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It has been years since she has seen him. Far too long, in fact, and her mind automatically goes back to the day they said goodbye. There was no particular reason for it – there had been no arguments, no falling outs, no great crisis. It just...happened. With Sunnydale in pieces, the Hellmouth no longer a problem, the remaining Scooby Gang members and the new Slayers had headed to Europe. He had stayed with them for a while, but over time things changed, as they inevitably do, and when he announced his decision to leave them, she just nodded with a sad smile. In truth, she was starting to feel as useless as she was certain he did; the new Slayers didn't really need her any more and they certainly didn't need a Watcher. And so as much as she would have liked for him to stay around, she knew she owed it to him to try and find some sort of a life for himself. And so they had parted.
They had kept in touch through letters and Christmas cards, which grew less and less until they finally stopped. She didn't allow herself to think too much of it; after all, it was what unfortunately happened with people and she was forced to accept that he was no longer a part of her life, as much as would always be a part of her memories. But sometimes, just sometimes, she thought she would see him.
When Dawn announced her intentions to move back to the States to get married, and she waved her off at the airport with tearful eyes, she thought she saw him through the crowd.
When they lost Willow in a battle with a stronger warlock, she thought she saw him at the funeral, stood back in the trees.
And when they lost Xander to the stupidest of industrial working accidents, she thought she saw him at that funeral through the rain.
She wasn't angry with him for not being there; after all, how was he to know what was happening? But then she started to lose her edge, and started to grow careless. And the first time someone saved her from being killed by a particular vicious demon, she could have sworn it was him.
When the new Slayers announced – as a group, not one by one – that they were leaving, she thought he was with her, right by her side, stood a little behind her as he always had done.
Then her mistakes grew bigger, her edge grew duller, but despite the desperate situations she found herself in, there was always someone at her back, always someone who deflected that knife, who staked that vampire, who killed that demon. She began to think she had a guardian angel, and over time, she found she knew it to be true.
But she didn't want saving. Not this time. Not ever again. She wanted rest and relief from the world. She wanted some peace in her life.
And suddenly, one night, he is there in front of her. Not a glimpse, not a feeling, but a solid person. He looks different, older, but she is certain she does as well. But the look in his eyes is still the same; concern over her well being, joy at being around her, frustration from the same thing. It is him as much as he has ever been, and before she knows what she is doing, she is running to him, her arms going tightly around him.
“Where have you been?” she asks through her tears.
It has been years since she has seen him, too many to count, and she knows the same things are going through his mind as he hugs her back. “Oh Buffy, how I have missed you.”
“I used to think I would see you, when....” Memories of pain bring fresh tears.
He rubs her back gently. “I know about Willow and Xander, and I am sorry. I also know Dawn left, as did the other Slayers. I'm sorry you were alone, but there was nothing I could do about it.”
“I don't blame you, Giles,” she tells him. “I know my mind was just playing tricks on me.”
He makes a strange noise in the back of his throat. “No, it wasn't. I was actually there.”
She pulls back from him, frowning. “I don't understand.”
“I couldn't tell you...I shouldn't have been there, but I couldn't let you be on your own.”
“My guardian angel?”
He nods. “Most of the time, at least, I would fill that role.”
“Most of the time?” She shakes her head. “I don't understand,” she repeats.
“Buffy....”
Suddenly she's angry and she tears out of his arms. “I didn't want saving, Giles! Can't you see it? My powers are going, and what kind of life do I have without you and Willow and Xander?”
He takes a step towards her. “I know. That's why...it was a difficult decision, but we....”
She remembers him looking so stressed only a few times before and she hates it as much now as she did then, so she reaches out and puts a hand on his arm. “Tell me, Giles. Explain what's going on.”
Slowly, he takes her hand and looks deep into her eyes. “Did you ever wonder why I stopped contacting you?”
“Of course.”
“And I imagine you didn't bother to try and find out why.” There is no recrimination in his voice, just a statement of fact.
She smiles a little. “Actually, I did, but my research skills are nowhere near as good as yours.”
He smiles back. “Close your eyes.”
She doesn't even hesitate, just does as he asks, and almost instantly, she can tell they are some place else. Without having to be told, she opens her eyes. Once over, she would have been full of questions, but she is older and wiser, two things she never thought would happen, and as she takes in her surroundings, she starts to piece together the puzzle.
“You died,” she says in a hushed voice.
He nods as they stand looking at an unmarked grave. “I was in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he replies somewhat ruefully. “An innocent bystander, as it were.”
“But how...?”
“It seems that when we die, we are supposed to go to a certain place, as I am sure you are aware. But I didn't. I stayed around because...because I couldn't leave you completely,” he admits. “I was always with you, but you could only see me at times you really needed me. I shouldn't have been around at all, I should have been with the others.”
“The others?” she asks, hope flaring in her. “You mean...other dead people or dead people we know?”
He laughs. “You haven't changed,” he says fondly. “And the answer is both.”
“So...?”
He nods. “Your mother, Tara...they are there.”
“Anya?” She almost asks about Spike but decides that's a really bad idea.
He brings him up anyway. “Not Anya, or Spike. Apparently ex-demons and vampires go to different places.”
“Are Willow and Xander...there?” she asks.
He nods again. “You will also be happy to know that Willow and Tara are happily reunited. In fact, they are waiting for us. They are all waiting for us.”
She sighs suddenly. She had realised from the moment she saw his grave, from the moment he started to explain things, what had happened, but it is still something of a shock. “When you said 'most of the time' does that mean the others were protecting me as well?”
“Yes. We wanted you to have a life, but after seeing your...decline, we decided to stop intervening. Your mother was particularly against our decision, but then suddenly, she seemed to realise why we were doing it and began to support us once again.”
She turns to him now and takes his hands. “I'm ready to go, Giles. Take me home. But....” She makes sure she has his full attention before continuing. “...No more goodbyes...ever. Okay? No more partings, no more leavings, no more being away from each other. I mean it. Whatever happens from now on, we do it together. The two of us. I have no life without you.”
Surprisingly, he doesn't stutter, doesn't flinch, doesn't argue. “I wouldn't have it any other way,” he replies, drawing her to him. “Let's go home.”
FIN