Work Text:
Tony,
I received a phone call today from the President of the United States. No, he was not calling to ask me to try to reinstate the weapons division of Stark Industries because if that's why he had been calling me, he would have been lucky if I ever took any of his calls again in the future, President of the United States or not .
No the reason why he called me was to offer his condolences over your loss It was very hard not to laugh at his wording choices because yes you lost your life but I feel like I'm the one who lost so much more . I felt like I have lost everything and if I didn't have Morgan and because he told me he would like my consent to hold a nationally televised service for you.
I reminded told him that we, your family, had already held a funeral service for you. He then asked me to forgive his slip of the tongue, and said of course we had, but he didn't stop there. He told me that he shouldn't have called what they, his administration, wants to do for you a funeral. Instead he said the service that they wish to hold for you is more accurately described as a memorial service. He then told me one of the things he wishes to do during the service is award you the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and asked if I, as your wife widow would accept it on your behalf.
I didn't give the President an answer right then, but I asked for some time to consider it.
But I don't think I am going to say yes.
I haven't told anyone about the President's phone call or what he asked me. I haven't even told Rhodey. I'm not sure I will ever tell anyone about it because I am not sure I can do this. I'm not sure I can handle exposing myself or my pain to the public. And I know if I tell Rhodey he might say that I should agree to letting the President have the public memorial for you. He'll probably point out that you deserve to be lauded on by the very people whose lives you saved when you snapped your fingers.
I can almost hear him say those words, and then I can hear the laugh cry sound he'd make before saying something like You know, this whole thing the President wants to do is just what Tony would need to make that already gargantuan sized ego of his even bigger, right? I can see him trying to smile as he's saying this, while he’s trying not to cry, and I know that would last all of two seconds. I can see his face crumbling so clearly in my mind.
He's really having a hard time with… with all of this
Happy too
Both of them have been having a hard time with
with this but I think
But I think Rhodey has really been having to fight not to break down when he's around us around me or when he looks at Morgan. Tony, he loved you so much and to watch him have to struggle with this is... almost as... as
You know I can't even think of a word to describe the never ending suffering the three of us have been trapped in for these past three weeks.
Has it is only been three weeks since
One glance at the calendar tells me, yes it's only been three weeks.
I want you back.
I want you back so much that I have spent every night since that day begging... pleading with someone... anyone... who I don't know to please give you back to me
or failing that, to please please PLEASE wake me up from this existence where you no longer exist in it.
I can't live like this, Tony
You once told me that I was the one thing you couldn't live without
Well, I can't live without you.
Please, come back to me like you always did before
Please