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Ren stared down at the floor with empty eyes as the train clattered along the tracks.
The sky outside was already growing dark.
His body ached but his mind was too dazed to really register it.
He had two large bags at his feet and Morgana's bag tucked next to his hip.
His phone was dead, so he couldn't call anyone, not that he really wanted to…
Of all the ways his return home could have turned out, that wasn't the way he had envisioned it at all…
He had gotten the group to drop him off at the bus stop on the outskirts of his hometown, he wanted to have a walk through and reacquaint himself with his childhood home after being away for a year.
He excitedly pointed out all of his favourite places to Morgana as he followed the familiar streets back to his home. He passed that street that started everything the previous year.
And then he was home.
He found the spare key under the usual garden decoration.
He took a deep breath as he turned the key in the lock and stepped into the house. He took in every detail.
The warmth from the heater in the entrance.
The sound of his dad's favourite TV show humming quietly from the living room.
The soft neutral colours of the wallpaper with the small splashes of bright colours from the decorations hanging on the wall.
The smell of his mother's delicious cooking wafting through the air and making Ren's stomach grumble.
The eggshell blue vase sat on it's usual shelf with the fresh bunch of flowers picked from the front garden, by the looks of them, the vase had been topped off about two days ago.
The shoe rack next to the front door, his mother's shoes nearly tucked into the shelves and his father's shoes clumsily thrown next to it.
The pure white banister on the stairs, so dad had finally gotten around to painting it, huh?
The crayon marks on the wall from whenever Ren would get measured as a child.
That one stain on the carpet that would never wash out no matter how many times it was cleaned, driving his mother insane.
A relieved smile appeared on his face as it really started to hit him.
"I'm home!" He softly called out as he carefully placed his bag onto the floor and began to take off his shoes.
The TV paused.
The spatula was placed onto the kitchen counter.
His parents peeked out from their respective rooms.
"Ren…" his mother muttered, wiping her hands on her apron.
"So, you're back, huh?" His father huffed as he scratched the back of his neck.
"Yeah, I really missed you guys!" Ren bashfully giggled as he picked his bag back up. He remembered Morgana was inside. "Oh! By the way, I've-"
"Why are you back?" His father asked. Ren froze at those words.
"Wh-What do you mean? My probation's done…" He nervously answered.
His chest began pounding as the atmosphere turned tense. Ren had no idea what was going on, but he knew that it scared him.
"And? Doesn't change the fact that you brought shame to the family." His mother spat.
Ren had never seen a more disgusted look in her eyes.
"B-But… I was proven innocent…" He protested weakly.
"Yeah, almost a year after the damn thing happened. While you were off in Tokyo, making friends and enjoying the big city life, we were stuck here being treated like violent scum because you had to go whacking drunk guys!" The father snapped in irritation.
"I didn't hit him! He was harassing that poor woman!"
"That doesn't mean anything! The fact is that you stuck your nose where it didn't belong and dragged us into your mess!" The mother growled, storming out of the kitchen with her husband following close behind.
"What was I supposed to do?! Just act as if I didn't see anything?!" Ren demanded, unable to believe what his parents were saying.
"Yes! It wasn't any of your business!" His mother stated.
"Wasn't…? How can you say that?! Who knows what would have happened to that woman if I didn't do anything!" Ren refuted furiously.
"Don't talk back to me!"
"I'm not talking back! I'm just trying to expla-"
Ren was cut off by his mother slapping him across the face. Her nails had dug into his skin as her hand swiped across, leaving four bright red scratch marks on his cheek.
Ren couldn't say anything. He just stood there, clutching his stinging cheek in stunned silence. His mother had never hit him before…
"You are not welcome in this house anymore. You're not even welcome in this family anymore." The enraged mother informed him with an accusatory point of her finger before storming back into the kitchen.
Ren felt something shatter. He wasn't sure what it was, but he felt it. And it hurt.
He looked at his father.
His father glared back.
"Pack your things and get out." Was all he said before walking back into the living room.
Ren felt broken.
He felt as if reality was falling apart in front of him. He couldn't hear anything. He felt dizzy. He had to do something about this… But what could he do? What were his options in this scenario?
He did as he was told.
He packed up all of his clothes and valuables.
He left the house without saying a word.
He lugged all of his bags across town to the train station.
He got on the first train to Tokyo.
And the entire time, he didn't cry. He didn't scream. He didn't swear. He didn't say anything.
He just stayed silent.
Ren had been sat in that silent, dazed state for the entire journey.
"Hey…" Morgana finally spoke up, pulling Ren out of his stunned trance.
The raven haired boy looked down at the cat with tired eyes.
Morgana was quiet. He needed to say something… but what exactly were you supposed to say to someone who'd just been disowned?
"You hanging in there?" Was what he eventually came up with.
Ren shrugged his shoulders vaguely.
"Where are we going…?" The cat cautiously enquired. Since the pair were essentially homeless now, the idea of travelling without a purpose scared him; more for Ren's sake than anything.
"... To Leblanc… There's the attic…" Ren replied, seemingly on instinct.
Morgana frowned. Ren had obviously grown to think of Leblanc as a second home… Understandably so, Morgana felt the same, but… it seemed that he had forgotten that Leblanc was, first and foremost, Sojiro's business.
"What if Sojiro can't take you in?" Morgana asked worriedly, trying to help Ren to think about the situation in a little more depth.
Ren's eyes widened in horror. He hadn't considered that possibility. Leblanc was the only place he could think to go… He was already on the train to Yongen-Jaya, but what if he couldn't stay? It really began to sink in just how hopeless his situation was.
That's when the dam holding everything back broke.
Ren broke down in hysterical sobs, burying his head in his hands and bending his body double. Tears and snot dripped down from his face as he cried. He couldn't control any of his emotions as they came flooding out.
How did everything go so wrong? He was so excited to be heading home this morning, and now here he was: Sobbing like a lost child on a train in the evening with no definite knowledge of where he was going to sleep that night.
He could feel all of the other passengers awkwardly staring at him as he bawled his eyes out, but he was too exhausted with everything to care. He just wished everything would stop.
Better yet, he wished everything would rewind, back to earlier today, back to when he was happy and everything was normal. But that would never happen. That was just wishful thinking… or delusional… Maybe both.
He didn't know or care anymore.
"Ren?" A concerned voice called out.
Ren flinched. Things got worse. He didn't want anyone to know about this… He didn't want anyone to see how weak and helpless he was…
He anxiously peeked at the person through his fingers.
It was Takuto Maruki. The chestnut haired man looked down at the boy with a worried expression.
"What are you doing here? I thought you went home?" He asked as he hurriedly sat down next to Ren and handed him a packet of tissues.
Ren hiccuped in between sobs as he blew his nose, causing Takuto to see the other side of his face.
"What happened to your cheek?" He worriedly enquired as he carefully rubbed his thumb across the scars.
Ren still remained silent.
Takuto glanced down at Ren's feet.
"What's with all the bags?" He asked as Ren avoided eye contact.
That was when it all clicked. Takuto stared at Ren with wide eyes.
"Your parents didn't kick you out… did they?" He softly asked, afraid of the answer.
A pained grimace consumed Ren's face as the tears began again. Takuto had to hold back his own tears as he pulled the scared boy in for a hug, soothingly stroking his back as he tried to comfort him.
"Th-They said… that I caused… caused them trouble… Said I wasn't welcome in… in th-the family anymore…" Ren gasped out in between sobs as he buried his face into Takuto's shoulder.
Takuto couldn't hold back the snarl that engulfed his face. They had the nerve to say that to their son that they hadn't seen for a year?! What the hell was wrong with them?! He took a deep breath to calm himself before speaking again.
"Where are you heading?" He asked, hoping to help the worried teen as much as possible.
"I-I was going to Leblanc but I d-don't know if I'll be able to st-stay there." Ren shakily answered, unable to keep his breath steady as he spoke.
"Well, hey, it's still worth a try. Besides, you look like you could use a good meal. C'mon, I'll go with you. Yeah?" Takuto softly encouraged him as he patted his shoulder.
Ren stared at him with an unsure face. He wasn't sure what to think. He was frightened. He was lost. He didn't know what to do.
But… He had someone who wanted to help… That was something… He had a little bit of hope.
"Yeah…" He quietly mumbled in agreement, deciding to put his trust in Takuto for the time being. Takuto flashed him a comforting smile as he gave him another hug.
"That's good… Now go on, dry your eyes and get a little rest. You've had a long day, right? I'll wake you when we get there." He cooed softly, ruffling Ren's hair.
Now that he mentioned it, Ren was drained after crying that much… He could feel his eyes drooping.
"Okay… Thank you, Maruki-sensei…" he muttered as he drifted off to sleep. Takuto let out a sad chuckle as he watched over the boy.
"You don't need to call me 'sensei' anymore…"
The delicate sound of a bell ringing echoed throughout the café as the door opened.
"Welco- Ren?! What are you doing here?!" Sojiro gasped in surprise as the raven haired boy stepped inside.
Ren remained silent as he glanced up at Sojiro with tired eyes. Takuto followed close behind, carrying one of the teen's bags for him.
"What's with the bags?" The café owner asked, baffled by the sudden appearance of the boy who left to go home that morning. Ren looked down at the floor with an ashamed look on his face.
Takuto shot a knowing look at Sojiro and raised his eyebrows. That's when it hit him.
"Oh, kid…" The bearded man muttered with a sympathetic gaze. Takuto patted Ren's shoulder, gently nudging him forward into the café.
"C'mon, sit down. I'll make ya some curry. Have you eaten yet?" Sojiro offered, tapping the chairs in front of the counter.
"I haven't eaten since this morning…" Ren answered honestly as he sat down. The two adults looked at him in shock.
"This mor-?!" Gasped Takuto, nearly falling off his chair.
"Right. You're getting an extra large plate." Sojiro huffed, grabbing a plate and piling a huge helping of curry onto it. "You want some coffee too? And do you want anything, Doc?"
"Oh, I'll have a house blend and a large plate of curry, please." Takuto politely requested, pulling out his wallet.
"Comin' right up. Oh… Right. Does the cat need anything to eat?" Sojiro chuckled softly.
"Please! I'm starving!" Morgana wailed, popping his head out of Ren's bag. Takuto couldn't help but laugh.
"Yeah. He's hungry. Thanks for the food." Ren blandly replied, shoving a spoonful of curry into his mouth.
After the day he'd had, the taste was comforting. So comforting that it made him tear up.
Takuto smiled softly as he stroked Ren's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.
"Alright, I've got some leftover sushi. He'll appreciate that, right?"
"Sushi!"
"I'll take that as a yes."
The group remained silent as Sojiro prepared all the meals; Ren quietly savoured the warmth and spice from each bite of the curry. Takuto tried to think of a way to bring up the subject of what Ren should do next, but worried that he may cause Ren to panic again.
The bell rang once again.
"Hey, Sojiro, you just got a package and- Ren?!" Futaba froze on the spot at the sight of the raven haired boy.
"Futaba, quiet down a little, okay? It's getting late." Sojiro softly requested.
"B-But-!"
Futaba rushed over to Ren.
"Why are you here?! We took you back this morning!" She interrogated the bespectacled boy.
"... My parents kicked me out."
"Wha-?! But that's so-!"
"Futaba. Now's not the time, okay? Just give Ren a little time to get his thoughts straight." Sojiro quietly said, placing his hand on her back to calm her down.
"B-But-!"
"Not now…"
"Is he gonna stay here?"
Sojiro frowned as Ren, Futaba and Morgana looked up at him with hopeful eyes.
"I… I'm sorry but I don't think he can… This was only meant to be a temporary thing and it really wouldn't be good for him to live in the attic any longer…" He muttered, scratching the back of his neck.
Ren looked down at the floor. So, Morgana was right…? Then… Where the hell was he gonna stay…?
"Th-Then where-?" Futaba cut herself off after noticing the panic rising in Ren's onyx eyes.
Takuto rubbed Ren's back, taking notice of the faint trembling of the raven haired teen's shoulders. Sojiro glanced off to the side as he tried to think of a solution.
"Do you want me to look up any hostels or inns around the area for you to stay at?" The orange haired girl offered, pulling out her phone.
Ren let out a shaky sigh.
"I guess that's the only option… Thanks, Futaba…" He mumbled quietly, leaning his head onto the table in defeat.
"I…" Takuto finally spoke up, drawing everyone's attention. Ren looked up at him with tired eyes.
"I have an office that I'm not gonna be using anymore… If you'd like, I could change it into a bedroom and… y'know… You could stay with me?" He suggested.
Ren's eyes widened after hearing those words. It made Takuto's heart ache to see Ren so shocked by the fact that someone was willing to help.
"Hey, yeah, that's a great idea. What do you think, Ren?" Sojiro sighed, relieved that there was a viable option available. Ren looked down with a thoughtful expression.
"It's your call." Morgana reassured him.
"A-Are you sure…?" Ren cautiously asked, not wanting to trouble Takuto.
"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't." Takuto chuckled softly, flashing a comforting smile to Ren. The raven haired boy's lips twitched upwards as Takuto's kindness touched him.
"Thank you…" He mumbled shyly, hiding his face in his arms. Takuto wrapped his arm around Ren's shoulders.
"You don't need to thank me. It's the least I could do after everything you've done for me." He murmured in response. Futaba sighed in relief.
"So, it's all sorted? O-Oh wait! What about Mona?"
Morgana sat up straight and twitched his ear. Hey, yeah, what about him?!
"He can come too, obviously. My building allows pets." Takuto answered.
"I'm not a pet!"
"Well, we know that, but landlords don't. Please don't take it personally, Morgana-kun." Takuto apologised with an awkward smile. Sojiro stared at him in surprise.
"You can understand him?"
"It's a long story… Haha...ha…"
Just as Sojiro was going to question the former counselor, Ren yawned loudly.
Everyone looked over to find his eyes drooping and his hand barely able to lift his spoon. His body kept leaning to the side before quickly sitting back up straight.
"You should get some rest, Ren… You've had a stressful day..." Morgana whispered.
"It'll take me awhile to sort the room out… Would Ren be able to stay here tonight so I can use the evening and tomorrow morning to organise everything? I'll pick him up in the afternoon." Takuto requested, glancing up at Sojiro.
"Yeah. One more night here is fine. As long as he has a safe place to sleep…" The bearded man agreed without an ounce of hesitation. Takuto huffed in relief, pushing himself out of his seat.
"That's great… I should go make a start now. Here's the payment for our meals. See you tomorrow. Get some rest, okay, Ren?" Takuto smiled softly as he ruffled Ren's hair before walking over to the door.
"Thanks. Let me know if you need any help with anything. And as for you, Ren… C'mon, let's get you to bed…" Sojiro replied as Takuto exited the café.
"Mmphghh…" Ren muttered, too tired to form coherent words.
"There we go… Don't worry, I'll bring the bags up later…" Sojiro chuckled as he helped the wobbly Ren up the stairs.
"Hey, so… What happened?" Futaba quietly asked Morgana after making sure Ren and Sojiro were out of earshot.
"Not much, really… He just got back and his parents told him he wasn't welcome in the family anymore…" Morgana answered, his ears drooped as his face displayed a dejected expression.
Futaba frowned as she pulled out her phone.
[Futaba Sakura has created the chat 'Ren Amamiya Protection Squad'
Futaba Sakura has added Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Yusuke Kitagawa, Makoto Niijima, Haru Okumura, Goro Akechi and Sumire Yoshizawa to the chat
Futaba: Okay, important announcement
Futaba: Don't send Ren any "I hope you're doing well back at home!" Messages, okay?
Ryuji: What?
Ann: Why??
Sumire: Is something wrong?
Yusuke: I was just about to check on him, what's this about?
Futaba: Don't tell him that I told you about this
Futaba: I don't think he wants anyone to know atm
Goro: Then why are you telling us?
Makoto: I have to agree… If he doesn't want us to know, maybe don't tell us?
Futaba: It's important
Futaba: I don't want anyone to accidentally upset him
Haru: Has something happened?
Futaba: Ren's parents disowned him
Futaba: He's back in Tokyo
Ryuji: WHAT?!
Ann: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Yusuke: But, he just got back?
Haru: Why would they do that?!
Makoto: I…
Makoto: I suppose they're more concerned with their reputation…
Sumire: Is he back with you and Sojiro???
Futaba: Just for tonight
Futaba: Maruki's taking him in
Ann: At least he has somewhere to stay…
Ryuji: Is he okay?
Haru: How is he holding up?
Futaba: He doesn't look too good…
Yusuke: I'm not particularly surprised…
Yusuke: It must have been a nasty shock…
Goro: Now I know that this is technically illegal…
Makoto: Not murdering anyone.
Goro: I wasn't going to suggest that.
Sumire: Sure you weren't, Senpai…
Goro: I wasn't…
Goro: I was going to suggest another form of revenge via tires and slashing
Ann: I'm down
Yusuke: As am I.
Ryuji: Hmmmmm
Ryuji: I dunno
Ryuji: How about windows and smashing???
Goro: I like your style
Makoto: Guys…
Haru: Oh!
Haru: We could throw eggs at their car!
Haru: Like they do in the movies!
Goro: Another excellent idea!
Futaba: Ooh, I'm loving this!
Makoto: Guys, please…
Sumire: Throw toilet paper all over their garden!
Ryuji: HELL YEAH
Ann: YES
Haru: Oh, that sounds fun!
Makoto: I understand you're rightfully annoyed at Ren's parents
Goro: Oh, I'm fucking pissed off
Ryuji: I almost punched my wall after reading that shit
Ann: I haven't been this angry in a while
Yusuke: I am completely enraged.
Makoto: Okay, I get the picture
Makoto: Trust me, I'm angry too
Makoto: You don't all need to chime in
Makoto: I'm just saying that I don't know if this is what we should be doing right now…
Makoto: Instead of hating his parents, we should probably be comforting Ren.
Yusuke: But he doesn't know that we know…
Haru: I suppose we'll have to wait until he tells us himself…
Sumire: But, we'll be there for him when he does tell us!
Goro: And while we wait for him to tell us, we could slash some tires
Ryuji: And smash some windows.
Futaba: And leak some personal info
Ann: Um…
Sumire: Maybe not that last one?
Futaba: Spoil sports…
Makoto: You people are impossible…]
Ren yawned as his eyes fluttered open. He squinted as sunlight flooded into his vision.
What time was it? Wait, where was he?! He frantically felt around for his glasses and slipped them onto his face.
Oh. Right. Yeah. Leblanc.
He let out a long sigh as relief washed over him. He noticed his phone next to his pillow, plugged into charge. As he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, Ren picked it up to check the time.
11:32AM
"What?!" He shrieked in surprise, leaping up before promptly tripping over and collapsing onto the floor.
"You okay up there?" Sojiro called up after hearing the bang.
"Y-Yeah, sorry…" Ren replied awkwardly as he scrambled back onto his feet.
"You don't have to panic about waking up late, you know… You had a long day yesterday, you obviously needed the rest." Morgana spoke up from his position on the sofa.
"I know… But still…" The raven haired teen muttered as he dug through his bag for a change of clothes.
Picking out a simple outfit, Ren took off his shirt and got changed. Sojiro wandered upstairs, bringing a cup of coffee up with him.
"How are you feeling now?" He asked as he handed the warm cup to now dressed Ren.
"Mm… Better than yesterday, I guess…. But…" Ren quietly replied, honestly not sure how he was feeling. He felt emotionally numb.
"I got a text from Maruki. He's finished sorting out that room. He'll be here in about forty five minutes to pick you up, okay?"
Ren looked up in surprise.
Oh, wow. He actually meant it.
Ren wasn't sure why, but he had just kind of assumed that Takuto was lying about him staying at his place. Then again… He seemed to feel that way whenever anyone offered to help him...
"R-Right."
Sojiro laughed softly at the stunned boy.
"You still look half asleep. Want some breakfast to wake you up?"
"That would be great, thanks…"
"Alright… Here's your room. Sorry that it's a little bare… I don't really have a lot of spare furniture… Oh! And I will get you a bed at some point, but I hope a futon is good enough for now…" Takuto explained as he opened the door to his former office and displayed it to Ren.
The walls were a soft pastel blue with a light grey carpet accented with a pair of bright blue curtains hanging from the window.
There was a folded up futon in the far left corner. An empty desk under the window, Ren thought that would be a good place to keep all of his school supplies.
A chest of drawers was slotted into the far right corner, it was a decent size…
In the corner closest to the door was a small bookcase, a perfect place to store all of his books, dvds, games and CDs… Well… It would be, if he had them…
He was in such a hurry to leave yesterday, he only packed his essentials.
"You can put your clothes in the chest of drawers, there should be enough room for everything." Takuto remarked, taking one of Ren's bags and carrying it into the centre of the room.
"Right. Thank you." Was Ren's quiet response. Takuto turned and looked at him. He'd been through a lot and it was going to take him a while to settle in.
"Ren."
"Hm?"
"Do you want to talk?"
"What?"
"It's not good to keep everything bottled up. If you don't want to talk, I understand. But, I'm here to listen if you decide you want to… Well, I'm going to make myself a tea, do you want one?" Takuto assured the silent teen, patting his shoulder comfortingly as he walked back out of the room.
"... What did I do wrong?"
Takuto froze at those words.
"What?"
"What did I do wrong? Why… Why don't my parents want me…? Wh… Why do they hate me?" Ren asked, shoulders quivering as tears started to run down his cheeks.
Takuto pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a pained sigh.
"Ren." He said, grabbing ahold of Ren's shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact.
"You didn't do anything wrong."
Ren stared up at him with a stunned expression.
"B-But, I-"
"You saw someone in trouble and you stepped in to help them. You did the right thing."
"And got arrested…"
"Because Shido is a manipulative piece of shit. Not your fault."
"E-Even so… I ruined everything for my parents…"
Ren seemed convinced that he was in the wrong. It hurt to see him blaming himself so much.
"No, you didn't. They should have trusted you and they should have fought for you."
"But, if I hadn't stepped in, none of this crap would have happened…"
"And what would have happened to that woman if you hadn't stepped in?"
Ren's eyes widened at that question.
What would have happened? What if Shido had forced her into that car? What exactly was he trying to do that night?
He glanced off to the side as he considered those questions. Takuto pulled him into a hug, gently patting his back.
"You didn't do anything wrong. You saved that woman. You helped everyone you saw in trouble when you came to Tokyo. You brought me back to my senses when I lost my way. You didn't do anything wrong. And if your parents can't see that, they don't deserve to have you."
Ren fell silent as he processed the words he just heard.
He… really didn't do anything wrong?
His tears began spilling again as he hugged Takuto back, burying his face into his shoulder.
"I'm sorry…"
"You don't need to apologise for anything, okay?"
Takuto pulled away and looked at Ren's red eyes.
"C'mon, dry your eyes and blow your nose. I'll make you some tea." He chuckled softly, exiting the room and wandering into the kitchen.
Laughing quietly to himself, Ren rubbed his eyes as he opened his bag to begin unpacking his clothes. Morgana smiled up at his best friend, glad that someone finally told him what he needed to hear.
Sudden music made the two of them jump. It was Ren's phone. The bespectacled boy picked it up and discovered the caller ID.
He grimaced slightly before taking the call.
"Hi, mum…"
Takuto looked over from his position in the kitchen. Morgana frowned worried.
"You back in Tokyo?"
No greeting…
"Yes."
"What are you doing about your stuff? You left all your crap here."
"Because you told me to hurry up and get out."
"Drop the sass."
Takuto noticed the visible discomfort on Ren's face and made a gesture for him to hand over the phone.
Ren nervously complied.
"Hello?"
"Who is this?"
"Ren's new guardian. I take it you're his mother?"
"That criminal is no son of mine."
Takuto scowled.
"Well, since he will now be staying with me, you can send all of his furniture and belongings up to Tokyo." He stated, keeping a polite tone to disguise his annoyance.
"Good. That's all I wanted to know. Although, are you sure you want to take him in? He's a real pain. You don't have to waste any time on him if-"
"I'm sorry, but I don't recall asking for your opinion." Takuto replied sweetly.
"Excuse me?!"
"If you could just send all his belongings to Sojiro Sakura, I will collect them and then you never have to make contact with your son ever again. Thank you. Have a good day, Ma'am."
Takuto hung up and handed the phone back to a stunned Ren.
Morgana sat in the living room, laughing uproariously.
"How many sugars do you have?" Takuto asked the teen, acting as if the phone conversation never happened.
"...Huh?"
"Sugars. For your tea. How many?"
A quiet snicker left Ren's mouth.
The snicker turned into some giggles.
The giggles turned into laughter.
Takuto smiled softly at Ren as he got the milk out of the fridge. Ren couldn't stop his laughter. As he placed his phone down and glanced around at the apartment, he thought to himself,
"Maybe this won't be so bad."