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It was supposed to be a simple mission. Head over to the planet, retrieve the ancient Jedi artifact from their archeologists, and head back home. It would be over in less than twenty-four hours. But, as you should know, whenever The Team is concerned, there's no such thing as a simple mission.
Obi-Wan and I got into a ship, and shot off into hyperspace. I was piloting, and Obi-Wan was reading the datapad about the artifact out loud. Not that I was really listening. I mean, I tried, but honestly, who can listen to him drone on and on about boring stuff in his monotone voice and not zone out? So he was reading and I was flying. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Then, the dashboard started blinking, informing me of an issue with our right engine. It was a minor issue, and probably wouldn't have caused us any problems if we'd left it alone, but I was getting pretty bored just sitting there listening to Obi-Wan drone on and on, so I told him to take over flying while I checked our engine out. Big mistake. That man can't fly to save his life, I'm convinced. Not without a droid anyway.
I hadn't even been messing with the engine for an hour when he started shouting at me to brace myself. Brace myself? What for? I didn't have a chance to ask him before I was thrown off my feet by a violent jolt from the ship. The last thing I remember seeing is smoke, flames, and emergency signals.
I woke up in complete darkness. I was lying on something hard and hot, and there was something pinning my left leg down. Oh, and there was a massive piece of twisted metal lying on top of me. Leave it to Obi-Wan to crash a ship in autopilot.
I groaned, pushed the metal off of me and looked around. There was what looked like the remains of the engine on my leg. With a bit of difficulty, a little sweating, and a lot of cursing, I got that off. Now I was finally able to get up and take a look at the wreck. It was pretty bad. No, that's an understatement. It was terrible. Completely demolished.
The whole cockpit was buried in the ground, the fuselage was twisted and in flames, the roof had collapsed, and one wing was falling off. And I didn't even want to look at the giant hole in the side. And he says I'm a crazy pilot. At least I land my ships in one piece. Most of the time, that is.
I heard a groan and some debris shifted, revealing a very grimy, disgruntled Obi-Wan. He got up and surveyed the scene with his arms crossed. Then he turned to me and punched me. I blinked. Wait . . . what? Why the hell was he punching me?!? I hadn't crashed! "What was that for?" I grumbled.
He glared at me. "For not giving me the proper clearance codes."
I stared at him. I clearly remembered leaving the codes on a notepad right next to him. How had he missed them? He must've sensed my thoughts through our bond because he looked positively furious as he said, "They were the wrong ones. You wrote 44765-29 when the correct code was 44865-27. I entered the one you gave me and our would-be hosts shot us down."
Oh. That explained how he'd crashed. I winced and said, "Sorry. I . . . wait a sec. You obviously knew the correct code, so why did you follow mine?"
He narrowed his eyes. "I made the huge mistake of trusting your judgment over mine."
I rolled my eyes. "Well, I can't fix that thing, at least not without tools. We'd best get moving. Any idea where we crashed?"
He gave me a long-suffering look and answered, "A small rural planet not too far from the one we're supposed to be on."
I shrugged and said, "Well, then, I guess we'd better try to find someone who can give us a lift."
We went off, mainly wandering aimlessly, trying to find any signs of inhabitants. We saw a mountain in the distance, and climbed it so we could get a better view of the landscape. Obi-Wan spotted a clump of huts in the distance, so we headed in that direction.
It was nightfall when we arrived. The huts were all made of wood with shingled roofs, and lamps on either side of the front doors. It looked pretty peaceful. We wandered around until we found someone who looked like a nice person to ask for directions. Obi-Wan glared at me as if to tell me to let him handle the talking. Fine by me. I always hated formalities.
In the end, Obi-Wan managed to get us to a shipyard. Well, obviously we couldn't afford to buy one, so we asked the owner, a greasy-faced old man, if he had any abandoned ships we could borrow. He said no, and I was getting pretty frustrated and felt just about ready to punch someone (maybe Obi-Wan as payback) when Obi-Wan asked if there were any wrecked ships we could look at. The owner laughed and told us to help ourselves.
Well, there were lots of rusted, broken down ships, but none of them would run. So I ended up just taking parts from a bunch of different ships and joining them together to make a decent craft. Well, decent is a bit of an exaggeration.
The thing was literally five feet from nose to tail, and there wasn't a single bit of it that wasn't covered in rust. The wings were wobbly, the engines sparked and made grinding noises, and there were no landing gear. Oh, and Obi-Wan had to hold the roof down while I flew. But hey, it got the job done. Barely.
The next morning we plowed into a field in our sorry excuse for a ship. Obi-Wan muttered something about looking like uncivilized primitives, but who cares? We were there. Besides, turned out we were about to get a firsthand experience with uncivilized primitives.
The savage sleemos came charging at us from every direction. They were short, knobbly, and a dull purplish. They also didn't have any clothes on except for a loincloth. And they were doing flips. Yeah, not pretty.
The little demons surrounded us and started attacking us with clubs, darts, and slingshots. I reached for my lightsaber, but Obi-Wan stopped me. "Anakin, don't!" he yelled.
I froze and shouted back, "Why not?"
He rolled his eyes and snapped, "They're natives! They're legally protected by the government of this planet! Unless you want to end up in jail, you'd better not hurt them!"
I cursed. Great. Now what? Well, since we couldn't fight them, and we couldn't just stay there, I decided to run. Fast. Obi-Wan and I dashed through the woods, but the kriffing devils wouldn't let up. It seemed like there was no end to them. Then, one of them jumped right in front of me, ready to shatter my head with his club. I lashed out with the force to protect myself, and accidentally pushed him too hard. He slammed into a tree and broke his neck. Kriff.
Seeing their comrade dead made the pests twice as bloodthirsty. It wasn't long before Obi-Wan and I were bound tightly with cords and dragged off by them. Poodoo.
Obi-Wan didn't seem pleased with me. He seemed to think this whole disaster was my fault. And, eh, I guess I did play a part in it. But only a part. He was just as much to blame as me.
Surprisingly, the savages took us to the capital of the country. They marched us through the crowded streets, howling and jabbering. It was actually pretty embarrassing. The sleemos took us to a huge building and started shrieking loud enough to raise the dead. A man came out. He actually looked pretty decent, and I thought maybe he would rescue us. I've never been more wrong in my life.
The guy listened to the purple demons for a while, then turned to us and asked sternly, "Did you kill one of them?" Kriff.
Obi-Wan started to say something, but I cut him off. "They were trying to kill us!" Obi-Wan shot me a withering glare.
The man frowned. "I did not ask you that. Did you kill one of them?"
Obi-Wan beat me to it this time. "It was an accident, good sir. I assure you, we did not mean any harm."
The man scowled and nodded to some guards. "Take them away."
Obi-Wan jerked his head. "Wait! Please! We're Jedi, we . . . "
"I don't care who or what you are. You've killed someone protected by our government, and you will be imprisoned for it." Son of a hutt dirtbag.
The guards stripped us of our weapons, comms, and datachips, and dumped us in a filthy cell. Simple mission? Ha, ha. Very funny.
Obi-Wan glared at me as he settled himself on the floor, arms crossed over his chest. "Well done, Anakin. You recklessly tossed my advice to the wind and ruined the mission because of it. Again."
Well, that was just unfair. I hadn't meant to kill that purple scum-lover. "Hey, it was an accident," I defended. He just rolled his eyes.
Thankfully, I always have a back-up plan. Almost always, that is. I grinned at him. "I can get us out."
He looked at me skeptically. "Oh, yes? How?"
I held up my mechanical arm. "I modified it and added a built-in laser. It'll cut through the bars in no time."
He shook his head. "And what of the guards just down the hall?"
I shrugged. "You and I are more than capable of knocking out a few guards."
He sighed. "Very well. Get us out."
I wasted no time in doing so. Sure enough, the guards heard us and came running. We quickly used the force and a few swift kicks and punches to the face to knock them out. Then, we ran for it.
We walked through the streets, trying to blend in with the crowd so as not to draw attention to ourselves. We made it to the archeological site and entered. Obi-Wan introduced us. "Greetings. We are the Jedi sent to retrieve the ancient Jedi artifact you informed us of a few days ago. My name is . . ."
"Jedi?" the archeologist interrupted. "Wait . . . you're supposed to be in jail!" Obi-Wan and I glanced at each other before springing into action. I quickly punched the archeologist in the throat before he could call the guards, then twisted his arm. Obi-Wan snatched the artifact and ran. I knocked out the archeologist and followed. Now we had to get out of here. Alarm spread like wildfire as a policeman spotted us and gave chase. Pretty soon, a the whole karking town was hot on our heels.
We jumped into a parked speeder. I took the steering wheel, jumpstarted the engine, and screeched off. They were throwing things at us now, and I flew for dear life, trying desperately to get away. Unfortunately, they had speeders too. And by now, we had quite the criminal record. Kill a native, break out of jail, and steal a speeder. Wonderful. I cursed and swerved off the road, headed for a mountain. Obi-Wan stared at it in horror. "Anakin, what . . ."
"On three, jump!" I shouted.
"Wait!"
"One!"
"Anakin, no!"
"Two!"
"We can't just . . ."
"Three! Jump!" I jumped out, and so did he. We tumbled into the valley as the speeder exploded above us. I hit the ground hard enough to get the wind knocked out of me, then rolled down the rocky slope. Ouch.
I finally came to a stop, and lay there for a minute, gathering my thoughts. Then I jumped up and looked around. Obi-Wan had gotten to his feet and was inspecting the artifact. "It's fine." he decided. Then he turned to me, and punched me for the second time that day. "Don't you ever scare me like that again."
I scowled and punched him back. "Jedi know no fear, remember?"
He rolled his eyes, but chuckled. "Let's get out of here." Yeah. Easy for him to say. We were kinda stranded without a ship. Again.
We looked hopelessly at each other. Then, Obi-Wan sighed. "Well just have to call the Council to send someone to pick us up."
I looked at him flatly. Was he seriously forgetting? "We have no comms."
"Oh, right."
In the end, we hid in the valley for a few days until the city had quieted down. Then, under the cover of night, we snuck in and stole a ship. I mean, we sent it back with a check after we arrived on Coruscant, but still. I doubt they were pleased. And that's it.
The children bounced on their bed. "So you and Uncle Obi were in the mountains for days?" Luke asked, frowning.
Anakin smiled. "Yep. That's right."
Leia smiled. "Can you tell us another story?"
Anakin laughed. "Not tonight. It's bedtime. Mommy will be here to kiss you goodnight in a few minutes." He kissed them goodnight, tucked them snugly into bed, and turned off the lights.
"Daddy?" Luke asked.
"Yes?"
"Can you tell us another story tomorrow?"
Anakin sighed. "Sorry guys. Aunt Ahsoka and I are going on a mission tomorrow. Maybe mommy or Uncle Obi will, though, okay?"
They both sighed audibly. "Okay."
Anakin smiled. "Goodnight, guys. I love you."
"Goodnight, daddy."