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Seasons come and go as time progresses. For some people, it’s their first spring, for others their first winter. It was those little details and the holidays that made them special. Especially seasons like fall and winter, when Western traditions like Thanksgiving and Christmas were also celebrated in Japan.
But for Haru Katou, winter and fall were the worst times of the year. And getting through them each and every year was becoming harder and much more painful than the last.
He dreaded having to wake up in the morning to see snow falling outside, to have to wear several layers of clothing, and keep his heating up, something that never helped keep the electricity bill down, just so that he wouldn’t freeze his already-stiffening limbs off. Not to mention, he’d have to constantly take time off from work, which he hated doing, just to avoid having to get out of bed in excruciating pain.
And today was, lamentably, one of those days.
Haru had known that a snowfall would be coming soon. He could feel it already in the air, in his muscles and his bones as they tried hard every day since midway through September, when the air started getting chillier and he would almost freeze up every night since autumn began, making it harder for him to get to work in those days.
Once December rolled around and the skies began darkening throughout the day, and the winds began blowing stronger and colder than ever, Haru already knew it was soon going to be time to hibernate, something he absolutely hated. He had always been a busybody, but after getting demoted from his position in the First Investigation Division, he’d taken a habit into doing more and more work than he’d been used to. Maybe he was trying to prove something to his higher-ups or maybe himself.
Not to mention, the arrogantly rich man that was Daisuke Kanbe, and all the trouble he’d caused him ever since he joined their division. He didn’t just hate him because of how easily and nonchalantly he spent his money and used it to tarnish the integrity of the law, but also because of the tolls he’s put on his body. Haru’s body was already in chronic pain, but the fall from the bridge and the blast he’d taken at the motel, had worsened his condition. His doctors had recommended he resigned, but Haru refused to. He just couldn’t. Not when he has a job to do.
Well, there’s not much to do now that he’s stuck in bed, as the freshly fallen snow piles up on his window sill. For some reason, the heater wasn’t on, making Haru sigh in defeat and exasperation as he thought of how it might’ve been broken. Great, just what I needed...today of all days, he thought to himself with an internal groan.
His body was stuck to the bed. He refused to move a single inch, knowing that any movement would bring him excruciating pain all the way from his head to the tip of his toes. But he had to call in sick.
Haru slowly moved his hand, feeling the pain shoot though his arm, down to his fingers. With a groan and wince, he grabbed his phone from his nightstand and almost cried at how painful the action had been. Today was worse than any other day. This winter would not be a kind one to him, he just knew.
He slowly pulled up his contacts and called his Yukihiro, telling him he wasn’t coming into work today, to which the old man replied: “That’s okay, Katou-chan. I understand your situation. If you need to take the week off, it’s fine by me. You know that you’re excused.”
Haru gritted his teeth. “Of course...Thank you...I’ll try and see you tomorrow at work. Have a good day.”
“You, too, Katou-chan. Make sure to take care of yourself. Hope you feel better.”
“Thanks...” He hung up and set his phone aside.
Haru hated this. He hated this so much. Why couldn’t his body act normally? Why couldn’t his body just do what it was supposed to do and function normally? Why couldn’t he just be normal like everybody else?
With a groan, he pulled himself up from the bed, the pain shooting throughout his entire system, making him almost fall as he tried to stand up. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
He shuffled over to the bathroom, holding back the tears that threatened to fall out, causing a headache to begin forming at his temples. Today was definitely worst than other days. If he told his doctor, he knew the man would obligate him once more to resign and just live a sedentary life.
He hated this.
Haru pushed himself to go through with his morning routine. Brushing his teeth and bathing had been a nightmare, and at this point, he didn’t even stop the tears from falling, the pain becoming more and more unbearable. At least, though, he still had warm water, which helped calm some of the pain. Of course, though, it was not enough.
He tried to make his way to the kitchen to at least try and make himself breakfast. He stopped midway, feeling a migraine coming on, and he decided it was best, he sit down for a while. He had done enough for one morning. Fighting another set of tears, he sat down on his couch, another strike of pain hitting his back like lightning. Haru sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.
There were days where Haru wished he’d just cease to exist. The pain was a constant, and there was no cure for it. He would live the rest of his life in pain no matter what. Despite following several suggestions to be able to control the symptoms and ease the pain, nothing seemed to work. The constant stress from work always put a toll on him and the medication always made him feel worse and extremely drowsy, so he stopped taking it.
So, he thought to himself, why not just make it stop? Put an end to it all?
It was thoughts like those that always creeped up on him during the winter. When he was left like this in a space in his home. Unmoving. Stuck. In insurmountable amounts of pain.
A knock at the door tore him away from his thoughts. Haru sighed in exasperation, thinking to himself if he should ignore the person or actually answer the door. He decided to ignore them.
The knocking continued without ceasing. Haru let out a loud groan, annoyed, and slowly stood up, wincing, and shuffled over to the door, making an effort to open it. Once the door was open slightly, Haru saw the dark hair of the man he absolutely loathed and grit his teeth.
“What are you doing here, money-bags?” He grumbled out. He probably looks like shit right now, in comparison to Daisuke’s slick and pristine three-piece suit.
“You didn’t come to work today. So I decided to investigate why.”
Haru rolled his eyes. “Are you serious? Why couldn’t you just use your butler or something to find out about that? Or, better yet, don’t at all. Just leave me alone.” He was about to close the door, but Daisuke held his hand out to stop it.
Haru groaned. “Seriously, what do you want?”
Daisuke looked up at him. “I’d like to talk. You’re always uptight at work, so diligent and hardworking. It struck me as odd for you to skip and for your boss to say that you might not be returning to work until possibly next week. Why?”
Haru stared at him for a moment. He hated this man so much, but he couldn’t help but notice that his curiosity was genuine, not disguised by his need to get what he wants and when he wants it, much like other times. Or maybe, that was just Haru not being able to comprehend what’s going on around him at the moment with the raging headache and the pain in his hand as he keeps trying to close the door.
With a defeated sigh, and much apprehension, Haru slowly let go of the door handle and stepped away from it. “Fine. Come in.”
Daisuke stepped inside, closing the door behind him. It wasn’t the first time he had been over to Haru’s apartment. At one point, he’d stayed the night there while working on a case with the other man. But something felt out of place this time. He looked around, noticing how dark it was inside and how the heater was off. “It’s cold,” he muttered, to which Haru rolled his eyes. “Yeah, not shit, Sherlock. I guess it broke over night, haven’t checked.”
“I can—“
“No, Daisuke. I don’t want you to use your money for anything. I’ll deal with it myself.”
Daisuke noticed how stiff Haru looked. He hadn’t moved an inch from where he stood, but he noticed how his knees were trembling slightly. He decided not to point it out. “Why haven’t you, then?”
He watched as Haru’s jaw tightened and loosened quickly, as he let out a sigh. “Haven’t been able to. Listen, can you just go home now?”
Daisuke stayed quiet, not moving his eyes away from Haru. Which made Haru quite uneasy. The two of them could be rather stubborn, and Haru decided he didn’t want Daisuke to see him any more vulnerable than he already had. That drop from the bridge was on the top five, he’d rather not let him see that he was practically useless in the cold and that he could almost barely move a muscle.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, breaking the silence. Jesus Christ, why can’t he just fucking leave? Haru let out a loud sigh, exasperated. “I’d rather not talk about it, especially with you. So, can you please leave?”
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”
“You can’t force me to.”
“Then I won’t leave.”
Haru’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance. He was so close to punching this pretty-boy in the face, but the pain in his arm stopped him. He slowly shuffled over to the couch and sat down, wincing slightly. Daisuke noticed this and raised a curious eyebrow. He moved over to the side of the couch, eyeing Haru. Seriously, only his pain was stopping him from clocking him and forcing him out of his apartment.
“You’re in pain,” he pointed out, making Haru roll his eyes. He seriously didn’t want to talk with Daisuke about this, but if it got him out of home, then…so be it. “Once again, no shit, Sherlock. Yes, I am in pain. In a lot of it, actually. I have something called fibromyalgia. You can look it up with your fancy glasses, I’d rather not go over the details.” He glanced over at Daisuke, and noticed he was indeed doing his research. He had his phone in his hand, scrolling through it.
“I see…Do you always feel pain?”
“Most of the time. I can function well the majority of days, but the cold always makes the tensions act up and gives me muscle spasms, which makes he pain worse. Like today. Winter always makes my symptoms act up more than usual.”
“I see…” Daisuke nodded slowly, taking the information in. “Look, I don’t expect someone completely healthy to understand. Hell, not even doctors can understand. I was misdiagnosed the first time I started getting flares. They thought I had multiple sclerosis or something…”
“Sorry…I was just thinking about how you made it seem…so normal. I never saw you complaining…or anything of the sort.”
“I don’t have the privilege to complain and not work. That’s why I never take a day off work, even when I’m in pain, but during winter…I’m practically forced to, since I can barely get up…”
Daisuke observed the older man with steady eyes. Haru had always been so diligent at work…He always got his work done, and always managed to be in top shape to take on any action. Yet, behind that façade, he was in pain and he was aching. And Daisuke never noticed, despite being so close to him as he is now thanks to their investigative work.
He’s surprised he never noticed anything, considering how much time he’s spent observing the older man. It wasn’t a lie that Daisuke had been harboring feelings for him for quite a while now, he was just good at hiding. And maybe very bad at proving it. So, learning this information about him caught him a little bit by surprise and also brought him feelings of guilt.
“Let me help you get your heater fixed.”
Haru looked at him with slightly wide eyes and raised eyebrows. “Absolutely not, I’ll deal with it myself. I don’t need you using your money on me,” he said, shaking his head. Daisuke sighed and took out his phone again, ignoring Haru’s demands, and made the arrangements to help him out. Haru observed his every move and let out a loud, exasperated sigh. “Dammit, Daisuke…” Daisuke only gave him his signature smirk and left it at that.
—
Despite Haru refusing Daisuke’s help, the dark haired man still did the absolute most so that Haru would be able to be comfortable in his own home. Haru was pretty shocked to say the least, he had never expected from someone like Daisuke who took no regards for other people’s feelings lest his own.
Once his heater was fixed and warmth filled his apartment around noon, he realized he hadn’t eaten throughout the entire day. His limbs were losing tension already and the warmth lessened the pain, controlling his fibromyalgia a bit more. He slowly walked over to the kitchen. “Are you hungry, Daisuke?”
Daisuke turned to look at him. “A bit…You don’t have to cook for me, though. It’s okay. You should rest.” Haru raised an eyebrow at him and scoff, but he couldn’t help the small smile that made its way onto his lips as he noticed the slight tone of concern in Daisuke’s voice. “I’m not cooking for you, asshole. I’m cooking for myself, and wanted to offer you some…As thanks, of course.” A small blush tainted his cheeks, and he hoped that Daisuke didn’t noticed. But he did. The younger man smiled and nodded. “Alright, then…Thanks…But if you feel like you can’t, I can just order food for the both of us.”
“Absolutely not!” Almost immediately, maybe with a few delays, Haru got to work.
—
After they had eaten together, Daisuke and Haru actually took the time to talk and get to know each other. Haru learned about Daisuke’s family, and Daisuke learned more about Haru’s own family and how he came to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Haru had explained that it was due to emotional trauma. The things that he’d seen during the job and experienced began taking a toll on his mental health, and the incredible amount of stress and anxiety he was under had begun to take effect on his body. Before he knew it, he was constantly in and out of the hospital for checkups and to alleviate the pain. It took a year, but the doctors finally got a diagnosis.
Daisuke listened to his story intently, taking in every detail. Learning new things about Haru made him feel like they were finally becoming closer, and the fact that he’d trusted him with the personal things he’d told him, let him know that Haru trusted him. It sort of gave him butterflies. But he’d never admit that.
Haru took their dishes and stood up, walking more easily to the kitchen and set them in the sink to wash them later. “If I remember clearly, you told me you had to cover for both of us today, so I’m guessing you still have some work to do.”
“Are you kicking me out?” Daisuke asked, with a raised eyebrow and a teasing smirk. “Maybe.” Haru shrugged. Daisuke let out a chuckle and stood up, walking over to the door. “Fine. I’ll leave you be.” He opened it and stepped out, as Haru walked over to the door and stood at the doorway. “Finally managed to get you to leave.”
“You weren’t doing such a great job at it at first.”
“I noticed,” Haru chuckled. Daisuke gave him a small smile, and though Haru’s noticed it before, he couldn’t help but take note of how handsome Daisuke really is.
“Um..Thanks, again. You really didn’t have to do any of this. So…thanks.”
The distance between the two began lessening, but Haru decided to ignore it. “You don’t really have to thank me…” Daisuke muttered. “I was just trying to be nice.” Haru chuckled at that. “Doesn’t seem like the kind of thing Daisuke Kanbe would do.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah.”
“Daisuke Kanbe wouldn’t do this, either, but he wants to.”
Daisuke pressed his lips against Haru’s, and luckily, he didn’t push back. Haru kissed him back, slowly pulling away after a while. He was blushing so much, it made Daisuke laugh. “Okay, you can get out now.”
“But I’m already out,” the dark haired man chuckled. “You know what I mean!”
“Of course.” Daisuke smiled and quickly gave Haru a peck on the lips before walking away. “I’ll call you—!”
“Yeah, whatever!”
Haru watched as he walked away and made his way over to his car. Once he got in, Haru walked back inside and closed the door. His face immediately broke out in a stupid grin as he shook his head in disbelief. Daisuke had really kissed him.
And, oh shit, did this mean they would start dating now? Holy shit.
They really need to talk this out now.