Work Text:
Nie Huaisang notices the difference almost immediately.
Nothing has changed in Jiang Cheng, his eyes still hold the same intensity, his hair still held that beautiful sheen and he moved as purposefully as he did before all except for the tension that no longer seems to lock him in place.
If Jiang Cheng was a painting, he'd be the large tapestry in Nie Huaisang's room. One that he knows inside and out, partly by exposure and partly by Nie Huiasang's never-ending fascination with the beauty before him.
Nie Huaisang is accustomed to the painting's individual brushstrokes, each with a purpose yet standing out in their own to give a feeling of unity to the large tapestry before him. Just like the painting was a collection of several careful strokes, Jiang Cheng was a man with several virtues and several traits that made him endlessly fascinating. Nie Huaisang hadn't realized how much he had been observing the man until it was too late and his eyes could never stray away from him.
Thus it came to no surprise to him, that Jiang Cheng, indifferent and unsociable to most, is somehow and by some sort of miracle is enjoying his company rather than just tolerating him.
The past weeks have become a blur for Nie Huaisang, he only recalls snippet of his time together with Jiang Cheng and even then he didn't understand what would cause such a change.
But Jiang Cheng lingers in his presence just a little longer, moves towards him a little bit closer and speaks more softer than he could ever imagine and Nie Huaisang understands that the picture of Jiang Cheng has changed.
Nie Huaisang, who is only a fool in love, is filled with glee.
The happiness does not last long.
Nie Huaisang is used to being overshadowed.
Lianfang-Zun. Zewu-Jun. Chifeng-Zun.
His brother's were giants in their own right and how can the head-shaker ever compare.
Nie Huaisang thought he could resign himself to a lifetime of being unseen and misunderstood but he is proven wrong once Jiang Cheng looks him in the eye and sees a person that wasn't him. Loves a person that wasn't him.
Although Jiang Cheng does his best to show his love, to whisper promises of eternity, to hold his hand gently and to kiss away all his pain. Nie Huaisang watches, observes and infers, that there are moments were Jiang Cheng pulls away just a little longer, where he refuses to meet his eyes or even stare at his face and where he flinches at the touch or being called someone dear.
Jiang Cheng may act like his lover, but the act is quickly crumbling.
Nie Huaisang would be lying if he said, Jiang Cheng loving someone else who isn't him didn't break his heart.But what's one more lie to add to the ever-growing web he has trapped himself with.
He chose to stay hidden and this was the suffocating result.
Although Jiang Cheng’s presence continues to illuminate him, being hidden in shadows is not a fate Nie Huaisang can easily escape.
He only wishes the person Jiang Cheng loved did not carry his own face. Then, he would't have to suffer the false hope that Jiang Cheng had any love to give him.
In the end, Nie Huaisang can only shake his head in despair as he finally acknowledges the fact that he never had any chance at all.
“Who is it that you really see when you look at me A-Cheng?”
"That person isn't coming back anymore. Let them go."
"I can't."
Waiting for Jiang Cheng seems like a lifetime.
Years pass and the mulberry trees have slept in the winter and born fruit every mid-spring. Steadily, they transform becoming more eye-catching with each season. Nie Huaisang’s love blossoms in tune, and though it remains in his heart as steady and as sure as the changing of seasons , he thinks it’ll never transform the way he wants it to be.
Though he may influence the movement of people around him, he has learned that he cannot force change.
Such was the way of nature.
As the mulberry flowers continue to bloom, Nie Huaisang could only watch in envy.
Nie Huaisang has been waiting for his love to bear fruit but it would seem that he would wait for a lifetime more.
"Let's end this."
"I wasn't even your lover to begin with."
"Sect Leader Nie, just say the word and we'll crush the person's bones. Doesn't matter if he's a sect leader. Qinghe Nie is more than willing to go to war for you."
Nie Huaisang's laugh comes unbidden, the sound is as refreshing as the summer breeze that strips away the heat as it makes it's way to every people present in the hall. Most of the disciples has felt Nie Huaisang's melancholic mood and they feel their spirits rise as they see him smile again.
"There's no need." Nie Huaisang says.
"Are you sure? You've been miserable this past couple of days. We can kill him at your request."
The disciples tighten their hold on their weapons. They would. Without hesitation.
"Hush now. We don't want the Sandu Sengshou to accuse us of attempted murder....But- You really don't need to do anything. It is my own burden to carry."
"You sure you don't want us to kill him?"
Nie Huaisang smiles once more, although it lacks the humour from before. His face is the same as the time he was mourning Nie Mingjue although now his misery is something he can no longer hide from them. The disciples do not comment on this fact. Their sect leader deserves more than pity.
"No." he says softly, "I'm thankful but you don't need to."
Jiang Cheng's body, although cold, remains immaculate.
Situated in Nie Huaisang's room trapped in layers upon layers of talismans to preserve it.
Nie Huaisang recalls their last goodbye and he wishes that it did not come to this.
"What if you don't come back? What about Lotus Pier? Is this person really worth abandoning everything you know?"
"Lotus Pier is in safe hands. Jin Ling will take care of matters once I'm gone. And I WILL be coming back. They'll be returning with me but if I don't then at least I've tried."
Nie Huaisang once thought, that he'd never have the courage that most of the peers from his generation had but he surprises himself time and time again.
He holds Jiang Cheng's sleeves, it is the most that they will allow each other to do, now that the secret was out in the open and they've broken their lover's ties.
"I love you." Nie Huaisang whispers. This is his last true sentiment.
"I'm sorry." Jiang Cheng says. It is a feeling that Jiang Cheng cannot accept.
Nie Huaisang does not cry at the reply. He had long stopped shedding tears. It isn't hard for him to understand that he will never mean anything as a friend to the person before him. He only wished that during all those years he'd stop feeling the pain as well.
Despite the pain, Nie Huaisang smiles.
"Good Luck A-Cheng."
I only wish for your happiness.
"Thank you."
Good bye.