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Sirius knew that James loved him. If them being best mates for the past six years hadn't done it, James being happy to take him in when he ran away would have done it. The way James looked at him made it clear that Sirius was important to him. The fact that they spent so much time together when it would've been easier to get some time apart rather than force it? Yeah, it was pretty obvious.
And you know, James said it all the damn time.
Sometimes it was casual and mostly joking like when Sirius would give him the last chocolate frog in the dorm, but most of the time, James was serious when he said it. He said it all the buggering time like he thought Sirius was going to forget. That wouldn't be an issue, except Sirius knew how James meant it when he said it: you're my best friend. Being James's best friend wasn't anything to sniff at, and Sirius loved every moment of it, but he sure as fuck wouldn't have minded if James meant it in a less platonic way. Sure, Sirius wouldn't make the best boyfriend, but he'd be... decent. James didn't seem to care that he was a half-arse friend, so he probably wouldn't mind that Sirius would be the same as a boyfriend.
But all of that was going with the assumption that James would be interested if Sirius brought it up, and that wasn't true. He didn't need to fucking spill his guts to know it was the truth because Lily was right there. Lily and her perfect fucking her and her sodding lack of detention and her... y'know, being a woman where Sirius was definitely not and James was only interested in women. Merlin, James had only ever been interested in Lily, not even other girls. So Sirius really didn't stand a chance. And he wasn't going to take a risk and tell him because things would get awkward and Sirius wouldn't get near as many hugs. He needed those hugs; they weren't something he was willing to gamble.
The first night Sirius stayed in the Potter's house, James slept in the same bed as him, no questions asked and no resistance given. Sirius was pretty sure he would've shaken apart if James's arms hadn't been around him, keeping him together. The second night, he wanted to pretend like he was fine, but James saw through that in a second.
After a week though, Sirius began to feel like he was taking advantage. They'd stopped sharing a bed when they felt like they were too grownup for it, so Sirius knew they needed to have a conversation about this. "You don't have to keep doing this," Sirius said when it was time to get to sleep and James didn't make a move to leave for his own room.
"Doing what?"
"Staying with me. It's not like I have nightmares that you need to talk me through or summat. I'll be fine if you wanted to go back to your own bed."
James blinked at him. "Do you... want me to stop?"
Sirius shrugged instead of answering, because James always seemed to be able to tell when he was lying.
"Oh. Er, okay. Good night then, I guess," James said, hugging him and then leaving.
Sirius let out a breath when the door closed and told himself that he was relieved. He'd gotten used to sleeping next to James after a week of it, so it was hard falling asleep. Every little sound jolted him back to wakefulness, and it took him ages to get comfortable again. His door opened and closed, and then there was the sound of covered feet shuffling over to his bed. Sirius blearily peeked one eye open and saw James yawning widely.
"I couldn't sleep," he grumbled. "Budge over." He crawled in, shoving his face between Sirius's shoulder blades.
It only took a minute for James's breathing to even out as he fell asleep. The extra warmth and the weight of another body on the mattress next to him made him feel more even, and Sirius closed his eyes, feeling like he'd actually be able to get to sleep. "I love you," he whispered. It was the first time he'd said that aloud since realising what he felt for James wasn't entirely innocent. There was something freeing about hearing it, like a weight had been lifted from his chest. He let that sensation fill his mind, and he finally drifted off to sleep.
The next night was similar. They went to their separate bedrooms to sleep, and after a little while, James would come into his room so they could actually get some rest. After that, they didn't bother. James went to his room at the beginning of the night, and Sirius didn't suggest that they each sleep in their own rooms again-- clearly, it hadn't worked.
He started telling James that he loved him every night. He had to be careful to wait until James had fallen asleep, but it was nice to say, all the same. It almost felt like they were dating like that, with Sirius saying it so they could end the night on a sweet note. He angsted about it when the sun was up, but at night, he just let himself enjoy it. He'd tell James that he loved him when he was too deep asleep to hear it, and every time the next day, he would feel bad about it. James was his best friend, and Sirius should be thankful for everything he did for him instead of craving more. James was head over heels for Lily, and it would only serve to make James feel all guilty if he had to tell Sirius that he didn't feel the same way.
He was almost happy with the way things were, and as long as he kept his feelings to himself, it would be okay.
It was not okay.
Sirius got too comfortable. He stopped being as careful as he should've been. James had only been half-asleep when Sirius said it, and there was no amount of trying to cover his arse that would make James think he was joking.
James's eyes were open but only a little. He was looking at nothing in particular, and he wasn't moving away from Sirius at all. "Yeah mate, I love you too." He yawned widely, making a noise of contentment when it was done.
Sirius's heart was beating rapidly in his chest, almost making it hard to breathe. He'd said it. James had heard it. Nothing bad happened. Shaking, he blew out a breath. "Yeah. No big deal."
James yawned again, smaller this time, and closed his eyes, settling in to get to sleep.
If he were smart, he'd let it go and they'd fall asleep. But Sirius never had been very smart, and he was about to push his luck. "James?"
"Mm?"
"Do you still love Lily?"
"You tell your mates this when you're eleven and they never let it go," James grumbled.
"Give me a straight answer."
James snorted. "No. Not in love with her. Never have been unless you think having a crush on someone really really pretty counts as being in love."
"It doesn't."
"Then definitely no." He smushed his face half against Sirius's chest and half into the bed.
"I thought-" Sirius started to say automatically, then cut himself off.
The sharp stop made James pull back and blink up at him. "Thought what?"
"Well." Sirius shifted uncomfortably. It made him get closer to James, which was not what he'd meant to do. "I thought you were in love with her."
"Yeah no. Really, Si? I thought you were taking the piss all these years."
"Yeah that's why."
"Huh, good to know." James yawned again, then went back to his former position. "I thought you were all uncomfortable with me fancying you, but you've been pretty good about it."
"You what?"
James pulled back enough to look him in the face, then he shrugged and went back. "Yeah but look, can you panic about it tomorrow? I'm really tired."
"I-" No he couldn't wait to think about this. This was the biggest thing to ever happen in his life-- except for maybe getting disowned, but like, he'd never really wanted to be a part of the Black Family anyways-- and James wanted him to put it on hold until tomorrow. The truth was though, that Sirius was really tired. If he was going to get everything he'd ever wanted, he should be awake enough to enjoy it. "Yeah alright," he agreed. He kissed the top of James's head. "Love you."
"Love you too," James mumbled.
“We’re dating, right?” Sirius asked over breakfast.
“We can be,” James said neutrally, but it was obvious what answer he was hoping for.
“Bugger off with your nice shite, James. We’re dating and there’s nothing you can do about it.” It was a rather aggressive hug, but James was grinning when he hugged him back, so it’s not as though it was a problem.