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‘Little sister’ Catra gasped for air, as if someone punched her right in the gut. She swung her arms, scratching at the ghost in front of her. Her claws found resistance and she immediately jumped away, pulling on the bedsheet wrapped around her. She heard a scream, Adora’s voice filled the bedroom. She gasped and tried to focus on where she was. Pastel pink walls and flowy window curtains. A soft bed with too many pillows underneath her. Her eyes scanned her surroundings, while her heart kept thumping in her chest. She was in Brightmoon.
“Catra?” Adora was sitting on the edge of the bed with her back turned to her. A small trail of blood flowing down a cut on her side. Her hand prodding the scratch gently. Catra’s eyes snapped from the new wound to the scars between Adora’s shoulder blades. She hissed and scrambled towards the blonde. She needed to apologise. Apologise for hurting Adora over and over. To make sure that she made up for all this hurt. Her thoughts were barely following what was happening.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t…” before Catra could finish the sentence she noticed blood on her claws. Everything hit her at once. The smell of Adora’s blood, the vision of seeing red covering her palms, Adora’s expression of hurt. She was never enough, why would that change. She kept hurting the one person she loved. She pushed herself backwards. It wasn’t her anymore, she didn’t want to hurt Adora, she didn’t mean to. The regret was overwhelming, blood was covering her hands, she needed to get rid of it. She jumped to the floor, quickly running towards that pointless, ornamental waterfall. The cold water made her spine shiver, but she kept her hands underneath it.
“Catra?” Adora’s voice was filled with worry, but Catra could barely hear it. Everything around her was buzzing and the red wasn’t disappearing. She started scrubbing hard at the nonyielding stains on her hands. Her throat was stuck, and a sob escaped her lips. Tears forming in her eyes made her vision blurry. If she could just wash it all off.
-
Adora had to admit that waking up with a sharp pain in her side, wasn’t her idea of a good time. She also had to admit that whatever pain the scratch on her side was causing, was nothing in comparison to the feeling she got seeing Catra’s expression. She didn’t meet Adora’s eyes, and her gaze was focused on her shoulder blades. Ears flopped down as if in submission. Catra looked as if she was ready to throw herself as an offering to save Adora from a non-existent threat. Ready to take a punch for her. That made Adora’s gut clench in an uncomfortable knot. All that she wanted at that moment was to pull Catra in her arms and hold her. Hide her away from all the pain that she went and still was going through. To make her realise that now she was safe, that Adora was safe thanks to her. That Etheria was safe, because of all the sacrifices she made. Most of all, that Adora wasn’t going to let her sacrifice herself ever again. Adora just wanted to be a safe place for Catra. Reality might not have been as she wished, and Adora knew that those were just selfish wishes anyway. Catra needed to feel safe not just because of her, but to be able to deal with her demons and they could work on that. She would be there for Catra. Her partner, her best friend, her love, her home. She would stay by her side. That, however, was the future. This was now. Catra jumped off the bed quickly, almost tripping on her own legs. She scrambled towards the waterfall and pushed her hands underneath the water. Adora noticed the fur on her back stand up and a heavy sob that made Catra tremble. Something was wrong.
“Catra?” she asked, getting up from the bed. Another sob escaped her. Adora came closer to her, slowly. She knew that she was skittish, and she definitely didn’t want to scare her even more. “Hey, what’s wrong?” her voice was gentle and quiet. Tears covered Catra’s cheeks. She sat down next to her, looking at how hard she was rubbing at her hands. That’s when she realised what she was doing. She was washing her hands, after scratching Adora. Air stilled in her lungs and now Adora felt tears pricking at her eyes. Catra looked as if she was about to scratch off her own skin, to get rid of something that wasn’t there anymore. Another sob shook Catra’s body. Adora needed to be calm, but she could feel in her throat that she was about to start crying herself. She put her hands underneath the water, realising how ironic it was that her palm was bloody from when she just prodded at her side.
“I got you,” she said, hoping the tremble in her voice won’t make it sound unconvincing. She gently cupped Catra’s hands in her own, rubbing softly at her palms. That made Catra look at her for the first time.
“Adora…” her name on her lips was more of a whine than anything. “I am so, so sorry. I know that it doesn’t fix anything, but I’ll try make it up to you. I am just so sorry…”
Adora couldn’t stop herself any longer. She pulled Catra into her arms, as if wanting to wrap herself around her. Her chin resting against the side of Catra’s forehead, while her hand found its way into her hair. She rested her legs on Catra’s sides and pulled her into her chest, maybe a bit selfishly, to just know that she won’t run away. Catra didn’t resist. She just let Adora hold her like that. No matter how much regret she felt, she thought, she would let Adora hold her.
“It’s okay, everything is okay now,” Adora said into her hair. She didn’t know who she was saying it to. They just sat there, both just quietly crying. Adora sometimes repeating ‘I got you, everything is okay’, even if to herself.
How long they stayed like that, they didn’t know. They just stayed. It wasn’t a beautiful moment, and later Adora would need a fresh shirt from how Catra wiped her nose in it. Catra’s ear, on the other hand, was damp from Adora’s tears, and she couldn’t say it was a comfortable feeling. Yet they stayed, because all that didn’t matter at that moment. After Catra’s hands found her way around Adora’s back, they calmed down a bit. She still had enough regret about Adora’s scars, and she would make sure to make up for them. But she knew she wasn’t going to hurt the girl in front of her. The one she loved with all of herself, the one that saved her. Adora’s hold loosened, the muscles in her arms letting go.
“Adora, I…”
“Hey, dummy. Are you okay?” Adora said, before Catra could apologise again.
“I’m fine, I’m just…” she tried again.
“Enjoying sitting on the floor with me?” Adora grinned, while a stray tear went down her face.
“Sorry. I’m just sorry. Why are you not letting me apologise?” Catra pushed her chin with her head, sniffling frustrated.
“Because you don’t have to apologise.” Adora said, pulling away to look her directly in her eyes. She cupped Catra’s chin so she would look at her. “You saved me, you saved Etheria, you saved Glimmer and you sacrificed so much. I know that it’s not something that I can fix for you, and I have enough to say sorry for to you as well, and I am. But I forgave you a long time ago Catra, and I will be here to stay and remind you every day of how amazing you are, until you can get that and after. Until you get that you should let you forgive you,” with that she left a kiss to Catra’s forehead.
“You are the dummy,” Catra sniffled and felt tears pick up in her eyes again.
“Hey, I am your dummy,” Adora kissed a runaway tear on her cheek.
“I love you,” Catra said, letting the tears flow.
“I love you too,” Adora smiled that goofy grin, pushing her forehead against Catra’s. And they stayed like that, until Catra’s tears stop coming, and a bit after. Because now they had the time. Now they could talk about everything that happened, and everything that they needed and wanted to talk about. Maybe when more time passed, they would laugh back at it with fondness and humour. About how Adora later wanted to throw out the shirt, but Catra ended up stealing it from her for herself, even if it was torn up. About how Adora never saw Catra be so gentle when she cleaned up her wound. To a point where she stuck her tongue out, while focusing, and it was the most adorable thing ever, as Bow would say. But that was later and now. Now they were together and ‘I love you’ sounded a lot like ‘I’m staying.’