Work Text:
"The world may disapprove
But my world is only you
And if we're sinners, then it feels like heaven to me."
He was a harbinger of death, a deep shadow that brought nothing but absolute despair.
When he passed through homes and villages, nothing but tragedy was sure to follow. People dreaded his arrival and when he was inevitably spotted by an all-too curious villager who spread the news of his presence like wildfire, he was avoided like the plague.
His deep, obsidian-coloured cloak that resembled the shadows he emerged from was immediately recognizable to all, along with his dark blue eyes known for being cold and unfeeling. He knew of the criticism he drew from the humans, many of which despised how unkind and stoic the deity that took their lives seemed to be as he went through with his gruesome task— not that anyone ever dared to speak such thoughts in his presence, lest they invoke his wrath and become the next ones to die.
A single touch from his unclothed hand brought death, delivered a person’s final breaths before their souls left their bodies for another realm. His presence signified nothing but the inevitable end.
Shortly after sunset as the sky prepared itself for the oncoming night, his horse stopped at the entrance to the small village, knowing this was the ultimate destination without being told.
Giyuu slipped off the horse, his ink-black cloak trailing behind him as he slowly made his way inside, his hood up in order to cover his face and dark hair. Through the oncoming darkness of the night hour, his eyes shone like deep blue beacons— fiery flames in the midst of his shadowy appearance.
The village was undergoing an outbreak of a great illness that severely attacked children and the elderly. As a result, the villagers had spent weeks praying to the gods for some sort of miracle to save their loved ones, yet the only god they were able to summon was one of death.
A villager stumbled out of the nearby pub and quickly spotted Giyuu at the edge of the town, immediately becoming alarmed as he took in the infamous appearance of the death deity. He began scrambling away, falling onto the ground as he made a hasty getaway. Even in the dim light, Giyuu could see the fear that had seized the man’s eyes.
Giyuu said nothing, just as he always did. He never spoke, never felt the need to even when lives slipped away at his fingertips.
“Demon!” the man shouted, seemingly unafraid to lash out unlike most. “Leave this place! You are not welcome here! Leave us!”
Giyuu stared at him only for a moment longer before turning away to find the first house. He faintly heard the sound of the man’s sobs behind him and the pleas to leave his family alone.
As if he was the one who decided these things.
As he approached the first home, he sensed the presence of those inside— there was a family, a mother, father and older child, who were all sitting around a bed where the youngest child lay suffering, the sickness taking over his entire body.
When Giyuu stepped over the threshold, all the light in the small, single-roomed house was snuffed out, the steadily burning hearth and twitching candlelight going out in an instant to plunge everyone into darkness.
A woman’s gasp rang out before she burst into tears, her husband quick to her side while whispering prayers under his breath.
The sight of it was familiar to Giyuu, who bore witness to fits of despair on a daily basis with people of all ages swearing at him or silently weeping, desperately attempting to trade themselves for the lives of their loved ones.
Giyuu hated hearing the bargaining. Regardless of how much they offered him to keep their loved ones safe, regardless of how many lives they were willing to sacrifice, their pleas were useless. He couldn’t control who died or when they did or by which method, and he hated how powerless he felt in the face of their pain.
The young boy stared at him from the bed, his eyes wide with childlike wonder. His older sister asked what he saw before turning to where Giyuu stood.
Unlike the humans, who wouldn’t be able to see him as anything other than a shadow through the darkness his arrival created, he could see her perfectly. She looked at him bravely through tear-filled eyes.
“Damn you, but… guard him well. Please,” she said.
Giyuu said nothing in response but silently assured her that he would before pressing his hand over the child’s eyes. The young boy drew a final breath before his body grew still.
When Giyuu disappeared from the house, the light returned and the family began their mourning.
He went from house to house, repeating the same and all-too-familiar process. Some yelled at him, others prayed to him and one even attempted lighting a candle to see him and fight him to no avail.
When the work was done, dawn was approaching and the entire town was silent.
He found his way back to the pub near the entrance, intending to sit and think on his own before continuing onto his next task. Though to his surprise, there was a single person seated along the bar, despite the bartender having long since gone home to his family.
In a town that was now surrounded by death and grief, the last person he ever expected to see was her , immediately recognizable through her colourful, butterfly-like haori and purple hairpin.
Shinobu Koucho: a deity of life whose mere presence signified a renewal or rebirth of what once was thought to be lost. This was the deity the village wished to summon, but she hadn’t arrived when they needed her most.
Her ears appeared to perk up before she turned to him, her entire appearance seemingly glowing in the otherwise dark room.
“Good evening, Tomioka-san,” she said calmly.
He took the seat next to her, staring down at the wood of the bar.
“I can tell what you must be thinking,” she began, her usual enthusiasm finding its way back into her voice. “You must be wondering why I’m here, in a village under a plague.”
He nodded, immediately wary of how quickly she had figured him out.
She glanced at the window behind him. “They have lost many lives tonight, but their harvest will be very fruitful. That will renew them.”
He followed her gaze out the window. “You were the one they wanted.”
She gasped dramatically, making him look at her again. “So you can speak.”
“Of course I can. I just choose not to. It’s too tiring.”
“Only you would find speaking tiring,” she said, amused as she turned back to her glass of water on the bar. “No wonder you don’t have any friends.”
The regal deity was gone, replaced by the teasing young woman Shinobu seemed to actually be. Were it anyone else, he would have been taken aback, but this version of her felt far more natural.
“I don’t need any friends.”
She giggled at that. “Everyone needs a friend or two: even deities.”
He shrugged in response.
“I’m beginning to feel rather honoured that you let me hear your voice,” she added. “Do you even speak to the people you take?”
He looked away. “You’ve heard the stories about me. Why ask?”
She nudged a bit closer to him, resting her face on her hand. “Sometimes the stories lie. Besides, I’d rather hear the truth from you.”
He kept his gaze away from her.
“Come on, tell me.”
Silence.
She poked him in the shoulder. “Hmm?”
Nothing.
She poked him again. “Tomioka-san?”
Still no response.
She sighed, then began attacking him with her finger. “ Tomioka-san ,” she insisted, drawing out the vowels of his name.
“I don’t,” he mumbled softly, unsure if she even heard him.
She stopped her attack on him, proving that she had heard his words. “Why not? It could be a great comfort for them. You don’t have to say much; something as small as ‘don’t be afraid’ would be enough.”
The faces of all the people he couldn’t save flashed through his mind. Pain that was never soothed and never went away.
“No one was there to comfort me,” he murmured, fighting off the memories of a human life that ended long ago.
“Hmm?” She gave no sign of having heard him.
“I just don’t want to. That’s all.”
“Try it sometime. Maybe then they’ll start telling nice stories about you,” she said perkily.
He doubted it. It sounded easy coming from her, but then again, the humans loved her. She signified a beginning, a blossoming spring after an aching winter; he signified the end: a desolate land where nothing grew and everything suffered.
“They won’t.”
This wasn’t his first time seeing Shinobu, but it was his first proper interaction with her. All the other times he had seen her, she appeared just as the humans described her: a face filled with joy, a sweet smile and her haori flowing behind her, making her look like a butterfly as she skipped through the land.
Yet when he first saw her in the pub, she looked—
“Try it anyway. You might thank me for the suggestion later,” she promised with another laugh.
He looked out the window. Now, the sky was filled with warm pinks and oranges as the sun began rising over the horizon.
“We should go,” he said, rising from his seat.
“Yes, let’s. I have plenty to do and I’m sure you do too.”
She followed him out of the pub and outside the village, where their horses both grazed in a nearby field— his pitch black and hers a clean white.
He stopped walking when he could no longer hear her light footsteps behind him, finding her crouched on the grass next to a wilted wildflower. He watched her carefully brush her fingertips against the petals, the simple touch filling the flower with colour and springing it to life.
When his eyes drifted to her face, he didn’t expect her serene appearance to bring him an odd sense of calm. She was smiling softly, her face glowing in the natural light of the oncoming sun instead of the unnatural glow of the deities. She seemed happy, but he couldn’t help but think that her smile wasn’t reaching her eyes, which appeared distant.
Beautiful .
With her petite form painted nicely in the warm colours of the sunrise, his mind conjured up the word on its own. It surprised him.
She noticed him staring before he could look away. Her eyes fluttered shut and her smile grew.
“What are you looking at, hmm?” she said teasingly.
“You. You looked pretty,” he said, cursing his mind for not having a filter.
He turned away from her to continue the walk to his horse, too busy trying to rid himself of his slight blush to take notice of her odd silence and hesitation before she raced to catch up with him. He was grateful when she didn’t react to his words.
“Where are you heading to next?” she asked as they mounted their horses.
“Sendai.”
“What a coincidence! I’m going there too! Looks like you’re stuck with me a little while longer, Tomioka-san. Hope you don’t mind the company.” She winked.
He mounted onto his horse, not giving any reply.
“‘Why yes, Koucho. I would love to have company! It gets so lonely on the road and since I don’t have any friends, I would enjoy travelling with you!’” she said in a deep voice, mimicking him.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Obviously not, but you were thinking it!” She climbed onto her horse with ease, which surprised him considering how short she was compared to him and the animal.
He began a slow trot forward. “I don’t sound like that either.”
She laughed, the sound alone bringing images of soaring birds and breezy willow trees through his mind.
“Keep telling yourself that, Tomioka-san.”
The first time he had spoken to her was far from being the last.
After the meeting in the village and journey to Sendai, he had begun running into her rather frequently, which was always puzzling due to how different their duties were. He assumed it was simply due to the arrival of summer, which allowed nature and humans to flourish. He was always shocked when he saw her, which resulted in her teasing.
She would always smile innocently— a stark contrast to her words— and say, “I like surprising you. I dread the day you aren’t surprised to see me!”
He never knew what she meant by that, but no matter how many times he coincidentally met up with her, he would never learn to expect it.
At the moment, they were sitting next to a lake, enjoying a rare moment where neither of them were expected anywhere until much later. She was playing with the flowers, filling them with life while talking his ear off about botany. Although he didn’t know a single thing about plants, he listened to each of her words attentively.
Such was their dynamic: she was always talking about something , easily filling the silence in his life with her voice and stories or facts about flowers and animals and medicine. To anyone else, he probably appeared annoyed by her or as though he weren’t listening, but he hung onto every word for reasons unbeknownst to him. In the beginning, even she believed he was simply ignoring her, only for him to recount the details of her stories without hesitation whenever she asked. He hadn’t been very sure of her at first, uncertain if he could handle her or keep up with her and her endless conversations, but he liked it. He liked what they had.
He liked her .
But it wouldn’t last forever. Even he knew that. Nothing this good could last for long, not to mention that they could be punished if they got too close to one another.
Shinobu yawned loudly, stretching out her arms languidly. “I don’t have to be anywhere till midnight. How about you?”
“Sunset.”
“Ahh, good,” she said contentedly before yawning again, her eyes fluttering shut. “I have time for a nap.”
He stared at her in confusion.
“I can feel your eyes. It isn’t very polite to stare at a girl while she yawns, you know.”
“You sleep?”
Deities looked like humans in every possible way, but they didn’t share the same needs as their mortal counterparts. Deities had no need to eat or drink— thought they were welcome to do so, especially when it came to offerings— or sleep for that matter, as they quickly recovered their energy with ease. Or so he had thought.
She yawned again. “Some of us need a little sleep sometimes. Making things grow takes a lot out of you.”
She sighed sleepily, then shuffled closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder. “Just give me a few minutes.”
It wasn’t long before her breathing evened out and her body, which remained pressed against him, slackened.
He stared at her sleeping form in wonder, impressed by the fact that someone as chatty and lively as she was could actually rest. While sleeping, she looked quiet and shy— the complete opposite of how she really was. Her usual smile was gone, her lips downturned in a slight frown. He momentarily wondered what her life was like before she became a deity.
They were all humans once, with their own families and lives before being appointed by the former deities to replace them. They had all gone through some form of tragedy as well, which seemed like an unspoken condition amongst them.
Shinobu, who was always smiling, looked like a different person while she was asleep, as though her real self was shining through. Although Giyuu enjoyed her smile, he found himself preferring this version of her instead.
He nudged her off his shoulder and eased her head into his lap where she would probably be comfier. She shifted slightly in her sleep and sighed deeply, making herself comfortable.
It was only after she finished adjusting herself that he took a moment to think about what he had done.
Why did he do that? Why didn’t his brain have a filter for anything?
He sighed in annoyance at himself, then closed his eyes. He didn’t truly need it, but perhaps a nap would do him some good.
When Giyuu eventually woke up, he was sprawled on the grass with Shinobu draped across his chest, staring up at him with wide violet eyes and a slight smirk. She had a leaf on her head.
“What happened to not needing sleep, hmm?” she asked teasingly, seemingly unfazed by her position against his body.
“You looked peaceful. I wanted to try it.”
She rolled her eyes at him and smiled, but after seeing her in her natural state while sleeping, Giyuu couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t quite seem to reach her eyes.
“Koucho, you’re always smiling but… are you actually happy?” he asked.
Her eyes went wide, their purple depths intense with an emotion he couldn’t name as her grin fell away.
“...Why would you ask me that?” she said. Although her words were threatening, her voice sounded timid and vulnerable— a far cry from the confident and bubbly Shinobu he was used to hearing.
“You looked different when you were sleeping. Not like your usual self.”
She looked away and opened her mouth to speak, only for no words to come out.
“You… you can’t just ask people things like that, Tomioka. How are they supposed to respond?”
“With the truth.”
“I… th-this isn’t a conversation we should be having right now. Look, the sky is starting to change, don’t you have to be somewhere by sunset?”
He looked up at the sky and sure enough, the pale blue held a tinge of orange now. He nodded.
They got up from the ground, with Shinobu keeping her gaze away from him. Had he pushed her too far?
As she dusted off her clothes, Giyuu took the leaf off her head.
She looked up at him in surprise, her face warm with the disappearing sun, and all of a sudden, he realized just how tiny she was compared to him.
“You’re very short.”
She furrowed her brows at him. “And you’re very annoying . This is why you have no friends,” she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.
“You’re my friend, aren’t you?”
“I— well, only because you wouldn’t have anyone else otherwise! Now come on, let’s go, you’re going to be late!”
She went to fetch the horses, leaving Giyuu to watch her leave.
He liked having her around, even when she was angry at him. It seemed as though his body did too, as evident by the pulsing he felt in his chest now.
It wasn’t until much later that he would realize that that pulsing wasn’t because he wanted her as a friend, or something purely platonic.
Though he would never know that the warmth on Shinobu’s face wasn’t because of the oncoming sunset, but a blush as she felt the same pulsing in her own chest for the third, fourth, who knew how many-eth time.
Giyuu reached his destination right when the sun disappeared under the horizon.
The town itself, which had been hit by a similar pandemic as the village he’d visited recently, was already dark with only a few candles lit along the streets and within the windows of the various houses. They were expecting him.
He slid off his horse with practised ease and put his hood on under Shinobu’s watchful eye. She had no need to spring off into action until later in the night and thus, continued to accompany him now despite the rather awkward end to their conversation at the lake.
He had expected her to tease him about his cloak or dark appearance, but she hadn’t said a word, seemingly content with just watching him carry out his duties. She couldn’t follow him through the town though; the people would easily recognize her and cause a frenzy under the belief that she had come to restore them.
But she hadn’t.
Giyuu left her behind with the horses as he went off to work, his tasks a nearly flawless repeat of the previous village with Shinobu watching him all the while, entranced by how quickly he moved. Even when he couldn’t see her, he somehow still felt her watchful gaze on his back.
She was the embodiment of spring, of life and everything else that he wasn’t. He couldn’t fathom why she wanted to spend time with him since no one else did, but he would never object to her company, no matter how little he deserved it.
Perhaps it was her presence that was softening him as he jumped from house to house, grieving family to grieving family— how even when he was far away from or her or completely apart, he still felt like she was standing right next to him, ready to poke or tease him until he looked her way.
Sometimes, he was afraid of looking at her. He knew that once he did, he wouldn’t be able to look away.
He swiftly reached the final home and final person: an eight-year-old girl, the only child of her family. The scene was painfully identical to dozens he had seen before.
Giyuu knelt beside the young girl who lay ill in the bed, her body shuddering as her fever consumed her. She looked at him with wide eyes that had never known darkness or anything beyond the innocence of a child.
She weakly reached out to him, her hand nearly brushing against his hair. “Are you the Death Deity?”
He nodded, as silent as ever.
She smiled kindly at him. “They call you scary. They say you’re ugly and that your eyes are cold, but you’re not like that at all. You look very nice. Your eyes are a really nice colour. You make me feel safe.”
He was taken aback by the compliment, not used to hearing such kind words, much less about his eyes. He was more used to hearing them called soulless and apathetic.
“Thank you,” he said softly, only making his voice heard by her.
She sighed contentedly, then sputtered out a cough. “Will it hurt when you take me away?
“It could be a great comfort for them. You don’t have to say much; something as small as ‘don’t be afraid’ would be enough.”
A warmth spread through him at the sound of Shinobu’s voice. He felt as though she was pressed up beside him, whispering into his ear and encouraging him to do more. Despite her distance, he almost sensed a fond gaze looking upon him.
He slowly shook his head. “It won’t hurt at all. I promise. You’ll be safe there.”
“That’s good. Thank you…”
He pressed a hand over her eyes, closing them forever as her family wept behind them.
When he left the house trapped in his thoughts, Shinobu was already waiting for him nearby, radiant even when surrounded by the darkness of night and the unrelenting grief of the village.
“She’ll be happier in her next life,” she commented, her gaze focused on the moon above them. “You seem distraught, so I thought you might want to know.”
“You can see her next life?”
She nodded. “I don’t know what she’ll look like or who she’ll be but… she’ll be happy. You’ll be happy too, Tomioka-san. In your next life.”
Her eyes shifted to him, unbearably soft. He felt pain as he looked at her and her tender face, his body filling with a wave of emotions. What was he feeling?
“What about you?” he asked, the question making her breath catch.
Her gaze fell to the floor, uncertainty clouding her eyes. “I… I don’t know. My life is the only one I can’t see.” She sighed and shook her head. “But I don't want to think about that. I don’t want to wait until the next life or the one after that. I want to be happy now. Here. With y—”
She was interrupted by the anguished cries from the homes that surrounded them, each one filled with death and dread.
“Can we talk somewhere else?” he asked quietly, feeling uncomfortable amidst all the sorrow he had caused.
She shook her head. “No, it isn’t important. I have to get going anyway. Duty calls, after all.”
He nodded and she went off on her own, going to attend to her own matters in places he couldn’t follow.
Despite her words, he had trouble believing that she truly hadn’t meant to say anything of worth. Everything she said mattered, after all.
“I want to be happy now. Here. With…”
He would just have to ask her next time.
After a series of shared missions and duties, they ran into each other again.
They sat in the branches of a large willow tree between tasks, hidden behind the leaves. They overlooked a town square, with Giyuu sitting still and Shinobu swinging her legs next to him, sucking on a peach. With a light wind drifting around them, they sat in comfortable silence, something unusual considering how much Shinobu enjoyed speaking.
He knew he enjoyed her chatter, but he was also surprised by how much he liked her when she was quiet as well. His face didn’t dare show it, but he was entertained by the sight of her focusing on her peach, her hair falling in her face.
His finger twitched in his lap and he suddenly realized that he wanted to reach over and tuck the rebellious lock behind her ear to stop it from ending up in her mouth.
He furrowed his brows in confusion, but was pulled away from his thoughts by the sound of laughter below them.
Both their gazes drifted to the scene below, where a young couple dressed in wedding attire emerged from a nearby shrine in glee. They shared a kiss near the willow tree before running off in the opposite direction.
“They’re so full of life,” Giyuu said quietly, not meaning to speak his thoughts aloud.
“Hmm?” Shinobu turned to him, her peach just inches away from her mouth. A small smile emerged on her face. “Ah, yes, they truly are.”
Giyuu watched them disappear with a rare solemness in his eyes, ignorant of how carefully Shinobu was eyeing him.
“What are you thinking about?” she wondered, scooting closer to him.
“Do you ever wonder what life would be like if we were normal? That couple was our age.”
“Of course I’ve thought about it. But there isn’t much we can do about it. We were chosen to live this life.” She sighed. “At least, that’s what I’m supposed to say, but I’ve always wondered. Where I would be, what I would be doing, who I would be with… ”
“Do you think you would have gotten married?”
She smiled sadly. “Maybe. If the person I loved, loved me back.”
“Are you in love with someone now?”
His blue eyes met her purple ones, momentarily stunned by the vibrant violet colour. They stared at each other in silence, barely breathing, barely moving beyond an occasional blink.
“What if I am? What would you say then?” she asked softly.
“That it’s risky. That it isn’t something you should do when we have important duties to perform. But,” he stopped momentarily, swallowing nervously, “I would say that whoever it is, is a lucky person.”
“‘A lucky person,’” she repeated to herself. “Why do you say that?”
“Because… you’re a good woman, Koucho. You’re talented, and beautiful, and intelligent, and good. Anyone would be lucky to be loved by you. I just hope that if you really are in love with someone, that they deserve it. That they’re worthy of you.”
Because I know I’m not .
He didn’t know why that came into his mind, but he was grateful that he stopped himself from saying it out loud.
“Do… do you really think that about me?”
“Of course I do.”
She looked away sheepishly and he couldn’t help but notice a faint blush on her cheeks. “And what would you say if… if I said that person was someone like you?”
His chest leapt at that and for the first time, he wondered if maybe, just maybe…
Maybe, after all the time they’d spent together, he’d fallen a little in love with her. Maybe this beautiful woman that breathed spring and was filled to the brim with life, this woman that sat beside him in a willow tree, her half-eaten peach long forgotten on the branch next to her, had somehow gotten through the cold heart he’d frozen long ago and thawed it, just as she did with fields and gardens after long winters.
Maybe… maybe she felt something for him too.
He fought against the thought. He couldn’t delude himself on maybe’s. Still, his hand twitched again with the desire to hold her, to keep her close to him.
“If it were someone like me,” he began slowly, “I’d say that they don’t deserve you. Not even a little bit.”
He was the freezing, unending winter that delivered nothing but death— the exact opposite of her sweet, blossoming spring that brought warmth and rebirth. He was nothing more than a withered leaf to her proudly blooming flower.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because you’re everything they’re not. You’re full of light and life and they’re nothing. Just a sad winter that won’t go away.”
She laughed softly to herself. “You idiot. Some people like the winter.”
He looked up at her in surprise, finding her eyes waiting for him, glimmering with kindness. It was the first time he’d looked in her eyes and found something that matched her expression and her words.
She began reaching out to him, aiming to take his hand in hers before he abruptly pulled away, nearly teetering off the branch.
“Don’t touch me. You can’t touch me,” he insisted.
She couldn’t hide the hurt on her face and it stung him inside.
Please… I can’t lose you too. Not when I’ve already lost so many.
He stared down at his unclothed hand, which appeared as insignificant as the rest of him despite it being a weapon that only knew how to take life, not how to bestow it. How long would it be before he killed life itself?
He couldn’t see her anymore, couldn’t risk hurting her or destroying her, but he didn’t want to leave her . Not when she filled his heart as she did, not when her hands softened his hardened soul. Not when his thoughts were consumed by her, all of her— her eyes and her hair, her laugh and her voice, her words and her body, her smile and fury.
“My hands only bring death. Nothing more,” he said.
She looked at him curiously, assessing his movements as though she could read his thoughts. He wasn't entirely convinced that she couldn't. She always seemed to know what to say to him, when it was okay to tease him and when she had gone too far, when to fill the silence with her chatter and when to stay quiet. She knew him by now. She understood him, not just with her words and actions, but with the way she looked at him too.
Perhaps it was all of that that made feelings for her bloom in his chest.
In a quick movement, she took his hand in hers and placed it over her heart.
His eyes went wide and he immediately attempted to pull his hand away, but she only tightened her hold on him, forbidding him from leaving.
“Koucho—”
She placed her hand over his, squeezing him tightly. “You say your hands deliver nothing but death, but you forget that mine bring life.”
She smiled sweetly at him, not a single bit of sarcasm present in her expression for the first time.
“You're silly, Tomioka-san. Maybe that’s why I’ve…” she looked away nervously. “Maybe that’s why I fell in love with you.”
The feelings within his heart overwhelmed him and for the first time in a long time, he felt like smiling.
She loved him.
“Don’t you dare say that you don’t deserve me, or that you’re unworthy of being loved,” she said. “I know that’s what you’re thinking, so I want you to know that I don’t care about that. I love you , Tomioka. As you are.”
She rendered him speechless.
He had to say something to her, had to make it clear what she meant to him—
She giggled. “You’d be surprised how telling your eyes are. I can see your internal struggle. Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything now, or the next time we see each other, or the time after that. Take your time; I can be patient when I need to be. Can you just… tell me if you want me this way? A yes or no will do—”
“Yes.”
She was visibly taken aback by his quick response, then smiled bashfully. “That’s all I needed to hear. Take your time, Tomioka-san. I can wait.”
She snuggled beside him, taking hold of his arm and pressing her body beside him. He perched his chin on her head and pressed a light kiss into her hair. Sighing contentedly, she threaded her fingers through his.
The peach was on the ground now, not that either of them cared.
“Why did you choose me?” he asked one day as they sat in a meadow, her head resting in his lap and his fingers running through her hair.
“Hmm?” Her eyes flickered open. “Oh. Good question. Pity that I don’t have an answer.”
He tilted his head to the side, a flurry of emotions flashing across his face.
She laughed at his expression before sitting up to settle herself in his lap. Leaning against his chest, she brushed a kiss onto his cheek. “Cute little pout,” she said with a beaming smile.
“I’m not pouting…”
Another giggle. “Of course not. Anywho, the answer is ‘I don’t know.’ It just sprung up on me. You took me by surprise, you know. Everyone speaks of the Death Deity as though he’s a fierce, heartless beast that roams the land like a shadow. Little did I know that he was an incredibly handsome and terribly awkward man!”
“I’m not awkward,” he replied, accidentally missing the compliment.
“Yes, you are! But it’s what I like about you.” She kissed the bottom of his chin. “You know, when I first realized how I felt about you, it infuriated me to no end. It made me so angry . I was never interested in romance and then all of a sudden, you showed up to ruin all my plans.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be.” She turned around so that she lay on her stomach and his arms quickly descended around her.
“This was a major turn of events,” she confessed, looking up at him with wide purple eyes, “but I’m happy like this. I’m happy with you.” Her eyes closed as she smiled up at him.
Like a flower bursting through the snow on the first day of spring, a flush of emotions bloomed within him as he looked at her. He held her delicately, as though she were a small flower that would be crushed the moment he added any pressure.
But she was no weak plant. Although she appeared to be as dainty as a daisy, she was stronger than the bark of any tree and far more resilient than she seemed.
She wouldn’t disappear if he held her a little tighter.
She grinned and laughed to herself. “You’re finally getting brave, Tomio—”
And he leaned down to kiss her perfectly pink, perfectly pursed lips.
She released a noise of surprise and he felt her lashes against his skin as her eyes flew open.
It was short and sweet just like she was. It was far from perfect, nothing more than a pair of clumsy, inexperienced lips sliding together but for him, it meant the whole world.
When he pulled away, she was still staring at him in awe and shock.
“Did you just kiss me?” she asked, touching her lips with the tips of her fingers.
He nodded slowly, then slipped into a knowing grin. “I hope that was okay.”
Her surprise morphed into a beautiful wide smile. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him in for another kiss.
The second one was better than the first as she took control, leading his mouth against hers in a way that brought pleasure to them both. She pushed his hands lower to settle onto her waist, pulling away for a sliver of a moment before delving in again.
Eventually, she pushed him down onto the grass and climbed on top of him. He surrendered to her control and for the first time in both their lives, they were late to their next missions.
Hushed whispers, flickering candlelight and teasing giggles— they were in their own world tonight, away from their duties, away from the roles they were expected to take and the people they were expected to be. Tonight, they weren’t deities; they were people, a pair of young lovers escaping from the world that burdened them.
They weren’t supposed to do this. The deities were forbidden from falling love with anyone and he had always stuck closely to the rules, never daring to break them.
Until she had come along, of course, easily convincing him to break the most important one.
No weaknesses, no vulnerabilities. You must be impenetrable and endure the most ultimate forms of pain. You must not have anything or anyone that can be used to hurt you. That is what it means to be a deity.
Their lips were tangled together, her hand pulling on his hair to bring him to her level as she searched for the buttons keeping his clothes together.
Anyone that can be used against you must be removed. Anything that can be used against you must be destroyed.
He helped her slip off her easily-recognizable haori, letting it pool at their feet. She led his hands to her body, bringing his nimble fingers to the ribbons that held her kimono closed.
Her eyes gazed up into his, their starry depths filled with longing, filled with trust, filled with love.
As a deity, you must be as durable as the immovable mountain and as strong as the raging sea. No wind should be able to sway you, your judgement or your strength.
When they sunk into the bed, he immediately found comfort and warmth through her touch, which guided his mouth and his hands to where she wanted them. He was still confounded by the sheer amount of peace he felt just by being near her and the sweet tranquillity that such a petite body could offer him.
In humans, love is strength. Love is what allows them to push through the toughest of obstacles and emerge triumphantly. However, love is also the source of their greatest pain. To harm a human’s loved one is to harm the human directly. For this reason, a deity should never maintain relationships of this nature.
“We can’t do this. We aren’t supposed to, it goes against everything we’ve been taught,” he whispered before pressing another kiss to her blushing skin, his actions betraying his words.
She hummed contently beneath him, responding with a wry, knowing smile. “You say that, but you’re the one holding me.”
He brought her closer, pressing his forehead to hers and breathed her in. “I have no excuses. I just want to hold you.”
She smiled at him, her brilliant eyes starry as she gazed at him. “So straightforward. That’s what I like about you. Hold me as long as you want.”
“I’ll hold you even longer than that.”
“I like that,” she replied gently.
They gave themselves to each other freely, not a single sign of restraint or hesitation daring to come between. They weren’t two contrasting deities, one of life and one of death, but two people who simply found one another and fell in love. She made him feel oddly human and incredibly vulnerable and instead of pushing away the feeling, he welcomed it.
For the first time since his human life, which had been filled to the brim with pain and loss, he felt truly alive .
He woke up to the sound of the birds singing and the early signs of morning slipping through the curtains.
He didn’t remember falling asleep and couldn’t quite comprehend how he’d been able to drift off in the first place. Did she have some sort of calming effect or ability to make others sleep that he wasn’t aware of?
His eyes drifted down to where she lay in his arms, her head against his shoulder and dark hair in disarray around her face. Though she had a slight hint of her typical anger on her face, she looked serene and with him of all people.
He poked the tip of her nose, smiling to himself when her nose scrunched up like a rabbit.
“Stupid Giyuu…” she mumbled, still asleep.
His heart lurched forward in his chest, nearly sending him tumbling off with it. How could she incite such strong feelings and revitalize him with nothing more than the mere whisper of his name?
After making sure she was still asleep, he leaned back into his pillow, suddenly conscious of his pounding heart and shaking hands as they held onto the pleasant weight resting on his body. He felt helpless and open and vulnerable, as though the mere hint of a wave would be enough to push and send him over into an oblivion that held no promise of escape.
His eyes began watering and he snapped them shut to prevent anything from escaping and somehow waking her up. He couldn’t face anyone like this, not even her, not when everything he’d kept buried was coming up to the surface at long last.
Rebirth. That’s what he knew she was capable of. That’s what he knew made her different from him. She had restored him and his frozen heart. She led to him being born anew.
They weren’t supposed to be together; that much he remembered even in his morning haze. Not simply because they were complete opposites, but because they were deities— spiritual beings who weren’t supposed to have weaknesses of any kind. Falling in love, having someone you’d do anything for and risk anything to keep— it went against every rule they had.
But as Giyuu looked down at her sleeping form, her pink cheeks and soft lips, her dark lashes and the steady rising of her chest, he realized that he didn’t care about the rules. He wouldn’t give her up, not for the deities, not for anything. As long as she wanted him, he would keep her by his side.
He refused to lose another person he loved.
If it meant being damned in the end, then so be it. She had brought him a form of happiness he hadn’t known for a very long time and if he had to be punished for it, for being happy, then he would bear it.
Perhaps one day, the winter that had plagued him for so long would return. Perhaps one day, he would lose her and her smile and be forced back into that seemingly endless darkness until he wasted away too.
But it wouldn’t last forever. She was spring, and just like that fateful season, she would return to him and to his side.
“So pensive,” she said, jolting him out of his thoughts to find her admiring him with her big, violet eyes. “I wonder, what goes on in that head of yours?”
She giggled and it sounded far more beautiful than any song that a bird could sing.
“What am I going to do with you?” she wondered aloud, resting her chin in her palm.
“Love me.”
He’d said it without thinking, but he didn’t have a single ounce of regret after seeing the surprise in her eyes. Gradually, her gaze softened and her smile returned.
“Silly. I already do.”
And he loved her. More than she could ever know.