mean it like that. Swear! I meant they were like the UN as a compliment. The UN’s great! It was way better than Eric comparing them to literal animals. It’s not my fault she misunderstood and blew her fuse. Again.”

Sighing, he replied, “this is the last time I let freshmen sit with us. Look, this is fixable. Why don’t you just go apologize?”

 Ben scraped his hair with his hand. "Yeah, 'cause Devi would love to hear me out after I apparently gave her a racist nickname."

Assuming that was that, Paxton started packing up his stuff and watched his friends and the other freshmen follow his lead. He was about to tell Ben to do the same when —

“I know how to fix this,” Ben exclaimed with a crazy look in his eye.

“Ben, take it from me. Girls love me. Just say you’re sorr — ”

“If she doesn’t want her squad to be known as the United Nations then I’ll make them be known for something else! Insulting them is better than insulting their ethnicity...right?"”

The expression he wore made Paxton think the kid hadn’t really thought his solution through. “Uh, no. It's still a dick move no mat— Ben, man! What are you doing?”

All of a sudden, Ben stood up on their table and shouted, “ATTENTION EVERYONE! I, Benjamin Gross, have an announcement! Please do not call Devi Vishwakumar and her friends Eleanor Wong and Fabiola Torres, by the unintentionally racist nickname, United Nations. From now on please call them...uh…”

Paxton tried to pull the idiot down before he made things worse.

“... THE UNFUCKABLE NERDS! Because they are nerds and… um, unfuckable. UN. Heh. Uh… that is all.” Well, Paxton tried. He really did. 

Ben jumped off the table and grinned in satisfaction.

He stared at Ben for a minute before slapping his head. “You on drugs, man? Because you just made shit worse!”

“What? No I didn’t!”

“Literally NO ONE was calling them the United Nations except Eric and now EVERYONE will be calling them the Unfuckable Nerds. How is that not making shit worse?”

Ben’s smile slowly fell from his face and he looked around at the people laughing in his direction. Luckily for him, Devi had left the lunch area minutes ago but it wouldn’t be long until the newly christened nickname reached her and her friends.

“Oh shit! What did I just do?”

Paxton glared at him and picked up the bag he dropped earlier trying and failing to stop Ben from messing up. “Look, man. No offense, but I hope you know this means that you, Devi and the other freshmen aren’t allowed to sit with us for lunch anymore.”

Still in a daze, Ben looked at him. “Wha?”

“Hey, you’re a cool guy. Stupid and nerdy but kinda cool in a very puppy dog way and while I am rooting for you to work this mess out, I also will no longer be acknowledging you in public. You guys just scream drama and messy, teen angst and honestly, that’s not me.” Paxton then turned away shaking his head.

Before he could walk into the building, he heard Ben shout after him. “Paxton, does this mean you’re no longer my buddy for the week? Paxton!”

Like he said, he didn’t hate nerds. He was no bully and never would be. But that didn’t mean he wanted to get involved in whatever bull those freshmen had going on. He wasn't a saint for crying out loud.

Exhibit F: "The Almost Truce"

Circa late 2019, submitted by Nora Grubbs, Sherman Oaks High Principal.

Nora Grubbs read over the email Mr. Shapiro sent her and sighed. Lately, Devi lacks motivation and enthusiasm, never submits her assignments on time and shows little regard for the quality of her work. Pretty much the same description Mr. Chan had used in his report, along with all of Devi's other teachers.

Who could blame the girl though? In the past few weeks, she had lost her father and the use of her legs among many things. Nora had met Mohan a few times and he was sunshine personified, always showing up for his daughter and acting as her number one fan. She couldn't imagine how Devi was feeling after losing such a source of joy in her life. As meticulous as she was in the past about her grades and extracurriculars, why would she keep pushing herself when one of her biggest reasons to do well was gone? 

To make matters worse, Devi’s nemesis had not ceased in his efforts to beat her at everything and anything, even throwing in the occasional jab at her disability. These two had been giving her migraine after migraine for as long as she could remember, and now that one of her most promising students was falling into the deep abyss of being an average student, she had to take matters into her own hands. 

Which is why she had called Ben Gross to her office during his free period, much to his hormonal-dismay.

“Principal Grubbs, I know I am your most valuable and therefore most sought out student, but did you really have to do this during my free period? I was supposed to cheer my girlfriend on at their field hockey game. I’m a very supportive boyfriend.”

“Ah, yes. Miss Stein is indeed a very talented athlete.”

“I know right!”

“But if you really want to support her, you should give her a tutoring session. Or two! That girl is failing almost half her subjects.”

“Hey, I’m the brains of our relationship and Shira’s the beauty. We’re trying to nurture a relationship of equals.”

“Ben, one of those subjects is homeroom .”

“Okay, okay. I’ll consider taking time away from my studying to tutor her. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about? Can I please leave now?” 

Ben was halfway out the door when she shouted at him. “Sit down, boy! You leave when I tell you to leave. And no, that was not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

He slumped back into his chair and looked at her expectantly. “If this is about me tutoring your son again, I’m sorry but I’ll have to kindly dec — ”

She silently recited her calming words to herself before answering. Detention. Bloody Mary. Early retirement. “I am not going to ask you to tutor him again! I want to talk to you about Devi.”

“Devi? What about her?”

“You see, after everything she’s been through lately, I was just thinking that it would be in her best interest if you cooled off on the rivalry. At least until she’s got her umph back.”

She might as well have been speaking Russian with the way Ben was looking at her.

“Look, I know you’re a very competitive and ambitious young man, I admire that about you. But Devi’s been through a lot and her grades have suffered. She has no motivation whatsoever and I’m worried for her future.”

Ben scoffed. “You’re worried about her future? You sure you’re not worried about the fact that if Devi continues on like this, the graduating class of 2022 will have only one student headed to an Ivy?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Gross! Eric Perkins and Zoe Maytag’s grades are actually pretty above average! Eleanor Wong and Fabiola Torres will probably get scholarships to Juilliard and Caltech respectively. You and Vishwakumar are not the only ones I have high hopes for.”

“Then why the sudden interest in our rivalry?”

“Ben, I’ve always cared about your rivalry. You two age me five years every time you step into my office so of course I care. But to tell you the truth, I’m worried that you’re making things worse for Devi. Cut her some slack! I know you hate her but her life has been hell lately. She doesn’t need you making it worse.”

The boy across her shuffled in his seat and scowled. “Inuvursedihayhur,” he mumbled.

“Boy, what? Speak English!”

Two stormy blue orbs stared back at her. “IneversaidIhateher.”

“Ben, if you be speaking Chinese with me again then we gonna have a problem.”

“Arghhhh! I said, I never said I hate her, okay?”

Raising her eyebrows at his outburst, Nora held in her laughter. “Okay, so you don’t hate her. Then maybe you can agree to back off her for a while? At least for the rest of the school year. Then we’ll see how she is after summer.”

He sighed deeply and sat up in his chair. “I won’t do that, Principal Grubbs.”

Sweet Lord, what was it with these two! Stubborn beyond belief , she thought. “You just said you didn’t hate her! ”

“I don’t. Which is why I won’t back off her or whatever you want me to do. Look, I’ve known Devi since kindergarten and I’ve been her rival since first grade. She’s not a normal human who wants to be coddled like a Swarovski figurine when she’s at her most vulnerable. That’s the last thing she needs. Believe me, I’m not making that mistake again.”

“What do you mean again ?”

Ben shifted in discomfort. “I tried alright! For like two days! She may be my enemy but she’s still a girl. And I respect and celebrate women. I’m — ”

“Yes, you’re everyone’s favourite femenist, Ben. I get it.”

“Um, sure, that. But like I said, she’s only human and I felt really bad for her. Mr. Vishwakumar was all she ever talked about and he was like every kids dream dad...other than my own, of course! Because like, Porsche Cayenne, right?”

She nodded at him to continue but not before giving him a tender look.

“I gave her my condolences and she brushed me off. Since she didn’t seem too happy by it, I tried treating her as I always did. But then she went and became freaking paralysed and it’s like, how the hell do you not feel bad for her?” He sighed the nth time. “So I stopped insulting her and competing with her to answer questions. I mean she barely did at that point but still. I even defended her once when Mr. Shapiro refused to give her an extension on top of her already two week extension for our history report.”

“Hmm. How’d she take that?”

“She lasted two days then went ballistic in true Devi fashion. Cornered me after class and dragged me to the janitor’s closet.”

“How scandalous.”

“That’s what I said! Anyway, she screamed at me and demanded to know why I was acting like a pussy. Hey, her words, not mine. Said me being nice to her was driving her crazy because well, she’s been getting enough of that treatment from everyone else. Even Fabiola and Eleanor were treating her like she could break at any time. She told me I wasn’t supposed to become all soft towards her because our rivalry was the only thing that made her feel normal. Ish.”

“Ah, okay. So you then decided to double-up on the competition and insults?”

He shrugged. “Say what you want about me. I’m a jerk, an ass, whatever. I’ve heard it all from her friends. But no one knows Devi and I, except Devi and I. She’s my enemy, yeah, but what happened to her shouldn’t have to happen to anyone. And if treating each other like shit is what helps her feel normal, then that’s what I’m going to do. I mean, I have no problem beating her in class because that benefits me but… yeah. Also, you should give her time with her grades. It’s only been a few weeks, let her be all over the place. But just know that if I start babying her, it’ll probably take her longer to get back on track.”

Nora looked at Ben Gross and for a minute, was speechless. Here she thought that this boy was the biggest jerk to walk the hallways of Sherman Oaks since the kid who bullied her son, but she was wrong. She assumed him and Devi were just two hotheads with inferiority complexes but she was wrong. Smiling to herself, she told Ben he could leave and was sorry she stole his weekly chance to stare at girls in tight field hockey uniforms. 

Before he could make it completely out the door, a question bubbled in her throat. “Hey, Ben!”

“Yes, Principal Grubbs?”

“When you went back to normal with Devi, how did she react?”

His eyes widened and she could have sworn she saw a tinge of pink of the tips of his ears. “Um… she was glad, I guess. I think I saw her smile at me when I pointed out a flaw in her analysis of Catcher in the Rye during English. Or maybe she had something in her eye. I don’t know. But um, I have to go now. I have to drop by my locker before going to Chemistry.”

Nora chuckled quietly as she waved him off. As the door shut behind him, she couldn’t help but think that with a nemesis like Ben Gross, Devi would be back on top of her game in no time. 

Exhibit G: "The Salvaging of a Nuclear World War"

Circa early 2020, submitted by “Russia”, fellow MUN participant of Devi Vishwakumar and Benjamin Gross.

He was thrilled ! Sure, he didn't get to live out his booze-filled dreams and sure, he lost his new cool Model UN friends as fast as he made them but he got a girl's email address! A real living girl who was not only hot and a member of Security Council, but was also banging the Paxton Hall-Yoshida, coolest kid in SoCal and the star of three Tumblr accounts. The two years he had spent surrounded by fellow nerds and virgins at MUN had finally paid off!

As soon as he got home, he sat down at the desktop he shared with his mom and pulled out the piece of paper Equatorial Guinea had scribbled her email address on in haste. Her handwriting was a mess and he was a bit worried he'd have to email a few different addresses just to be sure she got his message but beggars couldn't choosers, especially since she was real busy at the time sending death glares to USA, as if nuking him wasn't enough.

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Subject: hi its russia!

hey there, equatorial guinea! It's me, russia fom mun. just wanted to email you and say hi.

thanks again for letting me have your real email address. i didnt think youd actually give it to me since I threw you and USA under the bus. it was real cool of you. like it was cool of you to nuke USA. his face was priceless! 

anyway, thats all. hope you get this.

- brick aka russia :)

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: hi its russia!

Hey, Russia or should I say Brick. Ur welcome I guess, its not a big deal, dude. Really. It ended up fine for us cuz we ended hiding in a closet that was filled with booze so we brought some back to my room. Ikr! He srlsy deserved it too! He thought he had me on his side but ha! I showed him!

But yeah, nice to hear from u, dude. 

Devi

Ps, why did u send an email to 3 other Devis? 

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re re: hi its russia!

yes!!! it actually got to you. it was a big deal for me. im sure you remember me saying i had no friends because everyone in my school hated me. but hold up! you guys had a booze party in your hotel room and didnt invite me? that has literally been my dream since i joined mun :(  hahahaha what a sucker. but whyd he deserve it?

nice hearing from you too. 

- brick

pss because your handwriting was hard to read and i wanted to make sure you got my email.

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re re re: hi its russia!

Yup, I actually did n yes, I remember. Thats actually rlly sad. Y do they hate u? Hahaha, sorry dude. We were kinda pissed at the time so we left u out, sorry bout that. Id rather not get into cuz its sorta private but lets just say his mouth is as big as his ego.

Devi

Psss. My handwriting wasnt THAT bad!

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re re re re: hi its russia!

honestly it wasnt that big of a deal. i just kinda accidentally got the homecoming dance cancelled because of a failed prank. it was an accident but theyre all dramatic losers so they took it to heart and made me a pariah. ha! as if that wasnt obvious already. he kinda seems like the kinda guy whod make that assumption.

- brick

pssss yes it was! you were too busy glaring at USA to write properly! 

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re re re: hi its russia!

Not a big deal? Wtf, dude! Id be pissed too!!! Now that I know y they did it, I think u kinda deserve becoming a pariah. Well, yeah he kinda is that guy but to be fair, I kinda did agree to a truce between EG n USA the night before so thats prob where he got that assumption. But i have no regrets cuz he was an asshole for telling everyone i was sleeping w Paxton so he deserved it! Ben wanted to win the hammer so bad I had to get back at him. Fair is fair. 

Devi

Psssss. Well he deserved to be glared at so screw my handwriting!!!

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re re re re re: hi its russia!

come on, all people do at dances is grind against each other in fancy dress. they could have easily done that at home. or on christmas! and i resent that, being a pariah sucks! ohhh, that would explain why he called you his ally all of a sudden. but why would you be mad if he told everyone you were sleeping with paxton? its a gavel by the way and dont worry, you got him back good in the longrun. also, who is ben?

- brick

pssssss i think we should stop doing ps now.

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re re re re re re: hi its russia!

Okay, sure, ur not wrong but still. Dances are the best. You cant ruin it and expect to escape without a scratch!! Aw, u poor baby. Boo hoo. Yeah it makes sense but hes still a jerk! Im mad cuz its his fault Paxton is mad at me!! He ruined everything! Omg legit, WHO CARES?! Gavel, hammer, spade, same thing. Ha, I know I did but wdym got him back good in the longrun? Ben is the bane of my existence aka USA, dude. Obvi. 

Devi

Psssssss. Yeah, okay good idea. This is my last one. 

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re re re re re re re: hi its russia!

no theyre not, theyre breeding grounds for teenage pregnancy. and please dont mock me. anyway, im confused. why would paxton be mad at you if ben told everyone you guys were banging? its the truth though because youre actually banging. okay youre right nobody cares! i just wanted to correct you. but about the getting him back in the longrun, i meant that the nuke war incident got sherman oaks banned from joining any and all future mun events. you guys probably didnt hear the announcement because you left early but yeah. theyre gonna email your principal or something. so you really did get revenge on him. yay! also, okay, hi ben! :D

- brick

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: SHIT

WAIT WHAT? THEY BANNED US FROM MODEL UN? SHIT! SHIT! Oh fuck I didnt think it was that big of a deal. Shit Ben's gonna kill me I broke the pact AND lost him an extracurricular. Hows he gonna become a diplomat when I got him banned from freaking MODEL UN!?!!? Shit my freaking temper is gonna destroy the world for real one day. Omg omg.

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: SHIT

sorry to spring it on you but yeah. what does it matter? you hate him anyway dont you?

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re re: SHIT

Sure I hate him but that doesnt mean I wanna ruin his FUTURE!!! Im not freaking cruel! Ugh how the hell do I fix thim? HELP RUSSIA!

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re re re: SHIT

wait hold up i just realized that you never answered my question about why paxton would be mad at you if ben told everyone you guys were banging?

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject:

OMG BRICK SHUT UP AND HELP ME!!!!!

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: 

answer my question first! im so confused and also paxton h-y gossip is really top tier news. tell me then ill help.

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject:

OMG FUCK U AND UR PRIORITIES, DUDE! Paxton and i never had sex alright!!!! It was a stupid rumour that got outta hand and didnt deny them. NOW CAN U PLS HELP ME FIX THIS SHIT PLSSSS.

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: 

wait. so you and paxton never had sex??

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject:

OMFG YES BRICK WE NEVER HAD SEX!! NOW PLS CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE PROBLEM AT HAND. 

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject:

i get it now. 

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject:

You finally get how much I need ur help rn? Thank GOD! So, what were u thinking we do??

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: 

what? no! what i do get is that the whole paxton banging thing was just to make ben jealous but it backfired because it got out to everyone and now they all think you banged paxton when in reality you actually wanna bang ben but are freaking out because you got him banned from model un. am i right? 

and also, my plan isnt how we can fix this its how you can fix this :) just try emailing the model un board. their email addresses are on the pamphlets they gave out and theyre very responsive! i tried emailing them about the lack of booze in meetings and they were very generous to reply.

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject:

NO YOU ARE MOST ABSOLUTELY NOT RIGHT!!!! WTF BRICK I DONT WANNA BANG BEN EW EW WTF WTF. I WAS PISSED BECAUSE NOW PAXTON HATES ME AND IM FREAKING OUT BECAUSE I GOT A GUY WHO WANTS TO BE A DIPLOMAT BANNED FROM MODEL UN!!!

But thanks for the idea, i drafted an email to send them. sent a draft, pls read thru it. is my explanation and groveling good enough?

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject:

whatever helps you sleep at night, devi. but anyway i read your email and its good. equal parts apologetic and pitiful. chef's kiss. send it. im sure theyre gonna reconsider :)) good luck!

—

Devi didn't email him back for three weeks. He was starting to worry that the email idea didn't go well or that maybe he overdid it with the Ben and Paxton thing. But he couldn't help it! Their school was a whole lot more entertaining than his. He was writing an email to his Brony friends when she finally sent her reply.

—

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Update!

Hey, Brick! Sorry I didnt get back to you sooner. Whole lotta shit went down in the past week. Basically I am now like you, a pariah, cuz Paxton is not speaking to me cuz I'm an idiot, my two best friends have unfriended me out of their lives cuz I'm an idiot and my only friends right now are you and Ben, who has been my nemesis since first grade. Yaaaay :( Oh and thanks for your help with the email. I was able to convince the MUN committee to just ban me from joining as opposed the whole school. 

So yeah. My life sucks. Hru?

Devi

—

 Brick read the email twice and then laughed to himself. This girl's life is crazy and he was so right. She so wants to bang him, he thought as he started typing up his reply. 

Chapter Text

Exhibit H: "The Break-up Around The Corner"

Circa mid 2020, submitted by Fabiola Torres, Devi Vishwakumar's best friend.

Fabiola couldn’t stop the grin blooming on her face. She had just asked Eve out, yes, that Eve! Eve who looked like she could play Kristen Stewart’s long lost sister in the next installment of Charlie’s Angels, Eve who was kind and funny and made her molecules rearrange every time she smiled and Eve who still who said yes to grabbing what would probably be the best-tasting food she’d ever ingest, despite her looking like a wet lion in her Anjelica Huston suit!

Eve had just left to find her a towel and as she gazed at her walk away, Fabiola couldn’t help but feel upset that for this spectacular moment to happen, her best friend had to push a bowl of pink punch onto her, make her accidentally come out to their entire class and then proceed to fall into the pool. She hated that she exploded like that! Yet with everything Devi had put them through lately, she was having a hard time feeling guilty about what happened tonight… which she hated even more. 

Before she could dive too deep into her thoughts, Eve’s buttery voice pulled her out.

“Hey, so the housekeeper wouldn’t let me anywhere near their laundry room since only she was allowed to handle the family’s delicates, which I totally won’t argue with because we do not need to see Ben Gross’ totally hot dad’s underwear. But she did say we could go and get you a robe from the guest bathroom on the second floor.”

Smirking at the jab, Fabiola accepted the hand Eve had offered her and let herself be pulled to her feet. “Good call!”

She had expected Eve to let go of the hand she was holding but said nothing when she continued to hold it gingerly as they made their way up the stairs. Her legs started feeling like jelly so she tightened her grip on Eve’s hand to stop herself from tumbling down to the first floor.

“So um, which one of these doors will lead us to Narnia?” Fabiola asked when they got to the second floor. Wow, for only having one kid, these people had a lot of rooms!

Eve looked around for a second then pointed to the third door on the left. “That one should be it. The housekeeper said that the bathroom would be the door right before the corner.”

When they reached the door, Eve whistled quietly at the glass knob. “Um, why don’t you wait out here for me? I’ll grab you a robe after I use the bathroom. Your fight out there was way more thrilling than expected!”

“Hey, it wasn’t a fight fight… I think. Right?”

As the lock clicked close, she could hear Eve chuckling inside. “Of course not, Fabiola."

Shaking her head adoringly at the silver-haired girl’s sarcasm, Fabiola looked around the dim-lit corridor at the elegantly framed photographs. There was one of Ben’s parents and Bruce Jenner, one of his dad and Caitlin Jenner, and one of his mum wearing a yoga outfit parents shouldn’t be allowed to own no matter how rich they were. Not much Ben on display , she thought in passing.

When she reached the corner of the corridor, she was about to turn back towards the bathroom like the polite house guest she was when she heard a familiarly annoying whine.

“Oh my God, stop acting like a fifty-year-old grandma and live a little!” 

An irritated sigh was the only reply the voice got.

“Seriously, Ben! It’s your birthday party yet you’re acting like it’s your retirement party.” 

Ah, of course, the voice belonged to Shira. Nobody else could pull off annoyed and apathetic quite like her. 

Fabiola quietly crept away from the corner to give the couple their privacy when she bumped into Eve. Before she could make a noise, Fabiola put one finger to her lips and pointed to the corner with another. Eve raised her eyebrows at her but started walking back to the stairs when the slam of a door echoed through the corridor. The two shadows stood still for a moment, looking at each other with wide, questioning eyes.

“Shira! What part of I don’t want to make out in my parents’ room don’t you understand! It's weird! Do I have to tag you in an Instagram story for you to get it?”

His girlfriend scoffed at the exclamation. “Honey, in case you haven’t checked since maybe like sixth grade, I currently have over 15,000 followers. Meaning I get hundreds of 

notifs every day. If you wanna get my attention on Insta, you’d have to be like verified. Which I’m sure you and your four hundred and eighty-six followers are not. So—”

“Are you kidding me, Shira! Really? That’s what you got out of what I just said?”

“Well, Ben, what I did get out of what you just said, and what you always say is that you’re boring! And once again, I have to be the one to raise your sta—”

“Enough with the statuses and Instagram stories! Would you please for once listen to me like a decent girlfriend, Shira!”

“Excuse you, you may be rich Ben Gross, but you should be feeling hella blessed that I’m even willing to make out with you and that I’m trying to keep shit exciting by wanting to do it in your parents'  bedroom.”

“Wow, just wow, Shira. You’ve probably exposed yourself to way too much phone radiation if you really think you’re a great girlfriend.”

Fabiola was suddenly brought back to reality when Eve tugged at her stained suit sleeve. “Fab, I think we should leave. This looks like it’s gonna be messier than you and Devi’s showdown earlier,” she whispered.

She nodded in agreement and was about to leave the scene when Shira’s outraged voice rang in the air.

“What the hell do you mean by that, Gross?” 

Ben’s defeated sigh could be heard from the other side of the corner. “You know what? Forget it, Shirs. Let’s just go down.”

“No way, honey. I want you to tell me what the hell you are trying to say so I can scream at you! Then, you’ll grovel on your ass like always, then I’ll forgive you and then we can go into your parents' room and take selfies on their satin bed.”

Fabiola couldn’t help but cringe. What a weird relationship. No wonder Ben’s always a bitter jerk.

“I can’t take this anymore! What I’m trying to say is that you’re a horrible girlfriend! All you’ve ever cared about are your social media accounts and photoshoot backgrounds and your freaking eyebrows that look exactly the same after every. freaking. sculpting and waxing session you go to! You’ve never once cared about me and what makes me happy! God forbid you see anything other than your phone screen, let alone me!”

Fabiola thought she saw Ben’s eyes water in the darkness when she peeped over the corner. Eve threw her a sad look and she couldn’t help but feel bad for the jerk. 

She wanted to feel like he deserved the shallow girlfriend and the evidently uncaring parents for treating them like crap for years. Her parents and brother didn’t always get her but she knew without a doubt that they loved her and every single curl on her head. Sure, Devi had been a crap friend lately but she, along with Eleanor, would let her rant for hours about the latest alien theory she read online. And now, she had Eve. They weren’t even together, together yet but Eve could just look at her, and all of a sudden, she felt like she could conquer the world! Fabiola had definitely felt out of place many times in her life but she couldn’t imagine ever feeling as if nobody in the world saw her. There was always someone or at least someone who tried, to make her feel not so… lonely .

“Stop being dramatic, Ben. I do care, I'm here aren't I?" 

"I know a lot about you. I try to listen. I know that if you could choose, you'd want Kendall Jenner's face, Kylie Jenner's boobs, and Kim's butt. I hate that crap but I freaking try! . What about you? What country did I represent at Model UN, Shira? Do you know my housekeeper’s name? Did you even greet me today? Give me a gift?”

“Omg! Wait right there! I totally get it now. Is this because I didn't get you a gift? Ben, hello! You're hella rich! What could I buy you that you couldn't buy for yourself?"

"That's not what this is about, Shira! I couldn't give a damn what you'd give me, I'd be happy if you got me a card, a box of California Brittle, anything!"

California Brittle? That's Devi's mum's thing, Fabiola realised. 

Shira scrunched her nose in disgust. "California Brittle? That would be such a drab gift, Ben, but if you really want that, I could get you some."

"No, it's not! California Brittle is great! It tastes good, comes in a box, and… is smart and pretty and stubborn and cool enough to not get mad when you try to kiss her twice."

Wait, what? Did Ben just say California Brittle was smart, pretty, and stubborn? And that he tried to kiss it twice?

She turned to look at Eve who was now staring at the scene with eyes as wide as hers. 

"Ew, what? Omg, Ben, you seriously have to cut off on the sugar, or else you'll only be able to wear size XXL like your dad. Wait, lemme show you this Tik Tok video about a five week diet ch—"

Ben was now dazing off and staring past Shira's disgusted face. It was obvious to Fabiola that he wasn't listening to his girlfriend because he hadn't defended his dad with a passion like he normally did. Slowly, a look of realization found its way on his face.

"Fab, we should really go! We've already heard way too much," Eve whispered in her ear.

Fabiola tried to ignore the shivers that ran down her spine as she felt Eve's warm breath on her neck but failed. Smiling sheepishly, she stepped away from the corner, attempting to stop snooping for the nth time when Ben shouted suddenly.

"Shiraimsorrybutweneedtobreakup!"

"What?"

Breathing out nervously, Ben took one of Shira's hands. Woah, is he gonna…

"Shira, I'm sorry but I think we need to break up… no, I know we need to break up. I'm sorry for exploding at you, it's just, I thought that if I dated you, I'd have everything I wanted… but tonight just confirmed what I've been trying to ignore for a long time."

"What? That you're an ungrateful nerd?"

"No! I've realized that I want to be in an actual relationship! I want to be with someone who challenges me but also listens to me and makes me feel less lo—"

"Oh God, shut up, Ben! Stop right there or else you'll get all Kim K ugly crying face on me. Look, you wanna break up? Sure, I don't care. I've been getting tired of dating a guy who wears button-ups all the time anyway. But you, honey, have to get your oversized head out of your ass and admit to me, and yourself, why you want to break up."

"I… um…"

"Wow, Ben. For the first time in our relationship, you're speechless."

Not looking Shira in the eye, Ben managed to mumble out, "I tried to kiss Devi tonight. In my home theatre. Twice."

Fabiola’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets and she almost swore out loud. Luckily, Eve covered her mouth with her hand.

"Calm down, Fab, okay? It's shocking, I know but you've got to stay quiet until we get down. You gonna keep quiet if I take my hand away?" Eve hissed quietly.

She nodded vigorously as Eve hesitantly moved her hand away from her mouth. 

Unlike Fabiola, Shira didn't look too shocked. Slap! "I knew it," she deadpanned.

By the time Fabiola and Eve looked back at the now ex-couple, Ben was holding his cheek in shock.

"Okay, I did not expect that… but I deserved it."

"Hell yeah did, Gross! Ugh. Seriously, did you forget who you were dating? My God, I know you've wanted to bone Devi since you betrayed me during our scavenger hunt in middle school but I didn't expect you to like cheat on me."

Fabiola felt her eyes grow large again so she quickly grabbed Eve's hand to cover her own mouth. 

"I am not! And I did not, Shira! I tried to kiss her not jump her!"

"Ben, I'm not Marilyn Monroe smart but even I can tell that you wanna jump her."

"I think you mean Marilyn von Savant, Shira."

"Shut up and admit it, loser!"

"Fine, fine. Maybe, okay? Just a bit. She has nice eyes and her legs are actually—

Slap!  

"Ow, Shira!"

"I legit just broke up with you and you're already thirsting over another girl, one who happens to be waaay less hot than me."

"Look, Shira, I'm really sorry. Really. But um… didn't I break up with you?"

"Ha ha uh, nope. I, Benjamin, broke up with you. That's what I'm posting on my Insta and that's what you'll tell anyone who asks. Okay?"

Eve chuckled quietly behind Fabiola. She was so cute!

Ben hesitated then agreed. "Yeah, okay. It's the least I can do."

Shira smiled at him and patted his sore cheek. "Perfect! So it's done. I'm single and ready to mingle, preferably with someone with a six-pack. And you, my nerdy ex, are free to thirst after the girl you claim to hate like the less-hot Chuck Bass you are. But ooh, parting favour! Can I film myself slapping you again for my Insta live?"

"What! No, come on, Shira!"

Shira gave him her puppy face and Ben eventually caved in. "Fine!"

"Yay! Love it! This is so exciting. Come on, let's go down to your ugly cake. I want it to be in the background." 

Fabiola was then suddenly pulled towards the stairs by Eve. "Fab, come on!" They ran down as quickly as they could and found Eleanor and Oliver by the front door.

"Hey, where were you two? We were about to leave. Devi just left with Paxton," Eleanor drawled.

"Um, we, uh…"

"Were you guys making out? Scandalous, I love it!"

"No, El!"

"I helped Fab dry her suit."

"Oh… okay. Well, let's go then."

As the four of them walked out of the Gross house, Eve gently grabbed Fabiola's hand with a warm smile.

"So, how are you taking the news?"

"Which one? Ben and Shira breaking up? Or Ben apparently having a thing for my best friend?"

"The second."

"I, uh, I dunno, Eve. They fought so much growing up, still do! I mean Ben called us the Unfuckable Nerds and Devi said she wanted the Nazis to kill him! Not exactly a Netflix teen romance in the making."

"True but they do kinda have repressed sexual tension, you have to admit."

"I guess… but whatever. Let's talk about something else. They'll have to figure it out for themselves. I've already got enough of Devi's drama on me for a night, I don't want to jump right back in. I love that girl but those two are complicated as nemeses, I'm not ready to deal with them as anything more."

"Neither is the rest of the world but the heart wants what it wants, Fab. So, where are we gonna go out to eat?"

Exhibit I: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Gross and Sharon Whatshername"

Circa mid 2020, submitted by Howard Gross, Benjamin Gross' parents.

"Patty! Have you seen my briefcase anywhere? I can't seem to find it," Howard shouted down the stairs. He was so sure he had left it in his bedroom.

"Mr. Howard, you were complaining about the stained leather last week. So I sent it to be cleaned. Should I not have done that? Oh, dear. They told me they would deliver it here by the end of the week. Shall I call them now?"

Remembering the large splotch of red wine on his Tom Ford briefcase, he grimaced. "Uh, no need, Patty. You made the right call, thanks. Would you happen to know where my other one is? The Gucci one Kanye's people sent."

"Ah, that one would be with Ms. Vivian. She said she would put it in your closet."

He walked downstairs to see his housekeeper. "It's not here, Patty. If it's with Vivian, would you happen to know where she is?"

Patty turned to look at the various notes stuck on the fridge door. "Ms. Vivian should be on her way to the airport, Mr. Howard. She has a meditation retreat in Bangkok."

"Oh yeah, right, right. Um, what about Ben? Maybe he'd know where it is. Where is he?"

"The little prince is with the little knight in his room studying."

Studying, sure, Champ, he thought sarcastically to himself. Alone in his room with his pretty girlfriend, his dedicated son isn't that dedicated.

"Well, please tell Ben and Sharon that if they see my briefcase, to give to me right away. I'll just have to use my old Linjer one for now. Let them have dinner ahead too, Pat, I'll be home late."

"But Mr. Howard, the girl's name is—"

Before Patty could finish her sentence, Howard had already made his way upstairs. "Thanks, Patty," she heard him bellow before he entered his room.

—

"Oh, honey, you won't believe how calming the resort was! It had these pretty figurines everywhere, the lotus flower ponds were just gorgeous, and their food! Howard, we need to get Patty some Thai cuisine lessons, I think their salads would help us so much with our diets!"

Howard zoned back into what his wife was gushing about when he heard the words: salads and diet. Here she goes again, he thought.

"Ooh! I tried a few coconut desserts that I think Ben would just lov— oh, speaking of my gorgeous only child, where is he? I want to get his reaction to the painting I had commissioned of me while I was there!"

"Um, no idea, honey. Patty said he and Sharon already had dinner so they must be here somewhere."

Vivian grinned at his answer and clasped her hands together dramatically. "Aw, isn't that nice! They're like practicing for the future. She seems like a lovely girl! Patty says he's been chirpy every morning since she's been here and for once he isn't in his room by 9 pm like an old man. It's unfortunate what happened with her mother but I'm glad she's here with our Benjamin. Don't you agree?"

"Oh, yes. It's even better that he has company on the nights we aren't home," Howard replied with a chuckle.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, Patty said she saw her leave his room early morning the other day so—"

"Oh my Goodness, our baby has really a man! Do you think they're, you know, active?"

"What, I don't know, Vivian! She's his girlfriend and he's sixteen so yeah, most likely."

"Oh my, oh my. I hope they're being safe! Howard, honey! You should ask him, just to be sure! She seems to be a sweet girl but I am not ready to become a grandmother! What will the ladies at the Country Club think if the youngest and prettiest among them has a grandchild!"

"Vivian, Ben is an intelligent boy, he wouldn't—"

"You need to be sure, Howard! You know the reason she's here! What if her mother sues us for allowing her daughter to—"

"Alright, Viv. Alright! I'll talk to him. Yeesh."

—

Howard accidentally caught the girl leaving his son's room early the next morning. Poor thing looked like she had been caught stealing when she realized that he had seen her.

"Mr. Gross, sir, this isn't what it looks like, I promise."

"Uh, no, no, it's fine, sweetheart. You're a good kid and so is Ben."

"It wasn't like that, sir. I swear. I was just, um…"

"No really, it's okay. No need to explain. I just hope you two are—"

"I had a hard time sleeping! I just keep thinking too much to fall asleep and I dunno, I guess it's been hard to be away from home. Don't get me wrong, Mr. Gross, I'm so grateful that you've let me stay in your home but I guess I just felt homesick and well, Ben helped me... He made me forget why I was so upset for a while and even talked me to sleep, he's that boring! Oh no, wait, I didn't mean it like that!"

Laughing at the little quip thrown by his son's girlfriend, Howard smiled fondly. "That's alright, sweetheart. The best couples aren't strangers to healthy teasing every now and then, that's what I've learned over the years. While I'm glad you two aren't, you know, I'm even happier that my boy knows how to comfort his girlfriend. He and I never talk about that stuff so—"

The girl's eyes widened once again and her mouth dropped. "Wait, no, Mr. Gross, we're not! I mean Ben and I. Us, we…"

Patting her on her shoulder, Howard grinned warmly at the flustered girl. "I can't understand why Patty would say you're not a good girlfriend. You're nice and you make my son smile more. I think you and Ben will make it far, sweetheart. So thank you, Sharon."

He turned away from her and therefore missed the look of confusion that formed on her sleepy face. "Huh?" 

When he reached the corner that turned towards the stairs, Howard looked back. "Oh, Sharon! I'm sorry about that Clipper's game. I felt really bad about missing it. But I hope you and Ben enjoyed it though. Maybe we can try scheduling another one soon."

—

“And Gross gets it in the basket—”

Ben stumbled at the sudden booming of his dad’s voice and accidentally dropped the ball.

“...or not! But he drops it with grace! The crowd still goes wild because his father would sue them otherwise!”

Picking up the ball with a chuckle, Ben jogged over to him. “Hey, Dad. I thought you’d be in the gym with your trainer.”

“Well, Gabe called and said he’d make it here late. Asked if I was okay to wait a few hours. And you know better than anyone how I am when it comes to time so I thought, why not cancel and just work out with my boy? He may be smart, but he’s also pretty jacked himself.”

“That’s what I keep telling everyone,” his son exclaimed with pride. “I’d love to help you, Dad. What do you want to start with?”

Leading Ben into the house and towards their home gym, Howard pulled out his phone to show him something. “Ah here, Bubelah, this is what Gabe had me do last time.”

An hour and a half later, his back had started to hurt so he asked for his son’s hand to help him get down from the treadmill. Ben took it and led him off it while sporting a large grin.

“Hey now, are you laughing at me, Ben?”

“What? Of course not! I’m just happy. It’s been a while since we’ve done any regular father and son stuff like this.”

“That’s because we’re no regular father and son! We’re Grosses!”

“Sure, Dad,” Ben said, still smiling. “Since you’re done, why don’t we go stretch you out. I think the massage chair is out in the living area.”

“Good idea, I think I need that,” he agreed as he wiped some of the sweat trickling down his brow.

When they got to the chair, he quickly positioned himself on it as Ben took hold of his right leg. Looking at his boy help him gently stretch out his leg, the sudden memory of his wife telling him to speak to him popped into his head.

“Since we’re already doing father and son stuff, son, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah? What about?”

“Well, it’s about you and Sharon. You see, your mother and I were curious so we started talking and we realized that since you’re a man now and obviously very smitten, it’s about time that I gave you a proper, you know, talk… about stuff.”

Ben looked up from the leg he was pushing, blue eyes as wide as saucers.

“Um, wait. What? Why— what made you and mum bring this up?”

“A lot of things, son. You’re a teenager and have been in a relationship for quite some time now so you’re bound to want to do things . While we’re not exactly thrilled about it, we trust you. You’re a smart and good kid, Bubelah. We just want to be sure that you’re being careful. It mustn't be easy, I know, especially now that your girlfriend has been living under the same roof as you for the past week. So—”

Suddenly, Howard felt his leg hit the chair with a thump and raised his head to look at his son. Ben’s face was contorted into a look of pure confusion. Had he said something wrong?

Finally, Ben found his words. “Dad, what are you talking about? My girlfriend hasn’t been living with us for the past week. My friend , Devi, has been though.”

“Wait, Devi? Who’s that?”

“Other than the girl you’ve let into your home, she also happens to be my nemesis. Has been since first grade!”

Wait, wasn’t his nemesis someone called David? He shared his confusion with his son only for Ben to start rubbing his own temple.

“Dad! Devi is David! I call her David sometimes, it’s a nickname.”

Oh! That makes more sense. Howard did wonder why his son had a female classmate with a name like David. But if the girl staying with them was Devi and the girl who Ben said was his girlfriend and named Sharon, why was Devi coming out of Ben’s room early morning and, oh dear!

“Benjamin! If that girl is not your girlfriend Sharon, why was she coming out of your room this morning? Seriously, champ, I understand that being a teenage boy comes with certain temptations but I do not condone you cheating on—”

“No! Dad, it’s not like that! I broke up with her on my birthday… so I have an ex-girlfriend named Shira, not Sharon."

For the nth time in his sixteen years as a father, Howard was bewildered. If she hadn't been his girlfriend this whole time, why was it that in the sixteen years Ben had been his son, he was happy to be home. 

He was far from a perfect father, he knew. He was a workaholic who could never quite notice or remember details about his son the way he did with his cases, but he knew love when he saw it. Or whatever kids were calling it these days. 

"Son, are you trying to tell me that the girl you practically begged us to allow into our home, the girl who Patty says makes her little prince smile like he's watching a jester juggle, the girl who was sneaking out of your room early morning…" 

Again, he was far from a perfect father. But he was pretty close to being a perfect lawyer and right now, his son was a witness on the stand. His eyes had grown, his eyebrows were at his hairline and he was sweating despite the great ventilation their entire house had. It was great, he would know, he was paying for it! So he decided that since for once, he had noticed something about his son, he'd do something about it… or wouldn't.

"...was not Sharon?"

Ben tried to be subtle about the breath of relief he made but Howard knew. It was almost as if he was scared his father would bring up something, an emotion perhaps, that he wasn't quite ready to address.

"Again, her name's Shira, and yeah. She… wasn't her. She's my enemy but also my friend. And she fell asleep in my room because I told her to come to me if she needed anything. So, yeah, she—"

The glass door suddenly slid open and a figure came in from the pool area. Both men looked at each other, Ben with a look of desperation and Howard with one of smug. 

Whenever you're ready, Bubelah, Howard thought with affection as the figure was revealed to be Devi herself. This was one of the few times he sort of understood his boy, so he'd milk it for all it was worth and help him out. 

"You should just about be done stretching out my legs there, son," he whispered. 

Ben threw him a small smile and started rattling on about him being flexible, as Devi walked toward them.

Exhibit J: "The Malibu Make-out Epilogue"

Circa mid 2020, submitted by Kamala Vishwakumar, Devi Vishwakumar's cousin.

Things were slowly starting to look up for their family, Kamala thought happily as her and Nalini walked back to their car. Sure, Devi really pushed it by waiting until the very last minute to appear, with John McEnroe none the less but at least it became a very heartwarming Bollywood cinematic moment… or a tear-jerking Netflix climax, since Devi was the protagonist and they were in Malibu. 

"Where is that girl? She's been in that car for five minutes. I may love her but that doesn't mean I'm suddenly willing to wait in the Malibu heat for goodness knows how long. Wait, do you know who is in the car with her, Kamala? Oh, is that Benjamin's car? I should go and—"

"I'll go! You should cool down in the car for a while, since you'll be driving us back home, Auntie." Her cousin had better be thankful that her hours of watching Riverdale had made it so she had a better gut-feeling about anything teenage relationship-related.

As she cautiously approached the black Porsche, Kamala could make out Devi's wavy haired-head leaning over to the driver's side as she— oh my! She knew there had to be something going on between Devi and Ben, she was perfect, not blind! But a full-blown car make-out… in public! How Archie and Veronica of them! Or Jughead and Betty of them… or Archie and Betty, ah, whichever couple on Riverdale was prone to public make-outs.

She knew that if she stopped in her tracks, Nalini would notice and come running over so she reluctantly but gracefully, of course, trudged to Devi's side of the car.

Knock. Nothing. Knock knock. Again, nothing. Wow, they must really be enjoying themselves, she thought as she knocked again, but harder.

Finally, her cousin flinched and turned to look at the source of the noise, her eyes filling with fear as she slowly tried to recognize who had just caught her. Kamala smiled sweetly, feeling bad for her terrified cousin and laughed at the relief that washed over her face when she realized it was Kamala.

"So… it took three knocks for you to notice me, Devi," Kamala said with a smug tinge to her voice, as Devi got out of the car.

"Please don't. I don't wanna talk about it."

"Hey! You should be glad it was me and not your mother who caught you lip in lip with—"

"Oh my God, I was there, Kamala! I know what happened. Thank you for coming to get me, you're my savior and I love you. Can we please go now?"

"Come on, I was only teasing! But… wait. Did Ben seriously drive you from his house to Malibu?"

"Yeah…"

"He has a license right?"

"Sorta…," Kamala gave her knowing look. "Fiiiiine, he drove here with his permit. He was careful, real careful! So don't worry!"

Awww, he drove all the way to Malibu through the chaotic traffic and waited for Devi the whole time! No wonder Devi wouldn't latch off his face immediately. She decided not to tell her cousin that and instead sent her off to her mother while she decided to give Devi's knight-in-shining armour a hand with his stead.

—

Ben kindly declined her offer to drive at first but when she helpfully pointed out the highway he'd have to endure again and the fast fleeting daylight, he gave in and let her drive them back.

By the time they had left the beach, Nalini's car was long gone and Kamala made a move to break the awkward silence. 

"So, Ben, I must say, what you did for Devi today and the past week, letting her stay with you and all, was very sweet."

She saw Ben stare at her like a goldfish from the corner of her eye and so decided to go on.

"I know you and Devi are enemies, but wow, if I had an enemy who did something like that for me, I'd be swooning all over the place."

Ben shuffled in his seat and made what sounded like a love child of a nervous laugh and a tired sigh.

Feeling bad for the boy, Kamala relented. "Ben, if you don't want me to say anything, you can tell me. I was just trying to make conversation."

She heard him sigh. "I just… I… well, I don't want to say anything without talking to Devi. I mean, she's… I… I like her. I think I have for a while. But she likes Paxton and she's just made up with her mum after literally trying to emancipate herself and she's been through so much lately and…" He sighed again, much deeper this time.

Repressing her urge to squeal giddily, Kamala waited until they were stopped by a red light to turn to the boy in the passenger seat. "...and what, Ben?"

"Shes probably ranted on and on about how big of a dickhead I've been to her all these years. I wouldn't blame her. I've probably ruined her self-esteem more times than I've beat her in class, which is a lot . Not to mention how badly I treated her during all the traumatic stuff that's happened to her… I mean, she was pissed when I tried to be nice so I guess that makes me a bit less of a jerk. And I honestly didn't mean to make the Unfuckable Nerds a thing, I was trying to get rid of the United Nations nickname… I just, well, messed up. Like I always do with Devi."

Unfortunately, the light had gone green so Kamala could not turn to give him a reassuring look so she just had to rely on her handy-dandy comforting skills.

"Ben, hey, if it's any help, I want you to know that what you did today, for not only Devi but for our family, was far from messing up and far from being a dickhead, as you called it. It was kind of you, and yes, it in no way erases all the horrible stuff you've done, directly and indirectly to my cousin over the years, but it doesn't make the act completely void. From what I've heard during dinners and rants, Devi hasn't exactly let you leave your battles unscarred. Right?"

He shrugged in unsure agreement.

"Right. So that shows that you two are pretty much a mess together, you probably wouldn't work... some would say. I wouldn't because I know how you two are but you know what, Ben? It doesn't matter. Because the only opinion that really matters, in the end, is yours and Devi's. You’re teenagers dealing with dating and hormones, not marriage… and hormones. Anyway, just talk to her. You'll probably have to give her a while because she's most likely going through an internal rollercoaster right now but she'll get there. When she does, it's up to you two to decide what you are. Don't decide for her though, because that would be totally anti-feminist of you if you did," Kamala finished with a giggle.

Ben let out a soft laugh next to her so she must have said something right.

"Um, thank you, Kamala. I kinda needed that. I don't really have anyone else I feel comfortable talking about deep stuff with… other than Devi and well…yeah. But really, thanks. And also for driving me back home."

They sat in comfortable silence until they reached the Gross mansion. Ben offered to drive her home but she insisted on getting a Lyft so as to stop endangering his learner's permit. He also offered to give her the stuff Devi left in their guest room for her to bring home but she declined, giving him a cheeky and charming wink instead. 

"She'll have to come by to get them eventually. Hopefully it will help her get over her inner freak-out a bit faster."

Ben waved her off with a shy smile when her Lyft arrived.

—

As soon she walked into the door, the smell of fresh pancakes tickled her nose.

"Ah, Kamala, perfect timing as always. Come now, sit down. Devi and I just finished making dinner."

Settling into her seat, Kamala's heart was filled with a gush of sweet warmth that wasn't entirely from the pancakes and syrup. Their family was slowly walking on the path to recovery… just like Alice and Betty Cooper! 

It was Devi's turn to wash the dishes. Kamala offered to do it so her cousin could rest after the very emotionally draining day she just had but Devi insisted. 

"Not in India yet so, no servants for now," Devi quipped.

So like the perfect cousin she was, Kamala suggested they used the dishwasher. Just this once. 

Since they had failed to get Nalini's permission, they decided to wait for dishes to be cleaned so they could get rid of any evidence that would reveal their crime.

Devi kept fidgeting with her phone, clicking in on and off about ten times before Kamala spoke up.

"You'll break your phone if you keep doing that."

"Yeah right," her cousin replied hotly, her face giving away the anxiety she was feeling.

"Last time I checked, I was the engineer in this family."

"I thought the hundred dollar beaver figurine in your room was the engineer in this family."

Of course, she was being difficult, Kamala thought. She and her mum were sort of okay now but she was probably still worked up about the possibility of moving to India… on top of the whole Ben thing.

She reached out to gently rub the hand that wasn't nervously clutching her phone. "Devi, you can talk to me. I know we're different but we're still cousins. We're practically sisters. And besides, by now you should know that I'm not as boring as I look."

Devi gazed at the phone in her hand then at Kamala's hand in hers. "I know that, I'm sorry! It's just… mum and I made up but she didn't explicitly say that she's not gonna uproot me to freaking India! I can't leave! I have school here and Princeton! Princeton is here!"

"You can still apply to Princeton from India, Devi."

"Well, yeah but what about my friends? Fabiola, Eleanor, and I just made up! I can't leave them again! This time it would be way worse because I'll be leaving them for a whole country !"

"I'm sure they'll understand, Devi. Plus there's Facebook and Instagram. Ooh! And Tik Tok! You could do an LDR friendship one!"

Devi frowned at her cousin's neverending optimism.

"What about my dad's ashes then? We spread them here! We can't leave my dad's—"

"Technically, his ashes are now everywhere by now. Who's to say they won't reach Ind—"

"Kamala! You're not helping!"

"Okay, sorry."

Devi raked a hand in her disheveled hair. "There's just so much I'd be leaving behind. My entire life! A past filled with memories I love and a future I… well, a future I sorta want to see through."

"You'd still have an incredibly bright future in India, Devi. You know, when I first moved here, I was terrified. I had to leave my parents behind, my friends, my home, everything! But look how happy I am now and how well I settled!"

Snorting, Devi raised a brow at Kamala. "Yeah, well, you're you! You're perfect! Smart, beautiful, pleasant! Of course you settled well here. Everybody likes you. You're universally likable. Then there's me! Even the people who are supposed to like me... don't most of the time!"

"Well, the people who aren't supposed to like you seem to like you. Or a person, to be more accurate.

"Kamala! Don't!"

"What? Don't tell me you're not the slightest bit sad that you'd have to leave him behind as well if you left."

Her cousin scoffed at the statement and scowled at her feet. "Really not helping!"

"I'm just pointing out, Devi. Maybe you should address whatever it was that happened with Ben as soon as you can because I know it sucks for you to hear, but you may be leaving the country."

"Nothing happened, Kamala! He let me crash at his and helped me get to Malibu! Friends help ea—"

"Last I checked, you two were supposed to be enemies ."

Devi groaned in annoyance and hissed, "we are enemies! Nothing happened between Ben and me, and nothing will because I like Paxton! He kissed me! We're totally gonna bang soon."

Kamala's eyes grew. "He kissed you? Oh my gosh, really?"

"Yeah, in his car when he sent me home from Ben's party… where Ben tried to kiss me. Twice." Devi groaned again.

"He did? Oh my gosh! A love triangle! Well, sort of, since you're obviously into Ben but—"

"I am not into Ben! God, no! I like Paxton, I've always liked Paxton, he—"

"It was Ben you kissed though. A lot. Like, you looked really into it, Devi."

"Hey! It's not my fault! He waited! And drove me to Malibu! And let me stay at his place! And comforted me when I couldn't sleep and… his eyes are a ridiculous shade of blue and his lips were really soft and… and his hand on my head felt so warm and, well… arghhh! Okay fine, I was into it... It's his fault!”

Literal. Teen. Romcom. Kamala was enjoying this way too much!

"I'm not going to tell you what to do because you are your own woman, Devi Vishwakumar! But I'm just saying, you should talk to him. You'll regret it if you do end up going to India. You won't be able to sleep because of how you cannot stop thinking about your enemy’s blue eyes and soft lips and warm ha—"

"Shut up, Kamala! I get it, I get it," Devi sighed. "I'll try to talk to him, okay?"

Yes! Kamala screamed internally. "Okay. Well? Why don't you go up ahead? I'll finish up here."

Smiling sleepily, Devi gave her a quick side hug and moved to leave the kitchen.

Before she could make it all the way out, Kamala hissed at her. "Wait! Devi! Does this mean you think Ben was the better kisser?"

"Kamala!"

She laughed to herself in the dim-lit kitchen as she arranged the newly-cleaned dishes. It was almost midnight when she finally got into bed. Checking her phone one last time before sleeping, Kamala couldn't help but giggle out loud when she read the text her cousin had sent her.

Devi: yea. but DONT u dare say anything!!!!

Chapter Text

John McEnroe took pride in many things. His prowess on the tennis court, evident in his many Grand Slam titles and contribution to five Davis Cups, his beautiful children, his iconic rivalry with Jimmy Connors, and his ability to understand people. Sure, he'll admit he was kind of a jerk on the court but that's on the court! He's a sensitive man, if that wasn't already evident from his two marriages!

Yet here he was, in an empty conference room with Andy Samberg, rubbing his temples so hard he might pierce through his skull and into his disbelieving brain. Why, may you ask? Well, that's because he was starting to doubt if he should have any pride in his so-called ability to understand people at all! 

To be fair, how was he supposed to know that everyone in Devi Vishwakumar and Ben Gross' life found hurling insults about each other's weaknesses and competing fiercely with one another since first grade... romantic? Who even did that?

Which brings us to his current predicament, in which all ten of his supposedly reliable sources have made him a laughing stock in front of a man who wants people to laugh at him for a living. What he was expecting to see when he presented their recorded statements were stories filled with competition and snark — the two main ingredients of a rivalry for the books! 

"Rub your temples all you want, old man! It won't change the fact that you majorly misjudged Devi and Ben! Hate my perfectly-sculpted behind, the sexual tension between those two was so obvious! I mean, I would know, I make up one half of a rivalry that started in the streets but ended in the sheets if you get what I mean, eh, eh, eh?" cackled Samberg with glee. 

Lightly banging my head on the table, he tried his best to drone out the smug voice of his new least favourite person. God, I wish I was back home in Malibu walking to the beach right now. Sure, I'd probably end up having to shout at someone's mother from a high point but at least I'd be free of the embarrassment I was feeling and Andy Samberg's annoying sque— wait! That's it!, he thought suddenly. 

Shooting upright, he pointed to Samberg with a renewed sense of determination. This wasn't over yet!

"Let me have one more statement! One last exhibit! The rest of those sources were obviously demented and compromised by watching too much Netflix or something but I have one more source who I know will prove the truth once and for all! "

The silly smile fell off Andy's face as he groaned, "whaaaaat? Come on! I won this fair and square. You've had way too many exhibits and proved yourself wrong on every single one! Lemme have this, old man!" He paused and threw him a serious look. "Let me have thiiiiis," he whispered in desperation.

"No way! I deserve at least one more statement! And with what we bet on, I deserve to defend my stand!"

Rolling his eyes in annoyance, Andy sighed. "Fine, fine! Only because I have total faith in their sexual attraction and your lack of people skills. You can have your one more statement to defend your obviously wrong stand. Just you wait, McEnroe! This time any day now, you'll be wearing the most colourful pair of Speedos you can can find and shouting to the whole Malibu beach that I, Andy of the honourable House Samberg am greater, better and more handsome than you AND have a better understanding of people than you, John of the disregarded House McEnroe!"

John narrowed my eyes at him and pulled out his phone. "Let me just give her a call. We'll do this over Facetime right now. That's how sure I am!"

"Hoo, hoo. Go. Ah-head!"

The call was picked up after four rings. "Hi, Dr. Vishwakumar. Yeah, it's me, John McEnroe. Oh, you're so grateful for Malibu? Ah seriously it was no problem, I was happy to help. But uh, I may have a random favour to ask you…"

Exhibit K: "The Eventually, Finally!"

Circa bla bla bla, bla bla bla Nalini Vishwakumar, Devi's mother bla bla bla.

Honestly, Nalini was amazed at how little Devi thought she knew. A mother just knew , no matter how hard her stubborn bull of a daughter tried to be subtle or whatever she would use as an excuse to keep stuff from her only living parent . And Nalini wasn't just any other mother. Despite what her daughter believed, nothing happened to her that her mother wouldn't find out about sooner or later. 

Like about her and Benjamin Gross! Did she know her daughter's relationship with the star of her dinnertime rants ran deeper than the snarky comments about height and their ongoing academic competition? Of course, she did! Over the years, partly due to the influence of her romantic husband, she had come to see her daughter and Ben as an eventuality. Somehow and someday, she knew they'd fall over the threshold of rivalry and competition. While she wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea at first, she had slowly gotten accustomed to the "eventually" looming over their heads.

She's had an annoying itch-like hunch since Devi and Ben were in second grade. And of course, Mohan used to find it adorable as if they wouldn't be finding their daughter a respectable and intelligent Indian boy to marry one day.

——

"Mooooom, have you seen my colouring pencils? I can't find it," eight-year-old Devi bellowed from upstairs. 

"Kanna, if it's not in your bag where it should be then you're in serious trouble because I refuse to buy you another—"

"Not the boring 12-pack, the 50-pack that you usually hide on top of your cabinet! The one you only let me use with supervision!"

"Devi Vishwakumar, what have I told you about going into our room and—"

She heard her daughter whine in irritation. "Mom, please! It's an emergency. I need to finish this tonight !"

Mohan chuckled from his spot next to her on the couch and threw his arm around his wife. "Come on, let her use it just this once. You do know what day it is tomorrow, right?"

Furrowing her brows, Nalini paused for a second before answering. "Taco Friday?"

Her husband shook his head affectionately. "Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, my love."

"And what does that have to do with letting our daughter use the 50-pack? You know I save it for special projects!"

"Well, maybe she wants to make something for a special someone. Or maybe for Eleanor and Fabiola. Or maybe even for us!"

Nalini scoffed. "Valentine's Day is for white people. I doubt Devi has any time for that commercial nonsense with her school work she has to do, her harp lessons and all the competition with Benjamin Gross!"

"We never know though. She's a kid and if all the other kids are doing it, she probably is too. You know how they can be."

"Devi's above all that, Mohan. But because I love you and her , I'll let her use them. Just this once! I swear though, if she ruins and loses even one pencil, she'll never be able to use them again."

Nalini got up and climbed the stairs to get the colouring pencils for Devi, not before throwing her husband a unconvincing glare to which he just grinned at. 

"Devi, here. Be careful, alright? It's not good to be wasteful."

The way her daughter's eyes lit up when she saw the 50-pack in Nalini's hand made her wonder if her smart and practical daughter really was making a Valentine.

"So what are you working on there, Kanna? I hope it's not a valentine. You know how I feel about them."

The light in Devi's eyes quickly turned to embarrassment as she tried in vain to look normal.

Finding her voice, Devi spluttered awkwardly, "what? Of course not! That's so sissy and cheesy! I'm making a diagram of the water cycle. I need the pencils so I can make mine better than Ben's!" With that, Devi cracked on and gently opened the 50-pack with obvious exaggeration for her mother's sake. 

Grinning smugly, Nalini returned downstairs to Mohan feeling proud that for once she knew their daughter better than him. A Valentine's Day card for someone? Yeah, right!

Yet the next morning, as Devi gobbled up her breakfast, Nalini couldn't help but take a look at her bag when she saw a bit of pink peeking out and some glitter sprinkling the backpack strap.

—

To ben gross, 

For you, i would go to the moon…

PSYCHE!!!!! 

As if i would ever give YOU an actual valentines day card! This is a PRANK!!!! Yeah i would go to moon for you! But only to leave you there without an astronaut suit and watch you die from the lack of oxygen! Hahahahahaha!

From your enemy Devi Vishwakumar

—

Despite the hostile content of the message, Nalini was surprised at how much effort her daughter had put into the card. It was adorned with way too much sparkle for an eight-year-old to be trusted with and a carefully drawn doodle of the solar system… with a white kid choking in space. But she shoved the card back into Devi's backpack before she took it and left for school anyway.

Now, her and Mohan rarely went out to eat because even if they were very much in love, it was always more practical to stay home and make their own meals. Yet the spirit of the day definitely got to her sappy husband and he surprised her after work and drove her to a ridiculously fancy restaurant. Nalini did end up enjoying herself, as she always does when with Mohan…that was until she shared her morning discovery of their daughter's own celebration of the holiday and Mohan would not stop talking about it all night, very clearly pleased.

So much for Valentine's Day only being for white people , she thought as she took another sip of her wine. 

——

She hadn't wanted Devi to date in high school, something she vocalized many times in an attempt to drill it into her daughter's intelligent yet thick brain but when a guy who just screamed sports scholarship and regular college dropped off a dress she knew belonged to Devi, Nalini realized she had not done a good enough job.

Dating nowadays was only one step away from running off to elope and blogging about it in a YouTube video! With the way Devi had been acting lately, she wouldn't be surprised if she had been pulling a Kamala and has had a secret boyfriend this whole time! 

What did surprise her though was who the boy was. Or was not, to be more specific. Sure, she'd rather Devi stayed single until she met the man she'd be arranged to be married to but Nalini had long accepted, although begrudgingly, her fate as the mother of a first-generation Indian-American teenager who had a long-standing rivalry with her intellectual equal. 

So when she saw the Asian-American boy at her door in a flannel jacket and t-shirt instead of the button-up collar she was expecting, Nalini was puzzled. If her daughter had to date someone, she always thought it would end up being Ben Gross! Sure, he pissed Devi off to no end and was kind of a jerk but she knew her daughter well enough to know she was far from being America's sweetheart. 

She was so puzzled, in fact, that she ended up berating the poor kid. Not that any boy who had her daughter's dress from "last night" could really be considered "a poor kid." Nalini had nothing against kids who weren't big on academics, she actually didn't really care for them because they had nothing to do with her smart and driven girl. But when she found that Devi had snuck out to see that Paxton boy instead of nice, albeit sad, narc-looking Ben Gross who had his eyes set on Yale and had been pushing Devi to excel in class, she was livid!

Insinuating Paxton was dumb was not one of her finer moments but seriously! Devi had been acting out left and right, got bitten at a party with that boy, and now had him delivering her dress to their home like he was a stork. What was next? Delivering her grandchild to their doorstep? 

Just when Nalini had finally accepted the fact that Devi would eventually want to date Ben Gross, she went and did this! Nalini had been trying so hard to be understanding ever since she caught the pair after he had dinner with them that one night.

—

Nalini hadn't meant to eavesdrop! But she had forgotten her phone charger downstairs and couldn't afford to have her phone die when she was just about to finish a survey that would give her a discount coupon at Home Depot! She had made it halfway down the stairs when she heard the hushed voices of Devi and Ben as he helped her tidy up.

"Seriously, Ben, you're stinking rich! You didn't need to resort to meeting up with a pedo to get some pizza!"

As he put away the last plate, Ben glared at Devi playfully. "Very funny! As if I did not already know that."

Devi's amused expression morphed into one of pity and fondness, a look that reminded Nalini of the one Mohan gave Ben when they attended their spelling bee in the first grade. "Well, what you do not know is that just 'cause we're sworn enemies—"

"Knew that as well, David!"

"Shut up, Gross. Don't interrupt me. You're the one who wanted to be vulnerable!"

Ben threw up his hands in surrender.

"What I wanted to say was, even if we're sworn enemies, you can talk to me. Like this. Again. You know, if ever you feel lonely or shit and need to like cry or something....I'd rather put up with your emotional mess than have you end up in a real mess with a pedo. Again." 

Nalini couldn't help but raise her eyebrows in worry at the last statement but when she heard Ben laugh along with Devi, she brushed it off as some kind of joke or reference. Taking a peek, she saw the boy's face and was reminded of another look she had seen a few hours ago at her office. This time though, instead of tearing up, he looked at her daughter tenderly.

"Wow, um, thanks, Devi. That means a lot. Really."

Before Devi could respond, Nalini crept back up the stairs in a hurry. I'll let them have their moment , she said to herself. Only for a few more minutes before I offer to drive him home. Not even boys who look like narcs can be trusted to be alone with her daughter for too long. 

But it looks like there'll be no coupon for me tonight, Nalini thought with a sigh. 

——

The peace between her and her daughter didn't last for too long, though. The day after their big fight during Prashant's visit, Devi didn't come home from school on time. Nalini had to fight the strong urge she had felt to call the principal or police since it had only been two hours since classes ended so Devi was probably with Eleanor and Fabiola ranting about her. 

She realised that Devi had run away when she found her toothbrush missing and a portion her closet empty when she went up to Devi's room to check on the mess Hurricane Devi probably made during the aftershock of their most vicious fight yet. 

Pulling her phone out of her pocket in haste, she had been about to call one of Devi's friends when she noticed she had gotten a text from an unknown number.

—

[Unknown]: Good afternoon, Dr. Vishwakumar, Devi's with me! We just got to my house :)

[Unknown]: Wait! I'm so sorry! That sounded like a text a creepily polite kidnapper would send! This is Ben Gross! I got your number from your office, the secretary said you had already left for the day. She didn't want to give it to me at first but she caved when I said it was about Devi. She's absolutely fine, Dr. Vishwakumar. Please don't worry too much. She approached me this morning with her bags and asked if she could move in with me, said you guys had a bad fight. Normally I wouldn't want to get involved but she seemed desperate so I agreed. Please don't be too mad at me, I don't mean any disrespect at all! I just wanted to help her out. Hope to hear from you. Bye. 

[Nalini Vishwakumar]: seriously! that girl is going to make herself an orphan with the way she acts out! thank you for letting me know, benjamin. i was just about to call eleanor and fabiola when i read your text. i apologize profusely for getting you and your parents involved in our mess! don't worry, i'll be right there to pick her up. 

[Benjamin Gross]: About that, Dr. Vishwakumar, when I texted you, I meant to let you know where Devi was and that she's okay. Since you're probably really worried and she's too stubborn to tell you herself. I was kind of hoping you'd let her stay with me. At least for a few days.

[Benjamin Gross]: She's just really upset, she won't admit or show it but the fact she asked me for help was enough for me to know. I promise, she'll have her own room and everything! My parents are putting her up in one of our guest rooms. They're gone a lot but Patty, our housekeeper, will always be home to watch us so we'll be supervised. 

[Nalini Vishwakumar]: i don't know, benjamin. that's really kind of you and your parents but i'm not sure if i'm comfortable having her stay at a boy's house, even if it's you and i know you're too busy for any of those things. and i'd hate to have to let you deal with my mess of a daughter.

[Benjamin Gross]: I'll be extremely respectful towards Devi, Dr. V! I just really think she needs some time to cool down before she can face you properly. I also promise to talk some sense into her for you if you let her stay here. I'm sure she'll come around.

[Nalini Vishwakumar]: are you sure it's fine with your parents?

[Benjamin Gross]: Absolutely! 

[Nalini Vishwakumar]: alright, fine. fine. she can stay. only because knowing her, she really does need to calm down or else our house will be far too destroyed for anyone to ever want to look at it.

[Benjamin Gross]: Thank you, Dr. Vishwakumar! I'll try talking Devi into going home as often as I can. She'll be with you soon. She just needs a bit of time.

[Nalini Vishwakumar]: thank you, benjamin. i know you and devi have your differences and your rivalry but i'm glad she has a good friend like you. i really appreciate it. but, can i ask why she's not staying with eleanor or fabiola?

[Benjamin Gross]: They got into a fight as well and are not on speaking terms. Paxton isn't speaking to her too, so yeah, I was pretty much her last resort. But it's fine. I'm just glad she sucked up her pride and asked me for help or else I don't know where she'd have ended up staying. 

[Nalini Vishwakumar]: oh, i did not know that. but still. thank you, ben. i'm glad she's got a responsible friend like you. please thank your parents and patty as well. devi is lucky to have you. take good care of her please and tell her she'll have to face me eventually! thanks!

—

Sighing deeply as she pressed send on her reply to her daughter's, sort of unexpected saviour. As she stared at her last text, she was amazed at how much worry left her when she knew where Devi was. While she would have preferred Devi find refuge with one of her girl friends, there was some surprising comfort knowing she was with Ben, who despite bearing the title of the enemy, had gone out of his way to make sure that not only Devi felt safe but that her mother knew she was too.

If you're Devi's last resort then I might be able to start worrying about her just a little less, Benjamin Gross , she thought. So much for hating each other.

——

Nalini was a pusher. She pushed herself to do well, pushed back her emotions in order to be practical, and pushed away the things that scared her so she could keep up a brave front, which included her daughter. Devi terrified her. It scared her how much she loved her yet couldn't get it across. It scared her how tough and cool Devi tried to be. And it scared her how alike they were. They both pushed. Even if they didn't always get along before, Mohan had always been there. He got them both and because of that, he was always able to pull them back together whenever they started pushing one another away. Yet now, they would have to learn to do that on their own.

That's the realisation that dawned on Nalini on their way home from spreading Mohan's ashes. She snuck a glance at Devi, who was gazing straight ahead with a faraway look gracing her face. 

Something had happened , her instincts announced, but she hesitated. They had only just reconciled, she didn't want to pressure Devi. Ask her, nagged her instincts.

"Kanna, are you alright? You look a bit lost. If you still feel bad about all of this, don't! Your father wouldn't want you to keep feeling upset on his birthday and neither do I."

Slightly startled at the sudden question, Devi chuckled awkwardly. "Yeah, mom. I'm fine. It's just…" she paused for a moment then sighed, "nothing. I'm just glad we're talking again."

"Me too, Devi. I'm glad you made it to Malibu on time. I had an urge when I arrived at the shore to stop and I realized that we couldn't do it without you. Then you were there! With your father's favourite tennis player of all people and it came to me, how similar we are, you and me.

Devi looked at her mother with curiosity. "What do you mean, similar?"

"We're both pushers, Kanna. We try so hard to push away and avoid the things we're afraid to deal with, including one another. Your father though, he was a puller, a magnet, whatever you want to call it. He always knew how to bring us together. So right then, I just knew that the love of my life wasn't in the ashes we were about to spread, he was right there with me, in the moment, doing what he always did when we couldn't see eye to eye. He brought us together." 

If she had taken a peek at her daughter right then, she would have seen her eyes sparkle with the beginnings of fresh tears. Instead, she kept on talking because for once, she didn't feel so afraid to let Devi see the cracks in her strong facade.

"I'm sorry, Devi, if throughout all that has happened to us in the past year, you've felt like I didn't care or that you couldn't come to me. It's just, it's always been your father who knew how to comfort you and talk to you. I care so much about you, my love. You have no idea how much. And that's partly because I haven't been doing a good enough job of making you feel it. I just thought that since I wasn't so good at the comfort-thing, I'd be better off being strong for you. So you would feel secure and safe. Instead, I pushed you away."

"Mom, you don't need to apologize! I was so caught up in repressing my own shit that I forgot how bad it was for you! I wasn't helping, I pushed you away just as much as you did to me, probably even worse with the stuff I said. So I'm sorry. I really am. I love you." 

Thankfully they had stopped at a red light for a moment so Nalini was able to turn to look at the spectacular young woman who was sitting where her little girl should have been. Upon seeing Devi's tear-decorated face, she let her own fall free. 

"I love you too, Devi. And from now on, we'll work on us. We'll get better at this no pushing thing. It'll take time because we're not very good at it—"

An amused laugh interrupted her. "Understatement of the fucking century, mom!"

"Language, Devi! But yes, it really is an understatement. We really are bad at it. You truly get it from me."

"God, how did Dad survive with the two us! We must have driven him mad!"

"Oh, we did. But he loved us too much to ever give up on us. For every push we gave, he'd pull harder. He went above and beyond for us because he knew even if we resisted, it would make us happy in the end. He was just that kind of man. It's one of the reasons why I fell in love with him."

The laugh blooming in Devi's throat died suddenly and she grew quiet all of a sudden.

"Devi, what is it?"

Sighing, she replied, "it's nothing, mom. You just, uh, what you said just now reminded me of someone. That's all."

Nalini had an inkling as to who her daughter was alluding to but still paused to give some thought to her answer. "Which part, Kanna?"

"Dunno. All of it, I guess," Devi said with a defeated sigh.

"I was saying good things yet why do you sound so dejected?"

"Well, let's just say that there was a person who did those kinds of things for another person, you know, going above and beyond for them, letting that other person into their home, getting the other person's friends to help her out, risking his life by driving her through the traffic and highway with only a learner's permit—"

"Wait! Ben Gross drove you all the way here with a learner's permit! What was he thinking! What were you thinking, getting in the car with him! My God, Devi! It's almost as if you want to die! Like you enjoy putting your life in danger and scaring me. Honestly, I expected more responsi—"

"Mom! What happened to working on us! We were having a moment! Besides, why the hell did you assume I was talking about Ben! I could have been talking about Paxton!"

"Do not use that tone with me, Devi Vishwakumar. I may want to improve our relationship but that does not mean I will condone you breaking the law! Even if your accomplice has a successful lawyer for a father! And of course, I knew it was Ben! Have you forgotten how many times you brought up your annoyance at his constant mentioning of his father's Porsche? God, Kamala said he was tired from driving so she'd help him out but your cousin probably knew the truth. Ah, I give that girl a bit too much credit…"

As she ranted all the way back home and as Devi tried to defend herself, her cousin and Ben Gross, Nalini couldn't help but be grateful yet again to the boy for being the pull to Devi's push, because if her daughter was as similar to her own self as she thought she was, then she'd better be keeping him around for a while.

——

The talk Nalini had with Devi had done wonders for them, even if it had ended in another petty squabble between them. They had started making an effort to talk to each other and stop pushing one other apart. For the most part, they had made solid yet subtle improvements to their relationship... except for listening. And overreacting...they were working on it.

Three weeks after Malibu and one week before the summer break, Nalini called Devi during her free period to ask her when the charity orchestra concert at the local senior center would be so she could book their tickets for their summer trip to India since there was a sale on flights…which Devi would have known if she hadn't blown her fuse as soon as the words "flight", "ticket" and "India" sprouted from her mother's mouth.

"Mom! You're kidding me right? Seriously? What the hell!"

"Devi, watch your language! You're at school."

"Language? Who gives a damn about the language I'm using since apparently I'll be needing to use a new one real soon!"

"What, no—oh, wait, I meant—"

"Oh my God, mom! I know what you meant! How could you do this to me! I thought you had given up on that plan after we talked after spreading dad's ashes! I thought we were finally starting to get each other better but NO! It was all a lie because you still don't want to deal with me so you decide to not only PUSH ME AWAY BUT PULL ME AWAY FROM THE ONLY HOME I'VE EVER KNOWN AND MY FREAKING ENTIRE LIFE! CONGRATS, MOM! YOU'RE A PULLER NOW! CONGRA—"

Nalini tried interrupting her daughter's dramatic outburst as she rolled her eyes when she started hearing her sniffle, but in true Devi-fashion she wasn't letting her mother get a single word in. 

"I had just assumed you would no longer ship me off to India because you hadn't brought it up in weeks but I should have guessed you would want to spring it on me! I can't believe you're doing this! I thought, I thought—Oh my God! I'm supposed to take part in the charity concert! And shit, Fab's birthday! I agreed to help El and Eve surprise her! And I planned to attend the video game convention with Paxton and Rebecca in two months but damn it, I won't even be IN THE COUNTRY!" 

Okay, this had gone on long enough, Nalini thought as she rolled her eyes. "DEVI! If you'd let me finish—"

"No, mom, I won't let you finish! I didn't think you would do something like this to me after all we've been through yet now I have to say goodbye to all the people in my life who have been there for me and helped me..."

The other end of the line suddenly went quiet and Nalini assumed Devi had ended the call but when she checked, the call was still ongoing. 

When she brought the phone to her ear, she was perplexed by the sound of footsteps, panting, and chatter on her daughter's end.

"Devi, are you ok—"

Slam! "BEN!" 

An old voice suddenly spoke up in anger. "Miss Vishwakumar, what are—"

Nalini's eyes grew large. What in the world was Devi doing!

"David?" She faintly heard Ben Gross say.

"Ben, I'm leaving. My mom's moving me to India."

"What? But I thought—"

"NO! Please shut up, Ben! I mean, just stop talking. For once, please. Let me get this off my chest because this may be my last chance to fucking say anything before I leave forever!"

"Excuse me! We are in the middle of a prac—"

"I was wrong! I lied! I pushed you away, Ben. I pushed!"

"Huh? Devi, what are you talking about?"

"That night, when I went to pick up my stuff after Malibu, after we kissed…"

Nalini almost dropped her phone. They what?

"Devi, what the hell? You were the one who said to never bring it up again!"

"That! That's what I did wrong, Ben. I pushed you away! I was too scared and confused to deal with how that kiss made me feel, how you made me feel… how you still make me feel. So I lied and rambled on with some bullshit lie about it not meaning anything and me wanting to purge it from my memories when in reality, that kiss has been the star of my nightmares ever since that night!"

"Wait, so you're telling me you barged into my acapella practice to tell me that… you hated the kiss so much that it has become a recurring nightmare for you? What the actual f—"

"It's been in my fucking nightmares every night since then because it pisses the hell out of me that I might never get to kiss you again. And I want to! God, I don't ever want to stop! But I was being a coward and did what I always do to the things and people I care about. I pushed and I ran!"

"Honestly, Miss Vishwakumar! Whatever this nonsense is can wait! Mr Gross is too busy preparing for—"

Ignoring the screeching teacher, Ben cut her off and stepped closer to Devi, something Nalini could tell by the way his voice had become louder and clearer, shock dripping off every word he said. "What are you saying, Devi?"

"I'm a pusher, Ben! And so is my mom… but, but she had my dad and he loved her too much to ever give up on her, or me. I want that for myself, Ben. I want that with you! Because you know me, you knew the worst parts of me when you pulled me out of my bullshit and helped me do something I'd have regretted not doing. I want more than just a kiss in your car at Malibu beach!"

The line went dead silent for a moment and Nalini found herself speechless as well. It'd be a lie to say she didn't think Devi and Ben were more than just childhood rivals but she never expected that Devi would be able to bear her heart out like that. Maybe she was more similar to Mohan than Nalini realized.

"But… you're going to India."

"I know that, Gross. That's why I'm telling you this, right now. Because if I don't tell you what I want then I'll never get to tell you. Look, if you're over the kiss then fine. If you actually want to forget it and this ever happened, you can, I'm leaving anyway so—"

"David, I've wanted more since we pulled off our first alcohol heist during the Model UN trip. Now shut up and let me kiss you! We've got a lot of wasted time to make up for and not long left before you're shipped out of the country!"

The screeching of a chair rang in her ear so Nalini pulled the phone away suddenly. When she brought it back up to her ear, all she could hear was the sound of clapping, the screaming of an old woman, and a happy sigh that sounded like the name David.

Taking that as her cue to end the call, Nalini slumped into her chair at her office desk and tried to focus on her desktop screen with shocked eyes. I did not need to hear that… and just perfect! Now my daughter thinks I'm evil and still want to move her to India. To top it off, I never did get the date of Devi's concert. How am I going to book our holiday now?

She gave her temples a few rubs before looking up at her ceiling. This was it! The eventuality she had seen coming for a while now. She used to think that she'd feel a bit mad or upset when it happened yet she was fine. Maybe that was the thing about eventualities, you know it's going to happen but not when so when it finally does happen, you've already accepted it is what it is. She was relieved!

That is until she received an email from Principal Grubbs two hours later. 

—

Greetings, Dr. Vishwakumar

This is Principal Grubbs, as I am sure you know. I am writing to you to kindly request for your presence in my office tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m. The parents of Benjamin Gross will also be sent this same email as the topic of our meeting will be centered around a complaint from Ms. Prudence Leslie.

Apparently both your daughter and Benjamin Gross were participating in displays of affection that were not tasteful or appropriate on school grounds, especially not in front of their acapella instructor who is almost seventy and unmarried  I think the kids nowadays would call it "getting it on." While we understand that they are teenagers, Ms. Leslie feels very strongly about the need to discuss this issue with you, the parents. 

I hope to see you tomorrow.

Sincerely, Nora Grubbs.

(P.S. I know this may be slightly inappropriate or uncomfortable to see but one of the students in the room took a video of the moment that you may want to see in case you have your doubts, because I sure did.) 

—

Nalini refrained from watching the video and instead started writing up her To Do List for the next day: Read and reply to mail, meet Principal Grubs at her office and ask Devi what day her concert was so she could book their flights for the summer break on a discount, which was her initial reason for calling in the first place. 

She may have been putting too much trust in Ben Gross, Nalini thought with a deep sigh. Even narc-looking boys who are well on their way to studying at Yale won't hesitate to maul her daughter, it seems. 

—

John McEnroe ended the video call before Nalini could continue talking. Great. Just great, he'd have to endure not only Samberg's smug victory dance or whatever he called it. He'd also have to exclaim his defeat in his speedo from the 80s, which was the most colourful thing he owned, to the entire Malibu beach… which happened to be less than a mile away from his home. 

Moving away from the hand he had used to cover his eyes, he glanced up to see Andy indeed, doing a victory dance that looked more like he was summoning a god of death. At this point, he'd welcome any god or being out there that would swallow him up from the ground. 

"Speedo! Speedo! Speeeeedo!"

"Shut up, Samberg! I'll do it tomorrow morning, okay? You win. Now leave me alone!"

"Nuh-uh-uh, gramps! I need to be there when you do it so I can witness you announce to the world my monumental victoooory! So I was thinking this Saturday because I'm free all afternoon and so is one of the camera guy who films my show. Plus, Saturday is when the kids are out to partaaay so you know, you'll have a bigger audience! I was also thinking I could invite my wife and—"

"Damn it, do whatever the hell you want! It's disturbing how much joy you find in proving that two teenagers want to hook up, Samberg. Almost as disturbing as the fact that you're bullying an old man."

Andy snorted and threw John a pointed look. "Hey, you're the disturbing one for talking about proving that two teenagers wanting to hooking up because that so not what I was doing. I was proving that true love still exists and that a rivals-to-lovers is the best love story of all," he said dramatically, finishing up with a chef's kiss motion. 

John could only groan at the mess he has gotten himself into by getting involved in the love lives of teens, as he made his way to his car. So much for those two being iconic rivals like him and Connors. Shit, I'm gonna have to dig out my old speedo now!

Exhibit L: "The Epilogue"

Circa the weekend John McEnroe shouted on a cliff at Malibu in a vintage speedo, video submitted by Bob, Andy's camera guy featuring Devi Vishwakumar and Benjamin Gross, topic of the case (not that they need to know that).

The sun had started to go down which meant it was already dangerously-near-to-her-curfew o'clock. Yet with the calming feel of her boyfriend's heartbeat under her fingertips and her current struggle of deciding to either focus on the soft warmth of his lips on hers or the tantalizing tug of his fingers in her hair, Devi couldn't spare a fuck to give. 

Now that she had gotten over the initial embarrassment and no longer thought her mother was packing her up and sending her to India forever, Devi was able to slow down and take each day with Ben as it came. Except when it came to kissing him, on that front, she didn't see herself slowing down anytime soon. Not that her boyfriend minded, a term she had found awkward to use for the past week yet couldn't stop using. 

From his place in the driver's seat of his dad's now sentimentally special porsche, his hand started travelling as exhilaratingly close as it could to her hips when something in the distance caught Devi's eye.

Pulling away from Ben's lips, only for him to follow her mouth for a second, Devi narrowed in on what she thought could be a cameraman pointing his camera towards them… and John McEnroe in what looked like neon orange and electric blue underwear.

"David, I already agreed that I'm obsessed with you! You win! Can you please continue reminding part of the reason why," Ben whined while pointing to his lips.

Ignoring his pleas, Devi continued to stare out of the window behind him until she finally pointed to the object of her curiosity. "Is it just me, or is that dude filming us while John McEnroe is standing on that cliff wearing a speedo that looks like someone from Stranger Things would wear?"

Suddenly forgetting his neediness, Ben flipped around to take a look for himself. "What? Oh, yeah! What the heck! It's not only you, Davi—woah, wait! I think that's Andy Samberg with them!?"

When he turned back to get a reply from Devi, she had already jumped out of the car. Making her war towards the random trio, she turned back to Ben. "Come on, Ben! I wanna know what's going on!"

The boy let out a dramatic groan but followed her out of the car. "Jeez! For being the smartest person I know, other than myself of course, you have the attention span of a rooster!"

"I don't have time to pretend to be triggered by insults you think are insulting, Ben. Just come on!"

John McEnroe had been arguing with Andy Samberg while the camera guy just kept on filming them.

Devi approached the older man. "Um, excuse me! Mr. McEnroe, sir?"

"Dammit, seriously what now?"

"Hey, don't be rude, old man. Your camera guy is the one who's filming us without our permission. Which I can sue you for, you know."

Before John could retort to the insult, Andy cut in. "HA! You called him old man and threatened to sue him! I knew I liked you, kid. But about Bob, don't mind him, he's with me! He's just filming something for our case."

Ben grinned at the compliment while Devi turned her attention back to John McEnroe. 

"Mr. McEnroe, sir, I was that girl you helped out a few months ago. You screamed at my mom to not spread my dad's ashes! My boyfriend and I were just in his car when we saw you and I just had to ask what in the world you're doing in that and with him," Devi drawled.

"Boyfriend?" Andy and John echoed at the same time.

Devi and Ben took a second to wonder why their relationship would interest an iconic tennis player and world-known comedian-slash-actor.

Bob, the cameraman spoke up before they could get back to their senses. "Yeah, they're totally dating. They were making out before they came here, I got a bit on camera!"

Devi, Ben, and John screeched, "WHAT" at the same time as Andy sang out, "noiiiice!"

Groaning, John McEnroe turned to the young couple. "You two have no idea what you've made me do!"

He gave Andy one last pitiful glance and was met with two thumbs up and an excited grin. 

John McEnroe then looked at the pair seriously. "I better be invited to the freaking wedding!" 

With that, he took a deep breath then shouted in evident pain: "Attention beach-goers, I have an important announcement to make. ANDY OF THE HONORABLE HOUSE SAMBERG, IS BETTER, SMARTER AND MORE HANDSOME THAN ME AND HAS A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF PEOPLE THAN I, JOHN OF THE DISGRACED HOUSE MCENROE!"

The group behind him stayed quiet for a while until Ben broke the silence. "You know what, since it probably has nothing to do with us, I won’t even ask!"

Devi nodded in agreement then turned to Ben with a cheeky sparkle in her eye. “Hey, Gross. First one back to your car has to take the blame with my mom for me being late for curfew!”

As she took off in a sprint, her boyfriend gave an annoyed huff yelling at her as he followed her, leaving the three adults to stare after them. “David! It won’t matter if you cheat! Your mom loves me!”