Chapter Text
It started quickly, one day he was fine then the next food tasted of nothing, felt horrible and made him feel like he would vomit, maybe he had the flu?
He started feeling unbearable cold, like someone replaced his most of the time warm heart with something cold and jagged. He felt tired like something was clawing behind his eyes, begging them to close but he wasn't actually tired, or was he? He couldn't remember, he thought he was but he'd lay down and his eyes wouldn't keep closed, his brain was silent, sickly so. He felt desperate needs to cry and sob but he just couldn't?
He couldn't really feel, he could touch the floor, it was smooth, he could touch the walls, cold metal, he could touch his skin, so soft...
Just because his emotions couldn't feel didn't mean he had to suffer, he could- no would feel!
No one seemed to notice the small missing knife, or at least if they did no one said anything.
He'd felt this way before but never as badly, he'd only ever hurt himself a few times, he always felt better after. He swallowed harshly as he lead the sharp point to his left arm, fast and hard were the first few, slicing like soft butter.
He shook, he wanted to feel the pain. He held down the knife, deep into his arm, he slid it down painfully slow, wincing with each small movement. It went so far down, "fuck..." how was he gonna hide this from everyone!
He pulled at his hair "Fuck! I'm so stupid, why would I do that!" he yelled at himself, blood dripping into his hair. He tost the small knife into his draw, before slamming it shut.
He wrapped it in a bandage, not bothering in to even clean it, if he go an infection he deserved it.
" All paladins to the meeting room!" the speakers were way too loud... Lance stood, he got a good look at himself, he wipped the blood from his face, he knew his hair was a lost cause. He sighed, putton on a hat and running to the meeting room.
"Lance, is wearing hats inside rude?" Shiro raised a brow at him.
Lance shrugged "I tried to cut my hair but I didn't get to finish it," why did he say that! Now he had to actually cut his hair!!
Pidge rolled her eyes, "A haircut won't impress Allura you know?" she looks so smug.
"No one said that's what I was trying to do. Maybe I just think my hair was getting too long!" why was hw getting so upset? Maybe because people think he only cares about girls? 'maybe you shouldn't firt so much then!' his head screamed at him
"Touche,"
Lance didn't mean to not pay attention, he just was so tired, his eyes threatened to close and not open again. He knew two languages but what was being told to him truly was gibberish! Everyone was saying their piece but him, he couldn't say anything, he'd sound like an idiot! 'You always sound like an idiot!' owch...
The cold feeling build, he felt frozen, slowed by the cold taking over his body, he watched everyone's lips keep moving.
".... Nce!"
".... Ance!"
Lance had a hand waved in his face. "Lance!" Allura yelled in his face.
"yes?" he replied, sheepishly.
Allura looked furious, "Did you listen to a word I've said!"
He looked down, sighing, "I'm sorry."
"Lance why weren't you listening? This is important!" Shiro sounded like he was going to give a lecture... Great!
Lance shrugged, "I was trying to listening, I guess I'm just tired?" it sounded like a question, definitely a question. 'Are you sure about anything you do!?'
Pidge smirked, "He was probably just distracted by Allura, he was just staring at her!"
Lance bit his tongue 'don't make a fool of yourself!'
Both Allura and Shiro shock their heads, "Lance pay more attention." the meeting contuined.
He cute the blood out of his hair, it didn't look good, 'You never look good, what does it matter!' harsh.
He sat on his floor, in the dark, he just sat with no thoughts only silence, he'd really made himself look like a twat in the meeting. He held his knees to his chest, he felt so sad. Sad was better than nothing.
Tears dripped down before he could even feel them, he did nothing to stop them, soon his body sobbed. The dinner alarm rung, that doesn't mean he went, he stayed, letting his body retk up and down with each brutal sobs.
He felt like he had no engery, his eyes finally closed, letting him sleep. He felt blue, she screamed at him to go look after himself, food could wait.
Keith knocked on lances door by got no reply, he opened the door, lance was on the floor, against the wall asleep. He looked behind him to make sure no one was around, hafter seeing no one he picked lance up, putting him in his bed and putting the covers over him, "Night buddy..." it was so soft.
He left the room only to return minutes later with a bowl of food and a cup of water, he left it on the desk.
Lance woke, he looked at the clock, '03:25' he huffed "Early." he whined, he felt the bed underhim "How'd I?" he looked at his desk, he spotted the food, "Someone seems to care, wonder who..." he mumbled to himself.
He felt numb, he wanted some music to drown out the silence 'or you could just drown yourself!' his brain yelled, he felt so shit, even after his cry.