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A loud buzzing cuts through their dream with all the subtlety of a jackhammer and Hange snorts awake. They unstick themselves from the car window they had been snoring on, and wipe away some drool as they scramble to answer their phone.
"Mob?"
"Uhh, it's 6 am."
"What?"
Hange sits up, glances at their phone to see that it is indeed six in the morning, almost time for sunrise.
"...is everything okay?" Moblit sounds worried and goddammit, they did want him beautifully nervous and sweaty but not like this.
"Did nothing happen?"
"... No? What did you do Hange?"
Hange sighs, mutters curses. "I'm coming inside."
They follow Moblit into his house. He looks just as exhausted as them, and starts to brew coffee for both of them without being asked while Hange fumes silently at the kitchen counter. As they watch him, they wonder if Moblit's imported espresso machine is what really drew them to him, but then, as he bends over to retrieve cups, they decide that his amazing ass had to be the reason.
They launch into explanation as soon as the coffee is placed before them.
Moblit stares at them, aghast. "Brooms?" He manages.
"Just one broom, Mob," Hange clarifies, taking a sip of the heavenly liquid. Maybe the espresso machine did factor for, like, 5% of their interest.
"And… Levi?"
Hange's brow darkens. "That little shit. We had a deal!"
"Maybe you should call him? Check if he's okay?"
Hange smiles fondly at Mob, only he would be considerate enough to give an asshole like Levi the benefit of the doubt. But Hange knows Levi. Not even an apocalypse would shake the man from his habits.
They call him, nonetheless, and are unsurprised when it goes unanswered. They keep trying to call him during the day unsuccessfully.
"At least I only paid half up front," they grumble as they cuddle closer to Moblit on his couch.
"Are you sure he's fine? Should we be checking at hospitals or something?"
"I'm his emergency contact, of course he's fine," they snap.
Moblit makes an unconvinced noise, but says nothing more. They watch the documentary in silence for a few more minutes before he asks, "How much did you pay him anyway?"
Hange sighs. "2500."
"2500?" Moblit almost shrieks. Hange huffs, rolls their eyes. "I know."
Moblit mouths soundlessly for a solid five seconds before saying wondrously, "My god. You're both assholes."
And that gets a laugh out of them.
They finally get Levi's call back at the end of the day while clearing up dinner.
Hange answers with a "What the fuck man?"
Levi's voice is clipped, as always. "Sorry. Got the wrong house."
"You—" Hange sets aside the empty dish. " Got the wrong— why didn't you tell me?!"
"I'll pay you back the money."
"You better. And what took you so long to call me anyway?"
A pause. "I'm still there."
"You're… still at the wrong house?"
"Yeah."
"Why—" They halt, then lean against the counter for support. "Levi. Did you fucking pull because of my fetish?"
"I thought it was Moblit's fetish."
"You incredible slut." Hange whispers.
"Takes one to know one," Levi says, unflappable as always. "Wish Moblit a happy birthday from me."
Click.
Hange stares at their phone for a long moment. Moblit looks at them, concerned, from the sink. "Is everything okay?"
Hange snaps their jaw shut. They would not have Levi fucking Ackerman score booty on their brilliant boyfriend's birthday. They grab Moblit's sudsy hand and drag him, sputtering, into the bedroom.
(It becomes a yearly tradition after that for Hange to gift a special broom to the Ackerman-Smith household on Christmas.)