Work Text:
[Jung Heewon]: Jihye, put that down. Your hands are oily.
[Lee Jihye]: Whatever.
[Lee Seolhwa]: Hyunsung-ssi, can you pass me the coffee?
[Lee Hyunsung]: Here.
[Lee Seolhwa]: Thank you.
[Kim Dokja (KP)]: Is everyone ready? Should I start?
[Yoo Sangah]: Of course.
[Han Sooyoung]: Wait, let me finish chewing.
[KP]: ...
[Han Sooyoung]: Okay, done.
[KP]: It's the summer of 2004, and you're all currently living in America. Recently, gruesome murders have been happening in a remote town by the coast, and you set off to investigate the strange deaths.
[KP]: You'll need a reason for your character to be in town for the week, and you all need to know each other somehow.
[Yoo Sangah]: Are there any limitations to the occupations we can choose?
[KP]: No, there are no limitations this time.
[Lee Jihye]: Hey Kim Dokja, can you at least let me live this time? I'm too young to die.
[KP]: I don't decide who lives or dies, your own actions do.
[Lee Jihye]: But you always let Master live until the very end.
[KP]: I said, your actions decide whether you live or die.
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[KP]: Is everyone done filling in their character sheets?
[Lee Jihye]: I'm done! I'll go first then.
[Lee Jihye]: I'm a 21 year old university student who's a huge fan of the occult, and I've also got an interest in firearms. My parents used to take me hunting when I was small, and I've gotten some practice at shooting ranges in my spare time. I operate a website dedicated to the supernatural, where I post about my investigations into strange phenomena. I'm investigating what's happening in this town out of a journalistic interest, and also because it's summer and I have nothing better to do. I'm taking Sangah-unnie's class at university, and Joonghyuk-oppa is a family friend and the first person to teach me how to fire a gun, so I call him 'Master' out of respect.
[KP]: Let me see your sheet.
[KP]: Why did you put your occupation down as 'Cultist'? You're a student.
[Cultist Jihye]: I've dedicated my heart and soul to the occult!
[KP]: Fine.
[Jung Heewon]: I'll go next. I'm 35 years old, female, and a wills and estates lawyer. I'm in town to deal with the financial affairs of the deceased, but I'm also curious as to what actually happened to the victims. My curiosity drives me to join in on the investigation. I'm married to Hyunsung-ssi, and I'm also good friends with Sangah-ssi.
[KP]: Your character sheet looks good, I don’t see any problems.
[Lawyer Jung]: Great.
[Han Sooyoung]: Suck-up.
[Lawyer Jung]: You wanna say that to my face?
[Han Sooyoung]: I said--
[Yoo Sangah]: I'm a 40 year old History professor at the same university Jihye goes to, and my research is focused on the history of occult practices and rituals. Heewon-ssi told me of the mysterious deaths in this town, and I've decided to come along on their trip as well since we haven't seen each other in a long time.
[KP]: Sounds good.
[Lee Hyunsung]: I'm a bodyguard, married to, ah, Heewon-ssi. Also 35 years old, and male...
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[Lee Seolhwa]: I'm female, 33 years old, and my occupation is a forensic doctor. I've worked with Joonghyuk-ssi before, and I'm old friends with Heewon-ssi…
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[Yoo Joonghyuk]: Male, 28, a private investigator. Was acquaintances with one of the victims. Looking into their death as requested by their family members who want an extra eye on things. Acquainted with Lee Seolhwa and Jung Heewon.
[KP]: Your descriptions are always so curt. Are you not going to elaborate?
[Detective Joonghyuk]: No.
[KP]: Uncooperative bastard.
[Han Sooyoung]: My turn! I'm a youthful and handsome male Hollywood director who just turned 30 years old this year, and I'm in the town to look for inspiration for my new movie. I've consulted Sangah-ssi before for my previous movie, and I also have a working relationship with Hyunsung-ssi. I decided to tag along with them to interview the families of the victims and the other townspeople. I like to keep my appearance neat, and both men and women are drawn to my charms. However, my heart belongs to no one and I'm a free soul.
[Director Han]: Oh, and my Appearance stat is 18.
[Lawyer Jung]: ...
[Professor Sangah]: ...
[Cultist Jihye]: ...
[KP]: Are you trying to pick up NPCs in the game again? I have a bad feeling about your character description.
[Director Han]: I'm just trying to spice things up. You guys always choose professions like 'Lawyer' or 'Policeman', BORING.
[Cultist Jihye]: But unnie, are you sure you don't want to choose another occupation? We're going to need all the attack power we can get.
[Director Han]: It's all about playing smart, not playing hard.
[Lawyer Jung]: Is that innuendo?
[Director Han]: Hah, your mind is even lewder than mine is.
[Lawyer Jung]: As if that's possible.
[KP]: If there are no further questions, let's begin.
[CUT FOR LENGTH]
[KP]: Mark finishes explaining the events that happened to him last week, and lets out a soft sigh.
[Professor Sangah]: I reach out and pat his shoulder comfortingly, letting him know that I empathize greatly with the situation he's in.
[Professor Sangah]: "Can you tell us how to get to this haunted house?"
[Mark]: "I don't know if I should...it could be dangerous, and the police don't want anyone trespassing there."
[Lawyer Jung]: Stop wasting time on him, Sangah-ssi. Let's just get this over with and head over there.
[Lawyer Jung]: Fast talk. 5/28 (Roll) -> FAILURE
[Lawyer Jung]: Not again, why the hell does this never work?
[Mark]: "I'm afraid I can't tell you. Please stop asking."
[Director Han]: Let me try to seduce him. Move out of the way, all of you.
[Cultist Jihye]: YES, unnie.
[Lawyer Jung]: How about no.
[Professor Sangah]: The bartender should know something, we can ask her instead. There's no point trying to persuade Mark, it'll take too long and we're slightly pressed for time right now.
[Bodyguard Hyunsung]: Sooyoung-ssi...
[Director Han]: Just let me give it a try. But first, KP, can you tell me what Mark's stat for Appearance is?
[KP]: Why does that matter?
[Director Han]: I just want to know if he's attractive. You know, in order to determine whether I want to maintain a long-term or one-night physical relationship with him.
[Lawyer Jung]: I’m disgusted.
[KP]: Can you not start a NPC harem every game we play? Leave them alone.
[Director Han]: Can you stop self-inserting into your NPCs and flirting with Yoo Joonghyuk every game then?
[KP]: ...
[Director Han]: Thought so.
[Detective Joonghyuk]: Both of you, shut up.
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[Cultist Jihye]: I lift my gun and prepare to shoot.
[Professor Sangah]: Wait Jihye, we're in front of you right now. Don't shoot--
[Cultist Jihye]: Gun usage. 11/37 (Roll) -> FAILURE
[Cultist Jihye]: Whoops.
[KP]: Cultist Jihye lifts her gun to shoot at the person fleeing away from them, but her hand is trembling too hard and her aim is off. Director Han, Lawyer Jung, and Professor Sangah, roll for luck.
[Lawyer Jung]: Luck. 90/55 (Roll) -> SUCCESS
[Professor Sangah]: Luck. 68/42 (Roll) -> SUCCESS
[Director Han]: Luck. 21/88 (Roll) -> FAILURE
[Director Han]: Well fuck.
[KP]: The bullet hits Director Han's leg, and he goes down with a groan of pain, immobilized.
[Director Han]: FUCK. Why does this always happen?
[Director Han]: I press my hand against the wound to staunch the flow of blood, and call for Doctor Seolhwa's help.
[Doctor Seolhwa]: I crouch down at Director Han's side to treat his wounds.
[Doctor Seolhwa]: First aid. 82/26 (Roll) -> SUCCESS
[KP]: Thankfully, Doctor Seolhwa is within hearing range of where you've fallen, and she's able to patch Director Han up before he loses too much blood. At the same time, the mysterious stranger who stole the book away from the library has almost made their way out of the house.
[Cultist Jihye]: Now that Director Han is out of the way, I lift my gun and prepare to shoot again.
[Director Han]: Did you just say 'out of the way'? What the hell, Jihye?
[Professor Sangah]: Jihye, don't shoot--
[Cultist Jihye]: Just let me try again! I'll get them this time!
[Cultist Jihye]: Gun usage. 1/37 (Roll) -> CRITICAL FAILURE
[KP]: Professor Sangah and Lawyer Jung, roll for luck again.
[Professor Sangah]: Luck. 46/42 (Roll) -> SUCCESS
[Lawyer Jung]: Luck. 1/55 (Roll) -> CRITICAL FAILURE
[Lawyer Jung]: Don't tell me...
[KP]: Cultist Jihye pulls the trigger again, but her aim is even more off this time. The bullet ricochets off the chandelier and buries itself into Lawyer Jung's head. Lawyer Jung is dead before her body even hit the ground.
[Professor Sangah]: ...
[Director Han]: ...
[Doctor Seolhwa]: ...
[Cultist Jihye]: Unnie...hehe. Sorry.
[Ghost Jung]: Did you just laugh?!
[KP]: Can the dead please remain silent?
[Director Han]: Oh my god, Jihye. Are you even on our side or not? You've dealt more damage to our team than the Outer Gods combined.
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[KP]: Do a sanity check. 1d20.
[Director Han]: Sanity check. 17/20 (Roll) -> -17 sanity
[Director Han]: Ugh, don't tell me it's just going to be you and Yoo Joonghyuk again.
[Cultist Jihye]: Hey, I'm still alive too!
[KP]: Director Han falls into a temporary state of madness. Unable to process the magnitude of what he just saw, his mind shatters, and he is rendered a helpless, comatose vegetable, suffering a fate worse than death.
[Vegetable Han]: You're biased, Kim Dokja. How come Professor Sangah gets to "disappear into the mysterious depths of the murky waters, never to be seen again" while I'm reduced to an incontinent vegetable?
[KP]: I never said incontinent.
[Ghost Jung]: You're comatose, idiot, you can't talk.
[Vegetable Han]: You're dead, you can't talk either.
[KP]: Ignoring the strange whispers in the wind that sound like his deceased and/or comatose friends, Detective Joonghyuk continues on his quest to avenge his comrades alone.
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[Vegetable Han]: Damn it, Detective Joonghyuk. Just throw yourself at the monster and be done with it so we can all go home.
[Ghost Jihye]: Send a stronger monster after him next time, Master isn't that weak.
[Ghost Sangah]: I don't think it's Detective Joonghyuk's luck that's good, it's more that KP's luck is awful...
[Ghost Seolhwa]: That's true.
[Vegetable Han]: Yoo Joonghyuk is too overpowered, you need to nerf him.
[KP]: I'm trying.
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[Vegetable Han]: HOW ARE YOU STILL NOT DEAD IT'S BEEN 30 MINUTES.
[Ghost Jung]: With that kind of luck, you should go buy a lottery ticket.
[Vegetable Han]: His attack power isn't even that high, so how the hell is he still alive?! This blatant favouritism is making me sick.
[Detective Joonghyuk]: The dead can't speak. Shut up.
[CUT FOR LENGTH]
[Vegetable Han]: This doesn't even make sense. The whole point of the game is that he's CTHULHU and so far beyond human comprehension that mere mortals can't even think of taking him down. YOU CAN'T FIGHT CTHULHU!
[Ghost Sangah]: I'm going to have to agree, Dokja-ssi. In Lovecraft's original works, there was never a case where a human was able to take down an Outer God in solo combat.
[KP]: Right. I'll, uh, I'll kill him off.
[CUT FOR LENGTH]
[Ghost Jung]: What.
[Ghost Sangah]: ...
[Ghost Hyunsung]: ...
[Ghost Seolhwa]: ...
[Ghost Jihye]: WOW.
[Vegetable Han]: Did he just defeat Cthulhu.
[Kim Dokja]: ...I don't know what's going on anymore.
[Han Sooyoung]: See, this is what you get when you let him be the KP. I hope your boyfriend's good in bed, Kim Dokja, because you literally just let him fight Cthulhu and win.
[Kim Dokja]: ...
END