Chapter Text
Now that the ascension was over, Buffy had plenty of time to think. And there was one person who kept crossing her mind. It wasn’t Angel. She had been upset when he left, of course, but after a few days, she was surprisingly fine. The person she couldn’t stop thinking about, was Faith.
She thought of their shared vision thing while they were both unconscious. Faith had helped her defeat the mayor, so clearly, she was good deep down. And Faith had told her to go take whatever she wanted from the apartment. Buffy leapt up from her bed, where she had been lying. Faith aside, she couldn’t let the cat starve. Buffy shouted to her mom that she was going over to Willow’s, and then quickly walked to Faith’s apartment.
It was a wreck. Buffy noted the broken window, and the discarded pack of Red Vines that Faith had been eating when Buffy barged in. She looked around and took in the scene. It was a mess. There were clothes strewn everywhere. Faith’s crossbow was placed very carefully on a shelf, alongside a large box of stakes and crosses. A video game controller lay discarded near a TV with a video game console. There were two empty cat bowls sitting on a tray, and a bag of food on a very tall shelf where the cat couldn’t jump. Buffy carefully got the bag down and filled one of the bowls. She then brought the other to the sink and filled it with water.
She noted a leather jacket draped across a chair. Buffy carefully picked it up and examined it. The jacket was slightly worn, but in very good condition still. It smelled like smoke, alcohol, and the soap Faith used. It wasn’t at all unusual that Buffy could identify the scent of Faith’s soap. It smelled like Faith. It was then that Buffy found herself thinking about how good Faith smelled, and how soft her hair always looked. She wanted to run her fingers through those long, dark waves of hair. She thought about Faith’s tight clothes, her tattoo, and her dark lipstick. She found herself thinking about how soft Faith’s lips had been against her forehead, and how Buffy longed to feel those lips on hers. She stopped herself and came to a sudden realization. She was in love with Faith.
There, sitting in Faith’s wrecked apartment and clutching her jacket, Buffy began to cry. She had screwed up big time when it came to the other slayer. If only Buffy could’ve been there for her. Buffy had loved her from the moment they met, she just hadn’t seen it. She was blinded by Angel coming back, and she ignored the pull towards Faith. She ignored the way her heart would beat fast when they would slay together, and the fast beating wasn’t from the slaying. It was because of the brunette who would walk beside her. She was so upset watching Faith and Angel kiss, but not really because she was jealous of Faith. It was more that she was jealous of Angel. She just hadn’t realized it.
Everything started to fall into place. The glances when one thought the other wasn’t looking, the subtle touches, flirty comments, and… Faith had asked her to Homecoming. Buffy had brushed it off as an attempt to be friendly. But there was also that fateful day when Faith had drawn a heart on her classroom window. The dancing. And Faith had asked her out to dinner. Maybe, just maybe, Faith had loved her too. But surely, whatever spark they might’ve had, was gone. Buffy just sobbed into Faith’s jacket. She had been so blind. She had let Faith get away. She missed her shot. It was so easy to get confused, given that the line between hate and love was so easily blurred. And the two of them had walked that line like a tightrope, not knowing which side they fell on. They had landed on hate. And it only took being so deep into hate, to make Buffy realize it was love all along.
After a long while, Buffy calmed down. A small grey cat had come and sat beside her. Buffy put on the coat that she was still clutching. She gathered some of Faith’s clothes, because they smelled like her, and put them in a bag. She took Faith’s crossbow. She’d keep it safe until Faith woke up. Because she would wake up. She had to. Right before she left, Buffy grabbed one of Faith’s dark lipsticks and slipped it into her pocket. After returning home and putting Faith’s things in her closet, Buffy left once again.
This time, she went to the hospital. The lady at the front desk was overly cheerful.
“Hi! How may I help you?” she chirped.
“I’m here to see someone. Faith…” Buffy paused, realizing she didn’t know Faith’s last name. She had never bothered to ask. “Uh. She was admitted last week. She’s in a coma,” Buffy continued.
“Well, we’ve only had one coma patient in the past week. So you must be here to see...” she typed something into her computer. “Yup! Faith Lehane. She’s in room 218, second floor, and the elevator is just down the hall. She hasn’t had any visitors. It’s very nice of you to come and see her. I’m just going to warn you, it’s unlikely she’ll wake up anytime soon. But coma patients can sometimes feel and hear the people with them. A comforting voice and presence will probably be good for her.”
Buffy murmured a word of thanks and made her way to the elevator.
When she entered Faith’s hospital room, the girl laying on the bed was almost unrecognizable. Faith looked more helpless and vulnerable than Buffy had ever seen her. Buffy had seen her when she first entered the coma, but she looked weaker now. But eerily peaceful at the same time. Her bruises were gone, and her face was clear of her usual makeup. She was hooked up to a few various machines, with needles stuck in her arm. The sight made Buffy want to cry again. Faith, the slayer, who played video games and danced without a care in the world, who wore leather jackets and loved greasy food, who was flirty, careless, fun, and always down for an adventure, whose last name was Lehane, was reduced to this helpless figure who couldn’t live without an IV. And it was Buffy’s fault.
She took the tube of lipstick out of the pocket of Faith’s jacket and placed it carefully on the table next to the bed, then she turned to leave, but not before gently placing a kiss on the forehead of the unconscious slayer in front of her.
Buffy made a habit of returning to visit Faith once a week all summer long. She would sit in the chair besides Faith’s bed. She’d hold Faith's hand and tell her about the vampires she’d slain in the past week. She would bring fresh flowers and switch out the dead ones, so that when Faith woke up, she’d know that someone cared. And every week, before she left, Buffy would kiss her forehead and tell her she loved her.
When Faith woke up, she immediately ripped out the needles in her arm. She then turned to her bedside table, where there was a vase of slightly dead flowers, a tube of lipstick, and an envelope. She picked up and examined the lipstick, which she quickly recognized as one of her own. Then she picked up the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper. She couldn’t help but smile.
Faith,
I’m so sorry for all the hurt I caused you. I know you probably won’t forgive me. I don’t have the words to tell you how sorry I am. I wish I had been there for you. I’ve realized something over the last few months. I love you. I think I loved you the moment I met you. But I just hadn’t realized it. Looking back though, the signs were so clear. So, when you wake up (I know you will), would you like to go out for dinner? Ribs, maybe? I’m just hoping that we didn’t miss our shot. Angel is long gone, and he’s not coming back. That relationship stopped working the second he lost his soul. I’m in college at UC Sunnydale, and I’m waiting for you. Please, come find me. I miss you.
All my love,
B
P.S. I brought your cat home and told my mom it was a stray. It took some begging, but I was allowed to keep her! I saved your crossbow too, I know how much you love that thing.