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"Uncle, how did you know you wanted to be with Sect Leader Nie?"
Jin Ling was visiting him at Lotus Pier as there were no matters at Koi Tower that required his attention, at least for a few days.This season has been relatively calm with the summer long gone bringing with it the drizzling of early autumn rains. Farmers of Lotus Pier were joyous over the abundance of the summer harvest and were enjoying the confines of their humble abodes with their families. As were the swordsmen, the masters and the servants of Lotus Pier.
Jiang Cheng and 𝘩𝘪𝘴 Nie Huaisang were perched over the benches in the Lotus Pavillion that his late mother usually frequented on the days there was no training. So, here he was enjoying the crisp sound the rain made hitting against the leveled ground, when his nephew silently, albeit uncertainly walked towards them.
Jin Ling made his bows to the elders and was directed by his Uncle to take a seat in front of them. If Jiang Cheng had noticed that his nephew was fidgeting with the ends of his sleeves adorned with gold embroidery, he made no comment.
The Sect Leader was in a sombre mood today, and he had planned on spending a quiet evening with his beloved when he sought Huaisang out to join him outside. Nie Huaisang had agreed to this at the pretence that he wanted to capture the beauty of the clouds amidst the setting sun where they were greeted by the rain, a loud but promising companion, almost saying 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦.
Huaisang had thought this to be the perfect depiction of their love. Jiang Cheng was the setting sun amongst the clouds, bright and unwavering yet silent as the dead. Huaisang knew that beneath the thunderous words of the Yunmeng Jiang's Sect Leader constantly berating his disciples and his nephew, there was a man who hardly ever spoke about the past, about his feelings or about what he envisoned for his future. Where as, Huaisang was the rain. If unwelcomed at first, just like the dread of the farmers at the thought of the rain ruining their crops, in the end it did bring with it the end of hot summer days and a promise of colder, comfortable nights.
Huaisang hoped he was the cold needed to soothe the ever burning anger of his lover, at the behest of Jiang Cheng's long lost family. Even after all these years, he is yet to know if he had even minutely bridged the gap between his own wants and his lover's needs.
He thinks he might have, if the lingering gaze on his countenance is anything to go by, Jiang Cheng looks to be pondering over his nephew's question, all the while never leaving his steady gaze on Huaisang.
"It started on a quiet day much like today.." Jiang Cheng started.
~
They had no classes that day. Old Master Lan was away on Sect business and they were allowed to spend the day as they wished. Jiang Cheng was at a loss, he didn't know what he should do, there was a slight breeze in the air and he was walking along the paths that lead to the streams behind the Library at the Cloud Recesses.
His brother was sent back to Lotus Pier a month ago, as loath as he was to admit it, he dearly missed his brother and all the shenanigans he pulled to keep them entertained in the boring life at Gusu. Now that he was gone, days at Cloud Recesses were back to normal for the residents of this monastery, though this normal wasn't Jiang Cheng's normal. The three months he spent here with his brother and their new friend, the Young Master Nie were some of the best days of his life. So, needless to say he was bored beyond his wildest imagination, and imagination was never his strong forte.
As he neared the streams, he could hear the water steadily flowing and hitting against the rocks. He closed his eyes and tried to think about the water back at home, how it felt against his body when he went swimming with his shidis and shixiongs. How it felt to dip his toes into the water that never seemed to become hot even in the wamest days of summer, how it was always the right amount of cold, settling his spent muscles after a long day of training.
"Jiang-xiong, are you here to catch fish with me?" A familiar voice drew him out of his thoughts and implored him to divert his attention at the beautiful man across him, "You must be awfully bored, I was too. So, I thought I'd come here to catch some fish just like Wei-xiong taught me."
The Young Master of Qinghe Nie was unlike anybody he knew. This boy feigned inattention and clumsiness though he always looked like he was scanning every room he was in, marking everything into his memory, to be stored and brought out to be used if the opportunity ever made itself known. He strongly jumped into plans that Wei Wuxian made to have his share of fun, as if he was scared that if he didn't say yes, he would never be asked again. Then again, he was never incriminated in any of the mischief Jiang Cheng's shixiong pulled and he always managed to skirt past the punishments.
Jiang Cheng found this highly amusing and somehow scary, he was never the one for tricks and games, always making himself known through his honest words and actions. Though none of Nie Huaisang's actions or words ever erred on the side of dishonesty. He exuded loyalty in all his limited actions and his elaborate words towards his Sect and his brother even if he was scared the said brother would break his legs.
Nie Huaisang's hair was a little disheveled probably from all the time he spent in the water trying to catch fish. His pants were pulled up to his knees and he was holding his robes in one his hands. There were drops of water framing his forehead and a drop found it's way down his throat. Jiang Cheng had the intense desire to trace the path the water drop travelled with his fingers, down to the clavicle of the other man.
"No, I was just walking around," Jiang Cheng replied with a sigh, "I thought I'd go into Caiyi Town for the day, do you want to come along?"
There was a faint tint of pink on the other boy's cheek which caught Jiang Cheng's eye and yet again he wanted to brush his knuckles over the color and explore where all it reached.
"Of course, there are a few things I wanted to buy," Nie Huaisang told him while trying to walk out of the water onto the grass at it's edge. Jiang Cheng instinctively held out his hand to guide the other boy and he was surprised at the flip his heart made at the contact. "Also, the weather is so pleasant, spending a day in the town sounds wonderful," Nie Huaisang chirped with a gleeful undertone to his voice.
They made their way to the town. It was bustling with merchants trying to hawk the visiting tourists and cultivators with the promises of the highest quality of products and the rich delicacies Gusu had to offer. Jiang Cheng was walking with Nie Huaisang by his side, the other boy stopping him from time to time by tapping his fan against Jiang Cheng's arms or his shoulders, to look at various toys and trinkets that were on spread at colourful stalls lining the edges of the busy road. Huaisang's eyes would twinkle at the sight of pretty colours, Jiang Cheng mused to himself, as if he was already imagining all the ways he could use those colours to brighten up his life.
Jiang Cheng was never one for crowds ever since he was young, always seeking the comfort of his home than to venture out into the markets at Lotus Pier. He only ever went with his siblings whenever they dragged him out to spend some time with them. He never could refuse his a-jie and even if he tried to whine at his brother, Wei Wuxian always somehow managed to draw him out of his comfort zone.
Walking the roads of this busy market didn't seem like a chore with the pretty boy beside him. They reached a stall that had wooden carvings of various shapes and designs. Beautiful works of art that he could never try to make, though somehow he knew his companion would easily be able to carve the most deliacte of designs with elegance, such was the talent of the other boy in the finer arts. There was a wooden piece in the form of a puppy, it looked adorable and soft just like his dogs, who he never got to see again. He felt a deep ache at that thought but then he remembered the smile of his brother when he innocently promised that he would drive away any dog that came into their view, and the young boy smiled at him like the brightest sun that he was.
His expression must have been amusing to look at when he heard, "Jiang-xiong, I have never seen you smile like that, I wish I could see it more," Nie Huaisang said with an earnest smile of his own.
Jiang Cheng disintegrated at that sight, the other boy looked so beautiful with the setting sun casting hues of golden on his face and his hair looked the darkest shade of brown, like chocolates. He wanted to twist his fingers into the luscious locks that curled at the end. 𝘕𝘰𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, he thought.
He had the sudden desire to shield the boy's face from other people, he wanted to be the only one to ever look at Nie Huaisang smile, his gorgeous breath taking smile. He wanted to collect them all for himself, to store them away for safe keeping and earn even more, he wanted to be the sole reason for the other boy's smile.
They were so young, just fifteen, and Jiang Cheng thought he had never had a more selfish thought. His selfish desire to have his parent's attention and his sister's love all to himself paled in comparison to what he felt now for the boy in front of him.
Not being able to reply to what Nie Huaisang said, he directed them towards an inn to eat before they headed back to Cloud Recesses. If he could skip one night's bland dinner, he would be delighted to do so, he said as much to the other boy. Nie Huaisang chuckled and agreed to his suggestion, so they had optimally seasoned dinner for once, much to their delight. Conversation was always easy with the Young Master who hid behind his fan and Jiang Cheng wanted to lower it down himself so he could stare at Huaisang's pretty face. Jiang Chneg didn't have to try to fill the awkward gaps in conversations between each bite, because there were none.
After eating to their hearts content and paying the waiter, they made their way to the market again. There were lanterns hung at each stall now, casting circles of golden light on their faces and they started walking beside each other again, easily falling into step like they were meant to.
Huaisang had stopped him at a stall to buy some art supplies and a few blank paper fans. After he paid the vendor and his supplies were packed, they started to walk back to the mountain that marked the beginning of the steps to Cloud Recesses.
"Jiang-xiong, we walked so much today," Huaisang was pouting now, "I can't be bothered to climb these steps, I'm too tired."
He looked so adorable that Jiang Cheng wanted to pinch those rosy cheeks. What was even happening to him? He was Jiang Cheng, Jiang Wanyin, the heir To Yunmeng Jiang Sect. He didn't marvel at other boys' giggles or the pink tint of their cheeks or gawk at their faces. No, that's not it. This boy wasn't any other boy, he was special. Even though it went against every fibre of his being, he was starting to buckle at his steps and trying to steady his lest he fell. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘺, 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥.
"Well, if we don't want to miss curfew and make it back in time," Jiang Cheng scoffs lightly, "I would suggest we start walking now."
"You could always fly us on your sword, Jiang-xiong," Nie Huaisang suggested with a breathy laugh.
Jiang Cheng's breath seems to have caught in his throat, he couldn't voice any coherent thoughts, so he didn't even bother trying. He nodded at the other boy conveying his assent and unsheathed his sword where it was pressed against his waist, a constant and familiar weight.
He had been doing this for an year now and was fairly certain he could manage a small flight from below the mountain up to the Cloud Recesses, though it was frowned upon to fly into the Cloud Recesses. Surely, they would excuse two Young Masters for once. Even if he had to bear the weight of an extra person, he was certain of his skill. They were taught to fly with another person on their sword as part of their training, everybody learnt this as it could be a necessity to carry injured cultivators during nighthunts.
He mounted his sword and put his hand out for Nie Huaisang to take it. The other boy held onto his shoulders as he settled behind Jiang Cheng. It took a while to balance the extra weight and when he finally steadied his sword, Jiang Cheng started to maneuver it to his liking. He felt a rush at this height with wind blowing against them and he didn't realise when Huaisang's hands settled on Jiang Cheng's waist when he could swear just a few minutes ago, that the other boy's hands were on his shoulders.
Jiang Cheng felt a rush of warmth spread through his body. He could feel Huaisang's shallow breaths at the nape of his neck and a ghost of a smile pressed to his skin, or maybe he imagined it.
"You fly so well, Jiang-xiong, truly how a Young Master of your age should," Jiang Cheng could almost detect a flirtatious undertone in Huaisang's words.
"Wanyin."
"Hm?"
"Call me Wanyin."
If the other boy noticed his laboured breaths or his hesitant tone, he made no comment. His hold on Jiang Cheng's waist grew a little firmer, he rest his head on Jiang Cheng's shoulder and whispered, "Okay, Wanyin."
Jiang Cheng thought he could get used to being called like that, it felt like hope and new beginnings.
Days passed in a blur at Cloud Recesses, their time coming to an end and the disciples were making arrangements to go back home. Jiang Cheng had spent every waking moment with Nie Huaisang, he watched the other turn blank fans into beautiful pieces of art, he watched him giggle hiding behind his fan at Jiang Cheng's rants against every possible annoyance, and he also watched his gaze soften every time Jiang Cheng smiled.
Jiang Cheng has caught himself smiling more often these days just to see the other's reaction. Huaisang was unaware what he did to Jiang Cheng's insides with every brush of a hand, every nudge of their shoulders, every smile Huaisang gave in return to his own. He had often wondered if he should tell the other boy of his feelings, but he never could bring himself to say it, because he himself was unsure what exactly these feelings were.
They were supposed to meet tonight for one last time as they would be leaving early in the morning tomorrow. Jiang Cheng was sitting on the roof of his quarters gazing at the moon, he could hear nothing except the buzzing of the insects. It was past curfew but he had discovered very early that there were no patrols at the guest quarters, maybe because Cloud Recesses was aware that not every Sect followed their ridiculous sleeping times. Disciples were often left to their own devices, even after curfew if there was no commotion or unwelcomed noises, as long as they didn't step outside the guest quarters.
He felt a familiar weight press against his shoulder, he didn't have to guess who it was when the other boy rested his head on Jiang Cheng's shoulder. It was a comfortable silence, neither was in a hurry to speak lest they dampen the mood. Jiang Cheng was wrought to say goodbye and leave this beautiful friendship behind, who knew when they would be able to meet again. The only good thing was he would see his family soon.
The other boy shifted and Jiang Cheng tried to hide his disappointment at the loss of contact when he felt Huaisang sink lower to rest his head on Jiang Cheng's thighs.
"Is this alright, Wanyin? Just for tonight, we can pretend I never did this," Huaisang looked ethereal in the moonlight and his eyes looked wistful while holding Jiang Cheng's gaze.
How did Huaisang always manage to leave him speechless? He gave a slight nod and Jiang Cheng bought his right hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Huaisang's ear that had fallen on his eyes covering his beautiful face.
Huaisang leaned into into the touch and pressed a soft kiss on the inside of Jiang Cheng's wrist right on his pulse. Jiang Cheng keened at the brush of Huaisang's lips and decided he wanted more. But, he couldn't. He would not ask or demand, he would glady take what was given.
Jiang Cheng was slowly caressing Huaisang's scalp now, which the boy seemed to enjoy, he closed his eyes and settled against Jiang Cheng's hips.
He doesn't know how long they stayed like that, he was busy staring at Huaisang's face etching every detail into his memory when he felt the other stir.
"Did I fall asleep, Wanyin?"
"Yes, go back to sleep. It's alright, A-Sang."
"I love it when you call me that, Wanyin."
Then Huaisang slowly raised himself and settled on Jiang Cheng's lap with each leg on either side of Jiang Cheng's hip. He couldn't breathe for one hot minute, then Huaisang's hand was on his neck holding onto him like he was the only pillar Huaisang needed to face their lives. They were yet unmarked by tragedy or loss, just two young boys who didn't want to let go of this familiar warmth and comfort that they grew for the past few months.
Huaisang reached into his sleeves and pulled out a fan and something else wrapped in a piece of silk cloth. He handed them to Jiang Cheng beckoning him to open them. Jiang Cheng's breath caught in his throat when he opened the fan and he wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted him.
It was a painting of him on the day in Caiyi Town where he had been staring at the wooden carving of a dog with a soft smile on his face. His hair was flowing softly against his back, the golden light of the sun forming delicate patterns on his robes. The Jiang Cheng in the painting looked so serene that it took him a while to realise that yes, he has been just like that since that day. His smile grew wider and his face became softer with every day he spent with Huaisang.
He was at a loss for words so he instead decided to open the silk cloth, what fell out was a piece of wood. He let out a chuckle when he realised that it was carved into the shape of a puppy. This was even prettier than the one he looked at the stall that day. It was made of the highest quality of wood and so soft to touch. The ridges on the wood care carefully made with patience and skill.
Jiang Cheng was sure he had a dopey smile on his face now and when he raised his head to look at the boy in front of him, Huaisang was sweetly hiding behind his fan. Jiang Cheng lowered the fan in Huaisang's hands and stroked his knuckles against Huaisang's sharp jaw.
"A-Sang, these are so beautiful. I didn't get you anything though, I'm sorry," Jiang Cheng pleaded while the other boy simply smiled and said, "Just hold me, Wanyin. That's all I ask."
Huaisang then settled his head against the crook of Jiang Cheng's neck and Jiang Cheng did that just that, what his A-Sang asked him to do. He held his beloved with a firm yet tender grip, he didn't want to hurt the boy but he desperately needed Huaisang to understand how he felt with out him having to voice it out.
~
"I always did regret not confessing right then and there, you know," A-Sang said while drawing slow circles on Jiang Cheng's back, "but I didn't have the courage."
"I know, we were such idiots," Jiang Cheng fondly shook his head and reached down to press a chaste kiss on his lover's cheek.
"I don't know, Uncle. This is way too complicated, I do not like this feeling." Jin Ling looked like he was on verge of tears, "make it go away, I don't want to love."
"Don't be stupid, A-Ling." Jiang Cheng chided his nephew when he felt Huaisang throw him a heated glare asking him to stop.
That's when he noticed the vulnerable look on his nephew, pleading him to understand. He knew that look all too well, the confusion and uncertainty.
In a rare show of affection, Jiang Cheng brought his hand to rest over his nephew's, who flinched at the touch. Jiang Cheng tried to not look disappointed at that and quickly schooled his expressions. When did he become so distant that his nephew couldn't even trust his touch?
"A-Ling, whatever you are feeling now, I know it must be scary," Jiang Cheng said with a soft voice, the same voice he used so many years ago when his nephew wailed and cried in his arms, a tiny bundle of joy who was a gift and a token of grief. "Everybody feels that way in the beginning, but trust me, it gets better. Did you ever think your jiujiu would find love? This grumpy old man, tch."
When his nephew made no move to speak further, Jiang Cheng decided to ask, "Do they treat you well?"
"Yes, they do."
"Do they make you feel safe?"
"Yes."
"It's always easier to fall for a person who makes your heart flutter or makes a thousand butterflies take flight in your stomach," Huaisang says gently, "but it's more important to choose a person who is dedicated to make you happy, to make you smile in the darkest of times and comfort you when you are down."
"But we didn't always do that, did we, A-Sang?" Jiang Cheng asks solemnly.
"No, it took us a while to get there," Huaisang says with a soft smile, "but we did get there in the end, didn't we?"
"What do you mean, Uncle?" Jin Ling probes."