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Catra couldn’t sleep.
It had been weeks since they’d disabled the Heart of Etheria, weeks since she had moved into Bright Moon with Adora, weeks since she’d gotten the happy ending she’d never dreamed of having. But as happy as she was, she still felt on edge. Like all of this was just a dream, and soon she’d wake up, alone and back in the Fright Zone.
It was dumb, she knew, and she was almost angry at herself for thinking it. For not being fully grateful for what she had. But it was hard to shake the feeling regardless.
So here she was, pacing the empty halls of Bright Moon at an ungodly hour of the morning. It was early enough to still be dark outside, the sky smeared in the purplish sort of blue that came just before dawn. It was always so quiet here, but never more so than now. She was waiting for the time to come when it felt normal — the absence of whirring machinery and the distant barking of drill sergeants. For now, it still felt eerie. Almost like she was an intruder, even if she knew that this was her home now.
She rounded the corner and froze. There, staring out of the window overlooking Bright Moon’s lawns, was Glimmer.
Catra could tell that she was deep in thought, and she debated just turning around before Glimmer noticed her. But she decided against it. They were friends now, weird as it still felt to her. So instead, she padded forward.
“Look at you, up so early.” Catra said, gently smirking as she leaned against the wall next to the window and folded her arms. For a moment, Glimmer didn’t react at all, and Catra wondered if she’d even heard her.
“It’s still so weird.” Glimmer said suddenly, her voice quiet and her gaze still fixed on the rolling hills in the distance. “It’s been weeks, but everything still feels weird. Like it’s too good to be true. Like it could all fall apart at any moment.”
Glimmer looked at her then, and Catra was momentarily taken aback. Not only by her words, which eerily reflected exactly what Catra had been feeling. But there was something else. Something about the way Glimmer looked at her that made Catra uneasy. It occured to her suddenly that behind the warmth in her gaze, there was something colder, something more reminiscent of old times. She looked…angry. And suddenly, Catra had to know.
“Do you still hate me, Sparkles?”
Her answer came without hesitation. “Yes.”
Catra blinked. Well, ouch.
Glimmer sighed and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, and when she opened them the warmth was gone.
“Catra, my mother is dead because of you.”
It was like the air had been crushed out of Catra’s lungs.
She wanted to run. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream at Glimmer, to give in to her instinct to fight back at the sudden vulnerability she felt. She felt like an idiot all of a sudden, traipsing around this castle as if she belonged here. Of course Glimmer hated her. She was a monster.
This was it. Where it all came crashing down. Where they all realized that she wasn't worth it, that she hadn't deserved their forgiveness. She should have known better.
“Glimmer, I-"
“But she’s also dead because of me.” Glimmer interrupted, holding up a hand in a remarkably queenly fashion. "Because I went charging ahead. Because I never listened to her.”
Glimmer looked Catra dead in the eye, tears welling but not falling. “And she’s also dead because of Hordak, and the Horde in general, and also because of herself. It was her choice in the end, her sacrifice. So if you’re wondering if I blame you, then yes. I do. But the blame is shared."
“I’m sorry, Glimmer.” Catra said softly.
Glimmer nodded. “I know you are.”
An uncomfortably heavy silence lapsed between them. Catra debated slinking away, running down the corridor like a coward and escaping the guilt roiling in her gut. But before she could deliberate further, Glimmer cut back in.
“I still hate you a little bit for all the hurt you’ve caused. To me, to Bow, to the princesses, to Etheria…to Adora.”
Catra winced.
“But I also don’t hate you.” Glimmer said, and Catra stared at her in shock. “I think we have a lot in common. A lot more than either of us would like to admit. And I can tell that you’ve been trying to be better. You have been better. You’ve saved my life about a million times over in the past few weeks, for one thing.”
Glimmer turned to face her again. “And then there’s Adora. I’ve never seen her happier than she is when she’s with you. ”
Catra felt a warmth in her chest, a giddy sort of grin threatening to rise to her face. She masked it quickly with a scoff and a nonchalant smirk. “Well, of course. It’s pretty hard to resist my superior charm and seductive ways.”
Glimmer’s face contorted in disgusted horror. “Ugh, no! No, no, stop it, no. One more word about your seductive ways and I’m dropping you out of this window.”
Catra snickered, and silence lapsed between them again. Once again, Glimmer was the one to break it.
“But to answer your question seriously: yes, Catra. I hate you. But I also don’t.”
Catra stared at the floor. She could live with that, certainly. It was probably more than she deserved.
“Do you still hate me?” Glimmer asked.
Catra paused, taken aback. Did she really? She certainly played the part, to the point where it felt instinctual to assume that she did. But she rarely stopped to actually think about it.
“I…I think I do, yes.”
Glimmer just stared at her, and Catra realized she was waiting for an elaboration.
“It’s just…ugh, this is stupid.” She felt heat climbing up her neck and her ears instinctively twitched in embarrassment. Glimmer only crossed her arms and cocked a brow, obviously not letting this go.
Catra sighed and stared at the floor before carrying on tentatively. “I think…it’s just that…”
She could feel the heat in her face, scowling as her tail swished in frustration. Why was this so hard? She took a deep breath to steady herself and tried again.
“I think I still resent you for being Adora’s friend. It still feels like she chose you over me sometimes. Adora’s told me it’s stupid a million times, and I know it is, so spare me the speech. I know I have no right to be angry anymore. But it’s just…it’s hard to stop being angry, when you have been your whole life.”
She waited a beat for Glimmer to laugh at her, or tell her off, or something. But Glimmer only nodded, understanding in her eyes.
“I get it. Really, I do. Do you remember Princess Prom? I threw this giant temper tantrum, all because I was scared Bow was going to dump me or whatever for Perfuma and the other princesses.” She snorted. “We’re both kind of idiots, huh? Blessed with the two most loyal people in the world, and we’re scared of losing them anyways.”
Catra scoffed. “Yeah. I guess we really do have a lot in common, Sparkles.”
“Oh, yeah, loads. I mean, we both have the biggest egos.”
“We both nearly blew up the world because of our own stubborn pride.”
“We both got used by Shadow Weaver.”
They both fell silent abruptly. Glimmer seemed almost shocked she’d said it. She stared at the ceiling for a moment, clasping her hand over her arm nervously.
“Sorry. I know…I know it was different for you.” Glimmer said. “I don’t really know the details, but I know she was…really awful to you. I can’t fully understand it, I know, but…she hurt both of us.”
Catra swallowed hard. All she could think about was the burning room. Shadow Weaver’s marred face, the look in her eyes. The charred mask left behind.
“I’m so proud of you, Catra.”
“Fuck Shadow Weaver.” Catra said abruptly, but it came out softer than she intended, and her voice wavered in the middle.
Glimmer stared at her for a long time. “Fuck Shadow Weaver.” She agreed finally, but her voice was just as soft.
Glimmer sighed, staring out the window for a moment before turning back to her. “I don’t really forgive you, is I guess what I’ve been trying to say with all of this. Not yet. And I don’t know if I ever fully will. But Bow and Adora both say I should probably try to stop being so much of a stubborn ass, and I think they’re right. So I’m willing to try.”
Glimmer smiled again then, just for a moment, and this time it wasn’t a smirk. It was soft, and unsure, and vulnerable. “Besides, Catra, I…I would like to be your friend.”
Catra fought to control the blush rising on her face, but it was a losing battle.. She wondered if she deserved this. She wondered if that even mattered anymore.
“We’re never gonna have a normal friendship, are we?” Catra said, grinning.
Glimmer scoffed, but she was smiling too. “Absolutely not.”
A guard marched by them, saluting to Glimmer as she passed. They both fell silent again, but this time it was comfortable. The palace was beginning to stir to life now, the first rays of sunlight beginning to peak over the horizon. Adora would be waking up soon, Catra thought, if she wasn’t up already.
“I should probably —"
“I’m gonna go —"
They both waited for each other to continue for a beat, before Glimmer carried on.
“I'm glad we talked, Catra. I think...I think we really needed this."
Catra nodded, and Glimmer cleared her throat. "Well, I’ll see you later, anyways. At least, I will tonight. What is this, like, the twentieth celebratory banquet in a week? I’m going to abdicate sooner or later if they keep this up.”
Catra snorted. “See you later, Sparkles.”
Glimmer pouted, eyes narrowing in a glare. “Are you ever planning to quit calling me that?”
Catra smirked. “Don’t count on it.”
Glimmer rolled her eyes, huffing out an exasperated “UGH!” before disappearing in a cloud of pink glitter.
Catra stayed there a moment longer, watching the pale sunlight catch on the lingering sparkles.
Look at you, she thought. You left the Horde only a few weeks ago and you’re already talking about all your mushy-gushy feelings with a princess. Adora’s turned you into a big softie.
She smirked to to herself before turning down the hallway towards Adora’s room.
She was sure Adora would be up by now and ready to whisk her off on whatever mission the day held in store.
Or maybe she could convince Adora to relax for once and just stay in bed with her all day.
After all, they had all the time in the world now.