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"Don't you get it? I love you, I always have!"
Catra couldn't stop thinking about it, and couldn't stop thinking about Adora's response even more so.
"I love you too."
Catra clung to those words like a child clung to their mother, at least from what she'd seen when civilians would flee from the incoming Horde armies.
Armies she'd led. Armies she'd commanded. Casualties she was responsible for.
She mentally dug her claws into the memory of Adora saying those four words, hoping to keep them ricocheting around in her mind just a little longer before the inevitable happened.
Unfortunately her own mind was never her friend.
'She's lying.'
'No one could love someone as worthless as you.'
'She only said that out of pity.'
Catra groaned and clutched her head, trying to purge the thoughts from her brain.
'Or even worse, you manipulated her into thinking she loves you.'
An empty feeling settled into Catra's chest and her breath hitched.
'And she's going to realize you're not worth it and leave you again, for good this time.'
Anger flared within her, first at Adora, then at herself for being angry at Adora about something she hadn't even done.
'Yet.' Her inner voice reminded her. 'All you do is hurt people, it's only a matter of time.'
Catra hugged herself, her nails digging into her arms, itching to go back to her old habits, until little droplets of blood leaked out. She barely felt it, her hands not even feeling like they belonged to her.
Something bumped into her side.
“Prrbt?” Catra looked down at Melog.
‘Great, look what you did, now Melog is worried.’
When Melog received no response they headbutted Catra’s side again, chirping worriedly.
Yet Catra made no move.
Melog tilted their head and turned away, trotting out of the room.
‘Even Melog doesn’t want to deal with you, figures, they have the right idea.’
Her claws dug in harder as she spiraled more into a pit of self loathing, the emptiness in her chest becoming painful--
“Catra?”
Catra looked up, seeing Melog with Adora in tow
‘Great, now she knows, get her away, get her AWAY--’
Before Catra could lash out, gentle hands pried her own, far less peaceful, hands away from her arms. Catra hissed, dangerous fangs bared.
Adora didn’t falter, though, instead intertwining their fingers, “Oh, Catra.”
‘Here comes the pity.’
‘Good. Maybe she’ll stay if she pities you.’
Catra shook her head, “I don’t want pity!” She thought.
“Let’s get these cleaned up, then we can talk.” Adora paused, “I mean-- that is if you want to?”
When Adora tugged at Catra, she tugged right back, reluctant.
“C’mon Catra, please?” Adora looked into Catra’s eyes, which immediately looked to the floor to avoid her gaze. “You know puncture wounds get infected easily.”
Catra finally relented, “Fine.”
Adora made quick work of leading Catra to the bathroom and cleaning the wounds, worried that Catra would change her mind. As she put salve on the wounds Catra finally spoke, petting Melog with a shaky hand.
“Do you really love me, Adora?”
“Of course I do, that's what I said, wasn’t it?”
Catra merely responded with ‘hm,’ looking away from Adora.
Adora’s hand cupped her cheek, turning Catra’s head so she was looking at her.
“Catra, please talk to me, did I do something?”
Catra’s heart sunk a bit at that, ‘Of course she thinks it’s her fault, good job Catra.”
“Catra?”
“It’s not you,” She finally blurted out, “It’s just me and my stupid head.”
Adora didn’t respond, the look in her eyes urging Catra to continue.
“I just-- I just haven’t been feeling too good. I thought I’d be better once everything was over, and I guess I am, at least a little bit, but--” Catra’s throat tightened, “I just feel like I don’t deserve anything good that’s happened, like you’re going to realize that and realize you don’t love me, and leave me again, along with everyone else, and I’m selfish because I deserve it but I don’t want you to leave. I’m still so angry over nothing at all. I still feel empty, like there’s something missing and I--”
Catra choked on a sob and Adora immediately wrapped her in a warm embrace which, after some hesitation, Catra returned.
“It’s okay, Catra.” Adora rubbed circles on Catra’s back with her thumb, “I’m so sorry you feel that way, you deserve everything good you have and more.”
She leaned back and wiped a tear off of Catra’s cheek, the other girl leaning into her touch.
“Glimmer and Bow told me about these people, they help others that feel the way you do, maybe we can see if they can help you.”
Catra hesitated.
“Maybe.”
“I’ll be with you every step of the way, I promise I’m not leaving you again, never again.” Adora touched her forehead to Catra’s, “Will you try at least one session?”
Catra hesitated, “Fine. I’ll go to a few if you really think it’ll help.”
“Good. I promise I really do love you, and that’ll never change. You’re stuck with me. ”
Catra offered a small smile at that, leaning in to kiss Adora. Catra’s hands found her hips while Adora wrapped her arms around Catra’s neck.
Melog mewed and they separated, Catra chuckled and pet the alien, using her other hand to wipe a tear from her face.
“Geez, just look at me--”
“It’s my favorite thing to do.”
Catra really laughed at that and Adora swelled with pride.
“As I was saying,” Catra offered a soft smile and poked Adora’s forehead, “Your brain damage must be contagious.”
It was Adora’s turn to laugh as they hugged again, Catra initiating a kiss and Melog headbutting their sides.
It’s a given that it didn’t magically fix everything, those cruel thoughts still appeared in her head and her emotions were still raging, but damn if it didn’t help in the moment
And Catra would get through the rest of it in time, with Adora at her side, of course.