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Clary stared at the ceiling listlessly, counting stars she couldn’t see.
If there was one thing she hated about the Institute, it was how quiet it got at night. Clary had grown up in the part of New York that didn’t sleep, one of the neighbourhoods where noise was a constant and lights never completely disappeared. The Institute was the opposite of that.
With all the soundproof of runes that covered the building, New York City faded in the background. The only soundtrack to Clary’s dreams were her own thoughts, buzzing on good nights and screaming on bad ones. Unfortunately, she hadn’t had a good night in over a week.
She had gotten so used to falling asleep with Izzy by her side, so used to her warmth and sleepy whispers and lazy kisses. She hadn’t expected to feel her absence quite so fiercely, but her girlfriend had only been gone for a few days and she already ached for her to return.
Isabelle had promised she would be back that night, but the sun had set and Clary could see moonlight stream past her curtains, and her love still wasn’t home. She was tired and restless and on edge after a terrible day, but she refused to fall asleep without Izzy even one more time.
Before she could sink back into the familiar miserable thoughts she had been living with for the past week, the door to her room clicked open. Immediately, Clary sat up, her heart beating faster by the second.
Isabelle stepped into the room and for an instant, she was the only bright thing in the room, light illuminating her from behind. She closed the door behind her softly, as though she wasn’t sure whether or not Clary was still awake. Then she turned towards the bed. Clary lost her breath.
By the angel, she had missed her love. She had missed the way her eyes lit up every time she saw Clary, and the way her features softened even more when the redhead smiled at her in greeting. She had missed her face and her voice and the joy she brought with her when she walked into a room.
But she was back now.
As she tried to force a smile onto her face, Clary choked on an unexpected sob. She had been doing fine, had been dealing with the tangle of emotions clouding her mind perfectly well, but seeing Izzy after what felt like a lifetime was clearly more than her fragile heart could handle.
In an instant, her girlfriend was by her side, sitting on the edge of her bed and reaching for one of Clary’s hands.
“Woah there, angel,” Izzy murmured, rubbing soothing circles into the palm of her hand. “What’s wrong?”
Clary opened her mouth to speak, but the only thing that came out was another pained sob. She shifted closer to Izzy until she was practically sitting in her lap. Slowly, Isabelle’s arms embraced her, her fingers tracing unrecognisable patterns over Clary’s back. The small touch was enough to ground her and, after a few minutes of seemingly endless tears, she managed to calm down enough to actually get a sentence out.
“I missed you so much,” she sniffled, burying her head in Isabelle’s neck, and breathing in the scent of vanilla and apples. “Promise me you’ll never leave without me again? I don’t think I could take it.”
“Oh, angel,” Izzy murmured, huffing out a laugh. “I missed you too, but we both know I can’t make that sort of promise. Now, are you going to tell me what’s really wrong? I need to know if you want me to help. Did you have a bad day?”
Clary snorted mirthlessly. If only.
“More like bad week,” she breathed out. “I think you might be my good luck charm. Ever since you left, my life has just been one disaster after another.”
Izzy didn’t push her, didn’t ask her anything else. After a few more seconds of silence, the dam inside Clary’s dam broke and she let everything overflow. She told her girlfriend all about the demon injury, the ichor duty, her fight with Jace, Alec’s snappish attitude, Simon’s strange behaviour, the insults some of their fellow shadowhunters whispered behind her back.
She let it all out, basking in Isabelle’s warmth and allowing it to wash away her worries. Her girlfriend didn’t say anything, didn’t interrupt her, only hummed a few times, and tightened her hold on Clary when she heard about her brothers and the other shadowhunters.
Clary’s heart fluttered happily as she realised Izzy would probably take care of them when morning came. Clary could protect herself just fine but having someone to defend her against the things she couldn’t control was undeniably nice. She wasn’t weak, but she wasn’t about to refuse Izzy’s silent offer of additional strength.
“I think I just bottled it all up and then you were there, looking as beautiful and angelic as ever,” she finished, her lips brushing against Izzy’s skin as she spoke. “Maybe I was just overwhelmed by how happy you made me after a week of frustration. I’m sorry, by the way, I wanted us to have a nice night together, but…”
“But nothing,” Isabelle tutted. She leaned away from Clary and lifted her chin until their gazes met. Their lips briefly met in a soft kiss before Izzy started speaking again. “We can still have a nice night together, even if it means laying here and talking about whatever’s bothering you. You’re under no obligation to be happy all the time, Clary, especially not around me. I don’t want you to force a smile just because you don’t want to ruin the mood.”
Clary shook her head disbelievingly, leaning in to kiss Isabelle again, trying to push all the gratefulness and love she felt for the other woman into it. If the delighted sigh Isabelle let out was anything to go by, she wasn’t doing bad at all.
“The same goes for you, you know?” she murmured a few minutes later, her head resting against Isabelle’s chest.
Her girlfriend’s heartbeat was always faster than her own, and Clary couldn’t help but wonder if it was because Isabelle had too much love to give. Maybe her heart was trying to deal with how much care and compassion Izzy felt all the time.
Or maybe, the selfish part of her brain whispered, maybe it was because of Clary herself. Isabelle certainly made her heart beat faster; perhaps it went both ways.
“You don’t have to be strong all the time either,” Clary added when Izzy didn’t answer. “I know you’re better at dealing with your emotions than I am, but you can always lean on me when you need it. If you ever have a bad week or day or even hour, I’ll be there to listen.”
“Angel,” Isabelle whispered. “The things you do to me. You own my heart, Clary Fray, I hope you know that.”
Clary chuckled wetly, wiping away the tears streaming down Izzy’s face. They were ridiculous. Completely, utterly ridiculous. Maybe the tales of love driving people insane weren’t as crazy as Clary had once thought they were.
“You own mine too,” she murmured. “Thank you for being here for me, love. I’m not sure what I’d do without you.”
“Thankfully, you’ll never have to find out,” Isabelle smiled lovingly at her. “And you’re very welcome. Soon enough you’ll realise there’s very little I wouldn’t do for you, angel. Listening to your troubles is the least I can do for the woman I love.”
Clary hummed, already halfway to the land of dreams. Izzy’s voice and steady breaths had always lulled her to sleep, and this time was no different. She thought she felt her girlfriend’s lips press a gentle kiss to the crown of her head, and then she was out.
She never heard Isabelle’s last words, a promise whispered from her very soul.
“Sleep, angel. I’ll watch over you for as long as you live.”