Chapter Text
She felt like cursing whoever who made Algebra but that would mean cursing her own ancestors. She groaned and pushed her books aside, she’s not going get any work done in this mood. She grabbed her phone and flopped on her pillow checking her messages and wondering if Lucie was online.
Unsurprisingly her phone remained dry as a desert. She sighed and went to see if Lucie had at least updated The Beautiful Cordelia. That story was the only universe in which she could have an adventurous life full of attractive men being in love with her at first sight. The last chapter ended in a cliffhanger leaving everyone wondering if she had sex with the pirate captain or not.
Please update it I’m dying to know if I had sex or not, she messaged her best friend when she saw the last updated date remained the same. She climbed out of her bed and pushed the curtain aside and looked out trying to see if she could see Lucie through one of the windows that faced their house but unfortunately everything was all dark.
Except James’s room. Her room directly faced his and even though there was obviously space between the two houses she could clearly see inside. He was pacing, phone to his ear as he gestured with his other hand as if trying to explain something. A few seconds later he threw his phone at his bed and clutched his hair with both hands. She grimaced and closed the curtain but James looked her way at that same moment.
She dropped to the floor. Shit shit shit. He must be thinking she’s some creep. It’s not as if you haven’t done this same thing when he wasn’t looking others days, a voice in her mind said. Shut up! She stopped doing that a long time ago. She realized few years ago it’s an invasion of privacy. If someone did it to her she wouldn’t like it either. She lunged for her phone and typed a message as soon as she could. I’m sorry. I swear I wasn’t being a peeping Tom I was looking for Lucie.
A few seconds later a notification pooped up. Yea its ok Lucie is sleeping btw sd she had a headache
Thank god. She let out a sigh. She looked at her phone again. Okay now what should she say? Should she change the topic or just go to sleep? She wondered who was on the phone with James that made him act like that, though she had her suspicions. She didn’t want to be a bad friend especially after seeing that so she asked are u ok?
tired of drama he sent back with a sad face emoji
So it was his girlfriend. She didn’t want to get involved in their fight I don’t think theater kids are supposed to say that Smirk face.
He sent a few laughing emojis. don’t tell ms branwell I sd that shell kick me out
Then im going to sleep daisy see u tomorrow
She replied back and dropped the phone on her lap. Dodged that awkward mess. She let out a sigh and leaned her head against the wall.
She thought it would get easier, loving James from afar but it didn’t. And most of the time in hurt, seeing him with Grace. She knew she should just let go and move on. But she’s been pining for him for so long that it’s hard. If it was a normal crush she would have long been over this, but this was James. James who she was in love with. The one who lifted her up when she fell off the swing when she was five, making the moment they first met an unforgettable one in Cordelia’s memory. The one who listened to all the crazy theories she had when she was a kid without laughing. The one who-Stop it, she told herself there is no point thinking like this. She’s just hurting herself. She needed to either tell him the truth or move on.
She went onto the notes app on her phone and stared at the feelings she’d written down. Some just random words and sentences but most just long paragraphs of everything she felt about James. They maybe not be all eloquent and heartfelt that would make people cry like the way Lucie writes in her books but they were her honest feelings. She let out a deep breath. God she’s so pathetic. Even if she wanted to tell him everything he already has a girlfriend who he obviously must like, to be with her for a year. Even if there wasn’t another girl she’ll still be a little hesitant to confess to him because she didn’t want to ruin their friendship. She didn’t want to ruin what they had. Because if she confesses and he rejects her it will be so so awkward.
She couldn’t imagine Friday movie nights with her acting weird, the others would realize something was wrong in an instant since James always sat next to her as they tried to figure out the end of the movie before it starts. Or their regular visits to Anna’s. The car ride would be so silent. Or maybe she won’t even hang around him after that. Maybe she’ll feel so awkward she might just avoid him forever.
But it wasn’t even her fault. If she thought James wasn’t even interested in her maybe she would have given up but he doesn’t act like that when they are together. He’s always looking at her and smiling or joking when they are together and when they hang out with their friends he’s always by her side unless Mathew or Thomas comes and drags him away. And that look. He always looks at her in that way. In a way she doesn’t know how to explain but she’s sure people don’t look at friends like that. A part of her believes that he feels the same way about her.
She pushed herself off the floor and fell on the bed pushing her books away. It’s just that she didn’t understand why James would like Grace. They had nothing in common, they had totally different personalities and they weren’t even friends before. Cordelia was certain that they haven’t even had a full conversation before they started dating. It wasn’t only her that was shocked when they got together, Mathew and the others thought James was pranking them until they saw the two making out afterschool. The one who was hurt by it as much as her was probably Mathew because apparently James never told him anything about it before. According to Christopher they talked it out later and that Mathew was okay with it though everyone knew Mathew stil hated Grace.
But of course James would prefer someone like Grace over her. Grace was one of the hottest girls in school and she was the cheerleading captain and always dresses like she’s about to walk the red carpet. All Cordelia did was dress in the first thing she grabbed from her closet, was in the drama club and is all weird and awkward. But James and all their friends were in the drama club too. And they had so much of fun together with all their inside jokes. Do James and Grace even have inside jokes?
She gave up thinking about all these. Maybe tomorrow morning she’ll be more confident.
The next morning, she took extra time trying to pick out a dress. After pulling half of her closet out she gave up. She’s really bad at picking clothes how do people decide which clothes look good together. She grabbed the three tops that she thought were good and headed to Alastair’s room. She entered without bothering to knock “Hey what do you think is the best one?”
Her brother was curled up in his bed with headphones on clutching his phone. He glared at her as she entered. “Get out”
“What do you think is- hey why aren’t you getting ready?”
“I don’t have lectures today”, he said in a tired voice.
That’s when she noticed that his eyes were red. “Oh my god are you listening to Red again?” She caught his a few days ago listening to that album and crying as he deleted pictures of him and his ex.
He looked at her and then at his phone. “No”
“You are aren’t you. I told you not to do that! You’re just going to make yourself cry”
“Taylor Swift wrote this album for people to cry!”
“That wasn’t why she wrote it. And you should be listening to rep not Red”, she said as she dropped her clothes on his bed and tried to grab his phone. “You broke up with that dickhead Charles. You left his cheating ass so you should listen to rep and feel like a boss ass bitch”
He kicked her in the face and pulled his phone towards his chest. “I’ll listen to it next week. This week I’m going to listen to Red. Apparently that’s the correct way”, he said a few seconds later, “I saw it in a post” As if that made perfect sense.
She straightened wiping her face and picked up her clothes again.” Fine be a sad gay all you want just tell me what I should wear”
“I thought you gave up James”, he said not even bothering to look at her.
“This has got nothing to do with James!” This has got everything to do with James but she’s not going to admit that out to Alastair.
Her brother just gave her a look. “Will you leave if I tell you?”
“Just because you said that now I’m not going to”
He pointed the middle finger at her. “Fine fine I’ll leave I’m getting late anyway”
“The dark green one”, he said pushing his hair out of his face.
“But that’s a new one!”
“Then wear the other one Cordelia! Just get out of my room”, he said glaring at her.
She frowned, “You’re such an ass” She walked out, there’s no point talking to him when he’s in a pissy mood.
“If you listened to reputation you wouldn’t act like this”, she said before she slammed the door.
She walked back to her room deciding to listen to Alastair and wear the green top. She hoped she’d look good in it.
She hurried out of her house texting Lucie who had sent her a message saying that she’d get a bit late. Sometimes Cordelia worried about her best friend. Sometimes she got the feeling that Lucie was hiding something from her but whenever she asked, Lucie always tells her she’s imaging things.
She stood at their regular spot between their two houses waiting for the school bus. They still ride in the school bus even though they both got their license because their driver Drew was amazing. She always plays these cool songs they’ve never heard and sometimes when she’s in a really good mood she bakes everyone brownies.
They were the last ones to be picked up so she knew it will take a few more minutes till the bus comes so she took out her phone and scrolled through her social media. There was nothing interesting, except Mathew’s story which was a picture of him wearing this amazing coat. Next time, Cordelia decided she’s going to ask Mathew for advice. He wouldn’t be annoying like Alastair. Though he’ll make fun of her and James too. He’s the only one out of their friends that new she liked James. She didn’t want to tell Lucie because she knew Lucie won’t be able to shut up about it.
She felt a soft breath against her neck and she yelped as she turned around. James stood before her with a smirk on his lips. Just like all the other times Cordelia was struck by how James looked. He was so hot. He looked like one of those Greek paintings they saw in the museum. Today he wore a black T-shirt a shade lighter than his hair, which looked wet after a shower, she knew it will be all messy by the time they were at school.
“You idiot!”, she said hitting him on the shoulder,” I almost got a heart attack!”
He moved away from her, laughing, “I’m sorry Daisy it was too good of an opportunity to pass”
Her eyes narrowed but she couldn’t stay angry with him for a long time especially when he smiled like that. She looked towards the Herondale house. “Lucie still not ready?”
“She’s running around the house trying to find socks that match”, he said with a sigh. “You’d think that she’ll be all ready since she has been awake since five”
“She was awake? I thought she must have woken up late”
“Nah she was awake. I heard her talking to herself when I woke up to pee”
They both looked at the house as if Lucie will appear if they started at it hard enough.
She was looked at James to ask him if he’s staying for the club meeting today when she caught him watching her.
“What?”
He looked away. “Nothing”
He looked at her again.
“What?”, she asked again. Wait was there something on her face? She washed her face properly right? Was it her hair? She knew she should have just put it into a ponytail like usual without letting it loose.
He tightened his hold on his bag. “Umm..” He looked down. “You look good..I mean nice – I mean” He looked at her again his face flushed “ You look really pretty”
Cordelia could feel the heat rising in her face she just hoped that James won’t be able to see it. She had forgotten about the new top she wore. (even though she spent so long on deciding to wear it) She looked down at herself and pulled on the top trying to stop herself from smiling.
She didn’t know what to say. Even though she wanted something like this to happen doesn’t mean she knew what to do in those moments. She blurted out the first thing that came to her mind” It’s new”
“um.. I mean thank you that’s what I meant thank you”
Oh God. This is so embarrassing. Why is she like? But what should a person say when the person they are in love with compliments them? There should be like a step by step guide to this.
But she didn’t have to worry because James was smiling at her and then she was smiling at him and they were both smiling like idiots and all she wanted was to kiss him.
This was the moment. She should tell him now. Though she always imagined that when she confessed to him it would be a totally romantic place with all lights and everything but obviously that’s unrealistic. As long as he felt the same way did the surrounding really matter?
Just as she gathered her courage and opened her mouth to speak “James ..I”, she heard a horn. She turned to her right and saw a car parked in front looking all sleek and new and in the driving seat sat Grace. She was wearing shades which she pushed up onto her head as she looked towards them. She glared at Cordelia when she saw her, looking at her as if she was trash lying on the road.
Cordelia glared back at her. Who does she think she is? She acts as if she rules the world just because she’s rich and white.
“James! Come here”, she said as if she’s calling a dog.
Cordelia looked back at James, all the happy feelings in her dying down.
He was still looking at her as if waiting for her to finish what she was about to say. He didn’t even look at Grace.
She glanced at Grace who was looking at James as if she wanted to strangle him, her lips pressed together forming a thin line.
She didn’t know what to do, she really didn’t want to get involved in their drama. Then Grace said something in French that made James look at her. They always spoke in French when they didn’t want anyone to know what they were talking about. Cordelia had tried to learn French from Alastair but that didn’t turn out great.
James eyes were on her again. He had a pained look on his face. She wanted to say something, at least stop him from going, he looked like he really didn’t even want to go, but nothing came to her. Well nothing except saying fuck off to Grace.
“I’ll be going Daisy. “, he said with a small smile on his face. “I’ll see you in class”
He walked towards the car and got in, not looking back at her. Grace pulled his face to her, just as he closed the door, and kissed him. Cordelia rolled her eyes and looked away trying not to gag. Grace always makes it a point to kiss James in front of her probably after figuring out that Cordelia too likes James.
She heard the car start and looked at them, Grace with her shades back on and James looking straight ahead expressionless. Grace glanced at her again, even though Cordelia couldn’t see her expression she knew the other girl was giving her a dirty look.
Then Grace drove off with James, crushing all the happiness Cordelia felt under her tyres.