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They’re sitting together peacefully when something occurs to Clary.
Alec is lounging against the tree, eyes closed and a small smile twitching at his lips. The redhead’s head is resting against her brother-in-law’s shoulder, feeling more comfortable with him than she does with almost anyone else.
“When did you start liking me?”
She blurts the question out before she can think it through. It’s no secret Alec used to hate her, think of her as an annoyance he had to deal with but never care for. She can barely remember that time, now, but she knows that was the way things were, at the beginning.
It’s been years since then. Years of living with his sister and slowly carving an Alec-shaped hole into her heart. She can’t remember when she stopped being scared of him and started loving him instead. She wonders if he does; if he can pinpoint the moment when things changed.
“When Magnus showed me what love means.”
His answer is as simple and complicated as ever. The words make sense, but Clary knows there’s a deeper meaning to them she can’t quite grasp. Alec and she have always been too different to understand each other perfectly. It’s part of what makes them fit together so well.
When she had first met him, she thought he was a stuck-up, spoiled kid who refused to see past his own nose. She hadn’t liked him, and she had been convinced she never would. But Alec Lightwood-Bane is so much more than the stoic exterior he presents to the rest of the world.
He is a warrior who would jump into fire if it meant saving his siblings. He is a leader with a golden heart. He is a quiet soul who prefers quiet nights in to wild nights out. He is an amazing brother, and an even better husband. He is a father who would give up his life in an instant for children. He is Clary’s best friend, always there for her when she doesn’t even realise she needs him.
“I have no clue what that means, Lightwood-Bane.”
Alec huffs at her, but his eyes are fond when he opens them and stares down at her. A smile lights up his face, as it always does when someone calls him by his proper name.
“Before Magnus,” Alec explains, carding his fingers through Clary’s hair soothingly. He told her, once, that it’s something he does for all his siblings. Every time he repeats the gesture, Clary feels more and more loved. “Before Magnus, I was lost. It’s like you and Izzy, in a way, but much worse. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I thought the only thing that mattered was my work and my family. There was nothing else for me, nothing I did for myself. Magnus… He showed me there’s so much more to life than that.”
Clary closes her eyes and pictures it. She pictures a younger Alec, a few months before they met, struggling with himself and beating himself up for every little mistake he made. It’s too easy to imagine it, and Clary forces her eyes open again. She finds Alec already smiling at her softly, as though he knows exactly where her thoughts led her.
“He made me realise,” Alec continues, his voice deep and smooth and curling around Clary’s soul protectively. “That what I felt for you was nowhere near hatred. You captured my sister’s heart, Lightwood-Fray, and I was so scared you would break it. And I was so afraid to love you, because I was afraid of how much it would hurt if I lost you. I was terrified you would leave my sister and I behind, and I refused to show you how much I cared. I didn’t want to give you a piece of my heart because I knew once it was in your hands, I would never get it back.”
Clary isn’t even surprised when she a sob escapes her lips. She forgets, sometimes, that Alec isn’t the fumbling boy he used to be when they met. She forgets he’s grown into an eloquent, immortal, collected man who isn’t afraid to talk about his feelings. It’s not the reason why she loves him, but it certainly helps.
Clary, unlike Isabelle, isn’t good with words. She wishes she were, but she always ends up stumbling over her own tongue and stuttering a few words out before giving up. Alec and she had that in common, once upon a time. Now, it’s yet another way in which they’re opposites.
“I think I was also jealous of how good you were to her,” Alec adds as though he doesn’t notice Clary’s inner turmoil. It has to be written all over her face, but he’s clearly decided to ignore it for the time being. “I was so happy she finally had someone, but I couldn’t believe how… different you were. You’re a ray of goddamned sunshine, Clary. You have kind words for everyone, you compliment Izzy whenever you can, you help people in need, and your brightness never dims. You give, and give, and give, yet you never run out of wonder to hand out.”
Really, Clary should have known better than to ask such a loaded question so late at night. The sun disappeared hours ago, and their only companion is the moon, illuminating Alec’s already pale face. He’s still staring down at her, his eyes sparkling with unshed love.
Alec Lightwood-Bane is a fool if he thinks he doesn’t give as much love as Clary does. The man has such a huge heart hidden beneath all the layers of coldness and sarcasm. Clary is so lucky to have access to it.
“I love you, Clary Lightwood-Fray,” her best friend murmurs. “Not because you love my sister, although I will always be grateful that you do, but because you loved me before I even knew I could love myself. You wormed your way into my heart with your underhanded compliments and sarcastic admissions of love, and I am so lucky to have you by my side, for as long as you live.”
Clary scrunches up her nose at the sappy words but accepts them easily. She’ll never make fun of Alec for expressing his feelings. It took them years to get to where they are now, and she’ll never be anything but eternally grateful to Magnus for bringing Alec out of his shell.
And for giving him the ability to love her, apparently.
“Now, was that enough of a love confession for you, or do you want me to keep going?” Alec clears his throat, breaking their intense eye contact and fidgeting with the hem of his sweater instead.
“I’m good,” Clary answers, her voice thick with unspoken emotion.
She can’t remember the day when she realised she loved Alec despite all his flaws. She can’t remember the day when she realised he had become her best friend. But this night, laying under the moonlight with her awkward best friend who’s finally given into the urge to blush at his own words? She’s pretty sure she’ll always remember that.
“For what it’s worth,” she whispers, knowing nothing will compare to what Alec just said. “I love you too, Alec.”
He knows it already, of course. They’re siblings in all but blood, and they trust each other not only with their lives, but with their families’ lives too. Jace may be Alec’s parabatai , but the bond Clary shared with her best is just as unique.
“I know you do,” Alec smiles, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “We wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.”
Clary hums softly. Their spouses are waiting for them inside, the children fast asleep, but the redhead just wants a few moments more to themselves. A few moments more to bask in the warmth of her best friend’s steady presence.
Isabelle Lightwood-Fray is the love of Clary’s life, but Alec Lightwood-Bane is her soulmate in so many other ways.