Work Text:
“The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.”
– G.K. Chesterton
The wooden floor creaked as the blonde-haired man slowly approached the door of an abandoned home placed away from the city. From afar, the one-story house still looked intact as the tiled roof still fully covered with no signs of crack that could endanger the inhabitants with the danger of harsh weather. Seems like a good place to take shelter.
But from a closer view, there were deep nail scratches decorated the ligneous door, moss and vines filled every crack of the wall, protecting the inhabitants of the residence from harsh weathers. The scratches that littered all over the walls and doors were in different kinds of streaks yet they were in the same pattern; desperate and violent. Most likely animalistic. Even without seeing colours, he was sure that the scratches were not made by a human.
The glass panes were long gone, except all the windows panes were covered with thick planks, securely attached to the seams from the inside. Having the same streak patterns on the door. Yet, there were still no signs of infiltration. Jimin wondered if the owner of the house was still alive inside.
He looked around, but no creature in sight. Only the sight of tall trees and bushes that shades the place from the sun greeted his sight. Knee-length grass surrounds the frail building, appearing untouched for a period of time. The silence of the forest broke by the sound of the crickets accompanied by the beautiful chirping of the birds. It was peaceful. In normal circumstances, he would enjoy listening to the sound of nature every crack of dawn. It was his daily routine going out to his apartment's balcony to smell the fresh morning air. But having his current situation where he raced against time, fighting to survive in the apocalypse, this was not enough to calm his thoughts from thinking of the worst case scenario. He was in a situation where life and death was at stake. One reckless move and everything will be over.
Jimin had his palm sweat against the metallic surface, slightly shaking. Leaving him with no choice but to hold the weapon with both of his hands. Sweat streaming down his temple as he cautiously stepped closer to the door. Quietness filled the air, except for a small growl coming from inside, audible enough to let Jimin know there was something inside. Either an infected or an animal may be inside. He silently prayed that whoever or whatever inside won’t jump out on him once the door swung open. Holding his breath, he fixed his finger on the trigger as he kicked the door open.
A relieved sigh escaped the blonde's lips.
No one was inside.
Though, he couldn't let his guard down. An infected may pop up from any corner of the house.
The blonde slowly made his way into the building, gripping tighter to the weapon in his hands, wary of his surroundings. Though he can only see shades of grey, there were dark spots on the wooden floor. Only one conclusion came to mind -- blood.
Jimin could feel his knees trembling a little, hands shook as he stepped closer to the door. The growl became clearer when the door was opened, making him gulp, nervous of the possibility that he might have to pull the trigger again. No matter how many times he had pulled the trigger towards the undead, he could never get used to it. These undead walkers used to be human. They used to have feelings. They used to be the ones that might create memories together with him. Having these feelings towards the undead made it even harder for him to put them to rest -- or to be exact, even harder for him to survive. He didn't even know why and how he could still be alive right now.
Just when he reached the opening, standing beside the ajar door with both feet within the abandoned ground, a clear, desperate growl greeted his eardrums. Jimin stunned in his place as the reek smell of rotten flesh entered his nostrils.
Once he tilted his head towards the source of the sound, his brown orbs met with the eyes of death; clouded and empty. A hollow vessel without a soul.
Yet, something was different that took him by surprise.
The blonde had his eyes wide, mouth agape in awe. He could finally see the green-coloured veins popping up under the pale skin, the dark red colour of blood dripping from the sides of the infected mouth and the disheveled raven locks that covered light pink colored bruises on its forehead. He looked down, discerning the colours of the clothes he was wearing. A light blue jeans with a pair of light brown Timberland shoes. That sight made his heart jump a little, excited.
Jimin had been living in a monochrome world for as long as he could remember. Seeing colours was like an unreachable dream for him; never would he have imagined for it to happen in a thousand years-- or even eternity. He had gone through it for so long, he already accepted his fate and moved on.
But just like a blind person who was finally given a chance to witness the world, it was a miracle. His wish was heard. As if the heavens rewarded him for all the times he was ridiculed for not being able to see the colour of the rainbow after the rain. Since then, he never wanted to see it again.
But a question surfaced on the back of his mind; how? Why?
He returned his focus to the infected that was bound to the wall; the only answer that triggered his eyes to finally see the beauty of colours. The creature had both of its hands restrained with thick ropes tied around the window bars, depriving it of movement. Crippled hands frantically reached out to Jimin, trying to wriggle free from the restraints but in vain. Groaning in desperation. Jimin eyed the creature carefully in front of him from head to toe. The way none of his legs moved, laid limp on the floor to the point he could not even move his torso, the blonde suspected an injury on his leg.
There was a familiar tug in his heart as he peered to the creature, studying each and every single features presented before him. Despite his heart telling him that he used to know this person, his mind tells otherwise. It made him even more confused. He couldn't think of any single answer to the questions in his head.
He looked around, hoping there was a clue to the mystery. The walls were clean, furniture remained untouched as dusts congregated on every surface that it could reach. Only the corner of the house where the walker was bound soiled with blood, spilled alcohol and teared clothes. There were two rooms, doors wide open but nobody was there. One with a queen-sized bed and another with tools and weaponries being kept inside. Seems like the owner of the house used to live alone. He closed the door behind him, locking it before any other walkers rushing in.
There were rectangular picture frames lined up on the table beside the door and a picture of a man in his mid-twenties caught his eye.
The man was sitting on a stool, his attention away from the camera as he had his legs crossed, lips curving a wide smile. His brown locks glowed beautifully under the sun, giving everyone who saw him a hint on how soft his hair was without even a need to touch it. Despite the long, thick eyelashes that could hide anything beneath it, his brown orbs still dazzled, unperturbed by the presence. Like stars shining bright amidst the dark sky that attracts every being who sees it, despite the brighter presence of the moon.
Just by seeing the picture alone, the blonde could never imagine how ethereal the man would be if he ever saw him in real life. Without a doubt, he would fall in love with this man. Jimin looked at the picture again, before a thought popped up, halting his hands from putting the frame back to its original place.
The human moved the picture in his hands towards the walker, comparing the features between the two. Long eyelashes, big round eyes, brown hair…
As if his hands lost its strength, it fell to his sides, hanging weakly; he couldn't believe his eyes.
Both of them were the same person.
This beautiful person in the picture had now become a hideous creature that consumes the flesh of living beings. It broke his heart.
He didn't survive.
Later, something grabbed his attention. A thin notebook with splatters of blood on the cover stranded a few inches away from the zombie's knees. He glanced towards the store room if there was anything that could let him take the notebook without the need to get closer. There was a broom leaned against the wall.
"That's enough, I guess," the blonde murmured to himself.
Placing the weapon back into its holster, he picked up the broomstick as he pulled the notebook towards him. The book was thinner than what he had expected, cold to touch, fragile due to age. At a closer look, amidst the smearing of blood painted all over the cover, a white-ink calligraphy stood out on the surface of the dark-brown paper.
Kim Taehyung.
His eyebrows furrowed. Why did he feel somewhat familiar yet so unfamiliar? Why was there an unexplainable heaviness in his heart once he saw that name? Jimin tilted his head back towards the owner of the journal. The heaviness in his heart intensifies.
Who are you, Kim Taehyung?
Why am I seeing colours when I see you?
Keeping his distance, the blonde sat on the floor, crossing his legs as he faced the walker before him. He turned the pages one by one, reading the contents. The writings were rushed-- more like scribbles filled the empty lines in the book. It was messy and some words were jumbled up, but it could still be read thanks to him that used to deal with even messier writings of the psychiatrists he referred to during his work.
Reading from the first page, it seems Taehyung just wrote the journal on the first day he got bitten.
30th December 20XX
Today’s my birthday.
And today’s the day I got bitten by a walker. What a great gift to celebrate my birthday this year.
My left leg got bitten when I was running away from a hoard of them at the farm, but thankfully this house is already well-prepared for them so none of them could go through here once I closed the door.
I tried cutting the wound but it doesn't seem to work because my head’s starting to feel heavy. I’m not good with blood but I have to thank my color-blindness that I didn’t feel sick seeing it so much today coming out from my own leg. I can still move, but it’s kinda hard because the pain kept on striking once I lay it flat on the ground. So I was hopping around the house like a child all day haha.
They say one of the symptoms that you’ll turn is that you’ll get a fever the day after. Let’s see tomorrow if I’m getting any fever. Maybe I’ll just need some rest and it'll be gone.
Hoping for better days to come.
Jimin stopped his fingers for a moment from turning the page.
Taehyung couldn't see colour as well?
He continued reading, searching for more clues.
31st December 20XX
Bad news.
I have fever. And it’s not getting any better.
I can't even leave the bed without spacing out for a few minutes because my head feels so heavy. Even the floor looks like it's blending with the ceiling.
Drank some medicine but nothing helps. Worse, I can't move my left leg anymore and I have to cling to the furniture and the walls to keep me steady.
I looked outside and the number of walkers are decreasing. That's a relief. At the very least.
Shit. I really am not prepared for this. I'm not prepared to die.
Not before I meet him.
Him?
Who is him?
Jimin continued reading, turning to another page.
1st January 20XX
Happy New Year!
Though it seems like I won't survive until the end of the year.
Today's update: My fever doesn't get any better and this time I'm starting to cough out blood. Have no appetite so I've been sleeping all day.
I need to go out so I can search for him but my body wouldn't let me.
Guess I'm turning soon.
2nd January 20XX
My breaths are getting shallower as day passes. I'm coughing more blood and my body is getting weaker.
I'm starting to lose my mind. I can't think.
I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to meet him.
3rd January 20XX
I made up my mind.
I’ll tie myself to the window bars in case (which is most likely) I’ll turn. I can’t lift myself off the floor now.
My head hurts. My chest hurts. My throat’s dry.
I can’t even feel my legs now.
I don’t know if I can keep writing after this but I will if I’m still sane tomorrow.
Even though my legs failed to carry me, I’ll keep on waiting for him, and writing for him, until my last breath.
The blonde turned to the next page, but it was blank. Showing the end of the journal entry. The end of the story. Tears started to pool in his eyes, gritting his teeth as he read the last scribbles of the journal. Throughout his life, he never longed for someone as much as Taehyung longed for this person. It was excruciatingly painful. Jimin could feel how hard it must be to go through all the pain alone. Dying alone. Until his last breath, he still waited for the person to come.
But he didn't make it.
He returned his attention back to the owner of the book that had now become nothing but a walking corpse. His once beautiful, glowy skin radiating with life had now become as pale as the mound of snow, eyes no longer held the warmness of life and love, no longer dazzled like it used to. Soulless human, sanity be damned.
"Who did you wait for, Taehyung? Who?" asked Jimin, even though he knew he would never get an answer. Taehyung's growl remained the same, unbothered by the question from the blonde.
He continued turning the pages, unsatisfied with the journal and the picture as his only lead to his own question. When he was just about to turn to the last page of the journal, a folded paper fell on his knees.
Jimin placed the book to his side, before slowly unfolded the paper in his hands. The writings were neater than the ones in the journal, the words were perfectly placed on each line; showing that the one who had written it must have been putting a lot of care onto his writing. It must have been written prior to the apocalypse.
Then, a familiar name popped up. His eyes went wide, shocked by the discovery before him.
Wait, how-
21st April 20XX
To the person who completes my other half; Park Jimin.
I wonder how this letter will reach you someday. Am I by your side? Am I still alive?
But the most important thing-- can you see colours now?
I remembered I saw you at the field. You were watching the rainbow with your friends.
I didn’t intend to see you that day. I swear. I didn’t even know you in person. I didn’t even know your name. I was actually lost when I was in the middle of going to school, before all of a sudden, the colourless world I live in suddenly vanished when I saw your eyes. We met eye to eye, but it was just a glance. I recognized you instantly. I felt a pull so strongly towards you that I almost couldn’t stop it. I stopped in my tracks, not because of the rainbow behind you, but on how beautiful you looked. How your light pink hair swayed by the breeze, how your fair skin glowed as you pulled your arms away from your face.
For the first time in my life, I saw such an ethereal being that I thought heaven sent down an angel for me. Trust me, the sight before me was the greatest gift I had my whole life. Such a beautiful being that brought colours into my life. You gleamed exquisitely even the colourful rainbow couldn’t match you, but you didn’t realize that. The only thing that you see was your own deficiency, but believe me, you are so much more.
You were wearing your sunglasses, you said you had eye infection, but actually, you want to hide the fact that you couldn’t see colours, right? I knew because I used to do that too.
You might have seen the colour of the rainbow if you pull your sunglasses off that moment. You might also even know that you've... found your soulmate.
I didn’t approach you that day not because I didn’t want to, I couldn’t. You fainted right before I could approach you, and in the middle of the panic, I lost you.
I never saw you again after that day. And my world returned dull.
Even when I’m writing this down, I still haven’t found you. But I will keep on searching for you until my last breath.
I want to see you again. I want to see the rainbow together with you.
On this day when the spring starts, I pray that we'll meet each other again.
Until then, please stay safe.
Your soulmate,
Kim Taehyung.
Jimin could feel his breath stopped as he finished reading, the latter couldn't believe what he just read. The paper in his hand was long gone, landed on the floor like a fallen leaf during autumn.
His soulmate was Taehyung?
All of a sudden everything made sense. How he could see colours when he saw Taehyung, how he felt so near yet so far when he saw his picture.
But it was all too late.
The results of his own incompetence cruelly laid bare before him. Only his soulmate that was no longer human was left behind for him to see, rotten and forgotten. By his own other half.
"Forgive me, Taehyung," he muttered as he stared back at his soulmate. His words choked by his own sobs as guilt overwhelmed his very being. "Please forgive me for finding you so late."
But no matter how much he apologized, it will always fall to deaf ears. Taehyung was no longer there to hear his plea. Only him and him alone. As if the apologies were to ease his own guilt when it did nothing but made it even worse.
Jimin took his time to study every single feature of his soulmate despite humanity being deprived from him. The once kissable lips, plump and pink had now been replaced with chapped lips.The decaying body with bones peeking up under the skin due to lack of nutrients was once filled with flesh, full with warmness and strength. As if it was specifically made for him to come back to. A home for him to feel all safe and loved.
It made his mind wander to thousands of possibilities if he met him sooner; they may fall in love, have a date at the park, cuddle each other during movies, fall asleep in each other's arms, watch the rainbow when the rain stopped. Too many possibilities, too many sweet memories they may have created together.
Yet, these imaginations that roam in his head as he stared at the now white, cloudy eyes would always remain as a wish. A wish that would never come true.
Even if god gives him a second chance, all he wanted was him to turn back time and meet his soulmate sooner. Nothing more, nothing less. That was all he needed.
To meet his soulmate when he was alive.
To say thank you for waiting for him and believing in him until the very end.
To apologize that he should have met him sooner.
The blonde hugged his knees as he gave Taehyung a blank stare. A dilemma engulfed him as he contemplated on what to do next. Guilt, sorrow, anger all mixed up in his mind that it went blank. All of a sudden, he realized how suffocating the air was in the closed space.
It drove him crazy, to the point that he wept uncontrollably in front of Taehyung. No embrace was offered, no lending ear was given. Just growls that came from his throat were the only reply he received.
This time Jimin just let his tears fall, lips mouthing apologies as much as he wanted. Clutching to his own knees as if he was clinging to his own life. The agony in his heart was unbearable that he wished he could pull out his heart and leave it by Taehyung’s side. It was a hard decision to make.
Though, no matter how ruthless reality was to him, he knew it very well that life must go on.
But just for this moment, let him do whatever he wanted, to let the burden lift up a little before he goes. He needed to let it all go in order to move on.
"Taehyung," the blonde murmured his name as he pulled the weapon from its holster, cheeks already wet with tears, finally making up his mind, "it must have been hard for you to wait for me up until now."
His forefinger had now placed on the trigger, shivering, reluctant to pull the cause of his other half to wither away.
"You've endured long enough, Taehyung. Now rest-" said Jimin as he pulled the trigger before he fell onto his knees, weeping as his world returned to its original state,
"- you don't need to wait for me anymore."