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Sakusa Kiyoomi was a time bomb.
Not literally though, it wasn’t like he would just suddenly explode one day when a timer hit zero, it was just the popular name for his condition. The starry time bomb illness was a not so common phenomena that appeared without warning in the unfortunate kids when they turned 6, and it consisted in a number appearing in that person’s inner arm. As one can imagine, the number started going down until it reached zero, the number that means death. But how did it work? Nobody knew for sure. The countdown had a different trigger for every individual case, the person just had to found out on their own by trial and error.
And how did you die?
It was actually pretty simple. Moments after hitting zero the affected person would bleed out, but not in a normal way. The blood within the body would turn into thousands of mini-stars, piercing through the veins and the skin, leaving a lifeless body surrounded but a red starry scenery.
Maybe it really was a little like exploding after all.
Sakusa remembered exactly how the discovery went for him, he was still a normal kid by that time, and it just took one morning to change that. It happened a few weeks after turning 6, he went to sleep like any other night but the morning brought with it the unexpected number on his inner arm. It was a huge number, a number too large for a little kid to know, so he looked for his mother to ask her about it; the moment he touched his mother hand the number went down by one, he found it funny but his mother didn’t laugh. He was immediately taken to the doctor, it didn’t take long for them to figured out his trigger, they all looked at him with pity.
His number would go down every time someone touched him directly.
From then on Sakusa Kiyoomi would have to avoid touching anyone on purpose, it didn’t matter who they were.
“It’s going to be alright, as long as there’s no direct skin contact the number is not going down. If he manages to do that he’s going to be perfectly fine and live a long life, accidental touches only won’t make him reach zero.”
That’s what the doctor had told his mother at the time, and she looked frankly devastated. But little Kiyoomi didn’t understand why his mother was so sad, so he did what a good kid would found rationally, he hugged his mother. He would never forget the pain of being pushed away and the desperate look on his mother face as she saw the number going down, her anguished cry as she broke down into tears. Why was his mother so mad at him? What had he done wrong? He wasn’t misbehaving, he was being a good child, he treated the doctors well, why was she so mad and sad? If he did something wrong he wanted to know, he would had tried to mend it.
He learned soon enough, but his mother never hugged him again.
Trying to re-adjust his life for the sake of living was not an easy thing to do, but it was something he had to do. He had to change clothes and bath on his own, wear masks and gloves, he had to cover up as much of his skin as he could, get away from other children or play alone. It was painful, mostly because other people didn’t understand, other kids would just assume that he was a boring boy who hated being around them. It wasn’t true at all, Kiyoomi wanted to play and make friends as much as any other kid, he didn’t want to be a weirdo, he just wanted a normal life.
But he couldn’t have it.
As time passed he started to believe all the things that were said about him, he started to believe he was this cold and lonely person everyone seemed to see in him. Was else could he do after all? Crying or being upset wouldn’t do anything for him, but maybe pretending he didn’t care would, maybe he just needed to believe that, to embrace it. Why would he have to be sad if he was the one who wanted everyone to go away? He could live like that, he could live knowing that if he was alone it was because he wanted it and nothing else. People were annoying, hands were dirty, touch was disgusting, if he repeated that long enough it would eventually become a reality he would be able to deal with.
~~~
Playing volleyball was a calculated risk, he knew that taking part on a team sport would increase his chances to get accidental touches, but he liked it enough to take the risk of a few little touches, he had a fair amount of numbers to spare after all. If people asked him why volleyball he would say it was because he liked the idea of playing without touching anyone, but truth is, what he liked about volleyball was connecting with his teammates through every play. Volleyball was a game about connecting, a game were, without touching, he could feel part of something bigger, a place that allowed him to create a bond he would never admit he really needed. Sakusa Kiyoomi was alone, but in the court, he was trusted and respected.
He became such a good player by the time he reached high school that he ended up getting a scholarship for Itachiyama Academy. He was not that sure about moving into a dorm, having a roommate sounded like a lot of problems, but he was willing to make that sacrifice if it meant getting to play more of his beloved sport. The guy who ended up being said roommate was a boy called Komori Motoya, and he wasn’t half as bad as Sakusa had expected, he could even say he found a friend in him, a friend who understood the reason behind his way of being.
It had been so long since the last time he had had a friend that he had forgotten how pleasant it felt to have someone out there who cared about him, and even though it reminded him of how lonely he felt everyday, it comforted him to know that even he could make friends if he met the right people. Komori was for him a constant reminder that even him was allowed to be comprehended, that he was allowed to share his happy and his miserable moments with someone who would cherish them, someone who would lend him an ear.
Komori made his first year at Itachiyama way easier than it probably would had been if he had been alone, and also made his experience at the all-japan youth training camp actually bearable.He would had probably never show it, but being invited to that training camp had been one of the happiest moments in his whole life, it was confirmation that all the effort he was putting in the sport he loved was paying off.
“Are you ready to go, Sakusa?” Komori had asked him while finishing packing his bag.
“As ready as I could be.”
“You are actually excited, aren’t you?” He letted out a laugh, knowing fully well how to read into Sakusa’s facade. “Do you think there’s going to be a lot of interesting players? I want to meet other liberos, I feel like I can still improve a little more…”
“I don’t care who’s going, Komori. I’m more concerned whether I’ll have a bed or not.”
“If you say so~.” He then added. “But I’m pretty sure that even a negative like you can make new friends in a place like that.”
He wouldn't lie, it gave him some sort of hope to hear that coming from the mouth of his friend.
~~~
Sakusa wasn’t expecting really to make a lot of friends or suddenly becoming popular, he was realistic, he knew he wasn’t up to the task, but at least he wanted to talk with someone like a normal teenager would. He tried, dear god if he tried, but the long years of no real human contact weren’t his best allies in that situation. Everyone would dismiss his approaching attempts as some kind of intimidation tactic he wasn’t aware of, and he didn’t understand why would they get that impression from him, was he so bad at talking to others? He didn’t think so, so there had to be some others factors playing into it, those factors being, as an example, the fact that he was widely known in the high school volleyball world.
The other reason was probably the one that brought a certain individual to him.
“Those are some interesting numbers in your arm.” Miya Atsumu had told him after a practice match. “Are you one of those bomb people or something? I have heard about them.”
“I am, why do you care, Miya?” He sounded a little too much harsher than intended, but Miya Atsumu was a little of an asshole from what he knew so he didn’t really care.
“Curiosity… What’s your forbidden action?”
“It’s not your business.” He had automatically said, but something in the way he had asked made him retract. “But… I guess it’s useful if you know, just in case. I can’t touch other people directly.”
“Woah, that has to suck. I can’t believe you are playing a sport like that, it has to take a lot of balls to risk your life like that just for a game.”
“Are you asking me to quit?”
“Nah, I like it. I don’t give a fuck about spikers who can’t give me their 100% but I don’t think that a guy who risk his life for this is going to slack off, so you better be good when I toss to you, okay?” The smile Atsumu gave him felt like a challenge.
“Are you doubting my ability, Miya?”
“Not one little bit.” Miya said as he left.
He couldn’t quite tell why, but that interaction made him feel a little bit better about himself, and even though Miya Atsumu was not the type of person he would want as a friend it made him happy to know that there was people out there that could appreciate all the effort he putted into his volleyball career, even someone as good and proud as Miya Atsumu. He didn’t say it out loud, but he was eager for that toss the other boy had promised him, and he would absolutely prove he was worthy of it. Even if everyone else looked at him with jealousy he would give everything he got to make every play connect, to give a meaning to every point, because even if he wasn’t a friend to them, he at least wanted to be a reliable teammate.
The interaction with Atsumu gave him the courage he needed to prove himself capable of surviving that camp.
“Did Miya bother you too?” Komori said, approaching him. “He has been going around messing with a few other players… I think nobody really likes him around here.”
“He wasn’t bothering me, don’t worry. But I think I can get why do you think that… He’s a little too direct about people sucking.”
“You are a little too direct about everything yourself, Sakusa.” He chuckle. “I think he might be one of your own kind.”
“Are you saying I’m an asshole, Komori?”
“Oh, I would never, you know that. I know you are just shy, but you have to admit you are a little too blunt sometimes…”
“You say that and call yourself my friend?”
“I don’t call myself your friend, I know I am.” Komori’s smile was sweet enough to make his heart melt for a moment. “Now move too-blunt-jerk, we have some practice matches to win.”
“This friendship might end if you keep on calling me that.”
“I’ll take the risk.”
~~~
Saying that he developed a rivalry with Miya Atsumu during his last year of high school would be too much, it wasn’t like they had some kind of story going on between them, but they did gave the best of themselves on the two occasions they faced each other again. He had played against Inarizaki before he formally met Miya Atsumu at the training camp, he was well aware of how much good of a player he was, but since that encounter he started paying a little more of attention to him individually. He was not quite sure on why he did it, maybe there was something in the way Miya Atsumu played, watching him play allowed him to appreciate what real freedom looked like.
There was no fear or restrictions about the way Miya Atsumu played, once he had setted a foot on the court he was free, only tied to his own will. He had seen that freedom before in the way Bokuto Koutarou or Hoshiumi Kourai played, but there was something different in Atsumu, something that drawn Sakusa towards him every time. It was so inexplicable and yet it made so much sense, he wanted to be like him, to be able to experiment freedom in the same way as him, to let go of every doubt he had ever had. But he couldn’t, it was as simple as that, even if he were to relax and have fun the constant reminder of death in his arm would stop him immediately, he was cursed to always be cautious even around those who he could trust.
“Are you watching the Inarizaki matches again?” Komori popped up by his side looking at the screen of his laptop. “You sure like them.”
“I don’t like them, Komori. It’s just research…”
“What research are you talking about? We won’t play against them anymore, you know that.”
“Of course I know… But some of them might go pro so I have to be ready for when I do.”
“You won’t be going pro anytime soon and you know that, whatever data you collect now will be useless when you go pro.”
“I wouldn’t say useless…”
“You would be happier if you were honest with yourself, Inarizaki got you really fired up this last year, if a team excites you there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“You are a nuisance, Komori.”
“I love you too.”
Sakusa hid the little smile that was attempting to form across his face. “I don’t understand you at all. Why would you think Inarizaki makes me excited? It doesn’t.”
“I know, and I fully believe you on that, but saying that you like the team it’s way easier than asking about your crush on one of the players.” Without looking at Komori he could still feel the smirk spreading across his friend’s face.
“I don’t have a crush on one of the players!”
“That’s also true, you don’t have a crush on just one of the players, you have a crush specifically on the setter and captain of Inarizaki.”
“I don’t like Miya Atsumu…”
“And I never said you like him, I just said you have a crush on him, it’s different.”
“You are not making any sense, why are you tormenting me like this?”
“Cause I’ll miss you, you jerk, we won’t be roommates anymore… Seeing you go to university soon it’s making me proud but also kinda nostalgic...”
“That doesn’t give the right to accuse me of having a crush on someone I barely know.”
“I already told you, since liking and having a crush is not the same, you don’t really have to know a person that well to have a crush on them, you just need to find them attractive.”
“I don’t find him attractive, Komori.”
“I’ll tell you what, once I fall for someone I’ll tell you about it so you can laugh at my poor taste too, it’s a deal?”
“You better fall for someone embarrassing.”
“I’ll try my best, sir.”
He was definitely going to regret it later but, for this one moment, Sakusa decided he would share a laugh with his one and only friend. Komori seemed surprised at first but he soon joined in, sharing that wholesome moment was the least he could do for him, Sakusa felt like he owed him that much, and maybe a little more. So he made his next move before the alarms in his brain could scare him out of doing it, and for the first time in at least a decade Sakusa Kiyoomi felt the warm of hugging another human being again. Komori held him tight, he knew full well how important that was to him so he held him like he was a lifesaver in the middle of a stormy sea.
His number had gone down by two by the moment they broke apart, but it had been worthy.
He didn’t have to tell Komori that he would miss him too.
~~~
His college years weren’t something he liked to talk about, it wasn’t that they were bad, but they weren’t the best years of his life either. He went back to square zero on those days, not making any important friends or interacting with others more than necessary, just focusing on the volleyball team and finishing his career. The people everywhere, the expectations, the exams, volleyball, everything became for him a little stress producer, even the things he loved, but in the end it paid off completely. Komori was still there for him when he needed him the most, and he got so busy with every school related stuff that the brief crush he supposedly had on Miya Atsumu was completely out of his mind by the time that period of his life ended.
But it didn’t took much for it to come back at full strength when he ended up playing for the Black Jackals.
He didn’t choose that team because he was in it, but he knew for sure that he was going to be there. The Jackals were a great and powerful team and he didn’t give it to much thought at the moment of joining them, he just found it logical. He had expected to fit in the team just well, just enough to be able to play at the top of his game without having to worry too much, but what he found in the Jackals instead was friendship. He found himself surrounded by understanding people who shared his undying love for the game, people who saw him as an equal and who had gone through their own struggles to get there. He came to admire the monsters from his generation, monsters that welcomed him as one of their own, monsters like Hinata Shouyou or Bokuto Koutarou who could conquer the whole world if that was their will, and monster like Miya Atsumu.
The first feeling that came along with seeing him again was a slight annoyance, the second feeling, the one which shook him to his core, was excitement. He was honestly excited about having a high level setter tossing the ball to him, excited to have Miya Atsumu setting to him. He had change, it was obvious that he would change a little over the years, he looked more mature now, and he liked that. Atsumu was still a brat at the end of the day, that wouldn’t change much, but he was a handsome and mature brat, which sounded like a contradiction but made sense to him.
He didn’t fall for him immediately, he just thought Atsumu was attractive, anyone who saw Miya Atsumu for the first time would think that. Sakusa just accepted it, why would it be wrong to find someone attractive? He had even heard Hinata telling Atsumu how cool he looked, but he told that to anyone who could pull out a weird trick and don’t look like a fool so he wasn’t even sure if it counted. The thing is, Sakusa never considered he would fall for him, he didn’t have any reason apart from the few times they had talk to each other across the net in the past, but getting to know him now that they were in the same team was the drop that spilled the glass.
He didn’t understand how he, Sakusa Kiyoomi, could fall for someone as annoying and self-centered as Miya Atsumu, he didn't want Komori to be right. But as always, whichever god was up there probably enjoyed laughing at his poor ass, because before he could even start to question himself about if it was worthy to fall for someone, he found himself incapable to look at away from that strong back that symbolised all the things he couldn’t be. He was jealous of Miya Atsumu, but he was also happy to be on the same side of the net as him, too many conflicted feelings he didn’t know how to deal with.
And then, he started getting jealous at other people. Miya Atsumu was a very touchy person that wouldn’t hesitate to make physical contact with others as long as they didn’t show any discomfort, so he got along pretty well with the other touchy persons of the team. He felt frustrated, he wanted to touch him too, he wanted to know how his skin would felt like against his own, he wanted to take part on the hugs after a game, to high-five after a point. Sometimes the heavy feelings would get the better of him, like that one time during training when he couldn’t take his eyes of Hinata Shouyou after seeing him fooling around with Atsumu, he was trying to be subtle about it, but it seemed like he wasn’t at all.
“Omi-omi, you look like you could kill someone right now.” The root of the problem had sat next to him, keeping enough distance not to touch him even by chance.
“It’s not of your business.”
“Well, Shouyou-kun is one of my spikers, so of course it’s totally my business if you want to kill him.”
“I’m not planning on killing your cute little spiker.” He said, the words coming out a lot more bitter than he had expected.
“Is jealousy what I hear there~? You know I like you as much as him, Omi-Omi.”
“You don’t make any sense… I’m going for a run.”
“Umm… Okay.”
He was not going to deny the fact that he was running away. What else could he do? He was not special for Miya Atsumu, he saw him as just another player to who deliver the ball to. He was tired of feeling like that, tired of loving and desiring knowing he could never have a normal relationship, knowing that no person in this world would accept him with his condition. It wasn’t fair, god wasn’t fair at all; he felt like Icarus, prisoned in a situation he never asked for, his feelings like poorly made wings that could only melt in the warmness of that precious yet untouchable sun.
He wanted to blame the beautiful sun for having the power to end him, but Apollo was not in fault if the foolish Icarus decided to fly too close.
~~~
“I think I should tell you that we are more similar than I thought we were.”
Komori sat at the other side of the table, across from Sakusa. It was a saturday night and they had decided to spend that time together now that Komori was in the city with his team. They both missed the company of the other throughout the year, and it just felt right to be able to have a moment like that to share the things they didn’t feel like telling over the phone.
“How’s that?” Sakusa asked, curious about the meaning of his words.
“I, too, like one of the Inarizaki boys.”
“Too? I never said I li…”
“Cut the crap, I’m opening my heart to you, Kiyoomi.”
“Fine, fine. Go ahead and tell me about it.”
“I like Suna. I think he likes me too so I’m going to give it a try and ask him out. I just wanted you to know first.”
“Suna as Suna Rintarou? That guy from your team?”
“Yes, that one. You can laugh now, it’s fair.”
“I know we promised” He started, allowing a tiny smile to form on his face. “But I don’t feel like laughing at you, not went your crush is not as ridiculous as you promised it would be.”
“It’s not a crush, I like him. I think we established the difference years ago.”
He stayed silent for a moment, thinking about the words he would say next. “Motoya… I want you to know that you are like a brother to me. I don’t think I would have survived all this years without you there by my side.”
“There’s no need to tell me that, I already now. It was my duty as a good brother to be there for you.”
“Don’t let it go to your head, you are going to start believing you are important or something.”
They laughed, it felt natural for Sakusa now to do it if it was with Komori.
“Kiyoomi..”
“I think I like Miya Atsumu.” He said, interrupting Komori before he could say another word.
“I know that.”
“And I have decided not to tell him.”
“I also know that.”
“Are you going to laugh at this pitiful idiot?”
“Why would I, Kiyoomi? There’s nothing you hate more than pity.”
They didn’t share another hug that night, the didn’t need to, just the company of the other was enough for them.
~~~
There were few things that had the ability to surprise Sakusa Kiyoomi with his well calculated and methodical way of living, living as a time bomb had molded him into a man of customs, so for something to surprise him in a particular way it had to be highly unexpected, completely out of this world. What happened that day met all the necessary conditions for Sakusa to consider it a surprising event, but it also had the ability to make his heart race like never before.
It all happened the day of a match against the Tachibana Red Falcons. The general atmosphere around the team was rather good that day, and everyone seemed to be at the top of their game, everything looked good for the Black Jackals. But even in a day as ideal as that one for the team the unexpected could happened, and even though they thought they would win, they ended up losing after giving a very satisfactory fight. It wasn’t like they didn’t try enough or failed a lot more than usual, the Red Falcons just happened to be a little better than them, that was all. There was no point in feeling too much frustration over a little game like that, every member of the team knew that to heart, but there still was a stubborn one.
Miya Atsumu liked to take the blame of every lost game, he liked to weigh on his shoulders all the responsibility by his own. He was the setter, he was suppose to bring the best of his spikers, to make them unstoppable, and if he couldn’t do that in a day were everyone was at top form he had no value as a setter. Of course, nobody in the team except for him believed that, but they knew that trying to argue that with him in a situation like that one was absolutely futile. They would leave Atsumu alone in his misery for a moment until he himself noticed how much of an idiot he was being and suddenly came back to his old self, it usually didn’t take much but that day seemed like an especially bad day for him.
But anyway, as the man of customs that Sakusa Kiyoomi was it was already protocol for him to be the last one in the locker room, that was to make sure he wouldn’t even have a slight possibility of touching other people by accident while changing. As he usually did after finishing a game, he waited outside the room with him jacket zipped all the way, his gloves, and the mask on his face, it didn’t take much time for everyone to be changed and out of the locker room.
Everyone except one individual.
When he entered the room he found Miya Atsumu sitting on the middle bench, eyes fixed on the floor. He could argue with him or politely ask him to leave, but he knew it wouldn’t make it any better, one person was not a threat anyways. He made his way across the room to his locker ignoring him, that was the best thing he could do in that situation, but as he opened the locker door he heard Atsumu’s voice, it would be rude to ignore him now.
“You are not going to tell me how much I fucked up, Omi-kun?” The sadness in his voice made Sakusa feel bad for him.
“You know that you are not the only player in the team, right? If we lost it wasn’t because you fucked up, it was because we all fucked up, get over it.”
“You are always so sweet, Omi-Omi.”
“Your definition of sweetness is surprisingly inaccurate.”
“I find sweet the fact that you are trying to cheer me up on your own way.”
He heard the sound of the bench and for a moment thought Atsumu was going to leave, it was fine, way better if he left instead of just sulking in an almost empty room. As he looked for his change of cloth he ignored the other man completely, not expecting even one bit what was about to unfold next. He suddenly felt his presence too close to him, impossibly close, and turned around to see. He met Atsumu’s gaze immediately as he pressed his hands on the lockers behind him, both hands at the sides of his head, it made the alarms on his head scream danger all over the place. He froze there as Atsumu slowly approached, and then he felt it, a little pressure on his mask, the pressure of Atsumu’s lips on his own.
“You can push me away now…” He said, pulling away from the kiss just enough to look at his eyes.
“Why…? Why did you do that…?” Sakusa could feel the tears starting to form on his eyes, but he didn’t allow them to fall.
“Because I like you, Omi-kun… I really do. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same but, I just wanted you to know becau…” He stopped, not because he didn’t want to elaborate but because of the covered lips pressing against his own once again. “O-omi-kun…?”
“I like you too…” He said, hoping for the mask to at least cover a little bit of his imminent blush. “But… I don’t think this is going to work.”
“Why do you think that…?”
“You are free, you can go anywhere you want to and do anything you want to. I can’t even touch you, how can be have a relationship like that…? You’ll get tired of it eventually, I know.”
“I don’t mind, I don’t need to touch you to be in love with you… I’m not selfish enough to ask you to risk your life because I feel a little touchy, don’t think so lowly of me.”
“Can I believe that… Can I really believe that if this ends it’s not going to be because of that?”
“I promise, I won’t hurt you like that…”
~~~
Sakusa Kiyoomi found out after a few weeks of worry that Miya Atsumu was surprisingly good at keeping his word, and, he also was a rather good boyfriend. He never tried to touch him, only kissed him with a mask on, and started wearing his own gloves when he felt like holding hands or caressing him. He was not lying when he said he didn’t need the touch to love him, Sakusa fully believed him now. Atsumu was sweet and loving, still a brat most of the time, but as caring as someone could be around a literal touch time bomb.
But it was in no way enough.
As much as he was happy with the way their relationship was he couldn’t say he was satisfied. He thought for a moment that he could be happy with that, just with having Atsumu by his side, but he found himself longing for more. He felt selfish, Atsumu was trying his best to keep him safe and he still wasn’t satisfied, he still thought it was not enough. For every masked kiss, every gloved touch, every almost contact, Sakusa found himself wanted to feel it, a burning desire for touching growing more and more inside of him.
He couldn’t take it anymore.
One part of him wished he could go back in time and reject Atsumu before he could know how good it felt to be loved. If he had never known all the happiness love would bring into his life he wouldn’t have to be suffering now for wanting more than what he could have. He hated it, he hated the feeling of desire, he hated having to hold himself back. He knew when he started dating Atsumu that things would turn out that way, he knew before it even started that he would just want more and more every time, and he knew for sure that that kind of desire would eventually drive him mad. He just wanted more, why couldn’t he have just a tiny bit more? He knew the answer but he refused to admit it.If he were to have a little bit more, to experiment the full sensation of his touch, if he were to do that, he would become addicted.
An addiction that would bring him death.
It didn’t take much time for Atsumu to notice how uncomfortable he looked when they kissed or held hands now, how tense he got when they spend time together. Atsumu wasn’t fool enough not to notice the way Sakusa looked away from him every time they sat together on the couch to watch a movie, or the way he bite his lips when they ate together. It was a matter of time for Atsumu to ask him about it.
“Is there anything bothering you, Omi-kun?” He had finally asked after being in the other side of the couch for at least an hour without any interaction between them, it was finally time to talk.
“Not really.” He said, still trying to escape from the situation anyway. “Why do you ask?”
“I have noticed… You have been acting a little weird around me lately, did I do something wrong? You should tell me if I did…”
“No, you haven’t done anything wrong. If anything, I think you may have been a little to good.”
“A little too good?”
“I kinda want you to be a little more selfish… It won’t hurt me if you do…”
Atsumu stared at him for an instant that felt like ages, he was probably trying to figure out Sakusa’s words. It took him so long that Sakusa was ready to see Atsumu get up and leave, he was ready to hear him saying that he was completely crazy, that he shouldn’t risk his life like that, that he should think about the future. What he got instead was Atsumu’s body getting close to him, his gloved hand caressing his cheek.
“Are you sure you want that, Omi-kun…?”
“More than anything.”
“How many touches left?”
“Enough for you not to worry about a single night… And even if I didn’t have them… I would be happy to give you a puddle of stars…”
“A puddle?” He smiled. “When I think of stars what comes to my mind it’s the sea, not a puddle…”
“Well, if a sea of stars is the price to love you, then I’ll give you an ocean.”
Atsumu kissed him then, a real kiss, nothing between their lips, his first real kiss. He could feel the number on his arm going down but he didn’t care, it was just one touch after all, one touch of their lips that he would treasure for the rest of his life. He raised his hand, bringing them to Atsumu’s face, the number went down, he enjoyed the feeling of his touch. A now ungloved hand made its way into the back of his head, gently tugging at his curls, another number down. Cold hand under his shirt, down again, gentle kisses on his neck and down again went a few little numbers.
It was odd, but getting near to death never felt so much like living.
~~~
They moved together after dating for a while, the reason as simple as it was tragic, Sakusa wouldn’t have much time left and Atsumu wanted to spend that time together, to be there for his last touches. He could have argued with Sakusa and convince him to go back to his former way of living, to go back to the no touching life that had kept him alive for so long, but he couldn’t do that. He wanted to put Sakusa’s happiness before anything else, even if it meant to lose him. He knew better than anyone that forcing Kiyoomi to live like that again would only make him suffer, so he accepted the consequences of making him happy even if he was most certainly going to get hurted.
Nobody tried to convince them otherwise, even Komori and Sakusa’s parents understood, even through the tears and the sadness they encouraged him to cared for his own happiness. Kiyoomi and his mother shared a long needed hug, knowing fair well it could be the very last, and for a moment, for a tiny second, he allowed himself to pretend he was 6 years old again, he felt reborn and complete.
Kiyoomi and Atsumu shared every moment of happiness they had, living like there was no tomorrow, which could have been very much true. They shared laughs, cries, giggles at the middle of the night, hugs too, far too many to count. They shared kisses, on the neck, on the cheeks, on the mouth, they shared them like there were secret treasures to kept and to hide. Kiyoomi’s last moments were full of smiles and peace, just the joy of living and loving another day.
Eventually the number got so low that they knew he didn’t have much long. On those days they never left each other's side, they knew that every kiss could be the last one, and one night, being his numbers in tens, they went to sleep tightly embraced. They kissed goodnight and closed their eyes, saying I love you for maybe the last time, and just like that Atsumu woke up, the pale body of his lover surrounded by red stars.