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When Ash slips back into the apartment, everything is dark and still and peaceful. A breath he didn’t know he was holding in comes out as his mind checks back in with his eyes to confirm that yes, everything is okay, everything is as he left it. No tragedies will befall him tonight.
Something isn’t quite right, though. It’s 3 AM and yet Eiji’s familiar figure sits on the couch, a relaxed shadow against a picturesque background of the city lights. Ash draws forward, unable to tell if Eiji is indeed awake or if he just dozed off on the sofa, but then his head moves and his eyes catch a gleam of light. He looks like a ghost. Ash flinches.
“Why are you up?” Ash asks. It comes off shorter than he intends.
“I was waiting for you,” Eiji replies. Ash sighs and joins Eiji on the sofa. He curls up next to him, exhaustion creeping up on his weary body.
Without a word, Eiji loops an arm around Ash, allowing his hand to rest on his waist. Ash never thought of himself as a touchy person--in fact, any stray contact usually makes him go noticeably tense. Even Eiji isn’t an exception to this inherent repulsion, and Ash involuntarily jolts at the touch at first, but the moment passes and he is able to allow it, to fall comfortably in with the closeness that has developed between them. It still takes a conscious effort which frustrates Ash, a fact he has vocalized to Eiji before, who has kindly avoided mentioning it again.
“And so I’ve returned,” Ash mumbles. He kicks off his shoes before putting them back up on the couch, watching them land a few feet away. “To my doting, preoccupied wife.” At that, he rests his head on Eiji’s chest, leaning into him. He can hear his heart beat, a steady
thump-thump, thump-thump,
against his ear.
“Wife…” Eiji scoffs. “I will feel very bad for whoever you trick into marrying you.”
Ash pulls away and leans back, shooting Eiji a smirk. “Trick? As if you don’t know what you’re getting into.” Eiji blushes at this, red enough to see even in the dark.
“Go ahead,” he adds. “I know you want to yell at me. Get it out of your system so we can sleep.” He reaches for Eiji’s hand, still at his waist, and pulls his arm up around his shoulders, fingers idly playing with Eiji’s.
“I don’t want to yell at you,” Eiji says. “I just…” he shakes his head. “Look, Ash. I won’t ask where you were and I won’t ask what you were doing.” He pauses, as if vaguely hopeful that this might trigger some sort of explanation from the blond, but evidently Ash keeps his lips pressed together, green eyes still watching Eiji curiously. What Ash mistakes for annoyance flashes across his expression as he continues. “Sometimes when you leave you don’t come back.”
“That’s not true. I always come back.”
“Yeah, eventually, ” Eiji mumbles. “I just feel so stupid waiting around here. One day you’re going to get killed, Ash. I feel like you’re going to get run over by a car like some stray and I’ll be the one stuck peeling your body off the asphalt.”
“Like a car would be the thing to kill me.”
“It was a metaphor.”
“Not a very good one.” Ash’s voice is light, but he can’t deny that Eiji has a point. He’s always known he’ll die one day, probably sooner and more gruesome than most others, but that was something he made peace with long ago. Having another person in the equation, though… Having Eiji specifically in the equation, that makes things more complicated. Even though he leads one of New York’s largest gangs, Ash has always felt alone. As sad as it sounds, it’s actually relieving, in a way, for Ash to live for himself. But that’s all over, and Ash has grown to realize that more and more. Eiji… He’s found his way into Ash’s life, sticking to him like cholla in the desert.
“You know what I mean.” Of course he does, but Eiji’s peace of mind is not something Ash can so readily mend. They’ve had this conversation a hundred times over. The more you know, the more danger I put you in, the more danger I put you in, the more reckless I get, the more reckless I get, the more fucked we all are… Giving a satisfactory resolution to neither party.
In any case, the sense of deja vu in the air has Eiji backing off. “I always come back safe,” Ash says.
“And thank God for that,” Eiji agrees. Ash lets go of Eiji’s hand and straightens up, peering at the other’s face. Darkness obscures much of the finer points, but those Ash has all mapped out mentally anyways. The contrasting shadows on his face make Ash think idly that if he had the skill, the angle and lighting would make a nice photo. Objectively, Eiji is attractive, but what really makes Ash swoon is all in the details. The way only one dimple appears when he smiles. How a light splatter of freckles can be seen on his skin when he’s closer. The manner in which his dark brown eyes catch the sun and suddenly they are all pools of gold. Vibrant. Entrancing.
“Something on my face?” he asks. Ash shakes his head, looking unabashed.
“You look pretty right now.”
“You can barely see me.”
“Precisely.” Ash grins as he watches Eiji feign hurt, recoiling away from him like a wounded animal.
“You’re so mean.”
“I take after you.” Ash grabs the sides of Eiji’s face with his hands and holds him still as he stares at him directly, drawing close enough that the tips of their noses touch. Eiji’s skin is warm under his skin and he can tell he’s actually holding his breath as he looks him over so close and so blatantly. “Gorgeous,” Ash coos gently, a sly smile playing on his lips as he allows his eyes to meet Eiji’s once again.
“You’re trying to make me flustered. You’re trying to distract me.”
“It’s working, isn’t it?” A pause, then Eiji nods. “Promise, I’m right here. Ash Lynx, in the flesh. Nothing to worry about.” Ash has a feeling Eiji will always worry, at least to some degree, but that in itself is comforting, knowing a person exists out in the world caring as much as he does about the fate of one of the millions of unlucky people in the world.
“You’re fucking aggravating,” Eiji says affectionately.
“That’d be you.” Eiji’s eyes glance down at Ash’s lips for less than a second yet the blond smiles widely as he takes notice. “You want to kiss me,” he taunts.
“I mean…” Eiji’s voice trails off. As if just now realizing what Ash has said, his eyes widen and Ash can see each thought that goes through his head play out perfectly on his face, an internal debate of what the right course of action is, because Eiji is kind and considerate and that all feels very annoying in the moment.
“You can kiss me,” Ash says, his voice seeming to ground Eiji back in the present. “You’re so cute, you know, all afraid like a little--”
Having had enough of his blabbering, Eiji shuts him up with a kiss. It’s awkward and a little rushed--that’s to be expected, Ash figures, he did push him into doing it and besides Eiji doesn’t have a ton of experience in the realm of kissing. But it’s like screwing the cap off of a soda that’s been shaken up, the loud hiss audible as all the gas escapes and the bubbles coming rushing out.
Ash let’s go of Eiji’s face as they both pull away and immediately he laughs. Eiji blushes, a defensive look immediately coming over him, as he watches Ash snicker. “Were you trying to hurt me? What was that?”
“You’re a baby!” Eiji snaps. “I didn’t kiss you that hard. Seriously, stop laughing! I won’t do it again.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Ash finally manages. “We can work on it. I didn’t think you’d have the balls to actually do it, though.”
“You asked me.”
“Right. I have you wrapped around my finger,” he teases gently. “You’ll do anything I say.”
“This feels dangerous,” Eiji mumbles.
“I say you make me breakfast in the morning,” Ash declares.
“I make breakfast every morning,” he points out, rolling his eyes. “How did you even keep yourself alive before me? It gives me anxiety seeing what you put in the fridge.”
“It’s a real mystery, isn’t it?” Ash hums. “Carry me to bed and I’ll let you sleep in. But the breakfast is non-negotiable.”
“Okay, okay,” Eiji agrees in a huff. He gets up and scoops Ash up bridal style, making him yelp in surprise. The foreign sound of Ash being genuinely caught off guard makes him smile. “Don’t forget about what you said. About working on my abysmal kissing.”
“I did not use the word abysmal, first of all. Second of all, just say you like kissing me and be done with it.” Eiji throws Ash onto his bed in retaliation.
“Fine. I want to kiss you. Over and over, until I get it right. Even if I never get it right.”
Ash smiles up at Eiji. “Deal,” he says. With this, Eiji turns away, but Ash calls out once more. “Hold on. I’m not comfortable. Won’t you get me out of these clothes, darling?” His voice is thick and sweet like molasses.
“You’re going to be the death of me,” Eiji grumbles.
“What a wonderful way to go.”